Home » Encouragement (Page 7)

Category Archives: Encouragement

I can do it all. Or not.

Posted on by | Leave a comment

Half the job of becoming an adult is discernment and choice. We have the ability to choose to do what we want – and the ability to choose not to do things too. Every little thing that pops in our heads doesn’t have to be done right then, or ever. We think we are free to do it all, and we are. But that freedom comes with a price. Nothing is ever done 100% when we try to do everything. A lot of little projects lay scattered, all a quarter done.

Remember when you were a child and you chafed at the fact that your parents told you what to do? You’d want to play games and they would tell you it was time to go to school. You’d want to read a comic book and they’d make you do your homework. You’d want to stay out until midnight and they’d set a curfew and insist that you are in on time or you’d lose your car keys. You want to eat candy for supper and they serve you broccoli and carrots instead. You swore that the minute you were on your own, you’d do whatever you wanted.

And that is the problem. Growing up means that you don’t have anybody telling you what to do – you have to do it yourself. You have to be the one to get up on time and go to work. You have to make yourself complete your projects at home. You have to make sure that you get enough sleep. You have to make sure that you eat well or you’ll get sick.

So many people are stuck in the child’s mentality of “You can’t tell me what to do” that they don’t do what they know to be right out of a sense of obstinacy or entitlement. They aren’t giving the finger to their parents when they do this. They are giving the finger to themselves and their health – mental, social, emotional, and physical.

Then they are so overwhelmed with being able to do whatever they want that they do anything and everything, and nothing gets done. They have dozens of projects going because nobody is managing them or their time. They are giddy with power, and helplessly lost.

So the trick to growing up is having the ability to make good choices – and then doing so. We don’t need parents or managers telling us what to do, because we are doing it. This doesn’t necessarily mean that we are doing things exactly the way that they did it – we aren’t them. But it does mean that we are exerting discipline and control over ourselves and our lives.

Resolution

Posted on by | Leave a comment

The way to achieve your New Year’s resolution is to achieve equilibrium.

If you give something up, you have to take something on. If you simply stop doing a bad habit, all you’ll do is think about it if you don’t replace it with a good habit.

One year I gave up smoking pot for Lent, only to drink alcohol every day instead. Then, when I gave up smoking pot completely, I started smoking clove cigarettes instead. The solution was to learn what I was trying to avoid and learn how to face it, and to start nourishing my creative side through art and writing.

Likewise, if you start doing something, you have to stop doing something else to make room for it. You only have so much money, time, and energy. Be sure that what you give up is something you need to give up. You can’t cut out sleep or food or work. These are immovable things, and necessary.

When I decided to commit to writing at least one blog post a day, I had to spend less time online checking Facebook. And I learned that deciding to eat lunch at work rather than going out every day meant I ate better, saved money, and had more time to walk, read, or work on writing projects.

Another thing to remember about resolutions is to pace yourself. Remember the phrase “Rome wasn’t built in a day”? Neither are good habits and life changes. Do a little bit every day towards your goal and you’ll get there. Have patience with yourself and the process, but keep moving in the right direction. Look at everything you are doing – does it support your goal? Then do it. If it doesn’t, then don’t.

Our minds are like puppies.

Posted on by | Leave a comment

Our minds are like puppies. If we don’t train them they will go everywhere. It is like the difference between the German words “fressen” and “essen”. One is like how an animal eats, the other is like how humans eat. Both are satisfying your needs, but one is civilized and under control.

What is helping me gain control of my mind is prayer. Just like how prayer helps me be mindful and focus before a meal, it is helping me before everything else.

God is the potter and I am the clay. Clay is only useful to the potter if it is flexible and pliable. Then it is fired – a hard process on the clay, to be sure. Then it becomes a vessel, able to hold what is necessary.

We all need water but it is the cup that holds it. The cup does not nourish or refresh but it carries what does. Likewise, we are merely vessels for the love of God. We are to carry it to others and share it.

Sure I slip in my routine. I forget how important discipline (being a disciple) is. Then I have to return to my routine, my order, to become civilized again. I repent (return). With some parts of my routine I slip daily, even hourly. I am not fully in alignment.

The mustard seed idea helps me. The fact that I desire to do it means that (a) God wants me to do it and (b) it is possible. So sometimes I jump a few steps ahead, saying if God wills it then I’m already there. Not that I believe it could possibly one day occur but that it is a reality that I just haven’t lived into yet.

You know how you plan to go on a trip, and you pack and prepare for it? You have a goal in mind and you work towards that goal. All your efforts are directed there – you buy your tickets, pack, and read up on the place you are going for ideas of things to do when you get there. You might save up money in the months before the trip. Everything you do is directed towards that goal. You aren’t there yet but you know you are going. Then one day you are there. It didn’t just happen. Any life goal is the same.

What will they think?

Posted on by | Leave a comment

Worried about what other people think about you? Constantly obsessed about how your every action will be judged? Do you second and third guess what you want to wear, say, or do, afraid that someone will decide you are lesser than them?

Don’t be.

Here’s the sad part.

You don’t have to worry about what other people are thinking about you because they aren’t thinking about you. At all. They are too worried about themselves, and what others think about them. They don’t have time to even notice you and what you are doing.

Being paranoid about what other people think is the worst form of narcissism. It assumes they care about you. They don’t even notice you.

This may sound mean and dismissive, but that is narcissism rearing its ugly head again. It isn’t about you at all. So go on, living your life free of worry about what other people think.

In the rare case that someone does say something negative about you, think of it this way – they noticed you. So instead of being an attack, it is an affirmation. You affected them. In the big picture, it is a complement to be noticed.

Plus, they are most likely jealous of how unique and special you are. They wish they had the chutzpah you do to stand out and do their own thing.

People who try to knock you down often do it because you simply aren’t them. If you aren’t doing things their way, they think that either you, or they, are wrong. This is a dilemma for them, because it is important for their choices to be right. They will then decide that this means you must be wrong in order to keep their pride intact.

What they don’t get is that you both can be right. Your way, different from their way, is valid for you, and their way is valid for them. Neither one is wrong.

Why wait for new?

Posted on by | Leave a comment

Monday does not have to be the only day a new week starts. Any day is a good day for January 1. New weeks and New Year’s can happen every moment.

So many people think the day will go bad if the morning goes bad. They want to give up by 10 AM. Does this mean that if you have a bad childhood you have a bad life?

Every day, every moment, is a new one, independent of the others that preceded it. You can start again right then. It never is too late to reform, return, rejuvenate. It never is too late to start over.

You don’t have to wait until you find a new forest to turn over a new leaf.

The hot air balloon.

Posted on by | Leave a comment

Say you have a hot air balloon but it has some holes in it. You have two choices if you want to keep it aloft. Patch the holes or put more hot air into it. If you don’t, you’ll crash into trees, or even the ground.

It is hard to patch the holes while you are in motion. It is easier to do that on the ground. You can’t fly it and do it yourself. A professional might have to be hired. That is dangerous work.

So this is your life. The holes are the places where your energy leaks out. Frustrations, hurts, old injuries to your psyche. You can’t patch them on your own unless you are safely on the ground. You can’t keep on doing your daily routine like work and family. You need a safe place without any distractions. If you are going to keep on going you have to hire professional, like a counselor or a therapist. You want someone who is done this before.

Adding hot air is doing all the stuff that builds you up. It includes resting, spending time with friends, eating healthy food, getting exercise, being creative. All these things and plenty more make your spirit stronger. You have to make sure to do them regularly – not just when you feel your balloon going low. They are preventive medicine.

Even if you don’t have a hole in your balloon, the balloon starts to sink over time because the air gets cooler. You can’t wait until you notice that the balloon is sinking to add air. You have to do it before that because it takes a while for the air to start to do its job.

Making a fire

Posted on by | Leave a comment

Have you ever made a fire? Starting any new good habit is a lot like starting a fire. I don’t mean starting a fire with a fire log and a lighter. I mean starting a fire from scratch.

You have to gather together all the wood, kindling, and your matches. If you are really roughing it, you’ll use a flint. You have to have all the ingredients ready and nearby. Then you have to spend a lot of time getting it started. You’ll have a lot of failures, and maybe a lot of blisters. With a lot of hard work, you’ll have a fire too.

Then you have to keep it going. You have to pay attention to it – feeding it just enough wood at the right time. You can’t put in too much – that will smother the flame. If you put in too little, it will go out.

Starting a new habit or project that is meaningful is exactly the same way. You have to prepare before you even start. You have to work on it every day to get it going. You’ll have a lot of failures along the way, and it may not seem like it will ever get going. If you try to do too much at once, you’ll stall your project just the same as if you put too much wood on the fire. If you get too excited about how you’ve started, you’ll forget that you need to keep feeding the fire to keep it going.

Real medicine

Posted on by | Leave a comment

I knew a lady who was cold. It was early in the morning and she was shivering. She asked her daughter to get her a hot cup of coffee. She hadn’t slept well all night. We have been in a camping event so there wasn’t any central heat. She hadn’t brought enough blankets either. I looked at how she was sitting – all hunched over, hugging her arms to herself. This was a physical coldness and it didn’t need to be fixed by putting something into her, especially a stimulant. That would make her feel worse with her lack of sleep.

Her hair was thinning a little so I offered her a knit cap. We lose most of our heat through our heads. She put the cap on and within 10 minutes she was visibly warmer. She relaxed her shoulders and rested her arms on the table instead of hugging herself. She was a lot more comfortable. It was a simple fix that didn’t require coffee.

I had a coworker who had a headache one day and he asked for a Tylenol. I gave him one. Two days later he said he had another headache. He asked for another Tylenol. I didn’t give him one this time. He was young and needed to learn how to take care of himself. By that I mean more than just buying his own supplies instead of expecting other people to supply his needs.

More importantly, he needed to learn how to take care of himself by fixing the cause and not the symptom. The symptom just points to the cause. I told him to go drink water. If he didn’t feel better after 20 minutes (which is about the same time that a Tylenol would take) then I would give him a Tylenol. He went over to the water fountain had a sip. I said “No, keep drinking until I tell you to stop.” He needed to have 16 ounces of water, not a sip. I watched him drink and counted off the time and then told him to stop.

I forgot about keeping time on purpose. An hour later I pointed out to him that he hadn’t asked for a Tylenol again. His headache was gone.

Likewise, we have a guy who is studying to be a doctor who is there every day at the library. He’s a doctor in another country, but America won’t take his credentials. He has to take the exam here to be licensed here. He’s been studying every day and he’s not been taking care of himself. It is starting to show.

His hair isn’t brushed, his clothes are rumpled, and he now is saying that he can’t sleep and he has a headache. He asked me for a Tylenol. Rather than give him that kind of medicine, I gave him real medicine. Whether he takes it or not is up to him.

Real medicine is to suggest he take time off, go eat healthy food (all he eats is meat and rice), go exercise, and spend time with his wife. He says that he can’t leave his studies. He doesn’t get that if he doesn’t take care of himself, then it doesn’t matter what he studies – it won’t go in.

We’ve talked about preventative medicine before and he blows me off. He’ll make a fine western doctor if he passes. They treat the symptoms and not the cause too.

I tell him about friends of mine who are now off their diabetes medicine because they eat healthy food, exercise, and have lost weight. He thinks I’m lying. He says it isn’t possible.

He even brings his food to the library. Somehow they have an understanding in the department he studies in. He’s got a little crock-pot that he plugs in to heat up his food. He doesn’t even have to cook it. He gets it from his in-laws. When I say he needs to take time away from his studies and go outside the library for lunch, he says he can’t eat anywhere else because he has to eat food that is halal because he’s Muslim. I point out that you can eat vegetarian food and be perfectly safe. He wrinkles his nose at me.

It is hard to watch people drown.

Sure, I could give him a Tylenol. But that is aiding and abetting.

I’d be like the doctor who gave my Dad a prescription for cough medicine, knowing that he smoked two packs of cigarettes a day. Of course he coughed. Cough medicine isn’t the right medicine. Real medicine would be to refuse to treat him until he stopped smoking. Real medicine would be to direct him to smoking-cessation programs. Real medicine would be to help him learn better ways to deal with stress than smoking.

Real medicine involves hard work, not a pill. Real medicine involves being mindful and disciplined. It features daily exercise, no stimulants, no refined sugar, and lots of vegetables. It includes focusing on breathing. It includes learning to speak up for yourself. It includes being creative. It includes making time to rest. It includes working towards your dreams. It isn’t easy.

Becoming conscious is a lot like becoming sober.

Root of it all

Posted on by | Leave a comment

There are a thousand hacking away at the branches of evil to one striking at the root. – Henry David Thoreau

But where is the root? How can you find it, buried beneath all that dirt? You can’t see it. It is down deep. Do you have the tools necessary to dig that far? Do you have the strength? Or is simply looking for it the answer?

So many people try to treat the symptom rather than the source. They attack the outcome. They run around in circles, never resting, because they don’t hack away at the root.

I want to cure cancer by preventing it. Not by drugs, but by better lifestyle choices.

I want to solve the pro-life anti-abortion debate the same way. I believe in better birth control through better self control.

I believe the cure for poverty is the same as well.

In all situations, accidents happen, but they are a minority. We can’t blame outside circumstances when the problem often starts inside.

We cannot keep living our lives passively as if someone else is going to rescue us. We can’t wait for a hero, a superman, or a Messiah.

Our parents, our schools, and our churches teach us this pattern. Sit down, shut up, and an authority figure will do all the talking and all the thinking. Our job is to parrot back what we have heard. Deviations from this are punished by shaming or shunning. We are told to stop talking or told to leave.

It is time for us to occupy our lives. It is time to be adults in more than name only. It is time to look behind us for lessons and to look ahead of us for repercussions. We can’t run on auto pilot anymore.

We have met the enemy, and he is us. – Pogo.

We are the ones we have been waiting for. (Attributed to Hopi elders)

We are the problem and the solution.

Pray too late

Posted on by | Leave a comment

I can’t make myself pray for people who have put themselves in a hole. They say “I need a miracle to help me get out of here”, and I say “What is the point?” You didn’t fall in. You climbed in, knowingly, for a decade.

It isn’t an accident that they have lung cancer or clogged arteries. Smoking cigarettes and eating poorly and refusing to exercise are choices. They chose to get sick, one bad decision at a time, over and over. So why pray for healing?

I know a guy who was slated to have heart surgery to clear up a blockage. They had to stop the procedure when they realized that the 30% blockage was really a 90% blockage. They’ll try again later. I’ve gotten emails and private messages asking me (and hundreds of others) to pray for him. The problem is, he weighs over 300 pounds. He put himself in this situation. Why pray? Why ask for divine intervention?

When my Mom got lung cancer after smoking two packs of cigarettes a day for 20 years, she was surprised. No amount of praying was going to undo that damage. No miracle was going to happen. When we came back from the doctor’s after finding out the diagnosis, she asked me if she could smoke. She’d thrown out her cigarettes when we were going to the doctors. She had an idea what was going to happen. The cigarettes were still in the house – but in the trash can. I told her that I would refuse to help her get better if she continued to smoke. Why waste my time?

There were plenty of people who would stand outside the cancer doctor’s office and smoke a cigarette before getting their treatment. What a waste. What stupidity.

I remember reading about how money is tight in England, and with the state-funded medical insurance program, they have to be very mindful about their resources. An overweight, elderly smoker who needs a heart transplant is likely to get passed over in favor of the younger person who doesn’t smoke. They take the time and money and spend it on someone who is likely to get some use out it. Why waste resources on someone who is going to waste it? I remember Americans being all up in arms about this. “Dignity of human life” and “How dare they” and “That isn’t fair” and all that, they said. Nonsense. Why put forth the effort when the person isn’t putting forth the effort?

Why pray for the person to be healed when they aren’t doing anything for themselves? Too late. The horse has already left the barn.

I really don’t feel I have the right words for this. I’ve thought about this for years, and I still don’t know exactly how to say it. I’m so frustrated with people waiting to the last minute and doing all the wrong things for their health and then being surprised that they have a chronic disease. Are we so blind as a nation, as human beings, that we think we can get by without paying the consequences? Are we so stupid that we think we should reap when we didn’t sow? Why do we think we are entitled to health when we refuse to create it? Good health isn’t an accident. Will power isn’t for the few. So many people are unwilling to work for their health, and then expect everybody else to feel sorry for them.

Maybe that is the problem. Passive lives all around. We don’t think about how we have to do things for ourselves. We blame others for our own failures. We blame our parents, our genes, our teachers for our own failures. We don’t have someone putting good food in front of us as adults – we have to provide it. Like children, we delight in treating ourselves with snacks and desserts. We pleasure ourselves every day with things that are bad for us, refusing to even try real food. We get a perverse pleasure out of not exercising, saying “you can’t tell me what to do.” We are children, not adults. We are killing ourselves with our childish behavior too.

No prayers. No miracles. We can’t wait for a savior. We have to save ourselves.