Home » Women's issues » “Hated”

“Hated”

We recently went to get gas at a local store. A carload of young black males pulled up in front of us at a diagonal. They were there to get snacks at the shop and to get gas. But how the driver parked was weird. He parked in such a way that there is no way we could pull forward to leave, and there is no way another car could have pulled through. How they parked was selfish and thoughtless and inconsiderate.

Then their music was insanely loud. I was in the car with the windows closed. Their windows were also closed, yet their music was still so loud I could clearly hear it. They did not care whether other people wanted quiet or not. Through their actions they showed that they didn’t care about other people at all. One of the passengers pulled out a roll of cash and started fanning it. There had to be at least five hundred dollars in his hands.

Then I noticed the driver’s shirt. It was black and had huge letters in a white typeface. The letters took up a fourth of the front of the shirt. They spelled out “HATED”

What a way to self-identify. My thought was if you feel like you are hated, then stop acting in a way that makes people hate you. Act in a civilized manner. Start acting as if you aren’t the only person around.

Then I remember how I’ve seen a lot of black mothers talk to their children. Not all, certainly. But I’ve noticed a disturbing trend. Maybe one in ten use calm, friendly tones with their children. If they talk to their children at all it is sharply. It is hostile. It is frustrated. They bark at their children. “Stop doing that”. “Get over here.” The tone from these mothers says “you are a waste of my time. You are an inconvenience. I didn’t want you. ”

No wonder their children grow up feeling hated. No wonder they grow up angry. Maybe their mothers spoke the same way to them. I’m just reporting what I’m seeing. I’m not saying it should be like this. I’m saying it shouldn’t. I’m saying it is time to change things.

How much of this comes from the mothers reading “urban erotic fiction” with such winning titles as “Thong On Fire” and “Pit Bull in a Skirt”? No, I’m not making these titles up. Sadly, the most popular reading genre in my library for black women is “urban erotic fiction” – where the men are gangsters and the women are whores. It is junk food for the soul. Actually, it is worse than junk food. It teaches women that they are nothing. They are meat. They are things. They are something to be used and thrown away. Women read this and they learn this script. They learn that they are less than nothing. They learn that they have no purpose in life other than to get laid by a man, who is going to leave them.

Why would anybody want to put this message into themselves? This is poison.

While I support the right of everybody to read what they want, I also reserve the right to think that what they are doing is harmful to themselves, and by extension, society. I think the same of the general American culture as well. People can refuse to exercise and eat well. They have that right. But I still have the right to point out that not only will they suffer for their bad choices, but we all suffer from having sick people. We cannot possibly move forward if we are all stuck to the couch. And it doesn’t matter if we are on the couch eating junk food, or reading junk books.

7 thoughts on ““Hated”

  1. I was passing through and decided to write a comment as I am a writer of the all types of genres including urban fiction. I noticed a generalization taking place in this post and just wanted to clarify or even balance some of your own thoughts which could be taken or left. Though there are some black mothers who indeed speak to their children with a frustration that goes deeper than the child but quite possibly a long, hard day of work, the refusal to have a disrespectful child causing scenes in the street or worse having a child talk back. Many of the black mothers you may have witnessed are trying to prevent their children from growing up to be like the disrespectful group you witnessed that day at the gas station. Now to be fair I have seen some of what you say but I have also seen passive aggressive white mothers speaking to their defiant or publicly disobedient child through strained teeth (in order not keep up with appearances).

    I have also seen white mothers who never discipline their children in public or private and have that same child tell that mother they hate her. (something almost unheard of in black communities) I have seen white children turn their backs on their parents, put parents in homes (simply because they can’t be bothered to help) and have the highest counts of suicide compared to other races. All that to say would it be fair to assume that genre’s which cater to an unrealistic behaviors “contemporary fiction, romance novels (which are classic forms of fluff) or murder mysteries and psychological thrillers are to blame for what I have seen? NO!

    Now granted, there are lots of urban fiction authors that are promoting glamorized scenes of wrong doing but the one thing I can say is it isn’t promoting bad parenting no more than contemporary fiction promotes suicide. Or psychological thrillers promotes serial killings. It is merely a depiction of what is already out there. Have you actually sat to read an Urban Fiction?

    Like

  2. Pingback: Breaking News Urban Fiction Creating Bad Mothers? | Urban Fiction News

  3. Society will blame anything on the reason why people are the way they are. First off fact, seems the type of mother you saw had issues nine out of ten i would bet she don’t read! Or let along even know what the company Urban Fiction is. Everyone has different parenting skills. Instead of blogging playing the blame game. Pull the next young lady over and express your concerns. I believe KCbaylor address the issue correctly

    Like

  4. My main concern is that I’m frustrated when any person, and especially a woman, learns the lesson that she is nothing unless she has a man. It is even worse when the man treats her like a dog and not a child of God. I want all people to feel that they are worthwhile, and valuable, and important. I’m very concerned about any person reading anything that teaches her or him that he has no value other than as a sex object. I would love for the entire genre of urban erotic fiction to use its powers for good. I would love for it to teach women that they are worthwhile, that they are important, that they are powerful, on their own, as they are. I would love for it to teach women to speak up for themselves in a beautiful way.

    There is a lot to be learned from reading Alice Walker.

    Like

  5. I just recently started writing urban and my female characters are nothing like you are portraying them. Every book is not the same and all black people don’t read urban books. I read all types anyway im out TTYL

    Like

  6. Betsy: I appreciate your concern yet your conclusion is quite farfetched. I prefer not go into an in depth analysis of why I believe it is so. However, it is obvious that you built your argument based on how you felt at the moment you encountered the three black males. I would never assert that the conclusion you draw is racist but emotionally driven. How you get from the males in the car to black parenting and then to urban fiction as being the reason for the young males behavior would not be taken seriously in any academic environment. I do agree that we as a society need to nurture more responsible individuals. I agree that proper parenting that develops respectful people is imperative. And I also agree that any genre of book needs to consider the impact that it may have on society. However, as I am not the arbiter of all things just in this world, I do not have power over all things. I thank you for expressing your concern because it gave me an opportunity to respond. Harve Nichols

    Like

Comments are closed.