I got a message on Facebook today from a stranger. It said –
“Good Day….I passed by your profile your smile caught my eyes it would be nice to chat if you think we might be compatible?….I hope you have a great day.”

I didn’t recognize the name. I clicked over to his profile. I don’t know this person. Perhaps we have some friends in common? No. We don’t. We don’t have anything in common other than we are human. He lives in Atlanta, GA. He is from Marseille, France. That is all I got from his page. From his profile pictures he looks like he is in his mid 50s. One picture looks like he is in a commercial kitchen.

He seems nice enough, in a stalker kind of way.

This is sadly normal. Why do some guys think that it is ok to essentially cold-call women? Wouldn’t it be better to get to know her as a person first, to know something about her? To have some shared interests?

Perhaps that is the problem with the guys who are attacking women. They don’t know how to relate to women at all, as people. They know, because society tells them, that they have to date women, but they don’t know how. So they get frustrated, and because society doesn’t teach them how to deal with their emotions other than with violence, they attack.

Perhaps they need to learn social skills at a young age. Perhaps it is time for all of us to start teaching boys how to relate to women as humans.

Talking to women is the same as talking to guys. See them as people first. Get to know them as human beings. You can deepen the relationship later if it is mutually agreed upon. Don’t start off with the goal of dating.

My reply was this:
“Hello. I’m not sure why you have contacted me, as you know nothing about me – the most important being that I am married. That is why I smile. But this opens up another issue – why would you contact a woman you don’t know anything about? Just because she is a woman? Just because she is smiling? You might have better luck if you get to know people as people, as individuals first. Join a Facebook group that you have an interest in, and notice who posts there that you find interesting. Then contact her. That way, you both have something in common. Best of luck to you.”

I’d considered not replying, but I thought that maybe I could use this as a teachable moment.

Consider this – getting to know women is the same as getting a job. Do you just go for any job – or do you go for one that will suit you, one that fits your interests? When I was a manager, I only interviewed people who showed me that they knew something about the store. They needed to have been customers. They needed to have had a history with the place.

People who just walked in off the street, looking for any job at all, need not apply.

Guys who are looking for any woman at all, need not apply. Women like to be selected for themselves, as people, as individuals, not just because they have the right plumbing.