Enlightened divorce?

I have read about several women who divorced their husbands when they “found enlightenment”. I don’t think it is very enlightened to divorce your husband. There is something about having gotten married that means you have accepted that person as part of yourself. Remember the idea that “two become one” and “until death do us part”?

Divorce makes sense if there is abuse, but not if there is “enlightenment”.

If you find as you grow older that the person you were married to is not compatible with you it doesn’t necessarily mean you should get a divorce. You should reassess your relationship, definitely. Perhaps get marital counseling or learn how to take care of yourself better. You can establish new boundaries, if you even had any in the first place.

It is important that people learn how to be themselves within a marriage. I’ve read a Rabbi who said that sometimes for the benefit of peace some people need to get divorced. Peace is more important than anything else. And if people cannot achieve peace it is okay to separate.

I still think this is missing something. The person you married is in your life for a reason. You made a commitment before your friends and family (and for some people, God) to stay with this person forever. “Forever” doesn’t mean only when things are good.

People need to acknowledge the shadow sides of themselves. We all have dark parts about ourselves. When we are in therapy we don’t ignore those parts but we look at them and we study them. We learn how to use them in new ways. When we ignore our shadow side we are ignoring part of our selves.

Likewise, when you get married to someone you have incorporated that person into yourself. If you find that they are not strengthening you than they are now your shadow side. It doesn’t mean you get rid of it. It means that you learn what it is. You learn to work with it and through it and because of it. No, it isn’t easy, and it isn’t fun. But that is part of being an adult.

Part of being an adult is being sober, and awake, and conscious about life. Part of that is about learning to handle difficult things. Life is only beautiful and easy if you are a child. Only handling life when it is smooth sailing means that you aren’t an adult yet. So divorcing your husband because you are “enlightened” means that you aren’t.