Zucchini bread

Posted on by | 2 Comments

zucchini bread

1 & 1/2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 & 1/2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice (or cinnamon)
1/8 teaspoon baking powder
1 egg
1 cup turbinado sugar
1 & 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 & 1/2 cups grated zucchini

Directions
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C)

2. Sift together flour, salt, soda, pumpkin pie spice, baking powder.

3. In a separate bowl, beat the egg. Add and mix well the sugar, vanilla, and oil. Add zucchini to this mixture.

4. Add dry ingredients, mixing well. Pour into a loaf pan (grease it first with butter)

5. Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 1 hour.

6. Let it cool in the pan on a wire rack for at least ten minutes, then remove from pan.

(Modified from the “Allrecipies” website recipe called “Mom’s zucchini bread”)

True mental health hospital

Posted on by | Leave a comment

I envision a new kind of rehab hospital for people who are mentally ill. Perhaps better said, it will be for people who don’t know how to be human. It will teach people how to take care of themselves. It will teach them how to live on their own in a healthy way.

Rehab shouldn’t just be about getting off drugs but about how to get on life.

People would be there to learn, so they would be students, not patients. “Patient” is a passive word – something is done to you. You are sick, an “in-valid” – a “not-true” person. The word “student” implies an active engaging in learning for self-betterment. Teachers, not therapists, are there to help students help themselves.

One of the most important things will be that students will learn how to have a healthy relationship with food. They will learn what food is healthy and how to buy and prepare it. Every person will learn how to cook. Every person will learn what foods are best for them. There will be a blend of nutritionists and home-economics teachers.

The teachers will find ways that the students can exercise in a way that they will enjoy and are able to do. Exercise is essential to mental health and happy bodies. Not every exercise is possible for every person, and not every person likes every exercise. The trick is to find one or two that the student likes and will stick with. Then they have to commit to doing it daily. Every little bit counts.

This whole idea that I’m envisioning is to teach people how to live in their own bodies as their own homes. Your body is your first and best house. If you don’t take care of it you will be miserable. I have learned from my own personal experience that mental health is directly related to physical health.

It is also important that they discuss what happens when you fall off the wagon. Perhaps the stigma needs to be taken away from falling off the wagon, because falling off the wagon is part of the journey.

For some people it wouldn’t be “re-hab” because there was no “hab” that happened to start off with. They never learned how to take care of themselves in the first place. It isn’t that they forgot, it is that that they never were taught.

Ideally, everyone would learn how to take care of themselves early on in life. Ideally, people wouldn’t have to wait for a crisis in order to learn that they have to take care of themselves.

Perhaps that is just simply part of our society. We seem to fix things after they are broken rather than prevent them from breaking in the first place. This is a habit that should be unlearned. People need to become pro-active about their lives.

Rehab needs to teach people healthy coping mechanisms for life. Students would learn about codependency and enabling and boundaries. They would learn how to be helpful in a way that is safe for them and for the person they are helping.

They would learn the value of volunteering. It is a way to put your own needs and problems into perspective, and to feel not only a part of the community, but a part of the solution to problems.

They would learn how to take care of their bodies and their minds at the same time and learn that they are not separate things. Through books, they would be introduced to teachers from all over the world and all across time. They all have useful information about this thing we call life. Most importantly, they would be given the tools to be able to learn more on their own.

My biggest dream is that rehab hospitals aren’t ever needed, because everyone has already been taught how to handle life’s ups and downs in healthy ways. But until then, we have some catching up to do.

The best medicine you can ever take is to not get sick in the first place. And the best way to do that is to learn how to take care of yourself through eating well, exercise, and learning to establish boundaries.

Plus and minus

Posted on by | Leave a comment

Consider the plus sign and the minus sign.

Plus means positive, and minus means negative.

But look at them in relation to the cross.

The minus sign, the horizontal one – represents us here on Earth.

The vertical line represents Heaven and Holy Spirit.

When you try to do things your own way, you are working in the “minus” realm.

When you invite in the Holy Spirit, you’ve added in the vertical line, and you are in the “plus” category.

Welcome in the power of God, allow God to work in your life, and you are positive. Do it all yourself and you are negative.

Trust that God is in charge and it will all work out the way it should.

Counting doesn’t count

Posted on by | Leave a comment

I saw a lady whose son was hanging onto the gates near the door at the library. It wasn’t time for the family to leave yet, and she was trying to get him to come back to the children’s section. He was having none of it. He was about 6.

She looked at him and said “1.” Pause. She gave him a stern look. “2”. Pause. Another stern look. “2” she said again, looking at him like he better get the clue. And yet again, she said “2”.

I said “No, you have to say 3, otherwise 2 has no meaning.” She said three, he didn’t come, and she went to him, took him by the arm and marched him back to where he was supposed to be.

He cried, of course, and that is what she was trying to avoid. But if she isn’t firm and consistent with expectations and consequences, then she might as well not say anything at all.

Rules have to have consequences if they are broken. Otherwise they have no meaning.

Sayings “shhh” doesn’t mean anything either. The child learns that they yell, and Mom says “shhh”. It is just an exchange of sounds. The parent has to say “Please be quiet” or explain that “shhh” means that. Otherwise “shhh” is just a sound.

Then there was the mom whose child would not stay with her. He kept running to the door, or just away from her. She told him what to do and he kept not doing it.

There were no consequences. He had no reason to obey her.

It was yet another example of “Stop doing that or I’ll say stop doing that again.”

However you want your child to act as an adult, you need to mold them as a child. You are supposed to be a parent, not a friend.

Sure, they won’t like it. That isn’t the point. It isn’t child abuse to set rules and enforce consequences. It is child abuse to not do this. Otherwise they grow up wild.

Rocks and life.

Posted on by | Leave a comment

Good habits are like the reverse of water wearing away at a stone.

If we are intentional and mindful about our lives we will create something really amazing. Good habits are like building a cathedral. Each stone, one at a time, is placed upon another. There is a plan to it and a lot of hard work. It isn’t built overnight, and it isn’t built by accident. It requires a lot of focus and discipline.

When we are intentional about our lives, every little bit counts and every little bit works towards a goal. We are building something amazing and strong.

If we are not intentional about our lives, those stones will end up being more like a field of rocks.

They will cause us to trip.

They will make the field unable to be used to produce a harvest.

Consider this – a stone, left untouched, is just a stone. But with vision and focus and hard work, over the course of several years, can result in an amazing sculpture like Michelangelo’s “David”. Perfection takes a plan, a lot of work, and time. It doesn’t happen on its own.

So how can we be intentional? What we read counts. What we do to take care of our bodies counts. Any classes count – whether a normal course of study or extracurricular.

It may seem like a little bit here and there. But over time, it amounts to a lot. Make it count.

Love everything. Really?

Posted on by | 3 Comments

“And God said “Love your enemy,” and I obeyed Him and loved myself.” – Khalil Gibran

Yup. It means love everybody and everything. Love the ugly bits about yourself. Love the bad situation, too. Don’t resist, and don’t fight it. Love it all, all the time, because it is all from God.

Easier said than done.

I keep reminding myself of this. I keep reminding myself that God is in charge, and everything, even the stuff that I think is bad and terrible and crazy, is from God. I keep reminding myself to be thankful about everything.

I think Jesus had it easy. He died before things got really hard. He died before he had to deal with in-laws, and nursing homes, and do not resuscitate orders, and probate.

Actually, it would be easier if I was handling all of this, because I’ve done it before. I know how to detach myself from the situation and just do it. But I’ve intentionally separated myself from all this because these aren’t my parents. I believe that it is the job of the adult child to take care of their parents, not the wife.

I’m trying not to micromanage. I’m trying to stay out of it. It isn’t easy. It is like watching a baby bird – will it fly? Will it crash?

And there is nothing I can do except watch.

And then I think about the guy I know whose wife died from cancer. He’s faking it, and not really taking care of himself. I want him to do well, but he has to do it on his own. If I make food for him, or remind him to eat, or tell him that he needs to eat more vegetables and exercise and stop drinking caffeine and skip all sugar if he wants to stay balanced – I’m not letting him stand on his own.

He could crash. He could sink into depression. He could kill himself.

These are very real things.

And both of these stories affect me. I live with one, and work with one. If they crash, I have to pick up the pieces. That leaves more for me to do. It isn’t really empathy. It is self-preservation.

I’m trying to remember that God is in charge. I’m trying to remember that people need to ask for help first. Unsolicited advice is never heeded. Jesus didn’t make a habit of going up to people and healing them without them asking for it first.

Jonah gave thanks in the belly of the whale too.

This has to be what it is like to watch a child learn to walk. You want to catch them when they stumble, to prevent them from falling and hitting their heads. You don’t want them to get hurt. But pain is an awesome teacher. And we get stronger if we do things ourselves.

I have to trust that this feeling I’m having is part of God’s plan too. I don’t know how it will be used, but I have to trust.

Because the alternative isn’t very healthy.

Poem – Sad birds

Posted on by | Leave a comment

Not every baby bird
learns how to fly.

Not every story
has a storybook ending.

Sometimes the ending
is the ending
and not a beginning.

It is healthy to know this.

It is part of knowing
what is,
of accepting
the truth.

Sometimes people
can’t
won’t
don’t.

Sometimes things break
and stay broken.

Cold Call dating two

Posted on by | Leave a comment

When you go to apply for a job do you just walk in and say “Hey, you need to hire me”? Or do you get to know the place? Do you try to find out if they have the products that you like to buy? Do they have ethical practices that are in line with what you agree with? If so, then you should work there. If not, then no.

You should never just walk in off the street, having no knowledge of the place, and try to get a job there. You both will be miserable.

A similar amount of effort should put in if you are trying to find a girlfriend. Get to know her as a person. A boyfriend and girlfriend relationship is entirely different than knowing someone as a friend. There is a lot more to it.

Both getting a job and getting a girlfriend are big commitments.

There is a connection between retail and dating. Think of trying to date as if you are the product, and you are trying to sell yourself. You are trying to get them to buy you. Why would someone be interested if they don’t know anything about you?

Plus, girls want to think that they are special. They want to know that you are choosing them because they people and not just because they are female. Show some discretion and discernment.

One of the worst things you can do is ask someone out on a date when you have just met them. There might have been a chance you two would do well together, but because you jumped ahead a step, you blew it.

One of the best ways of getting to know someone is to be part of the same kinds of groups. Join a club. See who is there that looks interesting. And when I say “looks interesting” I don’t mean “looks beautiful”. Looks aren’t everything, and they fade fast. Look for someone who laughs at the things you laugh at. Look for someone who supports the same causes as you.

Is she fun and funny? Or does she seem needy and nervous? Is she helpful, or does she always need help?

Getting to know someone’s personality takes a while, and that is a good thing. If you are going to be in a long-term relationship with someone, you need to take the time to get to know them well.

Asking someone out on the first day you meet them is not the way to do it.

Sometimes it feels like guys are just shooting fish in a barrel when they are looking for a girlfriend. No aiming required. They will take whatever they can get. The results are messy in both situations.

Here’s one of many stories I can share about a dating attempt gone wrong. I’m in a water aerobics class that is pretty difficult. An older guy shows up. He is probably in his 70s, and most of us are in our 40s. In the first ten minutes of class he is already asking for dates, hinting openly that he wants a sex partner. Nobody knew him, and he didn’t know them.

Why would we, or he, want to have sex with a stranger? This is a very intimate and personal experience. Either person could end up with a really scary partner. Actually, it is pretty safe to say they would end up with a scary partner because someone who shows that level of casualness about sex is pretty sketchy.

It makes me wonder if he would buy a house just because the garden is nice. There are pretty flowers in the front yard, but the house is falling apart inside. The plumbing is wrecked, there is mold everywhere, the kitchen is gutted, the roof is falling in and there are raccoons and possums living inside – but hey, the garden is nice – I’ll buy it.

No reasonable person would buy a house like that. Likewise, no reasonable person should ask a woman for a date and know nothing about her other than she is a pretty woman with a nice smile.

The funny part? They guy didn’t even make it through the class. He lasted about 20 minutes and then he had to get out because it was too difficult for him. If he can’t make it through a water aerobics class, he certainly couldn’t have survived sex.

What he should have done is come to the class for at least a month, and gotten to know the personalities of the class members by talking to them. He should get to know the women as people, and not as women. He should have gotten to know them with no goal in mind, because having the goal of dating can make objectivity difficult.

Twist and Shout

Posted on by | Leave a comment

There is something very valid about getting out anxiety by shaking and making noise. Keeping it in leads to big problems. Emotions are like water – too much pressure and the dam breaks.

In the case of humans, the dam is wherever the weakest point is. Emotions and feelings that aren’t dealt with lead to neurosis and addiction.

Shachar Bar, an art therapist who teaches in Sderot, came up with a song and a dance to help children deal with their feelings during a missile strike in Israel.

From the article that accompanies the video explaining the song, she says –

“I am giving validation and legitimization to my fear and my body’s reactions,” Bar explains. “It is OK that my heart is pounding, I am even singing about it. It is OK that my body is trembling – I am afraid. Along with the words ‘boom-boom’ and ‘doom-doom,’ the movements of arms crossed and pounding on our chest borrowing from the EMDR method of treating trauma and anxieties. The movements help to break out of it and dissolve the anxiety, improving the mood.”

Our body we shake, shake shake
Our legs we loosen, loosen, loosen
Breathe deep, blow far
Breathe deep, now we can laugh

“We breathe deep and release – a yoga method, even a yoga laughter method when we release the laughter,” Bar says. “Laughter releases endorphins into our brain and into our entire system.”

Most of all – acknowledge the feelings. It is OK to be afraid or sad or angry. It is what you do with those feelings that matters. You can shake it off, like a dog. You can roar like a lion. But you have to deal with your emotions, or your emotions will deal with you.

Cold call dating

Posted on by | Leave a comment

I got a message on Facebook today from a stranger. It said –
“Good Day….I passed by your profile your smile caught my eyes it would be nice to chat if you think we might be compatible?….I hope you have a great day.”

I didn’t recognize the name. I clicked over to his profile. I don’t know this person. Perhaps we have some friends in common? No. We don’t. We don’t have anything in common other than we are human. He lives in Atlanta, GA. He is from Marseille, France. That is all I got from his page. From his profile pictures he looks like he is in his mid 50s. One picture looks like he is in a commercial kitchen.

He seems nice enough, in a stalker kind of way.

This is sadly normal. Why do some guys think that it is ok to essentially cold-call women? Wouldn’t it be better to get to know her as a person first, to know something about her? To have some shared interests?

Perhaps that is the problem with the guys who are attacking women. They don’t know how to relate to women at all, as people. They know, because society tells them, that they have to date women, but they don’t know how. So they get frustrated, and because society doesn’t teach them how to deal with their emotions other than with violence, they attack.

Perhaps they need to learn social skills at a young age. Perhaps it is time for all of us to start teaching boys how to relate to women as humans.

Talking to women is the same as talking to guys. See them as people first. Get to know them as human beings. You can deepen the relationship later if it is mutually agreed upon. Don’t start off with the goal of dating.

My reply was this:
“Hello. I’m not sure why you have contacted me, as you know nothing about me – the most important being that I am married. That is why I smile. But this opens up another issue – why would you contact a woman you don’t know anything about? Just because she is a woman? Just because she is smiling? You might have better luck if you get to know people as people, as individuals first. Join a Facebook group that you have an interest in, and notice who posts there that you find interesting. Then contact her. That way, you both have something in common. Best of luck to you.”

I’d considered not replying, but I thought that maybe I could use this as a teachable moment.

Consider this – getting to know women is the same as getting a job. Do you just go for any job – or do you go for one that will suit you, one that fits your interests? When I was a manager, I only interviewed people who showed me that they knew something about the store. They needed to have been customers. They needed to have had a history with the place.

People who just walked in off the street, looking for any job at all, need not apply.

Guys who are looking for any woman at all, need not apply. Women like to be selected for themselves, as people, as individuals, not just because they have the right plumbing.