Poem 5, dance.

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Now I’m on the way.
The more I write, the clearer the picture.

For some reason God is real
And I no longer have any questions.

Maybe they do not mean to make us forget our birthright.
Maybe they are hungry people who don’t know themselves.

We are called to love.
We are called to make the world whole.

From the beginning there were many mistakes,
many missteps in the dance.
This is part of creation.
This is part of being human.

Let us hope that the same thing in the fire
that danced atop the disciple`s heads
is still with us now.

Otherwise we will have to walk barefoot
on hot coals
and dance this dance anew
faux pas and all.

It is time to begin again.
Let us hear the heartbeat of the universe.
Let us dance with God.

One and two and three, cha cha cha.
Spin and dip, cha cha cha.

Together, we will hold each other,
dancing this new dance,
this old dance, this eternal dance.

Time to take off your shoes.
This is holy ground.

Don’t be a zombie.

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Who are you?

Now, who are you really?

What have you always wanted to do? What is your dream vocation?
Are you doing it? Why not?

I want to encourage you to dream big. I want to encourage you to be the person you were made to be. I want you to wake up and see that life is indeed what you make of it.

My father wanted to be a conductor. Not of trains, although there was one summer he got to operate the trolley at the Chattanooga Choo Choo. What he really wanted to do was conduct an orchestra. His first and truest love was classical music. I remember him telling me a story that when he was young he used to listen to his classical records in the closet.

He was listening to classical music. In the closet. He was hiding as if he was doing something wrong.

He never lived out that dream. Perhaps there was shame that was put on him by his parents. I can imagine them telling him that conducting an orchestra isn’t a practical job. It won’t feed a family. Perhaps they convinced him that he wouldn’t be good enough at it to make it. There aren’t that many openings to be conductors. Why try at all if you can’t be the best?

When parents or coworkers or friends or church members or strangers tell you that you can’t do something, they are really pushing their own insecurities on you. They don’t think they can do it. They mean well, usually. They think they are saving you from the pain of failure. But really, they are killing you.

Not being who you were created to be is the worst kind of death. It is a death within life. Depression comes from being suppressed. It comes from your true nature being denied.

This doesn’t mean that you have to quit your job and move to Tibet. This doesn’t mean you need to find a job at a non-profit. This doesn’t mean that you have to stop reading fluffy romance books.

Or maybe it does.

This means that it is a good idea to realize that life is short and it is time to really think about what you are doing and where you are going. This means that it is time to give your dreams a try. This means that now is a good time to be yourself, really you, and not what everybody else thinks you should be.

Sometimes what we do to fill our time is just a distraction. We think we need to read the latest bestseller, watch the latest TV series, or buy that new dress that the movie star was wearing.

When we do this, we are being zombies. In a very amusing podcast called Paradosis by Father John Hainsworth, an Orthodox priest, he talks about what it is to be human by using zombies as an example of what it means to NOT be human.

He tells us that zombies look human, but they aren’t. What separates zombies from humans is their appetite. They are mindless in their need to consume. They will do anything to fill their appetite.

How are we different from zombies when we are mindless consumers, having to buy into the latest trend? How are we different from zombies when we sleepwalk through our lives, just going through our routines? How are we different from zombies when we aren’t truly alive to who we were made to be?

It is hard to wake up. It is hard to know what we want, and who we are, really. It is so easy to just go with the herd and be part of the mooing masses. But who wants to be a cow, led to the slaughter?

It isn’t stealing if you give it away.

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Perhaps you have read about the New Hampshire man who recently lost his life savings on a carnival game. For some reason he thinks that he was cheated. There is something seriously wrong going on here, and it isn’t with the carnival game.

Perhaps it was rigged. That is par for the course with carnival games. It is how they stay in business. But they didn’t have a gun to his head. He felt cheated by them, but he let it happen.

The man is 30 years old, and his life savings amounted to $2,600. That alone is kind of sad. I certainly understand it. I’ve been there. This is the American way. Don’t think about the future at all. Don’t save, don’t plan ahead, don’t think about the repercussions of your actions. This is why people who smoke for years get surprised that they get lung cancer.

There is something very dangerous in this way of thinking. We are asleep when we think like this. But let us continue with the facts of the story.

He was trying to win an Xbox Kinect. They cost anywhere from $200 to $300 based on the capacity of the model.

He was playing a game called Tubs of Fun. The object is to toss balls into a tub. The problem is that the balls kept popping out the further he got into the game. He kept playing, and spending more money.

This is the very definition of throwing good money after bad.

He lost $300 to start off with. He would have been better off just buying the console, but by then he was hooked. He said “You just get caught up in the whole ‘I’ve got to win my money back.’”

Then it gets even worse. He went home. He didn’t keep working on impulse and the excitement of the game. He had time to cool off. But he didn’t. He got the rest of his money ($2,300) and went back to the carnival and continued to play the game. He lost all of it.

He did however win a stuffed banana with dreadlocks.

He contacted the police and is considering a lawsuit. The company that put on the carnival has since pulled the game and is interviewing the contractor of the game.

It isn’t the game that is at fault.

I find it doubtful that you can sue anybody for taking what you hand them. He wasn’t robbed. He got caught up in the game. He had time to cool off and didn’t use it. Nobody forced him to play the game.

“For once in my life I happened to become that sucker,” he said. “It was foolish for putting up my life savings.”

It is a sad story. It isn’t unfortunate. There wasn’t bad luck involved. There were a series of bad decisions. It is sad because he lost a lot of money for no good reason. It is sad because he didn’t know when to stop. It is sad because he still thinks it is somebody else’s fault that he threw away his money.
We have to stop letting ourselves be victims of our own lack of attention. We have to start being intentional. We have to wake up. We have to think about the repercussions of our actions, and our lack of action.

Writing and the Word.

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The more you pay attention to the results, the more you aren’t paying attention to the now. People need to hear what you have to say, but the more you think about how you are going to present it, the less you are actually presenting it.

Don’t worry about the title of the book or how you are going to manage the book tour. Just write the book. And how do you write a book? Word by word, line by line. If you look at the hugeness of the idea of a book, you’ll never get started. If you start to wonder if “hugeness” is really a word, you might not even get to the next paragraph.

I find it helpful to work in other mediums as well, such as painting, collage, and beading. Any creative exercise is the same. You can learn something about the process of creating while doing anything creative. Whatever you work on, it will almost never end up the way you planned. Often that is a good thing. Whatever the medium you will learn patience and practice and process.

Let the Spirit of the Creator work through you. We are merely vessels. We aren’t the life-giving nourishment within. We are just a way to hold it.

What if someone needs water, and you bring it to them? Do you bring them a glass or a bucket? Or perhaps they need a sippy cup. Or just a handful? They need water to live, but bringing it to them in a way that they can’t handle isn’t fair or helpful. They can’t drink from a firehose. Perhaps they can handle a garden hose, but then they would feel like you don’t care.

Do you use your best stemware, or do you use a plastic cup from Taco Bell? The water is the same. They need the water to live. But how you present it makes a huge difference.

Some might feel that they aren’t worthy to use the stemware. It is handcut lead crystal. It is from Waterford, Ireland. They are afraid they will drop it. They are afraid they will chip it.

Then there are those who feel insulted if you serve them water in a plastic cup from a fast-food restaurant. “Don’t you know who I am?”

The same is true of giving people the truth. They might not be ready to receive what you are ready to give. They might not like how you are serving it to them.

You can’t please everyone. Serve the water. They need it. You can make it easier or harder but you still won’t reach everyone. Write what you want to write, the way you want to write. Some will get it. Some won’t. That is ok.

Worth.

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Where did our culture get this idea of not having worth? Is it a problem that pervades culture and nationality? Is it just part of being human?

I met a guy who recently had been in a car accident. The car got out of control and ended up in a lake. The car was destroyed yet he was unharmed. He kept telling me about the trajectory of the car. There was no way he should have survived.

He became choked up just thinking about it. He was surprised that God would have saved him. He didn’t feel special or important enough to save.

I think a lot of us feel that way. I think a lot of us feel that we aren’t special, or important, or valuable.

I am here to tell you that your existence on this planet is proof that you are valuable to God. The fact that you were born means you are special. The fact that you are still alive right now means that you are important. You are part of God’s plan.

Really.

It may not make sense to you. You may not know what your purpose is. That is OK. You don’t have to know.

I heard in a podcast I enjoy that every breath you take in, every beat of your heart is God saying that He loves you and wants you here.

Know that you are loved. Know that you are cherished.

The world goes out of its way to bring you down. Don’t join it.

On writing.

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I’ve always heard that if you want to be a writer, just write.

While this is true, it makes it seem so simple. And it is that simple. Yet it is very hard. Anybody can write. Not everybody can write well. What makes a good writer is a lot of practice and not a lot of self-editing at the beginning.

We think we should be able to write well without any work. We are surrounded by language all the time. We talk in complete sentences (mostly). We are able to make ourselves understood. But writing is a skill that has to be learned and practiced. It doesn’t come naturally.

It is a lot like running a marathon. It isn’t something you just go do. It requires training, and the right mindset, and the right equipment.

I have a degree in English, with a concentration in writing. This doesn’t help me at all. What helps me is that I’ve been writing as long as I can remember. I’ve written in a journal for most of my life. The only time I stopped writing was when my parents died, and at that point I switched to beads as my creative outlet. I strung together beads like I did words. Each bead was symbolic of an idea. I still work with beads even though I’ve gone back to writing. It is refreshing to not use words all the time.

Julia Cameron tells us in “The Artist’s Way” to write three pages every morning. This is very helpful. Write three pages of whatever. It is your warmup. Write about the weather, or how scratchy your pen is, or how much sleep you didn’t get. It doesn’t have to be wonderful, and it probably won’t be. Morning pages aren’t for public distribution. Morning pages are to get things going. You may come up with something fabulous or a seed of a blog post from morning pages, but don’t worry if you don’t.

Carry a notebook with you at all times. Become a sifter, a picker. Ideas will come to you and your job as a writer is to catch them and save them. Anne Lamott says ” Carry a pen with you everywhere, or else God will give me all these insights and images that were supposed to go to you.” This way, when you are ready to write, you already have the ideas captured. It is then simple to string them together into paragraphs and pages.

This took me a long time to figure this one out – divide the notebook in sections. Put a topic at the top of each page as it comes to you. Fill in the pages as more of that topic comes. This way you aren’t flipping the notebook pages back and forth trying to find similar notes when it is time to write.

Margaret Guenther in “Holy Listening” tells us that it is OK to cover the same topic. You won’t ever exhaust certain topics, and by approaching them from different angles on different days, you’ll find out different things. Go ahead and write what you have to say now, knowing that you might have other things to say about it later. You won’t ever have it all in one place. Write anyway.

It takes a pretty high level of self esteem to write when you know other people are reading it. It means you think that you have something worthy of being heard. Here’s the important part – everybody has something worth being heard. Every single person’s voice is important. Use yours. I’m giving you permission. Even if you think it is just silly rambles, write anyway. Somebody will get something from it. The more you write, the better you’ll get at it too.

Do something rather than nothing. Your post might not be as wonderful as you think it should be. It might be OK, but not stellar. It is better to post it and move on than to not post it at all. I’m always surprised when people say that they really liked something that I thought wasn’t my best.

Whatever you write, it will look pretty ugly at the beginning. Nobody writes perfectly composed pieces at the beginning. This is true at the beginning of writing in general, and writing each piece. Let go of the self-criticism and just keep working.

Life Hacks

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Consider this a public service announcement.

Toilets and gross personal stuff

Always live in a house that has two toilets. One will invariably break and it will invariably take a while for the plumber to come. Also, if you don’t live alone, it is also very common that two people will need to use the bathroom at the same time, especially after coming home from a trip.

Always make sure there is toilet paper in the stall before you need it. This is especially true when you are not at home.

Just go ahead and use the bathroom before you are leaving a place. You never know if there is going to be a traffic jam.

If female, place a towel under yourself while sleeping when you are having a period. I cannot believe it took me nearly 30 years to figure this one out.

Housekeeping

Whatever it is that you always wash together (towels, underwear and socks, jeans), sort them as you go by putting them in a separate bin. Don’t waste time every wash day digging them out of the pile.

Bananas are a real pain to separate when they start to get very ripe. Tear them apart from each other when you get them so you don’t end up with two that are “open” when you only wanted one.

Whatever it is that you use regularly, get an extra of it so you have it on hand when you need it. Nothing slows down a home-maintenance project like having to go to the hardware store. Sometimes it slows it down so much it doesn’t happen at all.

Only shop with a list. No list – everything is bought on impulse and you probably won’t pick up what you needed to get in the first place. Most smart phones have a list application. This is very handy – no paper to lose.

Take apart a bath puff to create a soft mesh container to hold and use all those tiny soap bits. This way you can use up every bit of a bar of soap. Just tie up the ends and you are good to go. This way it also exfoliates.

Money

Sometimes you need a check. Sometimes places won’t take a credit card and you won’t have enough
cash. Fold up a check and put it under your driver’s license. I have gone to restaurants that only took checks, and they didn’t post or mention this before I ate. I went to a doctor’s office that didn’t take cards and I didn’t have the cash for the copay. Worst situation – I went to buy a car and tried to pay for the down payment on a credit card (I wanted the points). No dice. Four hours of negotiating and paperwork for nothing – but I had one check. They took checks. Trust me on this one. Carry one check.

Always carry some cash. I have a 20, a 10, a 5 and some ones at all times, as well as some change. I normally use my credit card, but every now and then the credit card machine isn’t working. This is especially important when you need gas.

Pay your credit card off every week. Don’t accumulate a balance. The fees are exorbitant. Why should you pay extra for what you bought?

Get a credit card that gives you money back for using it. I make about $150 a year this way.

Relationships

This is not original, but I like it. Here are six things to tell your spouse in order to have a successful marriage – “You look great.” “Can I help?” “Lets’ eat out.” “I was wrong.” “I am sorry.” And of course – “I love you.”

Heard from our minister when we got married – “trouble shared halves it, joy shared doubles it.”

Never date a guy who drives badly with you in the car. If he doesn’t care about your safety, he doesn’t care about you.

When choosing a spouse, think of it as interviewing someone for a job. Don’t hire them if they aren’t willing to do the job you need them to do. Somebody has to cook, clean, mow the lawn, take care of the bills and deal with service techs. It doesn’t have to be divided along standard gender lines, but it does have to be done. Talk honestly beforehand about what you are willing to do and what you won’t do.

Some people will annoy you. They may not know that they are annoying. Tell them how you feel. If they continue their bad behavior towards you, then it is intentional. If it is intentional, it is abusive.

Just because someone is related to you doesn’t mean they have the right to be abusive. If they are abusive, they do not respect you as a person.

Avoid tedious people who don’t respect you. Especially if they are family.

Health

When sick with a head cold – drink a lot of water. OK, more than that. 8 glasses is the recommended amount, and almost nobody gets that. Drink a glass every half hour while you are awake. Water is water – not Coke, not coffee. Take an Echinacea tablet with every meal. Eat a spoonful of local honey every morning. Eat an orange every day.

Prevention is cheaper than cure. Eat real food, not processed. Get regular exercise. This is more than just moving around. That isn’t exercise – that is proving you aren’t a plant. You need to work hard at least thirty minutes every day.

Exercise – Find something you like to do. Dancing counts. Nobody said it had to be drudgery. I do water aerobics, walking, and yoga. If you like doing it, you’ll do it more often.

You get out what you put in. Give it your all. Don’t waste your time going through the motions. Really try hard when you exercise.

Don’t make up excuses. Just do it. You’ll be happy when you are through. Skip, and you’ll feel bad. Trust me. I’ve been there.

Get a coat that fits and use it. Don’t wear your coat unbuttoned and then complain that it is cold.

If your hands are cold, it means your core is cold. Instead of putting on a pair of gloves, put on a sweater.

If there are medicines that you take every day, get a small container and put three days’ worth in there and carry it with you. Emergencies are bad enough but they are worse if you are without essential medicine.

Wear a hat. Not a ball cap. Aside from looking stylish, you’ll have a warm, dry head. This alone leads to much happiness.

Other

Take leftover containers with you when visiting family for Thanksgiving and Christmas. You know you’ll want to take some food home.

Find things that make you happy other than food. “Comfort food” can lead to a lot of problems if you need to be comforted with it a lot.

If you have to pick up or touch something questionable with your hand, use your non-dominant hand.

Travel

Pack a spare pair of shoes.

Bring a map, not just the GPS. “Lost satellite reception” translates to “lost.”

Recipe for a new church, in part.

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Church isn’t a place or a building. It can’t be burned down or broken into. It can’t be venerated. It isn’t a pilgrimage site.
It would be nice if people can just meet at each other’s houses, rather than have a separate building to have to keep up and pay rent on. If a separate building is required, it would be awesome if it could be multi-faith. Muslims on Friday, Jews on Saturday, Christians on Sunday, and a joining of all three during the rest of the week. This seems like an efficient use of space. Or have it like a community center, where religious groups just happen to meet.

But really, the most important idea is this. Church is within us. Every person has within them the light of God. Every person was created by God. So “church” can be here, online, where we share ideas and encourage each other.

What does it matter if we have huge cathedrals that are filled every week if the people inside are not awake to their divine connection with God? Jesus tells us about the dangers of storing up treasures for ourselves here on earth. He tells us about the danger of losing your own soul, of forgetting our connection with God.

Church is a community of like minded people. The community is meant to build each other up. To encourage and support. To heal. To work together for the fixing of the world.

A church service is anything that helps further the goal of loving God and loving our neighbors as ourselves. We are called to love God with all of our hearts and all our minds and all of our souls. We are called to love our neighbors in the same way.

Who are our neighbors? Everyone. We are called to be nice to everyone. Sure that is hard. Jesus tells us that if you love only the nice people, what’s the point? We need to love the mean people because they need it more. We are to treat others as we would like to be treated – not like we have been treated. We are commanded to serve people because we are Christian. It isn’t about us converting them to be Christian. It is about being a servant.

Each person needs to know that God is real, and active, and present. God isn’t a “past tense” God. God is right now.

Each person needs to be empowered to hear from God.

Each person needs to be encouraged to share what they have heard from God.

Prayers should be offered for everyone. This includes those who are gathered, those who are part of the community, all seekers, and all who are lost. Pray for nations and the world. Pray for everyone. The Buddhists have a nice way of praying that asks for all beings to be well.

Prayers need to be balanced. If there are petitions for healing, then there also need to be prayers of thankfulness.

People need to learn how to determine their spiritual gifts, and then how to apply them.

Everyone needs to have a volunteer activity in the community. Faith without works is dead.

This isn’t an ego trip. We aren’t special. We are workers in the field. God owns the field.

Whenever anything new is considered, it must be measured against the command to love. Does it show love?

Everyone is expected to read the Bible, especially the Gospels. It is helpful if they also read any religious text(s) from any other faith tradition they are called to.

We are not here to worship and serve anything or anyone other than the Creator.

It is essential that people do not confuse themselves with God. We are the creation, not the creator. We have within us the light of God. This does not make us God.

There is no leader. Everybody takes turns. This is a journey together.

We are all walking up this mountain together, and we are here to encourage each other and point out things along the way. This includes butterflies as well as rocks. (beauty as well as danger)

It may help to have certain items as part of the worship service. But these things must not be venerated. They are reminders or signifiers. They point toward the truth, but they are not the truth. These things could include candles, incense, icons, or bells for instance. We are corporal beings, and sometimes we need corporal ways to access the spirit.

The goal is for each person to awaken to their own divine nature, and then take that awareness out. Each person is the Buddha, each person is the Christ. Each person, once awakened then needs to make that nature visible through action. How do we bring healing to the world?

Love made visible. Social action.

Go have a walk afterwards, and then have lunch together. It is important to get exercise, and it is important to share food together. It is what Jesus did with the disciples, so it is what we should do. If the group goes out to eat, be sure to be nice to the waitress and tip well. So many Sunday patrons are really rude to the staff. “How you treat the least of these…” didn’t get into their heads. If you are rude to the staff, then you didn’t hear the message. You are reflecting badly on God and His followers.

How you act reflects on God. Watch yourself at all times. How would I act if this person were Jesus?

Encourage exercise – walking, yoga, water aerobics, whatever.
Encourage creativity – painting, embroidery, beading, writing, whatever.
Encourage prevention rather than cure.

On “preppers” and making sure you have a future.

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I know someone who is a prepper. Perhaps you have not heard of this term. A prepper is someone who takes the Girl Scout motto of always being prepared to the extreme. Preppers often have a six month supply of dehydrated or canned food. They often grow their own food. They stockpile weapons. They take self sufficiency seriously.

Often the goal is to get “off the grid.” They will have generators or solar panels. They might have a well. If the electricity goes out, they have enough fuel to survive for months. And trust me, they do think the electricity will go out. There is a gnawing sense of impending doom that they express.

Some people aren’t preppers but they too are returning to the older ways and learning to grow and can their own food. They are learning how to sew their own clothes. They are getting books on homesteading but on just a little bit of land. Not everybody wants to move out to the country, so they bring the country mentality to the suburbs. They want to be self-sufficient, which is the opposite of dependent. They want to take care of themselves.

Much of this trend is inspired by mistrust of the government. They fear that the government is either too involved in their personal lives or can’t be trusted. People can joke about the “zombie apocalypse” all they want, but these people are prepared for that.

Yet this particular lady I know is really interesting. She does all these things, and yet there is something more that she is doing that has brought up a conundrum in my mind. She is willing to spend money and time making her home more accessible for when she and her husband get older and more infirm. She wants the house to have no stairs and have wider doorways to accommodate a wheelchair. But she isn’t willing to spend the same money and time to get healthy. She wants to make her house accessible, but doesn’t think about the idea of getting her body in shape so she doesn’t need a wheelchair. Somehow, that is seen as too difficult. She uses the excuse of her already bad health as a reason to not get healthy. She says she is too young to feel this old.

I went through every argument she had about her health and came up with solutions for her. There is always a way to exercise. But somehow, “exercise” has become a dirty word in Western culture. She came up with an excuse for why she couldn’t every time. If you spend as much time figuring out how you can, rather than how you can’t, you’ll get there.

She also uses the excuse of her hours at work to explain why she can’t go to the gym. You have to decide what is more important, your loyalty to your job, or to your life. Sure, you have to work. And sure, you may have made a career at this place. But you have to take care of yourself. The workplace won’t care if you wear yourself out and die early and miserable.

Your body is your home. It is important to maintain it. You can’t trade your body in for a newer model when it wears out. Sure, there are replacement parts these days, but they involve surgery and physical therapy. Remember in the movie “Zombieland”? The first rule is “cardio cardio cardio”. If you really think that “they” are coming, then you’d better get in shape.

We don’t need to worry about being invaded by another country or being bombed by terrorists. We don’t need to worry about Korea. We need to worry about Krystals hamburgers. Have you noticed the fact that there are calorie counts on fast-food menus? Sure, you can make better choices while you are there. But the best choice is to prepare fresh food at home. Sure, that takes time. But if you are truly a prepper, then it seems logical that you’d divorce yourself from fast-food too. Part of the prepper mentality is doing things for yourself and not trusting what others have done.

We are killing ourselves with our mouths. Our “eat like a kid again” mentality is killing us. Eat the chili cheese dog, the hot wings and the funnel cake. When you get heartburn, just take an antacid. Or get your heart valves replaced or have a liver transplant. Or get on diabetes medicine. There is something very dangerous about this way of thinking. It is backwards. Do whatever you want and take a pill, or have a surgery. It is safer and healthier to eat well and exercise first, but so few of us do that.

If you are really concerned about the future, then the best thing you can do is take care of your health. Make sure you have a future.

I know one lady who says she doesn’t have time to exercise because she had to take care of her child. If she doesn’t take care of herself, she won’t be alive to take care of her child. Right now, she already can’t do it well because she can’t even run with her child when she plays.

There is no substitute for eating right and getting enough sleep and exercise. There are no shortcuts to health.

My father had a doctor who knew he smoked. When my Dad complained about coughing, he was prescribed cough medicine. The doctor treated the symptom rather than addressing the cause. So my Dad died from a heart attack at 60. He smoked two packs a day and was obese. About a week before he died he said that I would be glad to know he was now eating eggs only once a day. I don’t ever remember him eating a vegetable.

The weird part is that we have gotten so used to people being obese that we see it as normal. We think only the people who are bigger than us are obese. And we think that the people who are smaller than us are too skinny. Just like in the story of Goldilocks, we think we are just right. But we aren’t. We are deceiving ourselves.

I am 5’ 4”. When I weighed 192, I was obese according to the charts. At 145, I’m just on the edge of “normal”. Between those weights, I’m “overweight”. That you read about who takes up two airplane seats, that person is “super obese” or “morbidly obese”. More than likely, you are obese and don’t even know it. Or perhaps you do know it, and have just gotten resigned to it.

Part of our problem is that we treat our stress with food. We get anxious about the future, or unhappy about the past, and we eat. We were taught this as children. When a child wails, parents often soothe them with food. It stops them from making noise. So, unconsciously they are teaching a child to self-soothe with food. If you have an emotional problem, eat. Our culture doesn’t like to deal with emotions at all. So we stuff them down, literally.

There is a way out. Get a book from your library about deep breathing exercises. Get a book about how to deal with anxiety. Often the only change you can make is to yourself. You often can’t change your job or your spouse or your neighborhood. But you can change how you deal with them and how you react to them. Check under my “resources” category and read the list of books I’ve called “Survival books”. Consider taking up a hobby like painting, beading, singing, or playing a musical instrument.

As for me, I do water aerobics and yoga. I walk 20 minutes a day at lunch. I changed how I work so I get in a mile and a half while I’m at the front desk. Every little bit counts. Sure, I miss the reading time. But I like to think of every hour spent exercising buys me two more hours of life. And my knees feel better, and my clothes fit better, and people are noticing that I’m in better shape. It isn’t easy to keep exercising. It was tempting to get to my goal weight and then back off. But exercising isn’t a luxury. It is essential. If we stop moving, we rust.

There was a lady who saw me recently and realized I’d lost weight, and in the same amount of time it had taken me to lose weight, she had gained it. She said “you suck” about my weight loss. This is a crazy way to think. This isn’t a game of musical chairs. The fact that I’ve lost weight doesn’t mean she can’t. She was feeling jealousy, as if I’d taken something from her. That entire way of thinking keeps her in “victim” mode. That way of thinking leads to death, even before you are dead.

It is better to do something than do nothing because you think it isn’t enough.

Are you freaking out right now, just reading this? Stop. Breathe. Repeat. Breathe deeply in through your nose, in on a count of 10, then out on a count of 10. Keep doing this. Every time you feel stress, remember to do this. It is a simple way to get control of yourself. Then go for a walk in the sunshine. Walk slowly, and look at things. This isn’t a race. None of this is a race. The future will get here, when it gets here. Make sure you are there to appreciate it.

Unplugged.

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If you don’t “get” a piece of art or literature that everybody else raves over, it doesn’t mean you aren’t sophisticated. This applies to everything, really. It may be the latest bestseller, or the latest style, or the latest TV show. Perhaps you’ve tried to understand the appeal. Perhaps you’ve even faked that you like it. Perhaps you’ve hidden what you truly like because it isn’t “in.”

Please stop doing this.

What if everybody else is faking it too?

Wouldn’t it be better if everybody was honest? Sometimes what is popular really isn’t that great. Sometimes what is “high art” really doesn’t make sense. Sometimes what is fashionable is really quite ugly and painful to wear.
It is far better to wake up from the mass delusion of popular culture and just like what you like. Maybe the artwork or the novel or the clothing style doesn’t speak to you because it doesn’t actually have anything to say. It isn’t your lack of class that is the problem.

It is entirely possible that the art piece that you don’t understand is just as incomprehensible to everyone else, and they are faking it too. Perhaps it is just blobs of paint on a canvas, and there is no real meaning there. It is entirely possible that the modern day bestseller really isn’t that good, and the plot is terrible, and the writing is infantile.

There are plenty of famous classic works that aren’t that good that we were forced to read in high school. These works have killed off more passion for reading for fun than they have inspired new readers.

It is perfectly OK to buy all your clothing from Goodwill. It is perfectly OK to drink white zinfandel from a box. Be yourself. By being who you are, instead of buying into the mass delusion of what is “good” (that really isn’t), you’ll actually feel better, and you’ll give other people permission to be themselves too.

How do you divorce yourself from popular culture? For starters, stop watching television. Perhaps that is too radical for you. Try this – pick one night a week and turn the TV off. Read a book. Play a board game. Do something not electronic. The further you can get from the television the better. You’ll no longer have “your” thoughts created for you. Work up to unplugging the TV entirely. You’ll find you have more time to do everything else that you love to do but haven’t found time to do. The TV is a chain around our necks. The same is true for Facebook. Both can be useful tools, but they are more often huge time-sucks. Time is in short supply. Be mindful how you use it, or it will get away from you.

Look at what everybody is raving over and really examine it. The fact that it is popular is a clue that maybe there isn’t really anything there. It is part of the delusion. It has been marketed as “popular,” but not “meaningful.” Don’t waste your precious time on something just because everybody else is doing it.

Western culture has pushed a sense of entitlement on us. We are taught that we deserve the best. We are taught that we need to have the latest, hottest, coolest thing. We then are suffering from our excesses. We go into bankruptcy. We are obese. We have huge houses yet no place to live in them because of all the stuff we have. Our stuff isn’t real. It isn’t what we want. It is what we are told that we want.

We don’t need to have manicures and pedicures. We don’t need to wear makeup. These are things that are pushed on us to teach us that we aren’t good enough on our own. These are prosthesis, when none are needed. We are taught that we need to color our hair so nobody sees the grey. We are taught that we need to do so many things to our bodies so that we look “normal.” We are normal, the way we are.

It is hard at first to break free from the hive mind. But the more you become yourself, the more you help others do the same. I encourage you to be you. You are the only you there is. Celebrate that fact.