relationship | betsybeadhead

Should you stay or should you go? Don’t fall for the “sunk cost fallacy”. I saw this list online that offered many different ways to think about your relationship and if it is worth staying for. I’m sharing it here because it might be helpful.

Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm (and don’t let them set you on fire to warm themselves)

We accept the love we think we deserve

At the end of the day, what does this person add to your life vs what they take away

There are people out there who will treat you how you allow them to, not how you treat them.

You can’t date the past or the future, when everything was/will be great when ______ happens. The relationship you have NOW is the one you have to live with.

Don’t keep drinking after you’ve found out your well has been poisoned.

You will never find the right person if you don’t let go of the wrong one.

It’s better to have a relationship end now with pain than have a painful relationship without end.

Never confuse what you’re offered with what you’re worth.

When they rob you of solitude but provide no companionship, it’s time to go.

The axe forgets but the tree remembers

Let go or be dragged

Smooth seas never made a skilled sailor

The portal to every next level is through the parts of yourself you avoid

“The chains of habit are too light to be felt, until they are too heavy to be broken.”

The well that gives too much becomes a hole.

“When the map and the terrain differ, trust the terrain”

Accept what IS, not what you’d like it to be.

You can’t pour from an empty cup

Don’t lose sleep over cutting ties with someone who handed you the scissors.

Do you want to play life on hard mode?

You can’t grow in earth that poisons you.

Our successes don’t have meaning without our struggles.

When my husband and I have supper together at the dinner table, I like to think of it as our island. It is our special place where it is just him and me. We don’t talk about work or family or troubles. Our island is just for happy things.

These days it is especially important to have a moment of calm. These days there’s a new rule – no dead people on the island. There’s too much going on about his Mom’s memorial service, the estate, and family drama. Because of this, we have started having dinner at the table more often.

It is like a sabbatical in the middle of chaos. It is like a holiday in the middle of the week. It restores us and resets us.

At a minimum, I want us to eat at the table once a week, on Friday evening. Anything extra is good too. Previously we would sit in the living room and watch television. We don’t watch broadcast television. We have DVDs of television series or movies. Sometimes it takes several evenings to watch a complete episode. But while we are eating in there, we’re not really spending time with each other. We’re not building up our own relationship.

Through this new experience we are learning how to re-create ourselves as people and as a couple. In fact, after the dinner prayer last night my husband added something to the prayer. He prayed that we not allow drama with family to get in between us. That is unusual for him to add something to the prayer, and it is a beautiful thing for him to add. It is a good reminder that we chose each other. We didn’t choose our family. If our family is being difficult then we don’t have to allow them on our island.