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The journey of a thousand miles.

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I have a tattoo that wraps around my left ankle that is a quote from Lao Tzu. I was inspired by a book I read called “Body Type” by Ina Saltz. The entire book features tattoos that are words, and often they are in meaningful fonts.

Like any self-respecting tattooed person, I was on the quest to get another tattoo after reading that. But what? What words would be worthwhile to get permanently marked on my body? What do I need to remember that much? What would be helpful to others?

I found something that answered those questions in the quote “The journey of a thousand miles begins beneath one’s feet.” I’d always heard it as “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” but when you are going to get something permanent, you might as well make sure of the exact wording. When I looked it up, I found this alternate translation. I like “… beneath ones’ feet” much better.

Both quotes help to remind us to not look at the goal. Just get started. There is another Chinese saying that is like this. “The best time to plant a tree is a hundred years ago. The second best time is today.” Both refer to starting. You have to dream, but then you have to make those dreams real. And making dreams real is composed of a lot of tiny steps. When you first start it feels impossible, that you will never get there. Just keep going. Just keep taking tiny steps. The quote also reminds us to break up a big, difficult project up into manageable parts. Do a little here, and a little there, and you’ll get there.

But we all know that just starting is the hardest part. This is why I like the alternate translation so much better. The start is right now, right where you are. Here’s the secret – just thinking about it, you have already begun.

That is worth savoring. You want to write? Many people would say then just write. That is easier to say than do, because you want to make it perfect. You won’t. It won’t be perfect. It will be really ugly and clunky and dull at the beginning. But then you write more, and it gets easier, and clearer, and better. This applies to anything creative, not just writing.

But you still have to start.

I had a problem getting started. Sometimes the problem was stopping a bad habit and starting a better one. I know I’m not alone in this. Sometimes the inertia was too great. Sometimes I couldn’t achieve enough escape velocity to get going.

These words inspire me, and I hope they do the same to you. Just thinking about it, you’ve already started. You’ve already taken the first step.

A change of perspective.

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A change of perspective will do you good. Try out different things. Eat at different restaurants. Sit in a different chair. Read a different kind of book.

It is important to have different perspectives. However you see reality isn’t THE reality. It is just your take on it. You will see things from the limitations of your sense organs. Your eyes are different from mine – you might see blues a little better. I might be shorter than you and catch a different angle. Together, if we explain how we see what we are looking at, we will both gain a better understanding of what we see.

Just because someone else sees something differently doesn’t mean that they are wrong and you are right. You are both right, for yourselves. You both have made your decision based on the information that you have. You can both make a more informed decision if you widen your information by sharing.

Don’t be like a small child. The terrible twos are partly called that because children will call out “NO” vehemently when told to do something. They are asserting their independence. They are saying that they are not puppets or pets. They can’t be told what to do. They have their own agendas, and they want to make sure that they are listened to. This is an important phase of growth, but it is important to grow out of too. Don’t say “no” to someone else’s take on something just because it isn’t the way you see it. They might have a piece of the puzzle you are missing.

We are all in this together. Life isn’t about being right and wrong. It is about sharing and listening to each other. It is about dialogue instead of debate. It is about love instead of judgment.

We are all flowers in a garden. Each of us is different on purpose. If we all were the same kind of flower the garden would be very boring. Variety is indeed the spice of life.

We are all instruments in an orchestra. If we were all the same instrument, the song would sound very dull. Be the piccolo or the trombone or the bassoon or the bass drum. Be who you were made to be, and be it to the best of your ability. And in the meantime, learn to appreciate the other instruments for their contribution to the song.

Being jealous of someone else’s success is a waste of your time. The fact that they are successful does not mean that you can’t be successful too. They are successful at being themselves. You are different. Be yourself. Being jealous of someone else is childlike. They haven’t taken away your toy.

I know people who are jealous of people for losing weight. The fact that another person has made the time to exercise and worked up the discipline to eat well does not take away from your ability to do the same. The more time you spend getting mad at another person’s success, the less time you are spending on creating your own. Perhaps you can learn something from the other person’s story that might encourage you. Perhaps you might learn a new way of thinking that will make it easier for you to get healthy.

This all applies to religion as well.

I saw a t-shirt at a New Age shop in Boone, NC with this quote. “There are many paths up the mountain, but at the top, the same bright moon.” I can’t remember the author, and my web search just results in “Asian saying”. I don’t think it matters who said it so much as that it was said. I know plenty of fundamental Christians will freak out over this saying, using the “Jesus is the way…” quote, but they forget that Jesus was all about love, and certainly not about telling everybody off. They also forget that the apostle Paul tells us that in Christ there is no East or West, or male or female or Jew or Gentile, and that Paul himself adapted to the language and customs of whoever he was with.

I like this quote because it seems so simple and so honest. Our goal is God. Keep moving upwards. The closer you get to the top, the more people you are going to see from different faith traditions because the mountain is getting smaller as it goes up. Why do you care how they got there? Are you jealous? Is it “your” God? Or are you concerned for them? Are you afraid that their way might get them lost? Are you so sure of your way? If your way leads you to judge them, then you have a pretty good clue that you are close to falling off the mountain.

There are no shortcuts to success or happiness or enlightenment. They all require an odd balance of hard work and of letting go. I wish you peace on your journey.

Predictive text poem 3

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I’ve been studying for the ability to get to God,
and I found bridges.
I was going on a roundtrip.

We need reminders of God that are not allowed.
We need to work with God, not only mentally,
but the stone green expanse of the way home is now two miles away.

They are hungry.

Love everything that you can.
Look for the ability to work.
Like the world and the resulting behavior of God.

Yet that too is church.
Yes, there was always a chance of me getting in the way.
You’ll find me unwinding to be able to fill their mouths.

How many times did I grow from being suppressed?
I want to have that kind of relationship with God.
His sacrifice of himself is real.

We need reminders but it is harder than I thought.

Autism and Asperger’s resources

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I have several friends and patrons who have children with autism or Asperger’s syndrome. I kept gathering post-it notes of helpful resources for them. I finally decided to put them all together in one place. Most of these deal with how to help your child (or yourself) navigate an often-confusing world. They aren’t about medication at all, but behavior modification. These books serve as a sort of occupational therapy, but without the cost. They give insight to parents and friends about what the world of autism and Asperger’s is like. You can find these at your local library. If your library does not have it – ask them to order it via Inter-Library Loan.

CALL # j616.8589 Q75p 2012.
AUTHOR Quinn, Patricia O.
TITLE Putting on the brakes : understanding and taking control of your ADD or ADHD / by Patricia O. Quinn and Judith M. Stern.
EDITION 3rd ed.
IMPRINT Washington, DC : Magination Press, c2012.
DESCRIPT 112 p. : ill. ; 24 cm.
NOTE “Self-help guide and resource for preteens with attention deficit
disorder (ADD) or attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder
(ADHD). Includes strategies to manage disorder and practical
ways to improve organization, focus, studying, and homework
skills. Also tips for making friends, controlling emotions, and
being healthy”– Provided by publisher.
NOTE Includes bibliographical references (p. 107-110)
SUBJECT Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder — Juvenile literature.
ALT AUTHOR Stern, Judith M.
ISBN/ISSN 9781433811357.
ISBN/ISSN 1433811359.
ISBN/ISSN 9781433811340 (pbk.)
ISBN/ISSN 1433811340 (pbk.)

CALL # j618.928 H8872w.
AUTHOR Huebner, Dawn.
TITLE What to do when your brain gets stuck : a kid’s guide to overcoming OCD / by Dawn Huebner ; illustrated by Bonnie Matthews.
IMPRINT Washington, D.C. : Magination Press, c2007.
DESCRIPT 95 p. : ill. ; 28 cm.
SERIES “What to do” guides for kids.
SERIES “What to do” guides for kids.
NOTE [This book] guides children and parents through the cognitive-
behavioral techniques used to treat obsessive-compulsive
disorder. This interactive self-help book turns kids into
super-sleuths who can recognize and more appropriately respond
to OCD’s tricks. With engaging examples, activities, and step-
by-step instructions, it helps children master the skills
needed to break free from OCD’s sticky thoughts and urges, and
live happier lives. This What-to-do guide is the complete
resource for educating, motivating, and empowering children to
work toward change.-Back cover.
SUBJECT Obsessive-compulsive disorder in children — Juvenile literature.
ALT AUTHOR Matthews, Bonnie, 1963- ill.
ISBN/ISSN 9781591478058 (pbk.)
ISBN/ISSN 1591478057 (pbk.)

CALL # 371.940835 B1677s.
AUTHOR Baker, Jed.
TITLE The social skills picture book : for high school and beyond / by Jed Baker.
IMPRINT Arlington, TX : Future Horizons, 2006.
DESCRIPT 177 p. : ill. ; 23 x 31 cm.
NOTE Previously published as: Social skills picture book.
SUBJECT Autistic children — Education.
ADD TITLE Social skills picture book.
ISBN/ISSN 1932565353.
ISBN/ISSN 9781932565355.

CALL # 371.9 L4144i.
AUTHOR Lavoie, Richard D.
TITLE It’s so much work to be your friend : helping the child with learning disabilities find social success / Richard Lavoie.
IMPRINT New York : Simon & Schuster, c2005.
DESCRIPT liv, 394 p. ; 25 cm.
NOTE “A Touchstone book.”
NOTE Includes index.
SUBJECT Social skills in children.
SUBJECT Learning disabled children.
SUBJECT Social acceptance in children.
SUBJECT Interpersonal relations in children.
ISBN/ISSN 0743254635.
ISBN/ISSN 9780743254632.

CALL # DVD 371.9 I898.
TITLE It’s so much work to be your friend [videorecording] : helping the child with learning disabilities find social success / presented by Richard Lavoie ; director, Bob Comiskey.
EDITION Full screen version.
IMPRINT New York : PBS Video, c2005.
DESCRIPT 1 videodisc (90 min.) : sd., col. ; 4 3/4 in.
NOTE DVD; Dolby digital.
NOTE In English or Spanish with optional Spanish subtitles; closed-
captioned.
NOTE Executive producers, Niki Vettel and Dennis Allen ; cameras, Bob
Birkett … [et al.] ; editor, David Feder ; music, Steven
Schoenberg.
NOTE Based on the book with the same title by Richard Lavoie.
NOTE The lives of most children are filled with joy, laughter, and
their daily adventures with friends, classmates, and teammates.
Some children, however, seem unable to make these important
connections with peers and, as a result, are often islolated
and ignored. Richard Lavoie explores the causes and
consequences of “social incompetence.” He provides strategies
for teaching friendship skills in the classroom, at home, and
in the community.
NOTE Just one friend. Affective matching ; Social memory ; Social
prediction ; Social relevance — They are missing 93%,
paralinguistics. Kenesics ; Proxemics ; Vocalics ; Artifactual
systems — It’s really much more than manners. Reputation
management — Who are your friends? — The coin of the realm,
playdates — The greatest gift.
NOTE DVD special features: Focus on Bullying, Boys + Girls +
Friendships – It’s All Different!
SUBJECT Social skills in children.
SUBJECT Learning disabled children.
SUBJECT Social acceptance in children.
SUBJECT Interpersonal relations in children.
ISBN/ISSN 9780793690510 (liner)
ISBN/ISSN 079369051X (liner)
ISBN/ISSN 841887005524.

CALL # 618.92 N899t 2012.
AUTHOR Notbohm, Ellen.
TITLE Ten things every child with autism wishes you knew / Ellen Notbohm.
EDITION Updated & expanded ed.
IMPRINT Arlington, TX : Future Horizons, c2012.
ISBN/ISSN 9781935274650 (trade pbk.)
ISBN/ISSN 1935274651 (trade pbk.)

CALL # 155.232 Z43h.
AUTHOR Zeff, Ted.
TITLE The highly sensitive person’s survival guide : essential skills for living well in an overstimulating world / Ted Zeff.
IMPRINT Oakland, Calif. : New Harbinger, 2004.
DESCRIPT 192 p. ; 16 cm.
SUBJECT Sensitivity (Personality trait)
SUBJECT Self actualization (Psychology)
SUBJECT Stress management.
SUBJECT Stress (Psychology)
ISBN/ISSN 1572243961 (pbk.)

CALL # 618.92 G4758r.
AUTHOR Gill-Weiss, Mary Jane.
TITLE Reaching out, joining in : teaching social skills to young children with autism / Mary Jane Weiss, Sandra L. Harris.
EDITION 1st ed.
IMPRINT Bethesda, MD : Woodbine House, 2001.
DESCRIPT xiv, 225 p. : ill. ; 22 cm.
SERIES Topics in autism.
NOTE Includes bibliographical references and index.
SUBJECT Autistic children — Rehabilitation.
SUBJECT Autistic children — Education.
SUBJECT Social skills in children.
SUBJECT Autistic children — Behavior modification.
SUBJECT Behavioral assessment.
ALT AUTHOR Harris, Sandra L.
ISBN/ISSN 1890627240 (pbk.) :

CALL # 649.1526 D2727s.
AUTHOR Dawson, Peg.
TITLE Smart but scattered : the revolutionary “executive skills” approach to helping kids reach their potential / Peg Dawson, Richard Guare.
IMPRINT New York : Guilford Press, c2009.
DESCRIPT vi, 314 p. : ill. ; 26 cm.
NOTE Includes bibliographical references (p. 303-309) and index.
SUBJECT Parenting.
SUBJECT Executive ability in children.
SUBJECT Children — Life skills guides.
SUBJECT Child development.
SUBJECT Parent and child.
ALT AUTHOR Guare, Richard.
ISBN/ISSN 9781593854454 (pbk. : alk. paper)
ISBN/ISSN 1593854455 (pbk. : alk. paper)
ISBN/ISSN 9781593859879 (alk. paper)
ISBN/ISSN 1593859872 (alk. paper)

CALL # j153.43 B.
AUTHOR Burns, Marilyn, 1941-
TITLE The book of think : or, How to solve a problem twice your size / written by Marilyn Burns : illustrated by Martha Weston.
EDITION 1st ed.
IMPRINT Boston : Little, Brown, c1976.
DESCRIPT 125 p. : ill. ; 26 cm.
SERIES Brown paper school book.
SUBJECT Problem solving.
SUBJECT Problem solving — Problems, exercises, etc.
ISBN/ISSN 0316117439.
ISBN/ISSN 0316117420.

CALL # j618.92 V484s.
AUTHOR Verdick, Elizabeth.
TITLE The survival guide for kids with autism spectrum disorders (and their parents) / Elizabeth Verdick & Elizabeth Reeve ; illustrated by Nick Kobyluch.
IMPRINT Minneapolis, MN : Free Spirit Pub., c2012.
DESCRIPT 234 p. : col. ill. ; 23 cm.
NOTE “This positive, straightforward book offers kids with autism
spectrum disorders (ASDs) their own comprehensive resource for
both understanding their condition and finding tools to cope
with the challenges they face every day. Some children with
ASDs are gifted; others struggle academically. Some are more
introverted, while others try to be social. Some get “stuck” on
things, have limited interests, or experience repeated motor
movements like flapping or pacing (“stims”). The Survival Guide
for Kids with Autism Spectrum Disorders covers all of these
areas, with an emphasis on helping children gain new self-
understanding and self-acceptance. Meant to be read with a
parent, the book addresses questions (“What’s an ASD?” “Why
me?”) and provides strategies for communicating, making and
keeping friends, and succeeding in school. Body and brain
basics highlight symptom management, exercise, diet, hygiene,
relaxation, sleep, and toileting. Emphasis is placed on helping
kids handle intense emotions and behaviors and get support from
family and their team of helpers when needed. The book includes
stories from real kids, fact boxes, helpful checklists,
resources, and a glossary. Sections for parents offer more
detailed information”– Provided by publisher.
NOTE Includes bibliographical references and index.
SUBJECT Children with autism spectrum disorders — Juvenile literature.
SUBJECT Autistic children — Family relationships — Juvenile literature.
SUBJECT Parents of autistic children — Juvenile literature.
ALT AUTHOR Reeve, Elizabeth.
ALT AUTHOR Kobyluch, Nick, ill.
ISBN/ISSN 9781575423852 (pbk.)
ISBN/ISSN 1575423855 (pbk.)

CALL # 646.7008 D5378s.
AUTHOR Diamond, Susan, 1961-
TITLE Social rules for kids : the top 100 social rules kids need to succeed / Susan Diamond ; foreword by Ann Gordon.
IMPRINT Shawnee Mission, Kan. : AAPC Pub., c2011.
DESCRIPT xi, 131 p. : ill. ; 23 cm.
NOTE Many parents are not sure of what to say and do to help their
children improve their social interactions. Social Rules for
Kids – The Top 100 Social Rules Kids Need to Succeed helps open
the door of communication between parent and child by
addressing 100 social rules for home, school, and the
community. Using simple, easy-to-follow rules covering topics
such as body language, manners, feelings and more, this book
aims to make students lives easier and more successful by
outlining specific ways to interact with others on a daily
basis.
SUBJECT Social skills in adolescence — Handbooks, manuals, etc.
SUBJECT Socialization — Handbooks, manuals, etc.
SUBJECT Interpersonal relations in adolescence — Handbooks, manuals,
etc.
SUBJECT Social skills — Handbooks, manuals, etc.
SUBJECT Interpersonal relations — Handbooks, manuals, etc.
ALT AUTHOR Gordon, Ann, Ph.D., BCET.
ISBN/ISSN 9781934575840 (pbk.)
ISBN/ISSN 1934575844 (pbk.)

CALL # j618.9285 K254a.
AUTHOR Keating-Velasco, Joanna L.
TITLE A is for autism, F is for friend : a kid’s book on making friends with a child who has an autism spectrum disorder / Joanna L. Keating-Velasco.
IMPRINT Shawnee Mission, Kan. : Autism Asperger Pub. Co., 2007.
DESCRIPT vii, 54 p. : ill. ; 23 cm.
NOTE Audience: ages 8-12.
NOTE Includes bibliographical references.
NOTE Eleven-year-old Chelsea explains what autism is, what it is like
to live with autism, and how to make friends with an autistic
child.
SUBJECT Autism in children — Juvenile literature.
SUBJECT Friendship — Juvenile literature.
SUBJECT Social acceptance in children — Juvenile literature.
ADD TITLE A is for autism, F is for friend.
ISBN/ISSN 9781931282437.
ISBN/ISSN 1931282439.

CALL # 331.59 S598a.
AUTHOR Simone, Rudy.
TITLE Asperger’s on the job : must-have advice for people with Asperger’s or high functioning autism, and their employers, educators, and advocates / Rudy Simone ; [foreword by Temple Grandin]
IMPRINT Arlington, Tex. : Future Horizons, c2010.
DESCRIPT xix, 156 p. ; 23 cm.
NOTE Includes bibliographical references (p. 141-149) and index.
SUBJECT Asperger’s syndrome — Patients — Employment.
SUBJECT Asperger’s syndrome — Patients — Vocational guidance.
SUBJECT Developmentally disabled — Employment.
SUBJECT Developmentally disabled — Vocational guidance.
ALT AUTHOR Grandin, Temple.
ISBN/ISSN 9781935274094 (pbk.)
ISBN/ISSN 1935274090 (pbk.)

CALL # 649.15 C999s.
AUTHOR Czudner, Gad.
TITLE Small criminals among us : how to recognize and change children’s antisocial behavior– before they explode / by Gad Czudner.
IMPRINT Far Hills, N.J. : New Horizon Press, c1999.
DESCRIPT 196 p. ; 24 cm.
NOTE Includes bibliographical references (p. 193-196)
SUBJECT Problem children.
SUBJECT Behavior disorders in children.
SUBJECT Child rearing.
ISBN/ISSN 0882821806 (pbk.) : $14.95.
ISBN/ISSN 1271450031.
ISBN/ISSN 780882821801.

CALL # 618.9285882 H865r.
AUTHOR Howley, Marie.
TITLE Revealing the hidden social code : social stories for people with autistic spectrum disorders / Marie Howley and Eileen Arnold ; foreword by Carol Gray.
IMPRINT London ; Philadelphia : J. Kingsley Publishers, 2005.
DESCRIPT 160 p. : ill. ; 24 cm.
NOTE Includes bibliographical references (p. 151-155) and indexes.
SUBJECT Autistic children — Education.
SUBJECT Autistic children — Rehabilitation.
SUBJECT Autistic children — Behavior modification.
SUBJECT Social skills in children — Study and teaching.
SUBJECT Narration (Rhetoric) — Psychological aspects.
SUBJECT Narrative therapy.
ALT AUTHOR Arnold, Eileen, 1944-
ISBN/ISSN 1843102226 (pbk. : alk. paper)
ISBN/ISSN 9781843102229.

CALL # 649.1 E481u.
AUTHOR Elman, Natalie Madorsky.
TITLE The unwritten rules of friendship : simple strategies to help your child make friends / by Natalie Madorsky Elman and Eileen Kennedy-Moore.
EDITION 1st ed.
IMPRINT Boston : Little, Brown, c2003.
DESCRIPT xi, 340 p. : ill. ; 21 cm.
NOTE Includes bibliographical references (p. [317]-324) and index.
SUBJECT Friendship in children.
SUBJECT Social skills in children.
SUBJECT Child rearing.
ALT AUTHOR Kennedy-Moore, Eileen.
ISBN/ISSN 9780316917308 (trade pbk.)
ISBN/ISSN 0316917303 (trade pbk.)

CALL # 618.928588 N822q.
AUTHOR Norall, Cynthia La Brie.
TITLE Quirky, yes–hopeless, no : practical tips to help your child with Asperger’s syndrome be more socially accepted / Cynthia La Brie Norall, with Beth Wagner Brust.
EDITION 1st ed.
IMPRINT New York : St. Martin’s Griffin, 2009.
DESCRIPT xxv, 354 p. ; 24 cm.
NOTE Includes bibliographical references and index.
SUBJECT Asperger’s syndrome in children — Popular works.
SUBJECT Asperger’s syndrome in children — Social aspects.
ALT AUTHOR Brust, Beth Wagner.
ISBN/ISSN 9780312558499 (pbk.)
ISBN/ISSN 031255849X (pbk.)

CALL # 362.1968982 W714p.
AUTHOR Willey, Liane Holliday.
TITLE Pretending to be normal : living with Asperger’s syndrome / Liane Holliday Willey ; foreword by Tony Attwood.
IMPRINT London ; Philadelphia : Jessica Kingsley, 1999.
DESCRIPT 175 p. ; 23 cm.
NOTE Includes bibliographic references ( p. 175 )
SUBJECT Willey, Liane Holliday.
SUBJECT Asperger’s syndrome — Patients — Biography.
SUBJECT Asperger’s syndrome — Popular works.
ISBN/ISSN 1853027499.

CALL # 616.85 C281a.
AUTHOR Carley, Michael John.
TITLE Asperger’s from the inside out : a supportive and practical guide for anyone with Asperger’s syndrome / Michael John Carley ; foreword by Peter F. Gerhardt.
EDITION 1st ed.
IMPRINT New York : Perigee, 2008.
DESCRIPT xvii, 252 p. ; 20 cm.
SUBJECT Asperger’s syndrome — Popular works.
ISBN/ISSN 9780399533976.
ISBN/ISSN 0399533974.

CALL # 616.85882 G753w.
AUTHOR Grandin, Temple.
TITLE The way I see it : a personal look at autism and Asperger’s / Temple Grandin.
IMPRINT Arlington, Tex. : Future Horizons Inc c2008.
DESCRIPT xxxi, 260 p. : ill. ; 23 cm.
NOTE Includes bibliographical references and index.
NOTE Grandin offers helpful do’s and don’ts, practical strategies, and
try-it-now tips, all based on her “insider” perspective and a
great deal of research.
SUBJECT Autism.
SUBJECT Asperger’s syndrome.
SUBJECT Autism in children.
SUBJECT Asperger’s syndrome in children.
ISBN/ISSN 9781932565720.
ISBN/ISSN 1932565728.

CALL # 371.9 H3432c 2001.
AUTHOR Harwell, Joan M., 1936-
TITLE Complete learning disabilities handbook : ready-to-use strategies & activities for teaching students with learning disabilities / Joan M. Harwell.
ISBN/ISSN 0130325627 (pbk.)

CALL # 618.9285 K897o 2005.
AUTHOR Kranowitz, Carol Stock.
TITLE The out-of-sync child : recognizing and coping with sensory
processing disorder / Carol Stock Kranowitz.
NOTE Includes bibliographical references (p. 333-346) and index.
SUBJECT Minimal brain dysfunction in children.
SUBJECT Sensorimotor integration.
SUBJECT Perceptual-motor learning.
ISBN/ISSN 9780399531651 (trade pbk.)
ISBN/ISSN 0399531653 (trade pbk.)
ISBN/ISSN 9780399523861.
ISBN/ISSN 0399523863.

CALL # 613.7 G212i
AUTHOR Garabedian, Helen
TITLE Itsy Bitsy Yoga for toddlers and preschoolers : 8-minute routines to help your child grow smarter, be happier, and behave better / Helen Garabedian
IMPRINT Cambridge, MA : Da Capo/Lifelong, c2008
DESCRIPT 216 p. : ill. ; 24 cm
SUBJECT Hatha yoga for children, Exercise for children ISBN 9781600940088, 1600940080

Asperger’s Rules – by Blythe Grossberg

Hearing voices in the closet.

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If I have to be in the closet at church about the fact that God talks to me, then there is something profoundly wrong going on. Church should be the one place where you can safely and unselfconsciously talk about how God interacts with you. You walk on a thin edge if you talk about God at work or at the dentist office or at Wal-Mart, but church? You should be safe there. You shouldn’t be silenced there.

Yet that is exactly what has happened to me. Now, perhaps the priest was concerned because I’m bipolar. Perhaps she is afraid that I’m not in fact hearing from God. I understand this concern. I wrestled with it for years. For many years I doubted what I heard and knew. I doubted my experiences. I doubted God. And yet it was proven to me again and again that I wasn’t making this stuff up.

The Biblical test for prophets is to see if what they say God told them was going to happen actually happened. I passed that test. Repeatedly. God proved himself to me. God was far more patient with me than I ever would imagine.

It is very important to me to not lead people astray. The church has enough loonies. I didn’t need to add to their ranks. So I understand the priest’s fear. I had it too. And I worked through it. But she didn’t know the stories of when God talked to me and how He proved Himself. She hadn’t been there.

She told me that talking about God was “a conversation stopper” because “other people weren’t having that experience.” This should have been my cue to leave. This was in November, when she told me the deacon discernment process was put on hold for me. Hopefully you catch the irony here. If you are in the deacon discernment process, it is because you believe you are experiencing a call from God.

So it is OK to get a call from God. Just don’t answer, and certainly don’t tell anybody if you got a reply.

I waited, and watched to see how others in church communicate about their experiences with God. And I realized in the three years that I have been there, not a single person has talked about how God talks to them. Not a single person has mentioned that they even prayed to God.

Maybe they do talk to God in prayer, and in prayers of their own words rather than the pre-written prayers of the prayer book. Maybe they do hear from God, and in more than just the already recorded words in the Bible. But they sure don’t talk about it. Why not? Church should be a safe place to talk about such things. Church should be a place where we can have a conversation with God, not a monologue about God. And it should be a place where we can share our experiences with others.

Perhaps they forgot that the entire faith started with Abraham talking to God. Perhaps they forgot Samuel, David, Gideon, Elijah, Elisha, Isaac, Moses, Jacob, Solomon, Noah, Joseph, Mary, and Jesus all talked with God. If the entire religion is based on a person talking to God and so many following people doing the same, then why are we discouraged from being part of that?

God is real. God is constantly communicating with us. We just are too distracted to notice. We fill our heads with the noise of television and iPods and videogames. When God is somehow able to get a word in edgewise we ignore it as a trick of our minds or we think we are going crazy. Or worse, we are told to ignore it by the very people we should expect would be experts at knowing how to deal with it.

I’m not special. I’ve just learned how to cut out the noise. God wants you to hear from Him too. I’ll try to write further about how to hear from God. But I know that the first thing you must do is give God a space. Make some silent time. Be alone with God.

It is crazy to follow God. And it is beautiful and amazing. God knows so much more than I could ever know. My life has changed dramatically since I started trusting that voice. It is calmer. I trust that God is in control. I know that whatever happens is meant to happen.

But to not be able to talk about God in church, aside from what is scripted in the prayer book or in the Bible? Now, that really is crazy.

On blessing, and thankfulness.

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If you are Jewish you are obliged to say 100 blessings a day. One hundred times a day you are to find something to be thankful for. There are prayers for everything, and just looking over the prayers can remind you of how blessed you are in more ways than you ever realized.

There are prayers to be said upon seeing an unusual person. Upon seeing a rainbow. Upon seeing someone beautiful. There are of course various prayers for food. My favorite are the bathroom prayers – where you give thanks that everything that should stay in, stays in, and everything that should get out, gets out. I would never have thought to have a prayer of thanksgiving for that, but it makes perfect sense. All of these prayers make you mindful of all the many ways you are blessed every day. They keep you aware and grateful.

I think this is an excellent practice. We humans often take our many blessings for granted. We forget to be thankful for electricity until it goes out due to a storm. We forget to be grateful for running water until we need a plumber. We constantly grumble about what we don’t have while forgetting to be thankful for what we do have. And often we forget that “bad” is often just our value judgment. Our need to label things “good” or “bad” causes us many problems.

Here’s a twist for you. Give a complement to a stranger. Do this often. Start small and work your way up to complementing 10 strangers a day. Find something about them to tell them how cool it is. Perhaps it is their hairstyle. Perhaps it is something they are wearing. Look them in the eye when you tell them what you have noticed that is cool. Be sincere. Notice how this changes them and you. You both feel better. Well, you might be a little freaked out at first because you are shy, but trust me, you’ll get over it. Happiness spreads. Be a blessing to someone else.

One of the lines I like to incorporate into our supper prayers includes “Dear God, thank you for all that we have, and all that we don’t have.” Sometimes not getting what you want is actually a blessing.

This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad. This applies to every day. Even the rainy ones. Even the ones with a tornado warning. Be thankful for everything, at all times. It takes practice, but it is worth it.

Sheep.

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There is the parable of the lost sheep. Jesus as the shepherd goes after the one. Every one is important. This lesson is used to remind us of how much God loves us. He cares for us personally, intimately, wholeheartedly.

There is a concern I’m hearing about me leaving church. It is the concern that I am the lost sheep. The only problem with that is that I’m not a sheep. Or maybe I am – it depends on your definition of sheep.

Most people feel that sheep are very docile. They are seen as soft and sweet. In the cartoons they are depicted with big smiles. Sheep need a shepherd because they aren’t smart enough to get where they should be on their own.

In that sense, of course people should worry about me. In that sense, I’m a danger to myself if I wander. I could get lost. I could get hurt. I could fall into a ravine. Or worse, I could wander around aimlessly and never return.

This image of sheep is a false image. Have you ever gotten face to face with a sheep? They are not fluffy and sweet. They are fierce. They will face you down if you dare to get in their area. Sheep are not what you think. They are so much more.

When I went to Great Britain with my aunt we spent a lot of time in the country. We saw sheep from afar mostly, but one time I wanted to see a Roman ruin that was in the middle of a pasture. Those sheep were not happy with me being there. They faced me off. Sheep don’t smile. They glower. That was a terrifying experience. And an enlightening one. It let me know from personal experience that everything I’d been told about sheep wasn’t true, in the least.

Sheep need a shepherd? No. Sheep are able to get by just fine on their own, thank you very much. It is more honest to say that the shepherd needs the sheep. The sheep are his livelihood. He trains them to be dependent on him so that they don’t get ideas about wandering.

Jesus says that his sheep know his voice. They come to him when he calls. Have you ever thought that when a person leaves a church it is for that very reason? They don’t hear their master’s voice in that church. They leave because they want to follow Jesus, and they realize they aren’t hearing him while stuck inside a building, going through the same old rituals that have been performed for 2000 years.

I’m not saying that folks in my old church aren’t getting what they need there. I’m saying that I’m not. I’m saying that the closer I get to Jesus, the further I want to run from church. All church. The entire idea of church. But I don’t want church as it is. Church as it is feels dead. The Body is on life support. It isn’t alive.

I want community. I want sharing. I want natural growth and support. I want there to be no leader. I want everybody to participate. I want no money to be used for this. I want people to work hard on their faith and their life. I want people to listen to each other honestly and with caring. I want dialogue. I want people to feel free to share their different viewpoints.

Hurray for sheep. They aren’t what you think they are. They are much more.

Handshake

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Have you ever listened to the odd sound that a fax machine makes when it is trying to connect with another fax machine? There is a weird series of sounds and whirs and chirps and whistles. This series of sounds is called a handshake. Machine number one is trying to figure out what frequency machine number two is on so it can send the fax correctly. When they are able to properly connect it is the same as two people shaking hands.

When people shake hands they are communicating in a basic way. At a primal level they are saying they don’t have any weapons in their hands. Simply to touch another person is a big deal. We have a lot of rules about personal space. It is seen as rude to get too close to someone. People stand about a foot and a half away from each other in line. But to shake hands you have to get within that space.

Just offering to shake someone’s hand is a big deal. They can refuse. They could want a hug instead. There is a bit of jostling about to figure out where the other person is coming from, and what they want out of that interaction.

What about a wave, or a smile? Have you ever noticed that if you wave “hello” to a stranger they will invariably wave back? The same is true for a smile. The saying is “laugh, and the world laughs with you, cry, and you cry alone.” Substitute “smile” for “laugh” and you are on to something.

When I was at Cursillo I cried a lot. It was overwhelming. Symbolically it was Christmas and Easter and my birthday and my wedding day all together. It was a lot to a take in. I cried out of surprise and joy and relief. Towards the end I knew that we were going to be standing in front of a huge crowd of friends and strangers and we were going to be welcomed into the Cursillo family. We were going to have to stand up in front of them and answer the line “Christ is counting on you” with “and I am counting on Christ.” I had a pretty strong feeling I was going to cry, because I’d cried the whole weekend anyway. I prayed that I wouldn’t cry, but while I prayed I heard the answer.

Sometimes it is important to cry, because it lets other people know it is ok to cry.

It is as if we need permission to have feelings. By leading the way with a difficult emotion, it frees up others to have that emotion too. There is a sense of relief. Nobody wants to be the first to cry, but they definitely need to and want to.

It is very healing to let others know they can have feelings, that it is OK for them to let them out. Our society is really heavily into the idea of keeping a stiff upper lip. “Boys don’t cry” – yes, and then they grow up to be abusive and have heart attacks. Boys should cry. Girls should get angry and yell. When girls get angry, they are told they aren’t “ladylike.” Our society tries to shape our emotions as to what is OK and what isn’t. And then we have huge rates of depression and addiction and emotional disorders.

Let them out. Let others know it is OK too. If you stuff emotions in you get out of shape. Pressure builds up. Go ahead. Cry. Yell. You’ll feel better. Then go for a walk and maybe some yoga and a nap and have some decaf tea with your teddy bear.

No.

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Think of those “no” signs. You know, the ones that have a picture of the thing that is not allowed and a big red diagonal line through it. No smoking. No guns. No food or drink. They don’t really tell you what is allowed, so much as what is not allowed.

The only problem with that is that we humans are programmed very oddly. If you tell someone to not think about something, the only thing they can think about is that thing. Remember the old chestnut about pink elephants?

The same works with children. I used to work in a craft store and parents would drag their children in while they looked at the wares. Everything was handmade and expensive. Not exactly the best place to be bringing your children, but there you go. The parents would invariably say “don’t touch” and the children would invariably touch everything there. It was comical and sad at the same time.

Then there was one day where a mom said something different. She said “put your hands in your pockets.” Instead of a negative command she gave a positive one. And it worked. She explained to me that they can only handle so much information, and they forget what they are told to not do. So telling them what to do helps them. Instead of saying “no running” in the library, it is better to say “walk, please.”

I remember a friend who was anti-Christianity. He wore an upside down cross. Something struck me about that. Even wearing a cross upside down, he was still wearing a cross. So he was still referring to Christianity. It seemed like it would make more sense to wear a yin-yang or a Buddha pendant, or nothing at all.

The best way to erase something is to not talk about it at all.

So I’m going to try from now on only to talk about what I think worshiping and serving God should be, not what it shouldn’t be. I’ll probably have to dip into the “not” world every now and then just to give an illustration, but I’m going to try to not stay there.

On Leaving Church

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I am on the threshold of leaving church. Not just my church, but church in general. I’m not finding what I need in it. I’m finding that it keeps people back. It doesn’t empower them. The entire structure of church as we know it these days does not teach people how to be ministers. It teaches them how to be sheep.

I don’t have butterflies in my stomach about this. They are larger than butterflies, and not as pretty. These are owls. They are large and mysterious, and they hit me when I’m alone. When I’m busy with other things they fly away. When I’m off the desk at work, or at night, they hit. They represent fear. Fear of not doing the right thing. Fear of not doing what is expected of me. Fear of straying from the path. Fear of getting lost, of getting hurt.

So – the best way to confront fear is to face it head on. Funny that it was part of the discernment process to be a deacon that taught me this. What I’ve learned from yoga and Buddhism has helped too. And there is a lot of nonviolent conflict resolution going on in this mix.

I’m standing on this cliff. I feel that everything in my life has led me to this place. I feel that the more I look at all I have learned, all the classes I’ve taken, all the books I’ve read in the past three years, have led me here and given me the strength.

What are my tools? The Diversity in Dialogue classes at the Scarritt-Bennett Center. Books such as “Codependent No More,” “Boundaries,” and “Difficult Conversations.” The homework from the deacon discernment process for the Episcopal Church. Journaling. Prayer. My entire life history – remembering the times I’ve walked out in faith away from something I knew to be wrong. I say I’m walking out in faith because I don’t know where I’m going, but I know it is time for a change.

I’m getting strength from a verse my spiritual director gave me. It is from Isaiah 30:21. It is “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”” I’m also getting strength from her teaching to “ask Jesus into it.” Any time I feel fear or angry or hurt or lost – ask Jesus into it. That way I’m not alone with my hard feelings. No priest has every taught me something so simple yet essential. I feel like they have consistently hidden something important from me.

It is time to look behind that curtain. I’m starting to see the entire structure of church as a magic trick. The magicians, the ministers, have all the tricks. They have all the power. They don’t want the punters to know how the trick works, so they can keep up the illusion that they are in charge. This is exactly like when Dorothy and her pals looked behind the curtain and saw the Wizard. He wasn’t big and powerful. He was tiny and weak. He used his machines to make him seem much bigger and louder.

What exactly am I afraid of? Being disconnected from God? God isn’t in a church. God isn’t in a building. God is in everything and in everyone. Time to dig deeper into this. What else is there?

I’m afraid of what happens if I’m not taking communion. But what is communion? A symbol. The wafer and the wine aren’t anything special. The priest doesn’t do anything except remind us that this is a reenactment of the Last Supper. The Catholics think that all other priests are doing it wrong anyway. They think only they have the ability to “confect” the elements. “Confect” is Catholic for “do magic” essentially. They think they are actually converting the wafer and the wine into the actual flesh and blood of Jesus. That is not only creepy, it is another sign of control. Come to us – we serve the only pure Jesus. Everybody else has the watered down Jesus. We have the full-strength version.

I think, maybe I just need to go to another church. Another Episcopal church, or try another Christian denomination. Or maybe even Unitarian or Baha’i. Or Buddhist.

I get more owls from thinking like that. Big flopping wings. But then I face them on – why does that frighten me to leave church? Do I think it means I’m leaving God? Am I afraid of going out on my own and getting lost?

It is like church has slapped training wheels on my bicycle. And they haven’t even begun to tell me how to ride without them. They are afraid of my independence. They are afraid that I’ll go rogue. Look out for all those lost sheep, Jesus says. Gotta go save every one.

But I’m tired of being a sheep. I don’t want to be a shepherd either. I don’t want anybody to follow me. I want them to be strong enough to hear God’s call on their own. I want them to be strong enough to find other lost people and empower them.

I remember a time in a club I was in where I was talking about teaching other people how to do something. I made glass beads and the other person made arrows. I was one of the few people in this part of the country who knew how to make glass beads by melting rods of glass onto a clay-coated mandrel. I was taught by a fourth-generation glassblower and lampworker. My friend was very good at making arrows, and had won awards for it. He was self taught. Our disagreement came when I said I taught my students everything I’d learned. I taught them all that my teacher had taught me, and everything I’d figured out on my own behind the torch, and everything I’d read in books. Meanwhile, he taught them the basics, but nothing extra. He admitted that he didn’t want his students excelling him. I strongly disagree with this way of thinking. I want my students to excel. I want them to surprise me. I want them to be able to teach me something.

I feel like the church is more like my friend than anybody wants to admit. Maybe I haven’t found the right church. Maybe that church doesn’t exist yet.

My Mom didn’t want to teach me to drive because she was afraid that I’d get lost. She knew that I was directionally impaired. She was afraid that I’d call her, wailing, lost, and because I didn’t know where I was, I’d not be able to tell her so she wouldn’t be able to rescue me. Perhaps there was kindness in her thoughts. Perhaps she really was concerned for me. Perhaps she wasn’t trying to control me. But she didn’t think of the solution. Teach me how to read a map. Give me a compass.

Every good teacher should teach their students how to be self sufficient. Students need to learn how to think, rather than what to think.

In church, I asked for training and oversight. I got put into positions of responsibility and when it was felt I’d overstepped, that position was taken away. This has happened multiple times. I’m starting to feel betrayed. When a person asks for training, it means they think they can’t do what they are called to do. To put them into a leadership position without training will only set them up for failure. To then take away that position when they cause concern does not teach them anything.

There are training programs that exist within the Episcopal church, but we don’t have them at my parish. They are EFM (Education for Ministry) and the Stephen Ministry. Both teach people how to be lay ministers.

I saw a picture of one of my favorite Christian authors (Sara Miles) distributing the ashes on Ash Wednesday, out on the streets in San Francisco. I was shocked. A lay person handling the ashes? And then I thought, why not? I went to a different church last Sunday and saw a deacon was distributing the wafers. I thought the same – that is never done. And then I thought, why not?

I got chastised by the priest for writing “My problem with church.” The conversation began with “So, did you mean to be the school shooter? Did you mean to plant the bomb on the racetrack?” This is not constructive criticism. This is very harsh. This does not open up a dialogue. I was told that I’d hurt a lot of people with what I’d written. I’m wondering why they didn’t contact me, as we are instructed to do by Jesus in Matthew 18:15-17. 15 “If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. 16 But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”

Go, and point it out to them alone. Don’t tattle on them to the teacher. I told her to look at that post as well, because I thought she needed to know where my thought processes were going these days. So it isn’t like I was doing anything in secret. But to complain to the priest instead of the person you have issue with is immature.

I started to think about who are my friends in church. There aren’t many, because there aren’t that many people in church who are anywhere near my age level. But then I thought further. All the people I’ve befriended have either already left already or are in the process of leaving. Several of them I’ve talked into staying. I’ve talked three different people into staying, trying to smooth over a disagreement that they had with either the priest or with church in general.

I feel like the point of that post has been proven, along with the one called “On Ministers, and Spoon-fed Faith.” Instead of learning “humility” as I was told I needed to learn by the priest, I’m gathering up steam.