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Getting out (on addiction and depression)

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Getting out of addiction and/or depression is like taking antibiotics. When you take antibiotics you think that once the week is over you are done and you are cured. But the disease of addiction and/or depression isn’t like that at all. They never really go away. You just hold them off for a little while. You have to keep taking your medicine every day in order to stay healthy and strong.

Your medicine isn’t necessarily a pill. It might be, don’t get me wrong. I take daily medicine prescribed by a doctor for my bipolar disorder. But I also take “medicine” that is prescribed by the true Doctor, and this medicine includes daily exercise, eating healthy, and being creative. There are other things I do which I discuss in this blog.

Getting enough sleep is critical. You may have heard of the idea of cutting your nose off to spite your face and that is very true with these diseases. With the idea of burning your candle at both ends, you’ll just end up with no light at all. With addiction and depression the result is the same. You have to put proper fuel in your body’s engine, and sleep is a big one.

Consider it this way – You are stuck behind a dam that is leaking. When you are feeling well, do everything you can to shore up that dam. That way, when you are down, you won’t get as wet. Sure, a few rocks will come loose and more water will come in when you are down. When you are back to “normal”, (Admittedly hard to spot because sometimes being down feels like your normal), add more rocks to that dam. It may feel like one step forwards and two steps backwards at times. Keep doing it. Trust me.

Every effort towards getting healthy adds up. It takes a while – this isn’t an overnight thing. This isn’t even something you can be sure will “stick” after a month. You have to keep doing it every day.

Sometimes being addicted or stuck in depression feels like you are possessed. You feel helpless to do anything about it. You want to stop doing what you are doing, but you see yourself doing it over and over. There is a way out and it is in your control. The first thing is taking control when you can.

Part of that is you must stop thinking that you have no control – if you blame others for your problems – that is your problem. Fix what you can, as often as you can. Understand that there will be times when you can’t – the situation won’t let you, you don’t have the resources. Accept it, and pounce at the next opportunity.

Routine is essential. Write down a list of what helps you feel better. Stick to it. Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t stick to all of it every day. Forgive yourself and try harder – or modify the list to something more reasonable. Don’t start off too big at first.

Poem – Valley

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Lord, help me to love the valleys
that runneth over,
that fall, headlong into my life.
The mountains seem so far away.

Lord, help me to love this place
You’ve called me to.
Remind me to sit down
and smell the roses
along with the ragweed.
Remind me to notice the lilies
in this valley.
It would be a shame to overlook them.

Lord, help me to love You
as I wait for things to change,
to get better,
to get going.
This valley seems to go on
longer than a road trip with my
weird old aunt.

Lord, help me to remember
that every time
You’ve led me
through these dark valleys before
You’ve always led me out.
It wasn’t always when I expected,
but it was always when I needed.

Lord, help me to love the valleys,
because it is here
that I remember
to love You.

I can do it all. Or not.

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Half the job of becoming an adult is discernment and choice. We have the ability to choose to do what we want – and the ability to choose not to do things too. Every little thing that pops in our heads doesn’t have to be done right then, or ever. We think we are free to do it all, and we are. But that freedom comes with a price. Nothing is ever done 100% when we try to do everything. A lot of little projects lay scattered, all a quarter done.

Remember when you were a child and you chafed at the fact that your parents told you what to do? You’d want to play games and they would tell you it was time to go to school. You’d want to read a comic book and they’d make you do your homework. You’d want to stay out until midnight and they’d set a curfew and insist that you are in on time or you’d lose your car keys. You want to eat candy for supper and they serve you broccoli and carrots instead. You swore that the minute you were on your own, you’d do whatever you wanted.

And that is the problem. Growing up means that you don’t have anybody telling you what to do – you have to do it yourself. You have to be the one to get up on time and go to work. You have to make yourself complete your projects at home. You have to make sure that you get enough sleep. You have to make sure that you eat well or you’ll get sick.

So many people are stuck in the child’s mentality of “You can’t tell me what to do” that they don’t do what they know to be right out of a sense of obstinacy or entitlement. They aren’t giving the finger to their parents when they do this. They are giving the finger to themselves and their health – mental, social, emotional, and physical.

Then they are so overwhelmed with being able to do whatever they want that they do anything and everything, and nothing gets done. They have dozens of projects going because nobody is managing them or their time. They are giddy with power, and helplessly lost.

So the trick to growing up is having the ability to make good choices – and then doing so. We don’t need parents or managers telling us what to do, because we are doing it. This doesn’t necessarily mean that we are doing things exactly the way that they did it – we aren’t them. But it does mean that we are exerting discipline and control over ourselves and our lives.

Resolution

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The way to achieve your New Year’s resolution is to achieve equilibrium.

If you give something up, you have to take something on. If you simply stop doing a bad habit, all you’ll do is think about it if you don’t replace it with a good habit.

One year I gave up smoking pot for Lent, only to drink alcohol every day instead. Then, when I gave up smoking pot completely, I started smoking clove cigarettes instead. The solution was to learn what I was trying to avoid and learn how to face it, and to start nourishing my creative side through art and writing.

Likewise, if you start doing something, you have to stop doing something else to make room for it. You only have so much money, time, and energy. Be sure that what you give up is something you need to give up. You can’t cut out sleep or food or work. These are immovable things, and necessary.

When I decided to commit to writing at least one blog post a day, I had to spend less time online checking Facebook. And I learned that deciding to eat lunch at work rather than going out every day meant I ate better, saved money, and had more time to walk, read, or work on writing projects.

Another thing to remember about resolutions is to pace yourself. Remember the phrase “Rome wasn’t built in a day”? Neither are good habits and life changes. Do a little bit every day towards your goal and you’ll get there. Have patience with yourself and the process, but keep moving in the right direction. Look at everything you are doing – does it support your goal? Then do it. If it doesn’t, then don’t.

Our minds are like puppies.

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Our minds are like puppies. If we don’t train them they will go everywhere. It is like the difference between the German words “fressen” and “essen”. One is like how an animal eats, the other is like how humans eat. Both are satisfying your needs, but one is civilized and under control.

What is helping me gain control of my mind is prayer. Just like how prayer helps me be mindful and focus before a meal, it is helping me before everything else.

God is the potter and I am the clay. Clay is only useful to the potter if it is flexible and pliable. Then it is fired – a hard process on the clay, to be sure. Then it becomes a vessel, able to hold what is necessary.

We all need water but it is the cup that holds it. The cup does not nourish or refresh but it carries what does. Likewise, we are merely vessels for the love of God. We are to carry it to others and share it.

Sure I slip in my routine. I forget how important discipline (being a disciple) is. Then I have to return to my routine, my order, to become civilized again. I repent (return). With some parts of my routine I slip daily, even hourly. I am not fully in alignment.

The mustard seed idea helps me. The fact that I desire to do it means that (a) God wants me to do it and (b) it is possible. So sometimes I jump a few steps ahead, saying if God wills it then I’m already there. Not that I believe it could possibly one day occur but that it is a reality that I just haven’t lived into yet.

You know how you plan to go on a trip, and you pack and prepare for it? You have a goal in mind and you work towards that goal. All your efforts are directed there – you buy your tickets, pack, and read up on the place you are going for ideas of things to do when you get there. You might save up money in the months before the trip. Everything you do is directed towards that goal. You aren’t there yet but you know you are going. Then one day you are there. It didn’t just happen. Any life goal is the same.

What will they think?

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Worried about what other people think about you? Constantly obsessed about how your every action will be judged? Do you second and third guess what you want to wear, say, or do, afraid that someone will decide you are lesser than them?

Don’t be.

Here’s the sad part.

You don’t have to worry about what other people are thinking about you because they aren’t thinking about you. At all. They are too worried about themselves, and what others think about them. They don’t have time to even notice you and what you are doing.

Being paranoid about what other people think is the worst form of narcissism. It assumes they care about you. They don’t even notice you.

This may sound mean and dismissive, but that is narcissism rearing its ugly head again. It isn’t about you at all. So go on, living your life free of worry about what other people think.

In the rare case that someone does say something negative about you, think of it this way – they noticed you. So instead of being an attack, it is an affirmation. You affected them. In the big picture, it is a complement to be noticed.

Plus, they are most likely jealous of how unique and special you are. They wish they had the chutzpah you do to stand out and do their own thing.

People who try to knock you down often do it because you simply aren’t them. If you aren’t doing things their way, they think that either you, or they, are wrong. This is a dilemma for them, because it is important for their choices to be right. They will then decide that this means you must be wrong in order to keep their pride intact.

What they don’t get is that you both can be right. Your way, different from their way, is valid for you, and their way is valid for them. Neither one is wrong.

Why wait for new?

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Monday does not have to be the only day a new week starts. Any day is a good day for January 1. New weeks and New Year’s can happen every moment.

So many people think the day will go bad if the morning goes bad. They want to give up by 10 AM. Does this mean that if you have a bad childhood you have a bad life?

Every day, every moment, is a new one, independent of the others that preceded it. You can start again right then. It never is too late to reform, return, rejuvenate. It never is too late to start over.

You don’t have to wait until you find a new forest to turn over a new leaf.

The hot air balloon.

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Say you have a hot air balloon but it has some holes in it. You have two choices if you want to keep it aloft. Patch the holes or put more hot air into it. If you don’t, you’ll crash into trees, or even the ground.

It is hard to patch the holes while you are in motion. It is easier to do that on the ground. You can’t fly it and do it yourself. A professional might have to be hired. That is dangerous work.

So this is your life. The holes are the places where your energy leaks out. Frustrations, hurts, old injuries to your psyche. You can’t patch them on your own unless you are safely on the ground. You can’t keep on doing your daily routine like work and family. You need a safe place without any distractions. If you are going to keep on going you have to hire professional, like a counselor or a therapist. You want someone who is done this before.

Adding hot air is doing all the stuff that builds you up. It includes resting, spending time with friends, eating healthy food, getting exercise, being creative. All these things and plenty more make your spirit stronger. You have to make sure to do them regularly – not just when you feel your balloon going low. They are preventive medicine.

Even if you don’t have a hole in your balloon, the balloon starts to sink over time because the air gets cooler. You can’t wait until you notice that the balloon is sinking to add air. You have to do it before that because it takes a while for the air to start to do its job.

Making a fire

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Have you ever made a fire? Starting any new good habit is a lot like starting a fire. I don’t mean starting a fire with a fire log and a lighter. I mean starting a fire from scratch.

You have to gather together all the wood, kindling, and your matches. If you are really roughing it, you’ll use a flint. You have to have all the ingredients ready and nearby. Then you have to spend a lot of time getting it started. You’ll have a lot of failures, and maybe a lot of blisters. With a lot of hard work, you’ll have a fire too.

Then you have to keep it going. You have to pay attention to it – feeding it just enough wood at the right time. You can’t put in too much – that will smother the flame. If you put in too little, it will go out.

Starting a new habit or project that is meaningful is exactly the same way. You have to prepare before you even start. You have to work on it every day to get it going. You’ll have a lot of failures along the way, and it may not seem like it will ever get going. If you try to do too much at once, you’ll stall your project just the same as if you put too much wood on the fire. If you get too excited about how you’ve started, you’ll forget that you need to keep feeding the fire to keep it going.

Real medicine

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I knew a lady who was cold. It was early in the morning and she was shivering. She asked her daughter to get her a hot cup of coffee. She hadn’t slept well all night. We have been in a camping event so there wasn’t any central heat. She hadn’t brought enough blankets either. I looked at how she was sitting – all hunched over, hugging her arms to herself. This was a physical coldness and it didn’t need to be fixed by putting something into her, especially a stimulant. That would make her feel worse with her lack of sleep.

Her hair was thinning a little so I offered her a knit cap. We lose most of our heat through our heads. She put the cap on and within 10 minutes she was visibly warmer. She relaxed her shoulders and rested her arms on the table instead of hugging herself. She was a lot more comfortable. It was a simple fix that didn’t require coffee.

I had a coworker who had a headache one day and he asked for a Tylenol. I gave him one. Two days later he said he had another headache. He asked for another Tylenol. I didn’t give him one this time. He was young and needed to learn how to take care of himself. By that I mean more than just buying his own supplies instead of expecting other people to supply his needs.

More importantly, he needed to learn how to take care of himself by fixing the cause and not the symptom. The symptom just points to the cause. I told him to go drink water. If he didn’t feel better after 20 minutes (which is about the same time that a Tylenol would take) then I would give him a Tylenol. He went over to the water fountain had a sip. I said “No, keep drinking until I tell you to stop.” He needed to have 16 ounces of water, not a sip. I watched him drink and counted off the time and then told him to stop.

I forgot about keeping time on purpose. An hour later I pointed out to him that he hadn’t asked for a Tylenol again. His headache was gone.

Likewise, we have a guy who is studying to be a doctor who is there every day at the library. He’s a doctor in another country, but America won’t take his credentials. He has to take the exam here to be licensed here. He’s been studying every day and he’s not been taking care of himself. It is starting to show.

His hair isn’t brushed, his clothes are rumpled, and he now is saying that he can’t sleep and he has a headache. He asked me for a Tylenol. Rather than give him that kind of medicine, I gave him real medicine. Whether he takes it or not is up to him.

Real medicine is to suggest he take time off, go eat healthy food (all he eats is meat and rice), go exercise, and spend time with his wife. He says that he can’t leave his studies. He doesn’t get that if he doesn’t take care of himself, then it doesn’t matter what he studies – it won’t go in.

We’ve talked about preventative medicine before and he blows me off. He’ll make a fine western doctor if he passes. They treat the symptoms and not the cause too.

I tell him about friends of mine who are now off their diabetes medicine because they eat healthy food, exercise, and have lost weight. He thinks I’m lying. He says it isn’t possible.

He even brings his food to the library. Somehow they have an understanding in the department he studies in. He’s got a little crock-pot that he plugs in to heat up his food. He doesn’t even have to cook it. He gets it from his in-laws. When I say he needs to take time away from his studies and go outside the library for lunch, he says he can’t eat anywhere else because he has to eat food that is halal because he’s Muslim. I point out that you can eat vegetarian food and be perfectly safe. He wrinkles his nose at me.

It is hard to watch people drown.

Sure, I could give him a Tylenol. But that is aiding and abetting.

I’d be like the doctor who gave my Dad a prescription for cough medicine, knowing that he smoked two packs of cigarettes a day. Of course he coughed. Cough medicine isn’t the right medicine. Real medicine would be to refuse to treat him until he stopped smoking. Real medicine would be to direct him to smoking-cessation programs. Real medicine would be to help him learn better ways to deal with stress than smoking.

Real medicine involves hard work, not a pill. Real medicine involves being mindful and disciplined. It features daily exercise, no stimulants, no refined sugar, and lots of vegetables. It includes focusing on breathing. It includes learning to speak up for yourself. It includes being creative. It includes making time to rest. It includes working towards your dreams. It isn’t easy.

Becoming conscious is a lot like becoming sober.