I had a friend who I decided was God blind. Like color blind but for God. He couldn’t see any reason to believe in God. This blew my mind. I’ve always known of God.
The time when I was a baby in the crib, and I knew. I just knew.
The rescuing by an angel when I was flying too high on the swings.
The answers to questions. The feeling of being held, of being safe.
It is like being a fish and not believing in water.
Some people are color blind.
My dad couldn’t see purple. We were in the car together and he saw another car. He asked what color it was. That made no sense to me. How could you not see this? It is such a simple question. But he had an inability to see reds and greens. I’d forgotten, and to be honest I’d never really understood. How can I understand something so basic as an inability to see color?
Perhaps it is the same with God.
We have Buddhist neighbors. The mom was sick with kidney disease and it was really worrying the son. He cried while he told me how concerned he was for her. I know a little about Buddhism but couldn’t remember if praying was part of it. I asked him if he could pray for his Mom. No, he said. So I did. God took mercy on her and she is better. It has been three years now. She’s on dialysis, but alive and happy and still working in her garden. Her spirits are better.
I don’t pray with the idea that God is my waiter. God doesn’t give me everything I ask for. I ask and I receive whatever comes, or doesn’t come. I pray because I know there is someone on the other end of the line who is listening and who cares. This is the most important part.
Sometimes I think of God as standing at the top of a pit I’ve fallen in. He isn’t in sight, but if I call to him, he can point out a handhold that I can’t see from my angle. Sometimes I pray to remind God of how small we are – that the big storm we are in is bigger to us, and we are so small.
This applies to thunderstorms and tornadoes as well as life in general.
God listens. That is why I believe in God. Not as an abstract thing, but as a real, living entity, a force, a power, that is active and present.