“The first to help you up are the ones who know how it feels to fall down” – from the website “Soul Gazing”.
I often feel alone. I often feel as if I am by myself. Sometimes I really am by myself.
Sometimes I’m in a group of people and when we choose places to sit it turns out that there are three to a table and end I’m one to a table. It hurts. I didn’t choose to sit alone, but I am. It is like I lost at “musical chairs”.
Sometimes I overshare, and I’m a little hard to deal with. Sometimes being my full expression of myself is a bit too much for people. Sometimes that means I get excluded.
I’m starting to understand I’ve been made this way, this being different, this being separate. Because I’m different and separate, I can understand others who are different and separate.
It’s empathy, not sympathy.
Because I understand their exclusion I can include them.
I’ve come to realize that what I have to bring to the world requires that feeling, that sense of alone-ness, of alienation. That way I can “see” others who are also alone, and make a bridge.
It doesn’t make it easier, really. It is still hard. I’d love to feel like I was understood, that people “got” me.
I’m starting to feel that we all have that feeling every now and then. I’m starting to feel that many of us who are “in” are just faking it.
I’m tired of faking it. I’m tired of hiding who I am. I’m tired of conforming. The more I try to fit into someone else’s box, the more I stunt my own growth.
I think that when I’m honestly myself, my true self, I give other people the permission to be themselves too. It is my experiences of alienation and exclusion that have taught me this.
I could have felt forced to comply, to submit, to blend in. Instead, I’m going the other direction – and calling others to join me.