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“Charity begins at home.”

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“Charity begins at home.” These are the words I’ve heard from two different people in church about my blog post “My problem with church”. I had pointed out that church as a whole, not just that particular parish, has gotten off track and is more focused on being a social club than on social outreach. They’ve also said that we are a family, and we have to build up our own family first.

OK, that sounds good, but I don’t remember Jesus saying that. In fact, I remember Jesus telling Peter and Andrew to drop everything they were doing and leave their families to follow him. I remember Jesus telling a man to not bury his father if he wanted to follow him. I remember Jesus saying that only people who do the will of his Father are his brothers and sisters. I don’t recall him saying anything about taking care of your own needs first.

The argument from them is that there are a lot of broken people in church, that they are too broken to help others yet. They need support and healing from the church right now, and aren’t strong enough to help others. I think there is a lot of danger in thinking that way.

There is a lot of healing in being useful. I think it is dangerous to teach someone to be dependent. The more you let someone think they are helpless, the needier they get. They don’t learn to reach out and help others. Their attention remains inward-focused. The more your attention stays inward, the more selfish and dependent you will become.

Sure, church can be about baseball games and hanging out at the local pub (if your denomination is OK with drinking). But it has to be more about helping others. Otherwise, what is the point of being a church? Any group can get together to eat hot dogs and drink beer, but there is something different about a church. It, in theory, should be a group of people who believe in service to mankind. It should be people who agree with Teresa of Avila’s idea that we are the hands and feet of Christ. We are Jesus to people.

There is something healing in serving. There is something seemingly backwards in this. The more you help others, the more you help yourself. You get out of your own problems for a bit. You stop thinking about how miserable your own life seems to you and start realizing that someone else has it worse, and you are helping them to make it better. That act of helping transforms you. You realize that there is a way out.

I think church should be a place where like-minded people can join together to serve others. And when I say others, I mean everybody. We shouldn’t be serving just those people in the congregation. We should be serving people in the community who aren’t members of the church. We should be serving people in the city, the state, the country, the continent, the world. I don’t think it should be about making more Christians – I think it should be about us being Christians. We are called to serve people as Christ would, because we are now Christ in this world.

I know that I’ve angered people in my previous church with my words, and I know that there are some things that they do for outreach that are great and exactly what I’m talking about. But I feel that more of our time and money should be towards those things instead of “at home”.

I know that some of this feeling comes from my initial calling when I was 12 (I’ll write about that later.) So this is all part of that push, that draw. None of this is a surprise to me, really. I didn’t expect this part of this journey to be happening now, in this way, but I’m OK with it. I know that this is part of the plan.

People don’t like being told that what they are doing is wrong. There is a long precedent of prophets being ignored and worse. The prophet Jeremiah was even warned by God that he would be attacked for telling the people what God wanted them to hear. And there are others.

Hosea 9:7 “The days of punishment are coming, the days of reckoning are at hand. Let Israel know this. Because your sins are so many and your hostility so great, the prophet is considered a fool, the inspired person a maniac.”

Ezekial 2:1-7 “1 He said to me: O mortal, stand up on your feet, and I will speak with you. 2 And when he spoke to me, a spirit entered into me and set me on my feet; and I heard him speaking to me. 3 He said to me, Mortal, I am sending you to the people of Israel, to a nation of rebels who have rebelled against me; they and their ancestors have transgressed against me to this very day. 4 The descendants are impudent and stubborn. I am sending you to them, and you shall say to them, “Thus says the Lord GOD.” 5 Whether they hear or refuse to hear (for they are a rebellious house), they shall know that there has been a prophet among them. 6 And you, O mortal, do not be afraid of them, and do not be afraid of their words, though briers and thorns surround you and you live among scorpions; do not be afraid of their words, and do not be dismayed at their looks, for they are a rebellious house. 7 You shall speak my words to them, whether they hear or refuse to hear; for they are a rebellious house.

Luke 4:24 “And He said, “Truly I say to you, no prophet is welcome in his hometown.”

I’m not saying I’m a prophet. I’m bipolar, anyway. Who would listen to me? But I don’t think I should be ignored just because I’m bipolar. I think I am on to something here. I think that everybody should read the Gospels for themselves and match up what is going on in the church today and see if what Jesus wanted us to do is being done.

The funny and sad part to me is that of the few people who have tried to convince me to stay, their reasons for staying are the very reasons I have to leave.

By the way, I just looked it up. “Charity begins at home” isn’t from the Bible. It is from Sir Thomas Browne (1605-1682). Paul said in a letter to Timothy “But if any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first to shew piety at home, and to requite their parents: for that is good and acceptable before God.”(1 Timothy 5:4) As I’ve pointed out before, I’m a Christian, not a Paulian. Jesus didn’t say “Charity begins at home.”

Sanctuary.

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I was in a chapel at a retreat center last November. It was a tiny chapel, very personal sized. It was big enough to hold maybe 20 people comfortably. There was an old carved wood altar with icons of Mary and Jesus on it. There were small votive candles and white linen altar coverings. The chapel had that warm musty smell that I associate with old hardback books and dusty buildings. I was alone, and it was raining and it was so late at night that it was early in the morning. I was likely to remain there, by myself, because of the rain and the time. I was doing something called an altar call, but I didn’t know it at the time.

I thought about how this room, this chapel, was different from the other rooms at the retreat center. There was something special about how this particular room was set aside for worshiping God and for no other purpose. Because I was by myself, I decided that it was OK to talk to God out loud, instead of quietly in my heart as I normally would do in a chapel.

I said, God, how come when we are in a place like this, we know that you are here? We feel different in a chapel. We feel calmer, more at peace. We feel at home in a way that we don’t usually feel at our own homes. How come we can’t have this feeling everywhere? How come we can’t have this feeling in the kitchen, or in the living room, or at work?

And I heard an answer back.

I heard “You are to make within yourself a sanctuary for me.”

And I thought, of course we are. When I heard this, it made perfect sense.

If we make ourselves into a living sanctuary for God, we will carry God with us, everywhere we go. Not only do we have that warm feeling of God’s presence with us, but we are then able to share that sense of calm and love with everyone we meet.

In the church I came from there are home Communion kits. They are small kits that enable Eucharistic Ministers (lay people who are licensed to distribute the Elements during Communion) to take Communion to members of the church who are unable to attend the worship service due to ill health. Such a kit has glass containers for the already-consecrated Bread and Wine, the Body and Blood, as well as linens and a tiny paten and chalice set. These kits are used just for this purpose.

With these kits, we are able to share Jesus with them, in a literal way. In this way, we are able to remind them that they are part of our family even though we are not able to worship together in the usual way.

By making within ourselves a sanctuary for God, we are becoming living home Communion kits. We are able to share the light and love of God with everyone. We are able to let everyone know that we are all part of one family where we are all brothers and sisters.

When I first started the discernment process to see if I was being called to be ordained I was asked to read a book by the Rev. Barbara Brown Taylor. I was asked to point out what parts spoke to me. The part that got my attention the most was when she talked about her desire to take Communion out of the building and take it out to the sidewalk. She didn’t want the joy of Communion to be kept inside a building. She wanted it to be brought out into the middle of the busyness and bustle of everyday life.

Church buildings can feel very private, very members only. The people who need the healing light of God the most are those who don’t feel able to go inside a church. She wanted to take away the barriers between God and people by bringing God to them, rather than making them come to God.

I want this too. I want this more than I can possibly explain.

My priest misunderstood when I told her this was the part I liked the best. She sent me to a church service called “Church in the Yard”. It is an inner-city ministry that celebrates the Eucharist with homeless people, but instead of celebrating in the church building, it is outside, in the churchyard. While this was an enlightening experience, this wasn’t quite what I meant.

I want more.

I think the beauty of God is that He comes right to us. He doesn’t wait for us to be perfect or beautiful or fixed. He comes to us exactly as we are, right now. He doesn’t need us to go to a special place to know that we are special. He comes to us in our brokenness and our pettiness and our hunger. He comes to us in the middle of our day, unannounced, unassuming. He comes to us to let us know that we are loved beyond our understanding.

I don’t know if I’ve done it right, this “making a sanctuary” within myself. But I know that it is the answer. Because by carrying God within me, rather than thinking He’s out there, in a building far away, I have a sense of freedom that no minister ever taught me.

Poem 5, dance.

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Now I’m on the way.
The more I write, the clearer the picture.

For some reason God is real
And I no longer have any questions.

Maybe they do not mean to make us forget our birthright.
Maybe they are hungry people who don’t know themselves.

We are called to love.
We are called to make the world whole.

From the beginning there were many mistakes,
many missteps in the dance.
This is part of creation.
This is part of being human.

Let us hope that the same thing in the fire
that danced atop the disciple`s heads
is still with us now.

Otherwise we will have to walk barefoot
on hot coals
and dance this dance anew
faux pas and all.

It is time to begin again.
Let us hear the heartbeat of the universe.
Let us dance with God.

One and two and three, cha cha cha.
Spin and dip, cha cha cha.

Together, we will hold each other,
dancing this new dance,
this old dance, this eternal dance.

Time to take off your shoes.
This is holy ground.

Recipe for a new church, in part.

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Church isn’t a place or a building. It can’t be burned down or broken into. It can’t be venerated. It isn’t a pilgrimage site.
It would be nice if people can just meet at each other’s houses, rather than have a separate building to have to keep up and pay rent on. If a separate building is required, it would be awesome if it could be multi-faith. Muslims on Friday, Jews on Saturday, Christians on Sunday, and a joining of all three during the rest of the week. This seems like an efficient use of space. Or have it like a community center, where religious groups just happen to meet.

But really, the most important idea is this. Church is within us. Every person has within them the light of God. Every person was created by God. So “church” can be here, online, where we share ideas and encourage each other.

What does it matter if we have huge cathedrals that are filled every week if the people inside are not awake to their divine connection with God? Jesus tells us about the dangers of storing up treasures for ourselves here on earth. He tells us about the danger of losing your own soul, of forgetting our connection with God.

Church is a community of like minded people. The community is meant to build each other up. To encourage and support. To heal. To work together for the fixing of the world.

A church service is anything that helps further the goal of loving God and loving our neighbors as ourselves. We are called to love God with all of our hearts and all our minds and all of our souls. We are called to love our neighbors in the same way.

Who are our neighbors? Everyone. We are called to be nice to everyone. Sure that is hard. Jesus tells us that if you love only the nice people, what’s the point? We need to love the mean people because they need it more. We are to treat others as we would like to be treated – not like we have been treated. We are commanded to serve people because we are Christian. It isn’t about us converting them to be Christian. It is about being a servant.

Each person needs to know that God is real, and active, and present. God isn’t a “past tense” God. God is right now.

Each person needs to be empowered to hear from God.

Each person needs to be encouraged to share what they have heard from God.

Prayers should be offered for everyone. This includes those who are gathered, those who are part of the community, all seekers, and all who are lost. Pray for nations and the world. Pray for everyone. The Buddhists have a nice way of praying that asks for all beings to be well.

Prayers need to be balanced. If there are petitions for healing, then there also need to be prayers of thankfulness.

People need to learn how to determine their spiritual gifts, and then how to apply them.

Everyone needs to have a volunteer activity in the community. Faith without works is dead.

This isn’t an ego trip. We aren’t special. We are workers in the field. God owns the field.

Whenever anything new is considered, it must be measured against the command to love. Does it show love?

Everyone is expected to read the Bible, especially the Gospels. It is helpful if they also read any religious text(s) from any other faith tradition they are called to.

We are not here to worship and serve anything or anyone other than the Creator.

It is essential that people do not confuse themselves with God. We are the creation, not the creator. We have within us the light of God. This does not make us God.

There is no leader. Everybody takes turns. This is a journey together.

We are all walking up this mountain together, and we are here to encourage each other and point out things along the way. This includes butterflies as well as rocks. (beauty as well as danger)

It may help to have certain items as part of the worship service. But these things must not be venerated. They are reminders or signifiers. They point toward the truth, but they are not the truth. These things could include candles, incense, icons, or bells for instance. We are corporal beings, and sometimes we need corporal ways to access the spirit.

The goal is for each person to awaken to their own divine nature, and then take that awareness out. Each person is the Buddha, each person is the Christ. Each person, once awakened then needs to make that nature visible through action. How do we bring healing to the world?

Love made visible. Social action.

Go have a walk afterwards, and then have lunch together. It is important to get exercise, and it is important to share food together. It is what Jesus did with the disciples, so it is what we should do. If the group goes out to eat, be sure to be nice to the waitress and tip well. So many Sunday patrons are really rude to the staff. “How you treat the least of these…” didn’t get into their heads. If you are rude to the staff, then you didn’t hear the message. You are reflecting badly on God and His followers.

How you act reflects on God. Watch yourself at all times. How would I act if this person were Jesus?

Encourage exercise – walking, yoga, water aerobics, whatever.
Encourage creativity – painting, embroidery, beading, writing, whatever.
Encourage prevention rather than cure.

Poem 4, antibody

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It isn’t alive, the old church.
Instead, silenced, and you are not happy.
We forget Samuel and the voice he heard.

Is church about green tea or coffee?
Or doughnuts, or potlucks?

Love your friends.
Love your enemies.

Because the way to heal them
is to get them drunk on love.

Just write, like your life depended on it.
Just speak, like nobody is listening.

Whoever fixed anything by complaining or judging?
Whoever repaired a house with a broken hammer?

We have buildings in our childhoods.
They are crumbling ruins.
We need reminders of the world, broken that it is.

We can’t escape from this world.
It is our calling.
We were made for this brokenness.
We were made for this joy.

You have to let a little bit of the brokenness, the disease of the world
get under your skin.
This is how the antibody works.

I think the way home is now.
It isn’t in the future.
Every moment is a choice
to be here, to be present
to the beauty and pain that is our world.

Every moment is a choice to love and serve God
with gladness, and singleness of heart,
rejoicing, even down to the grave.

Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia.

Tradition will kill you.

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“We do it this way because we’ve always done it this way.”

I find it interesting (and disturbing and sad) that the only person who has talked to me about staying in church has used this as an explanation.

We need to keep this going because it is tradition.

I remember seeing a psychological study about peoples’ reaction to smoke coming under the door. There is a subject in an office waiting room with other people, but the other people are part of the study. Smoke starts to come under the door. The subject sees it, but doesn’t alert others, and doesn’t leave. This happened time and time again. When asked later why they didn’t react to it, the answer was that they didn’t want to cause a fuss. So, for the sake of keeping the peace, everyone will die. They’d rather be quiet than get everybody moving towards safety.

If we are in a car that has gotten off the road and is headed towards a cliff, we need to jump out of the car.

If the church goes one way, and Jesus goes another, we know who we must follow.

I’m finding it amazing the number of people who are on the same page here. People are leaving church not because they haven’t heard the Gospel. It is because they have heard the Gospel. They have heard the message to love and serve, and they are seeing a huge disconnect. They are seeing hypocrisy. They are seeing that church is self-serving rather than self-less.

The tithe goes to keep up the building and pay the staff. It doesn’t go to feed the hungry or clothe the naked.

The ministers have all the power, and they don’t teach the members how to be ministers.

We need to all think for ourselves. We all need to read the Bible for ourselves. If what the church says does not line up with what God says, then we are obliged to try to reform the church. Or leave. To stay and pretend that everything is fine is to give support to something that we know is wrong.

Sometimes things start off ok, but then they get sidetracked. I read about a women’s prayer organization that is for Anglican women. The charter said that no money would be raised in the name of the organization. Yet, years later after it was founded, they take up dues. They collect money for various scholarships for their members. I’ve heard that there is no proper accounting for this money. So, the start was good, but it got off the track.

Plus, I’m against anything that doesn’t allow someone membership based on something they have no control over. Only women can join? What about men who want to pray? God calls everyone.

This is like saying only men can be priests. Yes, I have a problem with that too. But I also believe from my studies of the Gospels that every person is called by God to know and love and serve God. It isn’t for the few, the proud, the priests. It is a gift that is given freely to all by the Holy Spirit.

We pray for soldiers who are at war. Yet we are told to love our enemies, and “thou shalt not kill.” There is a huge conflict here. We are praying for the safety of people who are doing something that we know from the commandments we are not to do. This is crazy-making.

Sometimes something is so broken that it can’t be fixed from within and you have to start all over.

God is constantly talking to us. He never stopped. It behooves us to listen to God talking in all things. God didn’t stop talking when the Bible was written. You can find truth everywhere.

But don’t take my word for it. Read, pray, think on your own. Stretch your horizons and boundaries.

Don’t be afraid. Love. Perfect love casts out all fear, remember?

Church shouldn’t involve money, or a building. It isn’t a place. It is a gathering. Look up the meanings of “ekklesia” – the root word for church. It is pretty surprising.

I don’t know what church should look like yet. I’m thinking I should send my tithe money to a charity, like the American Red Cross, or the Nashville Rescue Mission. My Sunday mornings are changing. There should be time to read the scriptures and time to pray and listen to God. I know there is a lot of healing to be found in a small circle of people who are willing to be open and honest with each other.

But I know I can’t be part of something I feel is wrong. And I know I’m not alone.

Let us pray together for the strength to return to the beginning. Let us examine everything in light of Jesus’ teaching to Love. What practice shows love? Do it.

All together now.

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Michael Pollan has a book called “Food Rules.” In it, he explains that he read a bunch of books about nutrition, and the root of it all came down to this little phrase. “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” He then spent the rest of the book explaining that.

So I’m going to try to do the same with enlightenment and freedom from pain and how to appreciate life. I’m a gestalt learner, so it is coming together all at once and I’m seeing a lot of connections. Some of it is from child-rearing books, some from autism books, some from books about how to deal with being part of an abusive family or a co-dependent relationship. Some comes from Jesus, from Buddha, from Eckhart Tolle, from Lao Tzu. Sadly, I’m pretty sure I’m not going to be able to quote anybody on any of this, as it is a synthesis.

I suspect you’ve heard most of this before, but perhaps not in this way. If you are like me, you have to hear things several different ways before something clicks and it goes in and sets up shop in your head. Hopefully some of this is helpful to you. So let’s begin.

Here’s my synthesis.

Give up the idea of control. Give up deciding what is “good” and “bad.” Be thankful, right now, for what is. Learn as much as you can about everything.

Here’s my explanation of that.

Resistance is futile. That which you avoid must be faced. Run away and it only becomes bigger. Face it, and it gets smaller. It is a normal human reaction to avoid pain. But by not facing painful things, you don’t get rid of them. You just delay dealing with them.

Yes, it is hard to face your fears. Nobody wants to. But strong people were those folks willing to try, step by step, to face what they were afraid of. It is worth the effort. It gets easier the more you do it.

Everybody and everything wants to be noticed. Notice, fully. See every person as if they are God in disguise. See every situation as an opportunity to learn and grow. It is all in your perspective.

What you focus on expands. (I think Oprah said that.)

Love is indeed the answer. Don’t judge anything or anyone. This includes people, ideas, and events. The more you decide what is “good” and what is “bad,” and the less you accept things just as they are, the better things will go for you.

Hate is another name for fear. Face what you are afraid of. Learn all about it. Lean into it. Study it. Then you will learn it isn’t what you thought it was. Fear is often ignorance in disguise. Learn as much as you can and the fear goes away.

Nothing is ever what you think it is.

Don’t make up stories about why people do what they do and what they are thinking. Ask them. When you make up stories, it is always going to make the situation worse, and you’ll often be wrong.

Try not to use the word “why” when you are asking people what their motivations are. “Why” causes defensiveness. One way is to say “I was wondering if you could tell me more about…” or “Could you help me understand about…”

Two people who have gone through the same experience will have different reactions to it. Just because you have lived through a car crash doesn’t mean that your friend who did the same has the same emotional reaction to it. They have a different history and a different emotional makeup.

Tell people how their actions make you feel. Feelings are very important.

If you don’t know how you feel about something, it is helpful to journal. You don’t have to be a great writer. This isn’t the great American novel. This is for you and you only to read, and it will be messy. Writing is surprising – you learn stuff while you write. It isn’t about putting things down on paper. It is about receiving as well. Pray while you write for insight.

We are a product of our environment and our conditioning. Often we do it that way because we’ve always done it that way – but that isn’t a good reason to keep doing it that way.

Examine everything.

If someone (or an institution/authority figure) doesn’t like you asking why they do it that way, then dig harder. You are onto something.

The more resistance you encounter, the bigger the sign that is something you must work on. This is true with every situation.

Our need to label things good and bad causes a lot of our distress. It just IS, without a label. (Look in my “Resources” section under “Prayers and Stories I like” for the Rumi poem and the Chinese story for illustrations of this.)

Don’t even judge your healing. You are moving, and you have identified the disease. You are on the path to a cure. Every time you catch yourself falling into your old habits, don’t focus on the habit – notice the fact that you caught it and are changing it. Change takes a long time, and habits take a long time to undo. Be patient with the process.

There is something to be said for enjoying the right now, for not waiting for the future to bring relief.

Jonah prayed to God, gave thanks to God, while in the whale. He was thankful in the middle of a terrible situation. It was only then that he was freed. There is something powerful in this. It isn’t about praying and going through the motions of being thankful so that you will get some future goal of happiness. It is about actually being thankful in the moment. This is opposite what Western society teaches, so it isn’t easy to learn but it is worth it.

There is so much dis-ease, or lack of ease, with the 21st century Western way of thinking. It is about getting more and more. This is why people suffer from depression and heart problems and high blood pressure and chronic pain and bankruptcy. They are filling in their holes with the wrong things. They are unhappy, so they eat more. They are unhappy, so they comfort themselves by buying more. It is hard to change this cycle, but it is essential. It gets easier the more you do it.

I think there is a lot to be learned by the fact that Jesus often says to people that their faith has healed them. He didn’t heal them. They were seeking healing. They asked for help. Something about the seeking and asking worked. Jesus tell s us “Ask and it shall be given unto you, seek and ye shall find, knock and the door shall be opened unto you.” All of these require action on your part. It isn’t passive. You have to make the first step.

Like in the story of the prodigal son, he started to return to his father. When his father saw him, far off, his father ran to greet him. But he still had to start on the journey to return. So you have an impact on your situation. You don’t have to wait to be rescued.

Life is about focusing on the can, rather than the can’t. The more you focus on what you don’t have or can’t do, the less you will notice what you do have, and what you can do. Regret never built a raft.

Life is about being thankful for what you have, right now. If you can’t appreciate what you have, then how are you going to appreciate what you will get in the future?

Even “bad” things need to be appreciated. They are ways in. They are excuses and reminders to pray to God. They keep us awake and paying attention. And sometimes the “bad” thing is a blessing – we just don’t know it yet.

Part of loving God is trusting God. Know that all things are within God’s hands. Everything comes from God. God has a plan bigger than you could ever imagine. We humans don’t have that perspective. We think “Why is this happening to me?” while we forget to be thankful for all the blessings we get. (We learn this in the Book of Job).

A change of perspective.

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A change of perspective will do you good. Try out different things. Eat at different restaurants. Sit in a different chair. Read a different kind of book.

It is important to have different perspectives. However you see reality isn’t THE reality. It is just your take on it. You will see things from the limitations of your sense organs. Your eyes are different from mine – you might see blues a little better. I might be shorter than you and catch a different angle. Together, if we explain how we see what we are looking at, we will both gain a better understanding of what we see.

Just because someone else sees something differently doesn’t mean that they are wrong and you are right. You are both right, for yourselves. You both have made your decision based on the information that you have. You can both make a more informed decision if you widen your information by sharing.

Don’t be like a small child. The terrible twos are partly called that because children will call out “NO” vehemently when told to do something. They are asserting their independence. They are saying that they are not puppets or pets. They can’t be told what to do. They have their own agendas, and they want to make sure that they are listened to. This is an important phase of growth, but it is important to grow out of too. Don’t say “no” to someone else’s take on something just because it isn’t the way you see it. They might have a piece of the puzzle you are missing.

We are all in this together. Life isn’t about being right and wrong. It is about sharing and listening to each other. It is about dialogue instead of debate. It is about love instead of judgment.

We are all flowers in a garden. Each of us is different on purpose. If we all were the same kind of flower the garden would be very boring. Variety is indeed the spice of life.

We are all instruments in an orchestra. If we were all the same instrument, the song would sound very dull. Be the piccolo or the trombone or the bassoon or the bass drum. Be who you were made to be, and be it to the best of your ability. And in the meantime, learn to appreciate the other instruments for their contribution to the song.

Being jealous of someone else’s success is a waste of your time. The fact that they are successful does not mean that you can’t be successful too. They are successful at being themselves. You are different. Be yourself. Being jealous of someone else is childlike. They haven’t taken away your toy.

I know people who are jealous of people for losing weight. The fact that another person has made the time to exercise and worked up the discipline to eat well does not take away from your ability to do the same. The more time you spend getting mad at another person’s success, the less time you are spending on creating your own. Perhaps you can learn something from the other person’s story that might encourage you. Perhaps you might learn a new way of thinking that will make it easier for you to get healthy.

This all applies to religion as well.

I saw a t-shirt at a New Age shop in Boone, NC with this quote. “There are many paths up the mountain, but at the top, the same bright moon.” I can’t remember the author, and my web search just results in “Asian saying”. I don’t think it matters who said it so much as that it was said. I know plenty of fundamental Christians will freak out over this saying, using the “Jesus is the way…” quote, but they forget that Jesus was all about love, and certainly not about telling everybody off. They also forget that the apostle Paul tells us that in Christ there is no East or West, or male or female or Jew or Gentile, and that Paul himself adapted to the language and customs of whoever he was with.

I like this quote because it seems so simple and so honest. Our goal is God. Keep moving upwards. The closer you get to the top, the more people you are going to see from different faith traditions because the mountain is getting smaller as it goes up. Why do you care how they got there? Are you jealous? Is it “your” God? Or are you concerned for them? Are you afraid that their way might get them lost? Are you so sure of your way? If your way leads you to judge them, then you have a pretty good clue that you are close to falling off the mountain.

There are no shortcuts to success or happiness or enlightenment. They all require an odd balance of hard work and of letting go. I wish you peace on your journey.

On blessing, and thankfulness.

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If you are Jewish you are obliged to say 100 blessings a day. One hundred times a day you are to find something to be thankful for. There are prayers for everything, and just looking over the prayers can remind you of how blessed you are in more ways than you ever realized.

There are prayers to be said upon seeing an unusual person. Upon seeing a rainbow. Upon seeing someone beautiful. There are of course various prayers for food. My favorite are the bathroom prayers – where you give thanks that everything that should stay in, stays in, and everything that should get out, gets out. I would never have thought to have a prayer of thanksgiving for that, but it makes perfect sense. All of these prayers make you mindful of all the many ways you are blessed every day. They keep you aware and grateful.

I think this is an excellent practice. We humans often take our many blessings for granted. We forget to be thankful for electricity until it goes out due to a storm. We forget to be grateful for running water until we need a plumber. We constantly grumble about what we don’t have while forgetting to be thankful for what we do have. And often we forget that “bad” is often just our value judgment. Our need to label things “good” or “bad” causes us many problems.

Here’s a twist for you. Give a complement to a stranger. Do this often. Start small and work your way up to complementing 10 strangers a day. Find something about them to tell them how cool it is. Perhaps it is their hairstyle. Perhaps it is something they are wearing. Look them in the eye when you tell them what you have noticed that is cool. Be sincere. Notice how this changes them and you. You both feel better. Well, you might be a little freaked out at first because you are shy, but trust me, you’ll get over it. Happiness spreads. Be a blessing to someone else.

One of the lines I like to incorporate into our supper prayers includes “Dear God, thank you for all that we have, and all that we don’t have.” Sometimes not getting what you want is actually a blessing.

This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad. This applies to every day. Even the rainy ones. Even the ones with a tornado warning. Be thankful for everything, at all times. It takes practice, but it is worth it.

Handshake

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Have you ever listened to the odd sound that a fax machine makes when it is trying to connect with another fax machine? There is a weird series of sounds and whirs and chirps and whistles. This series of sounds is called a handshake. Machine number one is trying to figure out what frequency machine number two is on so it can send the fax correctly. When they are able to properly connect it is the same as two people shaking hands.

When people shake hands they are communicating in a basic way. At a primal level they are saying they don’t have any weapons in their hands. Simply to touch another person is a big deal. We have a lot of rules about personal space. It is seen as rude to get too close to someone. People stand about a foot and a half away from each other in line. But to shake hands you have to get within that space.

Just offering to shake someone’s hand is a big deal. They can refuse. They could want a hug instead. There is a bit of jostling about to figure out where the other person is coming from, and what they want out of that interaction.

What about a wave, or a smile? Have you ever noticed that if you wave “hello” to a stranger they will invariably wave back? The same is true for a smile. The saying is “laugh, and the world laughs with you, cry, and you cry alone.” Substitute “smile” for “laugh” and you are on to something.

When I was at Cursillo I cried a lot. It was overwhelming. Symbolically it was Christmas and Easter and my birthday and my wedding day all together. It was a lot to a take in. I cried out of surprise and joy and relief. Towards the end I knew that we were going to be standing in front of a huge crowd of friends and strangers and we were going to be welcomed into the Cursillo family. We were going to have to stand up in front of them and answer the line “Christ is counting on you” with “and I am counting on Christ.” I had a pretty strong feeling I was going to cry, because I’d cried the whole weekend anyway. I prayed that I wouldn’t cry, but while I prayed I heard the answer.

Sometimes it is important to cry, because it lets other people know it is ok to cry.

It is as if we need permission to have feelings. By leading the way with a difficult emotion, it frees up others to have that emotion too. There is a sense of relief. Nobody wants to be the first to cry, but they definitely need to and want to.

It is very healing to let others know they can have feelings, that it is OK for them to let them out. Our society is really heavily into the idea of keeping a stiff upper lip. “Boys don’t cry” – yes, and then they grow up to be abusive and have heart attacks. Boys should cry. Girls should get angry and yell. When girls get angry, they are told they aren’t “ladylike.” Our society tries to shape our emotions as to what is OK and what isn’t. And then we have huge rates of depression and addiction and emotional disorders.

Let them out. Let others know it is OK too. If you stuff emotions in you get out of shape. Pressure builds up. Go ahead. Cry. Yell. You’ll feel better. Then go for a walk and maybe some yoga and a nap and have some decaf tea with your teddy bear.