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Time addiction

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Mis-using time is the same as any other addiction. It is a way to avoid something. Drinking and using drugs are the most visible ways to “not be there” – to be mindless. But watching TV all day long, reading anything that isn’t educational, sleeping a lot, surfing the Web – these too have the same effect. They are ways to not be present and avoid living life. They are ways to not deal with reality.

Drinking and doing drugs aren’t more extreme or worse, because the result is the same – a life used up and wasted.

Time is like money – how you spend it is important. Just like in the parable of the talents, there will be an accounting at the end of our lives as to how we’ve spent our days.

We may not find the cure for cancer or write “the great American novel” – but we can add to the overall knowledge of humanity. We are in a relay race. One generation’s efforts get us closer and closer to breakthroughs. Einstein could not have discovered what he did without the efforts of scientists before him like Newton and Galileo.

Time and calories and money

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I’m for an accounting of time and money the same as how some people account for calories. I think it’s important for all of us to be mindful.

I know a guy who started to write again after his wife died. He started to write very good insights about our relationship with God. But then he died seven weeks after she died. He didn’t have time to write everything that he wanted to write. But then again, why did he wait so long to get started?

We never know when we are going to die. Every single day that you have is a gift that is given to you. It is important that you use it wisely.

When people say they don’t have time to write or to exercise, that is not true. Everybody has the same amount of time – it just depends on what you do with it. Just like with calories, it is important to be mindful about what you do. Do you hit the snooze button five times in the morning? Do you go out for lunch every day? Do you sit and watch three hours of television at night? Everything adds up.

You can find ways to use your time better. You can use dictation software while you walk. To learn something, you can listen to a nonfiction audiobook or podcast on your way to work. You can take your lunch to work and go for a walk at lunch. In giving up eating out, you’ll have enough money in order to afford the gym.

The old saying is true – you’ll either find a way or find an excuse.

The only way to find spare money and spare time is to start writing down what you do. It is the same thing people do to learn how to eat better. It is the best way to become mindful and aware. No one else has to see it. It is important that you are accountable and honest to yourself.

I knew a guy who was trying to save money. The newest video game came out and he immediately bought it. And I said how are you going to pay for it? It cost $40. He said “But I wanted it.” Like that made a difference in a budget. Of course he wanted it – the problem is how are you going to afford for it?

We cannot become (or remain) animals who mindlessly take whatever we want. The definition of being human is being able to control our appetites. If we are unable to stop ourselves doing whatever we want then we are just like zombies. We are in human shape but we don’t have any self-control. We are wild ravenous beings.

When you see someone who has gotten famous or done something amazing it isn’t an accident. They worked very hard to make that happen. Just like how water wears away the stone we have to work day by day and minute by minute to achieve our goals.

There is no shortcut to being awake – but there are a bunch of little steps. You can’t take a pill to get healthy or strong or famous, but you can do a little bit every day towards your goal and you’ll get there.

Desire mercy and not sacrifice.

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Jesus asks us to learn what the phrase “I desire mercy, and not sacrifice” means. If we understand it, then we have the key for how to obey God’s commandments.

The religious authorities of the day were always trying to find a way to trip Jesus up. They were looking for a way to prove he was violating the religious laws. At that time, violating religious law was equivalent to violating state law. Not doing things in the right way was not just a sin, it was also a crime. If the violation was severe enough, it was punishable by death.

We don’t live in such a time or state here in America, but the problem is still the same. The wages of sin are death. We would be wise to think about what we do in our religious observance. Are we obeying the letter of the law, or the spirit? Are we showing mercy, or showing off?

Matthew 9:10-13
10 And as he sat at table in the house, behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and sat down with Jesus and his disciples. 11 And when the Pharisees saw this, they said to his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” 12 But when he heard it, he said, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. 13 Go and learn what this means, ‘I desire mercy, and not sacrifice.’ For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.”

Later on, he repeats this idea during a different altercation with the religious authorities.

Matthew 12:1-8
At that time Jesus went through the grainfields on the sabbath; his disciples were hungry, and they began to pluck heads of grain and to eat. 2 But when the Pharisees saw it, they said to him, “Look, your disciples are doing what is not lawful to do on the sabbath.” 3 He said to them, “Have you not read what David did, when he was hungry, and those who were with him: 4 how he entered the house of God and ate the bread of the Presence, which it was not lawful for him to eat nor for those who were with him, but only for the priests? 5 Or have you not read in the law how on the sabbath the priests in the temple profane the sabbath, and are guiltless? 6 I tell you, something greater than the temple is here. 7 And if you had known what this means, ‘I desire mercy, and not sacrifice,’ you would not have condemned the guiltless. 8 For the Son of man is lord of the sabbath.”

Immediately after this, we hear one of the many stories where Jesus healed on the Sabbath. This “work” got him in trouble with the priestly rulers of the day.

Matthew 12:9-14
9 And he went on from there, and entered their synagogue. 10 And behold, there was a man with a withered hand. And they asked him, “Is it lawful to heal on the sabbath?” so that they might accuse him. 11 He said to them, “What man of you, if he has one sheep and it falls into a pit on the sabbath, will not lay hold of it and lift it out? 12 Of how much more value is a man than a sheep! So it is lawful to do good on the sabbath.” 13 Then he said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” And the man stretched it out, and it was restored, whole like the other. 14 But the Pharisees went out and took counsel against him, how to destroy him.

Here’s the Bible quote that Jesus is referring to –

Hosea 6:6
For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice,
the knowledge of God, rather than burnt offerings.

We hear it echoed in the words of the prophet Isaiah –

Isaiah 58:1-12
“Cry aloud, spare not,
lift up your voice like a trumpet;
declare to my people their transgression,
to the house of Jacob their sins.
2 Yet they seek me daily,
and delight to know my ways,
as if they were a nation that did righteousness
and did not forsake the ordinance of their God;
they ask of me righteous judgments,
they delight to draw near to God.
3 ‘Why have we fasted, and thou seest it not?
Why have we humbled ourselves, and thou takest no knowledge of it?’
Behold, in the day of your fast you seek your own pleasure,
and oppress all your workers.
4 Behold, you fast only to quarrel and to fight
and to hit with wicked fist.
Fasting like yours this day
will not make your voice to be heard on high.
5 Is such the fast that I choose,
a day for a man to humble himself?
Is it to bow down his head like a rush,
and to spread sackcloth and ashes under him?
Will you call this a fast,
and a day acceptable to the LORD?
6 “Is not this the fast that I choose:
to loose the bonds of wickedness,
to undo the thongs of the yoke,
to let the oppressed go free,
and to break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,
and bring the homeless poor into your house;
when you see the naked, to cover him,
and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?
8 Then shall your light break forth like the dawn,
and your healing shall spring up speedily;
your righteousness shall go before you,
the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.
9 Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer;
you shall cry, and he will say, Here I am.
“If you take away from the midst of you the yoke,
the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness,
10 if you pour yourself out for the hungry
and satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
then shall your light rise in the darkness
and your gloom be as the noonday.
11 And the LORD will guide you continually,
and satisfy your desire with good things,
and make your bones strong;
and you shall be like a watered garden,
like a spring of water,
whose waters fail not.
12 And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt;
you shall raise up the foundations of many generations;
you shall be called the repairer of the breach,
the restorer of streets to dwell in.

And also in the words of the prophet Micah –

Micah 6:6-8
6 “With what shall I come before the LORD,
and bow myself before God on high?
Shall I come before him with burnt offerings,
with calves a year old?
7 Will the LORD be pleased with thousands of rams,
with ten thousands of rivers of oil?
Shall I give my first-born for my transgression,
the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?”
8 He has showed you, O man, what is good;
and what does the LORD require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God?

And also in the words of the prophet Samuel –

1 Samuel 15:22-23
22 And Samuel said,
“Has the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices,
as in obeying the voice of the LORD?
Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice,
and to hearken than the fat of rams.
23 For rebellion is as the sin of divination,
and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry.
Because you have rejected the word of the LORD,
he has also rejected you from being king.”

We are not to obey the letter of the law more than the spirit of the law. God does not want mindless obedience. God wants us to be mindful and awake. God wants us to show mercy. Jesus warns us to be mindful of the teachings of religious authorities who do not show mercy.

Matthew 16:5-12
5 When the disciples reached the other side, they had forgotten to bring any bread. 6 Jesus said to them, “Take heed and beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and Sad′ducees.”7 And they discussed it among themselves, saying, “We brought no bread.” 8 But Jesus, aware of this, said, “O men of little faith, why do you discuss among yourselves the fact that you have no bread? 9 Do you not yet perceive? Do you not remember the five loaves of the five thousand, and how many baskets you gathered? 10 Or the seven loaves of the four thousand, and how many baskets you gathered? 11 How is it that you fail to perceive that I did not speak about bread? Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and Sad′ducees.”12 Then they understood that he did not tell them to beware of the leaven of bread, but of the teaching of the Pharisees and Sad′ducees.

A little later on, Jesus had just healed a man who was blind, mute, and possessed. The religious authorities decided that Jesus had to be in league with the devil to be able to do this. Jesus pointed out that the devil doesn’t heal. Their hypocrisy and blind obedience to the religious rules was their sin.

Matthew 12:33-37
33 “Either make the tree good, and its fruit good; or make the tree bad, and its fruit bad; for the tree is known by its fruit. 34 You brood of vipers! how can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. 35 The good man out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil man out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. 36 I tell you, on the day of judgment men will render account for every careless word they utter; 37 for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Jesus continues to warn us about blindly following religious authorities and rules. He wants us to be always mindful of what we are doing.

Matthew 23:1-36
Then said Jesus to the crowds and to his disciples, 2 “The scribes and the Pharisees sit on Moses’ seat; 3 so practice and observe whatever they tell you, but not what they do; for they preach, but do not practice. 4 They bind heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with their finger.5 They do all their deeds to be seen by men; for they make their phylacteries broad and their fringes long, 6 and they love the place of honor at feasts and the best seats in the synagogues, 7 and salutations in the market places, and being called rabbi by men. 8 But you are not to be called rabbi, for you have one teacher, and you are all brethren. 9 And call no man your father on earth, for you have one Father, who is in heaven. 10 Neither be called masters, for you have one master, the Christ. 11 He who is greatest among you shall be your servant; 12 whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.
13 “But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! because you shut the kingdom of heaven against men; for you neither enter yourselves, nor allow those who would enter to go in. 15 Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for you traverse sea and land to make a single proselyte, and when he becomes a proselyte, you make him twice as much a child of hell as yourselves.
16 “Woe to you, blind guides, who say, ‘If any one swears by the temple, it is nothing; but if any one swears by the gold of the temple, he is bound by his oath.’ 17 You blind fools! For which is greater, the gold or the temple that has made the gold sacred? 18 And you say, ‘If any one swears by the altar, it is nothing; but if any one swears by the gift that is on the altar, he is bound by his oath.’ 19 You blind men! For which is greater, the gift or the altar that makes the gift sacred? 20 So he who swears by the altar, swears by it and by everything on it; 21 and he who swears by the temple, swears by it and by him who dwells in it; 22 and he who swears by heaven, swears by the throne of God and by him who sits upon it.
23 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law, justice and mercy and faith; these you ought to have done, without neglecting the others. 24 You blind guides, straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel!
25 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for you cleanse the outside of the cup and of the plate, but inside they are full of extortion and rapacity. 26 You blind Pharisee! first cleanse the inside of the cup and of the plate, that the outside also may be clean.
27 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. 28 So you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but within you are full of hypocrisy and iniquity.
29 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for you build the tombs of the prophets and adorn the monuments of the righteous, 30 saying, ‘If we had lived in the days of our fathers, we would not have taken part with them in shedding the blood of the prophets.’31 Thus you witness against yourselves, that you are sons of those who murdered the prophets. 32 Fill up, then, the measure of your fathers. 33 You serpents, you brood of vipers, how are you to escape being sentenced to hell? 34 Therefore I send you prophets and wise men and scribes, some of whom you will kill and crucify, and some you will scourge in your synagogues and persecute from town to town, 35 that upon you may come all the righteous blood shed on earth, from the blood of innocent Abel to the blood of Zechari′ah the son of Barachi′ah, whom you murdered between the sanctuary and the altar. 36 Truly, I say to you, all this will come upon this generation.

So, think about your own religious observance. This isn’t about blaming religious teachers, or feeling superior to the authorities of Jesus’ time. This is about right now. If you go to church, what are the practices like? Do they spend most of the tithe money on the building and salaries for the ministers, rather than on helping the poor? Do they spend their time on trying to raise money for the church rather than serving God?

And what do you do with your time? Do you talk about God’s love – or do you show it with your actions?

Do people know you are a Christian because of the cross you wear, or the life you live?

All Bible quotations are RSV.

Near, far.

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“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

“Familiarity breeds contempt.”

This is further proof that “absolutes” aren’t absolute at all. Old phrases aren’t rules for life. They can cancel each other out. They are like two hands clapping – the truth is somewhere in between. Sometimes the truth is a little of both.

I know a couple that ended up getting a divorce when she switched to working from nights to days. They ended up spending more time together and realized they didn’t like each other at all. They had been together many years, but apparently not in any meaningful way.

I know another couple that grew to resent each other once they retired. They had been married for 40 years by that point. They spent so much time together at that point that they got in each other’s way and interrupted each other’s routines.

Think about any old phrases you hear. They aren’t always “truth”, but just a slice of it. Read up about other cultures, and see what old phrases they have. What do they see as “truth”? How does it compare with our version, with other versions?

“A little learning is a dangerous thing;
drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring:
there shallow draughts intoxicate the brain,
and drinking largely sobers us again.”
– Alexander Pope

Birthday Wretch

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One of my coworkers had her birthday recently. It was five days after another coworker had died. He died at 42. She is in her 70s.

I considered not saying anything to her about her birthday. This is the one who never talks except to complain. “I don’t mean to complain, but…” is her catch phrase. But I decided to wish her a happy birthday anyway. Now I wish I hadn’t.

Her response? “When you get to my age, birthdays don’t matter much.”

Any other time, this wouldn’t have hit me as hard as it did. But five days after a really awesome person died?

Ungrateful wretch. At least she had a birthday to celebrate. She’s had way more birthdays that Jeff will ever have.

It isn’t fair. It isn’t fair that the good people die young and we are stuck with the mean people. It isn’t fair that there are patrons who come to the library every day and spend all day on the computers, playing Facebook games. They are wasting their lives, while there are better people who don’t have lives left to waste because they are dead.

I keep wondering, when she dies, will anybody go to her funeral? What will they say? Will they miss her?

I’m sad and angry at the same time for all the people who are still alive and are not using their time well. They sleepwalk through their days, they are mean, they are selfish. They don’t volunteer. They don’t make the world better.

Why do they get more time and the wonderful, amazing, kind people have to die?

Will power and won’t power

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It isn’t will power.
It is won’t power.

I won’t eat another piece of pie.
I won’t get a second plate at the buffet.
I won’t let other people control my emotions.
I won’t buy that thing to make me happy.
I won’t blame other people for my anger.

But when you give up something bad, you need to fill that space with something good. Otherwise the bad habit will come back even stronger.

For example –

I won’t waste my lunchtime. I’ll go for a short walk first.

I won’t watch TV all evening – I’ll write or read instead.

Your life is yours to control. Everything you do is your choice. How you respond or react is your choice. And there are repercussions for every choice you make.

Choose wisely. This life is yours, but it is short. There is no reset button.

Container

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We need containers for our feelings just like banana bread needs a container in order to shape it in the heat of the oven. The container gives the feeling shape. The container is a ritual or a practice.

We have to have places to put our feelings. Rituals are the way to do that. Western culture has some rituals and ceremonies for how to handle big events – birth, marriage, graduation, death. But it doesn’t have rituals for much of anything else. Perhaps this is why so many people suffer from depression and anxiety.

When your culture doesn’t have the tools you need, you have to make your own.

Feelings are difficult to handle. Our culture tells us how to handle the feeling of having to go to the bathroom, but not other feelings. When you have the feeling that you have to go to the bathroom, you need to know what to do with that feeling otherwise you will make a mess everywhere. If you have that feeling you know what to do because you’ve been trained. That feeling you have is what lets you know that there something that needs to get out.

Other feelings are harder to figure out, but they are just as important to get out. There isn’t a physical thing that needs to come out of you, but there still is a need to release that feeling. Emotional, spiritual, and psychological pain will manifest in physical ways. Just like with having to go to the bathroom, you need to know how to deal with it.

When you have a sensation of tension in your shoulders, chest, or gut it is a sign that you have a feeling that needs to be processed. The poet Rumi reminds us that grain has to be broken up before it can become bread. But I’ll add that in order for it to become bread it has to be mixed together with other ingredients, poured into a form and put into the oven.

Difficult feelings aren’t ever alone – we aren’t just grain that has been ground up. And the form is our practice. It gives shape to our feelings. What do you do to stay balanced? Do you drift through your days, or are you intentional?

Our practice is our form, our mold for our feelings. If we don’t use it, our feelings will pour out all over everywhere and be a big mess.

When I found out that my coworker had died unexpectedly, I felt a pain in my stomach. I chose to sing it out. Rather than yell or cry, I chose to give it shape. Deep from my gut I sang out a long clear note, simply saying “Ahhhhh……” for as long as I could. Then I took another breath and did it again and again until I released the tension. I have since found out that this is from yoga. It is called “Lion’s breath”, except in yoga, you just breathe out hard. Here, I sang.

I have also used the technique “praying in color” to process my feelings. I have created some other art and started a prayer book that I will use to memorize prayers. I did all of this in his memory. I have chosen to use what I already do to stay balanced as a way to honor him and acknowledge his passing.

And, of course, I’m writing.

It doesn’t matter what you use to process your feelings – whatever form you use is good, as long as it works for you. What matters is that you use it.

Don’t wait until the storm hits to have a place to go.
Don’t wait until something bad happens to have a practice.

If you stick with your practice every day, then you will have something to rely upon when the inevitable happens. It will help you keep your balance and not get swept away. It doesn’t mean that you escape your feelings – it means that you don’t let your feelings overwhelm you. You still have them – they just don’t have you.

Shorts

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Try not to take life personally.

Forgive yourself and others.

Keep trying.

You are never too old to be a child.

Childish and childlike are different things.

Don’t wait – tomorrow may never happen.

How you spend your days is how you spend your life.

Be mindful. Autopilot is for planes, not for people.

You are responsible for your own feelings – not anybody else’s.

Love is a better motivator than fear.

What you expect to see, you will see.

Rocks and life.

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Good habits are like the reverse of water wearing away at a stone.

If we are intentional and mindful about our lives we will create something really amazing. Good habits are like building a cathedral. Each stone, one at a time, is placed upon another. There is a plan to it and a lot of hard work. It isn’t built overnight, and it isn’t built by accident. It requires a lot of focus and discipline.

When we are intentional about our lives, every little bit counts and every little bit works towards a goal. We are building something amazing and strong.

If we are not intentional about our lives, those stones will end up being more like a field of rocks.

They will cause us to trip.

They will make the field unable to be used to produce a harvest.

Consider this – a stone, left untouched, is just a stone. But with vision and focus and hard work, over the course of several years, can result in an amazing sculpture like Michelangelo’s “David”. Perfection takes a plan, a lot of work, and time. It doesn’t happen on its own.

So how can we be intentional? What we read counts. What we do to take care of our bodies counts. Any classes count – whether a normal course of study or extracurricular.

It may seem like a little bit here and there. But over time, it amounts to a lot. Make it count.

Heart full of Jesus – self-care as a religious mandate

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If we have made a home in our hearts for Jesus, then we should treat ourselves like we would treat Jesus. So what should we do?

We’d take better care of ourselves and show ourselves love. We’d cook good, healthy meals for ourselves. We’d take time to play and read good books.

Think if you are going to have a guest over – a long time friend or someone important from another country. What if it is the Queen or the Pope? What would you do? Would you put on tabloid TV? Or soap operas? Would you make them watch TV at all?

Or would you play board games, or have a nice conversation? Would you pull out all your musical instruments and create a song together? Would you pull out the craft supplies and have fun making something?

How would you spend your time with this important visitor? How is this different from how you spend your time with yourself when you are alone?

Treat yourself as if you are an important visitor, because you are. Your spirit, your soul, is a tiny piece of God. Treat yourself as the child of God that you are.

“Be mindful of your self-talk. It’s a conversation with the Universe” – David James Lees