Jealous

Posted on August 8, 2014 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

I remember a time when the priest at my old church was talking about this non-denominational church that had started up in Nashville. She couldn’t figure out why they had such a hugely following. The unspoken part was that it was huge in comparison to the attendance at her church. Average attendance was about 80 at hers, and about 300 at this new thing.

I felt it, but I didn’t have the words at the time. I now know. She was jealous.

Instead of being glad that the Gospel was being shared, instead of being happy that more people were turning towards Jesus, she was jealous that this church was getting the numbers and hers wasn’t.

Like it is about numbers.
Like it is a popularity contest.
Like it is about her at all.

The fact that she was jealous is why nobody showed up at her church. She had made it her church. She had held on to it so hard that she had forgotten who was in charge of it.

It isn’t the minister.

It is the One who never ordained anybody, and told us not to have Fathers or Rabbis or Teachers, because we have all of that in God.

If Jesus is the head of the Church, all will go well. When it is a competition and a popularity contest, not so much.

She said “We have all of that, and we have sacrament!” as to why her church, her denomination was better. But who needs an empty ritual, a show of communion when you have true Communion with God through Jesus, when you have a living relationship with him?

She was afraid of the relationship I had formed. None of the classes offered there taught about how to have this kind of relationship. I’m surprised she even allowed people to go to Cursillo, which is all about meeting Jesus in person.

But then, she didn’t want me to go to it. She thought I was being called to be a deacon, but Cursillo would have been too much.

The fire still burns in me.

I still wonder about a denomination that confuses someone who wants to help people with someone who should be ordained. Surely, wanting to be helpful should be normal, not so unusual that it requires a committee and Bishop approval and homework and years of study.

Animal logic

Posted on August 7, 2014 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

How do animals know how to do everything that they do? Cats know how to give birth and take care of their kittens without another cat present to tell them how. On their own, they know how to do what needs to be done. This is important for us to think about as human beings.

We think that we have become more civilized than animals because of our language and our culture. And in some ways we have been, but in some ways we have lost quite a bit.

It is important for us to think about how animals are able to know what to do without the tools that we use to know what to do. Termites are able to build huge mounds. Each one knows what to do. They know to go outside and get dirt and bring it inside and build up walls. Each termite has its own particular task, and together they build an amazing structure. They are more coordinated and more organized than we humans. We disagree and argue all the time about how to take care of ourselves and each other and we get into wars because of it.

We should study the animals so that we learn their secret. I don’t mean put them in a lab and study them. I mean leave them exactly where they are and watch and think about them. Ants and bees and wasps do it – they all know how to work together to build something amazing. How come we have to have an architect and a blueprint and staff meetings? How come we have to have a vision statement?

We are not all on the same page. Perhaps that is the problem. Perhaps the fact that we have put our knowledge and our power into books instead of tapping into the source of all knowledge and all power is the problem.

All knowledge and power comes from God. It comes down to us and we put into books but then we think that all knowledge comes from books. Now don’t get me wrong, I like books. I think books are important. But I think that we humans have forgotten that there is a source beyond books. There’s the source of knowledge that we are able to access beyond books.

We have shortchanged ourselves.

We do it when we have students and teachers. We do it when we have parents and children. We do it when we have ministers and congregants. We do it when we have bosses and employees. We do it every single time we have a hierarchy of who is in charge and who is lesser. We do it every single time we say that somebody has all the knowledge and somebody else is lesser. It is time for all of us to take back our own power and her own knowledge and tap into the source of all power and knowledge.

Each one of us has the ability to connect to our Maker and our Source and be stronger. Each one of us is strong enough to know what needs to be done and do our own part. We just have to learn how to trust that inner voice.

But of course part of it is learning how to seek that voice and then when we do hear it to actually act upon it.

Hidden in plain sight

Posted on August 7, 2014 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

I think it is interesting how there are some posts that I won’t share on my Facebook feed, but I’ll still write them and post them. There are some people and situations that I want to write about that I feel won’t be received well by my friends or my family, so I don’t share them there. But I do share them with total strangers all over the world.

Perhaps it is a sign to me that I should talk to those people privately about what I see. Sometimes family or friends are doing something that I think is dangerous or stupid or counterproductive. Sometimes I can see that the direction they are going will result in making their lives even more difficult. But instead of telling them, I vent about it here.

But then again, I’ve noticed that people are unwilling or unable to heed advice when they didn’t seek it.

For a while I had a filter, where I would share posts with certain people but not others. I could block out a group. It turned out that group was either family or friends of family. Family tends to get upset when I talk about family. My brother had a real issue with it – something about family honor and pride and name. But if he was so darned interested in family honor and pride and name, he should have acted better.

I was just reporting the facts. Is it embarrassing to be called out for your repeated violations of your own honor code? His lies and machinations finally got to me. It was either my sanity and health or his “honor”.

Then there is my married family. There is quite a bit of unsettled business there, and it is ugly to watch people act like teenagers when they are in their 70s. If lessons aren’t learned when you are young, you will continue to stay at that emotional age.

I got called out for pointing out hypocrisy and lies and maladaptive behavior in my family – birth and married. I got challenged by members, saying that I should just put up and shut up and make peace. It isn’t my place to make peace with someone who has abused me. I am not in the wrong for standing up for myself.

If someone breaks into my house and robs me, I am not the person who should apologize and make things right.

Being mentally harmed by a family member, even after I have pointed out the harm and asked him to stop, is the same as being robbed. My mental peace had been stolen. But for another family member to write me and say I should make peace for the sake of the family is even more insulting, and further harms me. It says that I am the antagonist.

I was attacked for what I wrote about the church too – by members of the parish I went to, and by strangers here who thought I was being divisive and harming the Church. I’m not. I’m showing how we are damaging it. I want it to be stronger, but it can’t be until we remove the weak parts. Like all the parts that Jesus not only didn’t tell us to do, but also all the parts that Jesus told us especially not to do.

I will not be silent anymore. I was silent for many years. But now I’ve found my voice, and I will speak. The more people who try to silence me actually strengthens me, because I see it as a sign I’m on the right path. Just like in aikido, I use my opponents’ energy in my favor.

Poem – thanks for the hard teachers

Posted on August 6, 2014 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

I am thankful for all my hard teachers.

All the mean people
all the hard times
all the disappointments
all the loss
all the grief.

I’m thankful for all that I did not get
and when I got something
unexpected,
unwanted.

I am thankful,
for these are trials,
tests,
especially tailored
to teach me,
to strengthen me.

I know that I am being called
to learn how to

hear
what cannot be heard

see
what cannot be seen.

Know what cannot be known.

I am thankful.

How’s the weather?

Posted on August 6, 2014 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

I notice trends while at work. After you’ve seen the same thing over and over, you have enough data to formulate a theory. This applies to big things and little things.

Where it applies to the everyday is mood. I can read the emotional temperature after about twenty patrons. The mood will go on for the whole day. If people are easy to deal with in the morning, they will be easy to deal with in the afternoon and at night. If they are cranky and difficult, they will be that way all day too.

I mentioned this to a new coworker and he and I have started asking each other “How’s the weather?” when we are changing shifts at the front desk.

Some days the answer is “Sunny with a few clouds.” Sometimes the answer is “Overcast with a chance of hail.”

On Monday, it was “sharks”. People were very needy and difficult.

Now, people who are able to take care of themselves don’t come up to us. We have several self-check machines, so the average person with the average library transaction does not have to come up to us. This means we get problems all the time, by the very nature of why we are there.

The issue is the nature of the problem compounded by the temperament of the person.

Seeing so many different people with so many similar temperaments is really useful. It lets me know that my bad or good mood isn’t just mine, but it is something bigger. Perhaps it is something “in the air”.

I’ve not tried to figure out the whys and wherefores of it yet. I’m just glad to notice a trend and realize that it is not just me. There is something else affecting our moods.

Tuesday, it wasn’t “shark” so much as “goldfish”, except for the children. They were extra wound up and cranky. Really young children are usually cranky around 3:30 every afternoon. They also are cranky right before a thunderstorm.

Yes, I know sharks and goldfish have nothing to do with the weather. But the idea still works. Perhaps “How’s the water?” also works. The metaphor isn’t the issue, but the idea is.

Pray without ceasing

Posted on August 6, 2014 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

To pray without ceasing does not mean you have to quit your job and become a nun or a monk. It does not mean that you have to sit in a quiet room contemplating and in communion with God all the time. It does not mean that you have to read a prayer book out loud all day long.

It means to constantly seek to know and then act according to the will of God.

It means to ask God before you do anything, to see if it is something you should do.

Nonbelievers have come up with a term for themselves. It is “freethinker”. They think that believers are zoned out zombies who never follow their own thoughts. And my clarification of “pray without ceasing” sure sounds like that.

But why would I want to plug into a 110 outlet when my tool works better on a 220? Why would I want to use a 20 watt light bulb when I can use a spotlight?

When we pray without ceasing – when we are in constant communion with God, we are tapping into a huge power source.

We are also less likely to resist or freak out when something unusual happens, because we know it is from God.

So yes, pray without ceasing. Pray when you wake up. Pray while you are making breakfast. Pray before you start your car. Pray while you drive.

Don’t pray mindlessly – pray about what you are doing right then. Talk with God. Not to God, but with God. It is a two-way communication. That is the heart of what Communion means.

Sure, you won’t have the words to start off with, and you will feel awkward. Keep doing it anyway. It will start to feel natural the more you do it.

God loves to hear from us and to talk with us. God understands all about us, better than we know about ourselves. Just open up and be yourself, and that will be perfect.

Listen to the barking dog – on instinct

Posted on August 6, 2014 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

Say your dog is barking at night. All you want to do is go to sleep, yet the dog keeps barking and keeps you awake. You want to go outside and yell at the dog “Hey! Shut up!”

But then you forget this is why you bought the dog to start off with.

The dog is letting you know that there is an intruder around. The dog is letting you know that there is something wrong happening and you need to attend to it.

Our feelings are the same way. They are the barking dog. But we silence them and we ignore them.

We tell them to shut up when we stop paying attention to them. Now of course we didn’t buy the internal dog – that is part of the standard package that comes with being human. We were given it for free when we were born. It is a gift to us from God. These thoughts and feelings are there to keep us safe.

Remember how they say you should always trust your gut? Your gut is where your dog lives. Always pay attention to it if you feel like something is wrong. Follow that feeling.

Now this doesn’t mean to let your fears rule you. It doesn’t mean to always hide and run away from problems.

Sometimes the problem isn’t the person or the situation in front of you. Sometimes the problem is what you think about the person or the situation in front of you. You may be having a reaction or a memory to some bad thing that happened to you in the past. You may not remember what the problem was to start off with. You are having a reaction or a reflex.

You should always heed your feelings because your feelings will let you know that there is a problem that needs to be dealt with.

This is called projection and it is important to deal with. It is important to understand and face. Now, instead of running away from the situation, sometimes what you need to do is lean into it.

Sometimes you may need to look at it sort of sideways and not necessarily face it head on. Sometimes facing it head on is very scary. But more importantly, don’t run away from it. If you’re running away from it then you’re telling the dog to shut up.

Ignoring the problem and running away from it are both dangerous they seem opposite but really they both involve not dealing with the intruder. You have to deal with the intruder because otherwise if you ignore it then it is simply going to come in and steal everything in your house. Your house represents your safety and your sanity. If you run away from it or tell it to shut up, then you’re not using this as a valuable lesson to strengthen up your defenses.

In-laws and outlaws

Posted on August 5, 2014 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

You know the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.

In-laws are like an arranged marriage. You didn’t pick them – they were picked for you. Sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn’t. It is great when it does, but it is horrible when it doesn’t.

You can’t drop them like you can drop a new friend.

With a new friend, one you are trying out, things might not work out the way you both hoped. You can just stop calling and making dates with each other.

Family is different. You are stuck with them. All the major holidays, all the big celebrations, you are expected to spend with your family. Thanksgiving. Christmas. Weddings. Funerals.

The most important days of your life, and you are stuck with people you didn’t pick.

This makes no sense.

The only thing that will make bad in-laws go away is divorce. Either you leave, or they do.

Or, better yet – re-invent the idea of holidays. Don’t make it mandatory to spend time with people you don’t like. Create new traditions. Invent your own ideas.

Being stuck with people you didn’t pick doesn’t make sense.

Perhaps this is why people hate holidays so much. They are expected to spend time with people they think, by society’s rules, that they have to get along with.

Why fake it anymore?

Action? Affirmative.

Posted on August 5, 2014 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

I read a story of a lady who was applying for jobs online. She thought that she had a pretty good résumé and skill set. But she wasn’t getting any hits. She thought that it might be because she had a noticeably African American name. She created a fake profile, with all the same information – schooling, work experience, and skills. But this time, she used a name that sounded white.

Her inbox was flooded with requests for interviews.

She thinks it is racist, and it is, but it isn’t for why she thinks it is.

I’m not going to win any friends with this post. I’m pretty sure someone is going to say I’m being racist. But if we don’t start talking about this problem, it will continue. And good people will keep getting shafted because of the actions of bad people.

We’ve created our own monster.

Affirmative action prevents someone from being fired because of their race. This means that someone who is African American cannot lose their job solely because they are African American.

But here’s the reality of it.

It also means that someone who is African American cannot be fired, or even censured, or even get a bad review AT ALL, because of the fear that they will pull the race card.

Thus, employers are afraid to hire someone who is African American, because they cannot treat and train them the same as every other employee. They are above the rules.

The intent of Affirmative Action was to help them, but sadly, some people are using it as a way to get away with bad work. This is affecting everybody else.

I’ve seen this over and over again. I was born and raised in the South. In my nearly thirty years of working, I’ve seen this play out over and over. When I lived in the North, I saw an entirely different thing. It was better there. So this is why I’m writing about this. Perhaps people don’t see this because it doesn’t happen where they are. But it happens plenty here, and it is terrible.

African American employees are allowed to do substandard work, and they still get to not only keep their jobs, they will get raises. Sometimes they last long enough to become supervisors. They still can’t do the work, but they get paid thousands more than those who actually do the work.

They can come in late and leave work early, and nothing happens.

They can be surly or indifferent to their fellow coworkers and customers and nothing will happen.

Is this true for all African Americans? No, certainly not. I’ve had the privilege of working with many fine people of all races who were great employees.

But I’ve also had the sad misfortune of working with too many people who were African American who were terrible employees. If they were challenged about their bad work habits, they threatened to sue for discrimination.

I can understand why employers are not wanting to take the risk.

So yes, we need Affirmative Action – we need members of the African American community to affirmatively decide to act – to self-police, and to hold each other up to a higher standard.

Sure, you shouldn’t be fired because of your race, but likewise it shouldn’t be that because of your race you can’t be fired. Ability should matter, right?