Healing in secret – Mark 7:31-37

Jesus was forever healing people and telling them not to tell. They rarely listened to him. Here’s one of the readings for today that illustrates this.

“31 Then he returned from the region of Tyre, and went by way of Sidon towards the Sea of Galilee, in the region of the Decapolis. 32 They brought to him a deaf man who had an impediment in his speech; and they begged him to lay his hand on him. 33 He took him aside in private, away from the crowd, and put his fingers into his ears, and he spat and touched his tongue. 34 Then looking up to heaven, he sighed and said to him, “Ephphatha,” that is, “Be opened.” 35 And immediately his ears were opened, his tongue was released, and he spoke plainly. 36 Then Jesus ordered them to tell no one; but the more he ordered them, the more zealously they proclaimed it. 37 They were astounded beyond measure, saying, “He has done everything well; he even makes the deaf to hear and the mute to speak.” (NRSV translation)

Now, let’s look at this more closely.

“32 They brought to him a deaf man who had an impediment in his speech; and they begged him to lay his hand on him.”

The man is deaf and also has a hard time talking. He probably isn’t mute. These are probably his friends who have brought him. People were constantly bringing sick and infirm people to Jesus. Sometimes people came on their own, and sometimes Jesus came across them. I find it interesting that they felt that physical proximity was necessary, or even that he had to touch him. Jesus touched a lot of people to heal them, but in some cases he just said a word and they were healed. There wasn’t one particular way that he healed – he just healed.

“33 He took him aside in private, away from the crowd, and put his fingers into his ears, and he spat and touched his tongue.”

I find it interesting that he took him aside to do this. He didn’t heal him in front of everybody. He wasn’t trying to get attention. He just wanted to heal the man and not make a big show of it. I’m not sure what the spitting part is about – I don’t recall Jesus doing that with any other healings. Now, here’s an interesting point – he couldn’t have been truly alone, because otherwise how would we know what he did in such detail? I suspect his disciples were there with him.

“34 Then looking up to heaven, he sighed and said to him, “Ephphatha,” that is, “Be opened.”

I love the fact that he sighed. I can only imagine that Jesus was getting tired of being called on all the time to heal. I wonder if that was what he thought he was going to do all throughout his ministry? Perhaps he planned on just telling people that the Kingdom of God was near, and that all their sins were forgiven. Perhaps he didn’t realize how many people would be hounding him for healing.

It is significant that he looked up to heaven. He’s calling upon God. He’s connecting with the Source of all healing. He did this before both examples of the loaves and fishes miracle too.

“Be opened” is a good meditation for any time we feel stuck. By opening ourselves, we are allowing healing to enter us. Also, it is helpful to remember that the broken spaces in our bodies and in our lives is the way in for God. This way of thinking actually sanctifies our pain and brokenness.

I find it interesting that this is one of the few times that the word that Jesus spoke is included in the Gospels. In the English translations they don’t usually put his actual words. Why this one, especially when it is a hard-to-pronounce one?

“35 And immediately his ears were opened, his tongue was released, and he spoke plainly. 36 Then Jesus ordered them to tell no one; but the more he ordered them, the more zealously they proclaimed it. 37 They were astounded beyond measure, saying, “He has done everything well; he even makes the deaf to hear and the mute to speak.”

Now, this is kind of funny to me. Why bother to tell the man he just healed not to tell people that Jesus had healed him? They are going to figure it out really soon. They brought him to Jesus when he was deaf and had a speech impediment. The two of them go away, and now he can hear and talk normally. Of course Jesus healed him. Well, God healed him, through Jesus. But the crowds aren’t going to get that. They are just going see the healing, and see Jesus, and figure it out. So it can’t really be a secret for very long.

There were certainly plenty of other times where Jesus healed people and there weren’t crowds around. He told them to not tell, and they did anyway. This only made it harder for him to travel or get any rest.

Now, this calls to mind the present-day idea that we are supposed to give credit to Jesus when we are healed. It seems from reading the Gospels that this is the last thing that Jesus wants.

Poem – drunk dialing God.

When I create
I’m drunk dialing God.

It isn’t like dialing a phone.
It’s all loosey-goosey.

I might end up anywhere
or nowhere.

Maybe that’s the point.

It is
just like dialing a phone
but without a phone book.

And with my eyes closed.

It’s like leaping from a burning building
and knowing from long experience
that I’ll be caught.

It’s calling
out
and up
and knowing that
whatever I connect with
is what I’m supposed to
connect with.

It’s calling God in the middle
of the night
of my life
and saying I’m lost
and I don’t know how to get back
to myself.

The more I do this
the more I reach out
into that shapeless void
and pull out something that
surprises me.

And in finding it
I find myself.

Everytime.

Meditation on mindlessness.

Every now and then I get stuck in a loop. I find myself doing something that I don’t want to do, and I’ve been doing it far longer than I should. It doesn’t make any sense. I’m an adult. I’m in charge of my life, right?

It sure doesn’t feel like it to me sometimes, and I suspect you might know what I’m talking about.

There are habits that I fall into that don’t do me any good anymore, if they really ever did to start with. Doing the same thing over and over feels safer than trying something new, even if the old thing is a dead end.

This is how I’ll end up eating a whole bag of potato chips in one sitting. This is how I’ll spend two hours scrolling through Facebook to see if anything is happening. This is how I smoked clove cigarettes and pot for ten years.

Mindlessness. It’s all mindlessness. It’s being on auto pilot. It is worse than death because at least with death I don’t have control over my actions. I’d like to think when I’m alive, I do.

The bad part is that when I get in these loops I usually know it. I’m aware of how badly I don’t want to be doing this thing but I’m still doing it anyway. Ten minutes later I’m still doing it. Ten minutes more and I’m still there.

It’s how I end up plodding through books that I don’t really enjoy. They aren’t for a class. They aren’t assigned. Most of the books I read I got for free or really cheap too, so it isn’t like I’m wasting money if I stop reading a book that is going nowhere.

Sometimes when I am stuck in a loop, I start to think like this and it helps me so I offer it to you:

Would Jesus be spending his time like this? What if he were here with me? Would I be doing what I am doing?

It works for food too – would Jesus be eating this? Is it healthy? Would I serve it to him? Wouldn’t I serve him good food, something healthy and tasty?

As for the state of my house, would I be embarrassed to have him over? Is it welcoming, or a mess? And what would we do? Would we sit around watching tv or checking updates on Facebook?

So, if I wouldn’t treat Jesus like that, why am I treating myself like that? I need to show myself the love that Jesus showed.

I sometimes get Scott to let me do something nice for him by talking him into the idea that it benefits me. I’m trying the same trick on myself. Instead of thinking about my own needs, I’m imagining what if Jesus were here. Would I be doing this?

Would I be treating my body this way? Would I be spending my time this way? Would I be talking to myself this way? Would I be living this way?

Now, understand that I wasn’t raised with a guilt and gloom image of Jesus. Jesus enjoys a glass of wine and playing board games. But he also values doing the real work too. It isn’t all fun and games either. There is a balance there.

What would Jesus do, indeed. I always hated those rubber bracelets. They seem so cheap, so trivial. I felt that the people who wore them didn’t have a grasp on the real Jesus anyway, because their Jesus was anti everything. The Jesus I know is about love.

I feel like Jesus wouldn’t waste his time but then I remember that he spent a lot of time alone, hanging out talking with God. So there was certainly some down time, but I can’t compare that to surfing the internet mindlessly or reading boring books or ignoring things that need to be done around the house or eating junk food.

I think what I’m trying to do is use Jesus as a reminder to be mindful. I’m not giving Jesus control. That isn’t what it is at all. I’m not trying to guilt trip myself into doing or not doing anything. I’m trying to come up with a trick that helps me get unstuck from a groove, a rut.

So far, when I remember to do it, it works.

Jesus in a box.

They’ve locked up Jesus.

This isn’t just symbolic. It’s for real, on so many levels.

Look at this.

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For those people who weren’t raised in a Christian tradition that does this, I’ll explain. This is a box for the reserved sacrament. This is the extra Communion wafers and/or wine. They have extra so that people who take Communion to homebound church members have something that has been blessed by the minister.

They put it in a special box after it has been blessed because they honestly feel that the bread and the wine actually become the body and the blood of Jesus. Literally. Yeah, I know. Kind of creepy, but there you go.

Now, the box has a lock on it, so not just anybody can get to it.

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These are the same people who put limits on who can take communion. You need to be a member of that denomination or at least baptized as a Christian. They don’t quite get that Jesus didn’t make any such rules.

Jesus is available to all, for free, everywhere and at all times. He isn’t limited or locked up.

The reason they control access is because they want to control Jesus. They think they have some sort of exclusive arrangement with Jesus, that they are “in.” They don’t get that when they start putting limits on who is worthy of receiving Jesus, they aren’t “in” at all. They are as far out as possible. They haven’t gotten the message that Jesus makes everybody equal. With Jesus, everybody is in.

Maybe they are afraid of that. Maybe they fear that if they let “those people” in, whoever they are defined as that week, then that will take away from their own worth. Like the only thing that makes them special is that they make others not special by excluding them.

But this isn’t Jesus. It isn’t who he is. You can’t put limits or locks on Jesus, because he’s so much bigger than that. Death couldn’t stop him. Neither can silly rules.

Imagine their surprise when they realize that Jesus isn’t in the box at all. He never was. He’s out, in the world, in disguise as a shoe repairman, or as a car mechanic, or as a teacher, or as a lawyer. Jesus is hiding in plain sight in every single person who has made a space for Him in their hearts. Jesus is here, right now, with us.

How’s that for thinking outside of the box? There is no box. Jesus is the ultimate escape artist.

Thanks for chips and salsa

I went to lunch at my favorite Mexican restaurant a few weeks ago. I’ve not been there for lunch in a while. Normally I eat lunch at work or at a buffet. I started to remember why I go to buffets.

The server was taking a long time to get to me to take my order. Then I’d have to wait for my food to be prepared. I started to get a little anxious. I don’t want to be late back to work. Well, I do want to be late, because I don’t really want to go back right away because I like luxuriating at lunch and not being ruled by the clock – but that wasn’t really an option. What I want and what I’m going to do are sometimes two different things.

So I started to freak out a little. We’ve got a new manager and I think it is important to get there on time. When is the server going to come? I started trying to spot him, or in fact any server. Somebody could take my order- it didn’t have to be my server. Things needed to start happening soon. Soon I wouldn’t have time to eat my meal in a calm fashion. Snarfed down food isn’t really great on your digestion.

And then I looked right in front of me. I have something to eat right here. Here’s the chips and salsa. It’s hardly a meal, but certainly something. I gave thanks for it, and started eating it. I started to calm down immediately. As soon as I did this, the server came and apologized for the wait and took my order. The moment I appreciated what I had, I got more.

This is the way, I’m learning. Give thanks for what you have, not what you want. Whatever you have, enjoy it and appreciate it, even if it is small. Be thankful.

Strangely, then things seem to open up – but that isn’t the point. Don’t be thankful so that you’ll get the next thing. Be thankful for the current situation, as it is, whatever it is. If you’re not happy now, you’ll certainly not be happy then. If you’re constantly wanting more, then you’ll never be content. So foster a state of constant thankfulness, and you’re already there.

Waves. (A picture is worth a thousand words)

waves

It’s early morning. 3 a.m. probably. The waves keep coming. The storm was bigger than usual last night. The waves are slowly wearing down to their normal ferocity. They are never calm, not here.

Here, on this unnamed planet, forgotten, alone, the waves are never calm. Nothing is. The days are better than the nights, with the weird calls from the jungle behind me. The shrieks are indescribably loud and strange. Perhaps it is the sound of a monkey’s yowls crossed with a lion’s roar? But the volume is unbelievable. How is it possible that the animals can sleep with all that racket?

I’m thankful for the waves for this alone. Their roars are enough to drown out the worst of the unearthly racket. And unearthly they are indeed.

It’s been fourteen days that I’ve been marooned here. My ship was headed on a routine trip to Beta Four. I’ve done this so often I didn’t even try to fly the scooter-pod this time. It knew the way, so I let it. But there’s something to be said for having semi-intelligent ships. Sometimes having a mind of one’s own means that they get distracted. That’s exactly what happened this time. Some flying thing – a bird? A mistake from a genetics lab? A dinosaur wanna-be? Something flew within half a click of my pod and off it went, like a big dumb puppy, dragging me along for the ride.

‘Cept this time I wasn’t walking my dog in a park. This time I was in a ship, going to visit a client. And this time, instead of just falling down and skinning my knee something fierce, I’ve fallen out of the sky and onto this Spirit-forsaken place.

Maybe they’ve noticed I’m missing. Maybe they’ve sent a rescue mission. I’ve seen some strange lights in the sky. They could be ships looking for me. They sure haven’t found me yet.

So I’m making do here. I don’t really want to go into that jungle. It’s too dark, and too loud. Those animals sound big. Nothing small could make a noise that loud, and it sounds like there are lots of them.

Fortunately there’s a bit of shelter to be had by this rock. The overhang is enough to protect me from the sun, for whatever it counts. The sun isn’t very strong here, not like on Earth. I didn’t make time to learn the name of it when I booked the scooter. It didn’t seem to matter. I certainly wasn’t going to need to know it.

The waves are huge here. The moons are larger than on Earth, and closer. There are three that brighten the night, and that helps. They are the best night-light that an inter-system door-to-door saleswoman could want. The light from them keeps me company.

Well, its’ three, and the sun is coming up just over my rock that I call home. Another murky day awaits. No wonder nobody settled here. The days are dark and thick, like a gumbo left for too long on a burner. Kind of smells like that too – but that could be all the sea-life that has washed up.

I’ve not had to want for food, at least. The seafood is amazing here, and I don’t have to go fishing for it. It just flings itself up onto the shore, gasping and flopping, and I pick it up like a child collects seashells. Thanks to my samples in my sales kit I’ve got all the supplies I could ever want to survive for quite a while here. I can clean a fish and cook it in no time flat with what I’ve got stowed away in my briefcase.

You see, I sell kits to “survivalists.” Preppers. You know, those end-of-the-Universe people. I don’t care what they fear or why, a girl’s got to make a living. Ovens in a can. Oxygen generators that look like necklaces. Water purification tablets by the bag. I’ve got them, and more.

I felt a little guilty about it to start off with. You know, there’s something about not feeding an addiction that my Grams taught me. But then, even she knew how to make do with almost nothing. These people have been pampered so long they’ve forgotten how to open a can without a can opener that isn’t electric. They’ve had everything done for them that they’ve become flabby, and I don’t just mean in their behinds.

So maybe this survivalist stuff will be a good kick in their blobby butts to get them going. Maybe they’ll think twice about the food they get from their vendors. I doubt they’ll grow it themselves – it’s kind of hard to grow anything in the silver sand of Beta Four. But maybe, just maybe, they’ll start taking everything seriously and paying attention for a change.

Meanwhile, I’m glad my Grams taught me something about how to make do with nothing, because nothing is all I’ve got right now. Well, nothing, and an unending supply of fish and a way to cook it. That’s something to be grateful for.

I just wish I could explore further. I know that nobody else lives here. This is one of the planets that Crom had written off as “unworthy of human habitation.” That doesn’t mean that nobody has snuck here and set up camp. Living out of the way has been the way of life for a small handful of people since people started making rules. The moment you say “you can’t do that” there’s always going to be somebody who says “you can’t tell me what to do” and they do it, quick as you please, just to show them they are wrong.

It isn’t so bad here. Maybe I’ll wander today. Maybe I’ll go along the beach instead of into the jungle. I’m sure to get lost if I go in there. If I get lost, there’s no chance of rescue. Maybe I’ll find something that will make me stay.

Artist/whore

When you are an artist you have to sell yourself. When I say “sell yourself”, I mean be a prostitute. Now it is up to you how you view that.
There are different levels of prostitutes. There are whores, of course, but there are also call girls and courtesans. They all provide the same service. The difference is that they put different values on themselves. Artists have to do this too.
When I say “artist” I mean any creative person. Musician, painter, writer, whatever. If you create, you are an artist. If you are just creating for yourself then life is easy. You can create whatever you want. It is when you start selling to other people that things get complicated.
Consider Jackson Pollock’s art. It’s just paint, dripped on a canvas. It sells for millions of dollars. A child could do this. The only difference between him and any other artist is that he didn’t blink when he told a buyer his expected price, and the buyer agreed. And then he kept doing this.
If he’d sold his works for the price of the paint and the canvas, we’d never even know his name. You, as an artist, have to demand more for your work too. Don’t just give it away. Otherwise you are being a whore.
I don’t price my jewelry nearly high enough most of the time. Sometimes I cringe when I price something. I think there is no way that people will understand the value of what I made, so I under price it. I’ve done this for years. Every now and then I’ll find someone who appreciates what I make and pays full price.
But otherwise I feel like gutter trash. And I’m just going to have to get over that. I do stand up for myself when someone asks for a discount on something that is already very reasonably priced. I’d rather not sell it at all than be insulted.
This stuff doesn’t sell itself. Being an artist isn’t like working a regular job. You have to be the boss and the hired hand and the janitor. You have to get the sales and make the art.
Now, I’m not in business of making jewelry. It is a sideline. It isn’t my livelihood. I do it because I enjoy it. But I still have to hustle to sell it. This alone can be quite daunting, and overwhelming. Making art is very solitary, and perfect for an introvert. Selling art is the exact opposite, however.

This “prostitute” motif makes a lot of sense. You have to look for clients. Sometimes this means going into unfamiliar or even dangerous territory. It often means creating relationships with strangers.
You have to show off what you’ve got. The client needs to see an example of your work before he will consider looking at more.
You have to schmooze with the client. Flattery helps. It is up to you how much or how little you do this. But there is certainly some energy exchange.
You have to put a price on your goods. This is the hard part. You have to value yourself, and be willing to take no sale at all rather than a sale at a price that is insulting to you.
In short, don’t be an artist who is a whore. Sell yourself like a courtesan. Put a high value on yourself. If you demand it, the customer will rise to the occasion.

The snake at Mary’s feet.

I was in a contemplative prayer part of the retreat last weekend. I don’t quite get it. I feel like it is Old-Age meditation, rather than New Age. There isn’t a structure. I got a little distracted.

I started looking around. We were in a tiny chapel. There’s this nice sculpture of Mary to the left of the altar.
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I studied it for a while. Then I looked down. Why is there a snake hanging out under Mary’s feet? Why are her feet bare?
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This hardly seems fair. Are we harking back to Eve here? How long are women going to have to pay for that mistake? See my “Eve Was Framed” post for further musings on that.

Perhaps it is like the Hindu sculptures of Shiva. Sometimes he is depicted with a dwarf under his feet. It represents ignorance. By standing on it, he is supposed to be showing that he has defeated it.

Perhaps they are saying symbolically that Mary has cancelled out the error of Eve. She didn’t go against God, she submitted fully to God’s will. She didn’t say No to God. She said Yes.

There’s a problem with this imagery though. If you stand on something unstable, you yourself will become unstable. Standing on ignorance is to make your base ignorance itself. Plus, to refer to ignorance or sin, even in the negative, is still to give it energy.

Command – on distractions and religious observance

I’m at a silent retreat. I don’t have to do anything. I don’t have to Not do anything either. I could check email. I could check Facebook. One of the nuns even told me I could go watch TV in their communal TV room. Normally that room is off limits to visitors. They have to have some areas that are theirs. We are basically in their home, after all.

But I won’t do anything that involves the outside world. These things aren’t part of the “rules” of the retreat, but they are part of my rules for retreats. I think it is important to unplug and stop long enough for God to get a word in edgewise. Maybe if I’m lucky, maybe if I’m quiet enough, God won’t even have to sidle up to me and can talk to me straight on.

At retreats I also make sure to be vegetarian, or at least pescatarian. When food is prepared for me I don’t always have that choice, but I try. I think it helps keep me mindful.

I’m reminded of Daniel, who wanted to keep kosher, but found that it was impossible to do so where he was. He asked for a vegetarian diet because that was the simplest way to keep kosher. I don’t keep kosher, but the idea is the same. I want to make intentional choices, and one of the easiest things to do that with is food. I want to stay all the time in that space that says “Here I am God.”

I want to go online. It is such an itch. But I know if I scratch it, it will get worse. I don’t have to give it up. All I have to do is be silent. But if I go online I’ll be wasting this gift of time.

So I pray. Jesus, I give this craving to you. I can’t handle it. I’m weak and you are strong. Help me give it up so I can get closer to you.

I’ve come through so many other addictions before this, so many distractions and temptations. Life is a series of these. So many obstacles. Yet they strengthen me, the more I notice them and consciously take myself away from them.

I think just noticing them is a big deal. How many times have I gone on autopilot and just reacted to something or someone without being mindful?

And then there’s Peter, telling Jesus to command him to get out of the boat and walk on the water towards him. He’s giving Jesus control. But how much control does Peter have, when he was the one who asked to be commanded?

It is a bit of a mindbender.

It reminds me of when I’d want to learn more about a topic, so I’d volunteer to teach a class on it. Nobody was forcing me to do anything. Nobody’s forcing me to give up anything on this retreat, other than being silent. I’ve added in all this other stuff. But I think it helps.

It is kind of like any religious observance. If wearing a head covering gets your head in the right place to remember to worship – great. If wearing a certain style of clothing does it, great. If eating certain foods do it, great. It isn’t the head covering or the clothing or the food that does it though. It is the fact that you have decided this is going to be your reminder. You’re using that outside stimuli like a bell, to call you to prayer.

(Written on retreat, around 10 pm, 1-17-14. Added to 1-22-14)

Where are you from?

Why do people ask where are you from? What does it matter? Does where you are from define who you are?

I was talking to a lady who defines herself as a “military brat.” She has a really hard time with this question. She’s lived in many places. Does it mean where she was born? Or where she grew up? Or where her parents live now? These are all different places, and there are many other places that she has lived as well. None of them really are “home.”

I think people ask because they are trying to pigeonhole you. As if all people from a certain place are the same. How is this not some unnamed “-ist” thing? It isn’t racist, or sexist, but it certainly is along those lines. It is saying that you are in a group, and you aren’t an individual.

Then again, how long do you have to live in a place before you can say you are from there? I’ve lived in Nashville for nearly 15 years. I grew up in Chattanooga. So where am I from? I chose to live here. Shouldn’t that count?

People ask me where I’m from and I tell them this, and then they ask where I was born. It was also in Tennessee. They are still confused. I don’t talk or look or act (in their opinion) like someone from Tennessee. The problem is, there is no such thing as a person from Tennessee talking or looking or acting a particular way. We are all different. Sure, I’m Southern. But I’m not like all Southerners, and in fact none of my friends are stereotypically Southern.

And perhaps that’s the point. People are what they are.

Is it nature or nurture, or both? Or neither?

It is like asking someone where they work or what their religion is. It really doesn’t matter. You might as well ask them what their sun sign is. You’ll know more about the person if you just ask her about what is important to her.

What does she like to eat? What are her favorite movies/books/musicians? Does she have a hobby?

Instead of putting her in a box, why not find out what makes her who she is? Find out what makes her happy, and you’re on to a good start.

Perhaps the best answer to the question is this: It doesn’t matter where I’m from. It matters where I am. I’m here, now. Take me as I am.