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False information is worse than nothing.

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I’m getting frustrated with all the “information” being shared these days about how to defeat the virus, none of which has been proven by science. Why share something that isn’t true or helpful? Why theorize if you aren’t a scientist? So many armchair experts these days.

I have plenty of insight that I’ve received about how to make it through these unusual and challenging times but I have not shared them. Why? Because I’m not an expert. I’m not a doctor or nurse. I’m not a homeopath. I’m just a person. And my “information” isn’t based on science but intuition. I have no desire to mislead people. And honestly, most people don’t listen to me anyway.

And maybe that is part of this time: that we all must keep our own confidences. We all must follow the advice of our heart, and not anyone else’s. When you know, you know, and nobody can tell you otherwise. When you don’t know, you won’t listen no matter what.

The room of abandonment (prose poem)

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What does it look like?
Invite Jesus in, so you aren’t exploring this scary room alone.
What is in there?

Silence
Alone
No tools or toys

The walls are light blue, robin’s egg. There is a handmade wooden chair in the center. And a green fuzzy shawl, a gift from Jesus There is no door, but there is plenty of sunlight from the windows.

What situations, people are the cause of this room?
Why did I have to build it?

I must practice Self care to heal
be my own Shaman
Exercise food sleep, you know the drill.

What happens before the anger? Anger is a response, a protective thing. It shields from grief. Dig down to find the truth.

Don’t make God an afterthought. Make God the base of the building, of the life.

Anger comes from grief, a sense of loss, any loss. It is an unwillingness to accept change. That is also an unwillingness to accept things as they are. It is a desire to shape the world to fit me.

So roll with the punches. Accept, in a fluid way. Don’t resist. Turn the other cheek to stop that same one from getting too bruised.

(This is from an exercise I did with my first spiritual director, probably around 2013.)

“Some for the Road” is now available!

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cover of SFtR

“Some for the Road” are meditations and milestones on the road of recovery, in a reading-a-day format. It took me two years to edit and assemble, and two years before that to write. The paperback is 484 pages, in a very readable 11 point font, and costs $25 if you order it from Amazon. The Kindle version is $9.99 to buy, free with Kindle Unlimited.

Redeemer

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Stephen Gaskin was the founder of The Farm, an intentional community near Summertown, Tennessee. Before the commune was settled, he embarked on a speaking tour of America to talk about peace. His goal was to wake people up to a healthier way to be together as a society, a nation, and a global community.
He regularly allowed people to ask questions as part of the talks. Occasionally, some of the questioners had issue with him referring to Jesus. Most people who are considered countercultural don’t talk about Jesus at all, and Stephen did. He said that the Sermon on the Mount was the finest example of a guideline for how people can live together in harmony.
In his book “The Caravan”, he talks about Jesus as the Redeemer. In the usual Christian sense, this means that Jesus covers your sins for you. He pays that bill, so you don’t have to. But Stephen took it in a different direction. He said that in order to have a Redeemer, you have to have a Deemer. A Deemer is someone who deems – who makes a judgment as to whether something is good or not. Deemers separate and divide.
A Redeemer comes after that and makes things right. Redeemers make things whole again, by showing the value in all people. Redeemers point out that God made everyone, and God made everyone good. Redeemers reset us by seeing us as we were originally designed to be – whole, complete, and pure.
Additionally – not something said by Stephen but an extension of this thought – this is how Jesus was able to heal people instantly. He saw them as they were designed to be, before they were damaged by the world. Instead of seeing people as sinners, he saw them as Children of God. He didn’t heal them through any special power. He healed them by unlocking the power that God had put in them from the very beginning. He unlocked it by reminding them of it when he saw through their mask of sin to the person beneath.
The most radical part of this is that Jesus tells us that we have this same ability. We can heal the world by choosing to see people as Children of God. No longer dividing them into “good” and “bad” – but simply as people. We too can redeem the world, with Jesus’ help.

Together we live or die.

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We’re all in this life together.

I can heal myself. I can be awake and mindful. I can plant trees or buy land that has them on it already to preserve them – but it won’t matter much if others chop theirs down and build malls (our new temples to the god of consumerism) complete with parking lots dedicated to cars (mobile air destroyers). Each parking space is a gravesite, a memorial to a tree. A garish monument, an epitaph, a mockery of what was there before. The air will get more polluted, and without trees, there won’t be anything to clean it. The Earth will get warmer and warmer, and my efforts won’t matter. While I’ve done what I can to help, others have done more to destroy.

I can protect that stream of water on my hypothetical piece of land, keep it safe from pollution, taking debris out when I arrive there, not putting poisons in, but what about upstream? Their actions affect me. Then, what about the people who buy this land after I die? Who says that they will keep it pristine?

How to live in such a way that it inspires others to live – that is my goal.

Prayer to the heart of Mary

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Sacred Heart of Mary, holy heart of Mary, listen to my plea.
I ask for your love and your guidance and your strength in this time of loss and brokenness.
I ask for your help, your assistance, and your strength in this time of confusion.

You were called to serve God by harboring and nurturing an innocent child. For so much of your life you took care of him, and it was through your example that he was able to heal the world.

Help me guide others in the way that you guided Jesus.
Help me to see and nurture the light of God that is within them.

I am unable to do this for myself. I ask for your divine guidance and love. Please help me to see the many examples of mercy and glory that appear in tiny ways before me. They remind me of God’s eternal presence.

Help me to nourish, support, and nurture others in the same way that St. Monica prayed for her son St. Augustine.

I pray to be able to help others reach their full potential, to grow into God’s light, to be able to take care of themselves and take care of others, to know the glory that is being connected to God.

To do this, help me to reconnect and recommit to the Sacred Heart of your son, Jesus, the heart that is exposed for all the world to see. It is a reminder to trust in being vulnerable. It is a reminder to not be afraid of being open.

Be Opened! (poem)

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Who is this man, the one who speaks to us?

We’ve never seen anyone like him.

He speaks with authority,

He heals everyone who comes to him –

the deaf, the mute, the blind.

He even raised people from the dead!

Jesus knows, we are beautiful on the inside.

He sees our treasure, when all we see is trash.

He tells us that we are the light of the world,

to share that light with others.

Don’t hide your light! Be opened!

“Ephphatha” he said to one person.

“Talitha, koum!” he said to another.

Both times, calling to us, here, now.

“Be opened! Arise from the dead!” Awaken!

Peter said “Command me, Lord”

and he was able to walk on water.

He commands us too, and we can do anything

because he asks.

Our brokenness is God’s doorway.

He stands at the doorway of our hearts and knocks.

Be opened!

There is hope after diagnosis

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A guy came into my workplace yesterday, obviously experiencing the mania that comes with unmanaged mental dis-ease. He was raving about conspiracy theories and the Temple Mount – said he was even frisked by the police in the Holy Land just 50 days ago.

Little does he realize but I speak Crazy fluently, being a citizen of that country. I’ve also taken classes and read books on how to safely interact with people who are on the edge of “dealing with it”. I enjoyed the challenge of the conversation, but was also reminded of how far I’ve come.

Today is marks the 17 year anniversary of the last time I was in a mental hospital. There is hope after a diagnosis. Since I started taking care of myself, I’ve had the same job for 16 years, I’ve been married for 12, I’ve published four books and I have excellent credit. You can have a mental disorder and be fine – with proper care (a lot of it is self-care).

Like many people, I went through the trap of thinking it was a temporary thing and got off the meds (which weren’t good for anyone anyway – they no longer prescribe the one I took) and went off the deep end again. I went to the hospital again (both times self-initiated) and got on different meds that gave me clarity so I could start taking care of myself. It is hard to be “normal” when the high is so vivid and interesting. Everything is connected. Life is 31 flavors when high with mania – but only vanilla when “normal”. I’ve learned how to be in the middle.

A lot has to do with getting enough exercise, eating right, and enough sleep. Writing helps me a lot. But Americans aren’t into self-care for anything – do whatever you want and damn the consequences – and blame them on someone else. This is true with every disease we have.

The only way out is to –

admit that there is a problem,

that it won’t fix itself,

that it is chronic (think heart disease, not the flu),

and that you have a lot you can do to help yourself get better. It isn’t all about the meds – but they are important.  Look through my “Survival” book list for books that will help you help yourself.

 

Most of all – remember that a diagnosis is not a definition.  You are a person who has a mental health diagnosis.  You aren’t the disease.

 

 

Poem – healing in darkness

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Consider Noah and Jonah and Jesus.
At one point, each was separated
from the rest of the world.
Through their time away
hidden they were able
to heal and bring salvation.

Also Joseph,
he was in prison for many years
but that put him in the right place
to be able to rescue the entire Jewish people
from certain extinction.

There is something for us
about these stories of people
retreating from the world
in order to save the world.
They are enclosed
in quiet dark places
they are like seeds
waiting for the right time
for bringing new life.

Remember when you are in
those dark times.
You are not being buried.
You’re being planted.

Everything starts in darkness.
It is not an end.
It is a transition
time to change
a time of stilling yourself
for something new to come.
Go into those times mindfully
and with rejoicing.

Stuffy nose message

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I had a friend who was complaining of a stuffy nose. He wanted some tea for it, but I wasn’t sure what to use. I gave him what I had but it wasn’t enough. Later I prayed about it and this was the message I received.

(Please research this for yourself. I am not a doctor.)

Stuffy nose can be cured by rose petals – fresh, in hot water, inhaled.
The message is “stop to smell the roses.”
Pause to appreciate life, don’t take life (or any experience) for granted.
Look for the beauty in the moment.
Be always on the lookout for tiny moments of joy.

Stuffy nose represents a fear to breathe deeply, expansively. It represents a lack of trust that all will go well. Deeper – it represents a lack of belief that all is already well – that here and now is good. Trust in God in all things.