Jealousy by mail

Posted on April 30, 2017 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

I was super stoked about my postcard from a person who is a member of an online group I belong to. It was a surprise – we’d not been in communication. There is a file where group members can share their addresses if they would like to get mail, so I left mine. (I’ve covered up our addresses here with cough drops).

I thought it was really cute and inventive. The postcard has washi tape with botanical images on it, and rubber stamp markings. There is also a tiny envelope! How creative!

This is what was inside.

The cleverly designed thing folds out into a strip with washi tape with constellations on it.

…but now I feel left out because of all that this person got. She posted it on the group page and tagged her, so I know it is from her.

…and here is a picture from another person – more stuff that she got from this member.

Both say it was a surprise – that they weren’t already friends with her.

I’m really jealous.

Which is a terrible thing to feel because it wasn’t like she promised me anything at all. I should be grateful, but in comparison to the other people’s mail, I feel sad and jealous. And I hate feeling like that.

They had no way of knowing that there was any inequality. But I’m sure there are others in the group who didn’t get a letter and they are wondering “why not me?”

It is something I wrestle with on my personal page. Do I share pictures of a party I went to where some friends weren’t invited? They will know they were left out.

I remember in school we were told to bring enough (of whatever) for the rest of the class – or don’t bring it to share at all. We had to include everyone.

I hate it when my friends invite people in a shared group to go to a new restaurant or experience, and don’t invite me. I know they didn’t invite me because they either don’t tag me on the invite – which I can see because I am friends with them, or because they post pictures of the “good times with good friends”, and I wasn’t there.

I hate it. And it keeps happening. It happened all the time with the SCA “household” I was a part of. It is part of why I finally left. It made no sense for the head of the household to question why I wasn’t hanging out with the others. He implied that my husband was controlling me, that there was something ugly going on. Yes, there was something ugly going on. The head – and his wife – and other members of the household – didn’t invite me to these gatherings. Over and over and over. How could I hang out with them if they didn’t let me know? I was especially hurt when they decided to take a jewelry making class together and didn’t invite me – knowing that was one of my interests. But to then think that I wasn’t social with them because I was in an abusive relationship? Insane.

And last night I’d finally had it and cried big ugly tears and I still don’t feel better about it.

Social media isn’t social sometimes. Sometimes it just lets you know how much you are missing out on. It feels like bullying.

Think before you post. Think about the feelings that will get hurt. Think about who you are excluding. You don’t have to share everything.

Do I invite everyone to events? No. But I’m discrete about it. You don’t have to invite a whole group to some happening. You may not want a large group. You may like certain people in the group more. But be mindful that you don’t let the people who were left out know that they were left out.

Now, I can’t control if other people who were invited tell them inadvertently and thoughtlessly. But I try to do my part.

Blue like sci-fi

Posted on April 2, 2017 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

From a visual conversation I had online about blue characters in sci-fi. Can you add to this?

From The Fifth Element –

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From Avatar –

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From Star Wars –

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From X-men –

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From Farscape –

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And then the conversation veered off Sci-Fi to popular culture. I’m not even sure who this guy is.

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From Charlie and the Chocolate Factory –

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From Sesame Street.

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So is there a comparable selection of monochromatic characters in other colors? Please share!

Privet

Posted on January 2, 2017 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

This is privet. It is a woody plant. In certain situations it is an invasive weed.

privet1

Yet when planted intentionally and carefully cultivated, it is a hedge, a living wall.

The same thing can be “good” or “bad” depending on where it is, and how much of it is there.

Too much water is just as bad as too little. Too much water in the wrong place can be devastating.

A hedge can be low –

privet2

…or high. It can keep people out…

privet4

…or let them in.

privet3

It can even be shaped into a maze, where you can let people in, but they have to find their own way out. (Hint – pick a side, left or right, and follow that exclusively.)

privet-lab

What would be at the center of your maze?

Would you make your privet into a wall to keep people out?

How high would you let it grow?

How long are you willing to wait for that? It can take a decade to make an impenetrable.

Will people notice that you are growing a barrier, or will it be a surprise to them?

Will they step over it in the meantime?

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(All pictures are from the internet. Used for illustrative purposes.)

Ginnel

Posted on October 21, 2016 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

ginnel1

I’ve always been fascinated by these tiny alleyways, but not known that they had a special name. In Britain, where they are common, they are called ginnels. They are pathways between rowhouses. According to Wikipedia it is “A narrow passageway or alley often between terraced houses.” They are known as this especially in Yorkshire and Lancashire. A terraced house is defined as one that shares both side walls with other houses, which is “typical of Victorian and Edwardian housing in English cities”.

ginnel

To me, they look secret and mysterious. I’m not sure why I have such a fascination with empty spaces and absences. This is negative space, not positive. It isn’t a destination, but a way to get to it. But to me, it is intriguing as it is.

My Mom told me about playing in the one that was part of her building complex while she was growing up. This was primarily when it rained.

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They look forbidding and inviting all at the same time. Do they lead to courtyards like this?

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From an image search, I found several that aren’t enclosed on the top. I don’t know if those are still considered ginnels, or if they are just alleys. To me, they need to be enclosed to fit my idea of them, but then again I just learned this word.

(All photos are copyright of their respective owners and are used for educational purposes.)

Killing Time

Posted on September 28, 2016 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

I found these cigarette butts in the canister outside the library. I’d not heard of them, but I found the name amusing and disturbing at the same time. Time is the one thing that cigarette smokers don’t have. They smoke it away. They are literally killing time when they smoke. Worse, they are killing time in multiple ways. At first, it means not doing anything meaningful with their lives during the fifteen minutes they take to smoke. It ends with years cut off their lifespan. In the middle, their quality of life is lessened (why am I using the passive tense – they lessen it themselves, it isn’t done to them) by the diseases they get – cancer, emphysema, heart disease, etc.

When I was growing up, cigarettes were known as “coffin nails” or “cancer sticks”. Perhaps something like that would be more honest. But this is pretty good. Maybe it will make them think about what they are doing to themselves.

These are discount cigarettes, so they most certainly have more “filler” and less tobacco in them. Thus, they are even more dangerous to smoke. It seems logical that if someone wants to save money, they’d quit smoking altogether.

The sad part is that the poor suffer even more when they smoke because of the unnatural ingredients in their cigarettes. (Again, why am I using the passive voice? Smoking is a choice. Nobody forces you to smoke.)

Who do you follow?

Posted on September 7, 2016 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

I like that the word on Facebook when you don’t want to read everything that someone is saying is “unfollow”, rather than something else like “hide” or “block”. Not following some people is a good idea.

I don’t want to follow the people who continually refuse to take care of themselves and then complain about it. I don’t want to follow the people who, through every fault of their own, are obese or have cancer or in miserable relationships or jobs. Facebook is not the place to continuously complain about migraines or insomnia or sinus headaches. If they are happening that often, go to the doctor.

I don’t want to follow people who feel it necessary to share their fear about the government, the environment, or the future. Their need to “educate” me about their pet fear of the week is disturbing. I don’t read the news for a reason. The news is full of bad news with no way out. The news and these people show only the sickness and don’t offer the cure.

I don’t want to follow people whose every post is a passive aggressive rant about the world. Where they start off everything with “Dear (fill in the blank)” – someone that they are not friends with – such as “Dear person who pulled out in front of me at the Walmart shopping mall” or “Dear postman who lost my important parcel”. They complain about how that person did something wrong that adversely affected them. They’re addressing their anger to people who don’t deserve it. The people who are reading it are not the people who harmed them – they are their friends. I’m tired of listening to their craziness and having them pour their anger upon me – someone who doesn’t deserve it.

I won’t follow these people because I’m afraid I’m going to become like them. I’m afraid that I am going to drink the Kool-Aid along with them and become just as miserable as they are. They are addicted to their own pain and they want to share it. But mostly I don’t want to follow them because I’m afraid of where they’ll lead me.

Age limits?

Posted on September 6, 2016 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

Our society is doomed. We either are raising children who are too stupid to have common sense, or we are overly litigious. Both indicate the failure of people to take personal responsibility for their lives and think ahead before they do anything.

Check this out.

age1

This is for a credit-card sized magnifier with a light. Seems simple enough, right? Yet it is “Not recommended for children under 12.” What is so dangerous about it that it can’t be used by a child who is 10? Or 6?

And this, discovered on the same day. age2 age3

It is a scarf (emblazoned with the Marauder’s Map from Harry Potter) that is for ages 14 and up.

What world have we found ourselves in (or created) that 13 year old people can’t wear a scarf safely? Or 12? Or even 8? Sure, I can see a very young child might get tied up in it and choke himself. But only for 14 and up?

Perhaps you recall seeing these?

age8 age11

Why would anyone think it would be a good idea to put their child in an enclosed plastic tub? If you anyone is that dumb, doesn’t the Darwin award come into effect?

And if humans are so inept that we can drown in a few inches of water in a bucket, then why are we even still around? Baby animals can take care of themselves far better than humans can very soon after being born. Kittens can live independently at 6 weeks of age. Meanwhile, humans can’t be left alone until they are at least 12, and that is only for a few hours. Some can’t even support themselves at 50 and still live in their parent’s basements.

There are other warning labels around, to advise against hurting yourself. Here’s some great ones about fingers and hands.

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Here are ones that are sarcastic.

age4 age6 age7 age5

Grave-keys

Posted on August 23, 2016 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

gravekeys2

There is something magical about this picture. I found it online, and I don’t yet know where this photo was taken. Where is this garden? When I find out, I’ll change this post to reflect that.

Keys from a computer keyboard, and they look like gravestones.

This reminds me of the scene in “Iris” when the aging writer Iris Murdoch is on a beach in England with far more stones than sand.

iris

She wants to write, but she can’t remember the words anymore. Or perhaps she can’t remember the letters. So she takes pages from her notebook and puts them on the rocks, holding them down with other rocks. She points joyfully to them and says that is her writing. Her caregiver is distraught at how lost she is.

Yet she wasn’t lost. I understand this completely. This is writing. Trying to hold down thoughts. Trying to capture the uncapture-able. Pinning down butterflies kills them, after all. They are no longer butterflies when you try to define them, to draw them. Ideas are the same.

This image above speaks to that. What is writing, but memorializing what was? The thought has changed now, evolved.

The news is too much with us.

Posted on July 12, 2016 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

Overwhelmed by your Facebook news feed having a bit too much news about the world and not about your friends? Facebook is a way we can find out how our friends are doing. We can’t get that information on Google or the evening news. So why is it that so many people find it necessary to fill up the feed with everything but information about themselves? Why do they feel it is essential for them to educate and make others aware? And why is it that what they want to make us aware of is only bad news?

It can get a little overwhelming reading about all the bad that is going on in the world. Bees dying, poisons in food, conspiracy theories, mass murders – you name it, there are some people who are convinced that they have to share their fears with everyone. Think of it this way – this is just the same as coming to your house and dumping a load of garbage in your living room. They didn’t even knock on the front door and ask you if you wanted their garbage. They just barged on in.

But – how do you filter out those people yet still stay in touch? You could just “unfollow” and you’ll still be friends, but then it is hard to remember who to check up on. Sometimes they might share something personal. What with the decline in newspaper readership, Facebook is often how we find out that a friend’s parent or spouse has died, or that they are going to get married, or that they are going to have a child. So sometimes we need to see what they have to say.

Here’s how – create an “interest list”. Go to your home page, and then look on the right. Find “interests”, click “more” to the right of the word, and then click where it says “add interests”. Name a new list there. You can add friends on the right who feel it necessary to share every conspiracy theory, political rant, or social woe. Then go to each friend’s page and “unfollow”. You are still friends, and you can still see what they have to say when you go back to that interest list. But otherwise, your newsfeed will have only the stuff you can handle.

Evolution at work

Posted on July 11, 2016 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

Nothing makes sense anymore. All the things that used to work don’t. It is as if our teachers have left the room and we are now faced with a test and we can’t have our notes or books with us. It is as if we have been dropped into a deserted island and we have to figure things out on our own. All our old schedules and routines no longer apply.

I know that I am not alone in this feeling. It feels as if we all have gone through a week of our brains being stuck in molasses. It is very unsettling.

It is like we are at a strange stage of adolescence that we weren’t prepared for. Imagine how weird it is to be in the in-between state between being a inchworm and a butterfly. Have you seen how strange baby penguins look when they are getting their adult feathers? There’s that awkward part about maturing where our voices change and our body doesn’t seem to fit. But this evolution and growth is not something that we have seen before. We are not prepared for this. What are we growing into? What are we becoming?

And how do we navigate this new way of being? Who are our guides?