Random

Posted on July 11, 2016 by betsybeadhead | 5 Comments

It isn’t just about cops killing black people. It isn’t just about cops being killed

It isn’t just all that which has gotten us all worried and concerned.
There is more. We forget all the incidences of mass murders that have happened in this country. We forget the incidences of rape that have occurred that have had no punishment for the rapist.

The issue at hand is all the various examples of random and unexpected violence that have occurred in the past several years. It doesn’t make any sense. It is violence that seems to come out of the blue. It is school shootings. It is shopping malls, it is movie theaters. It is anytime anyone out of the blue starts killing people who have done nothing to him. And that is the operative point. It seems that all of these incidences have involved single men acting alone, and often young white men. They’re angry at something in general but not someone in particular and they don’t know how to express their anger, so they kill the person in front of them. The thing that is most frightening about all of this is that it could happen to any one of us at any time. It is nothing that we can control or prevent.

We feel helpless and constantly on guard, but even being on guard won’t do us any good. It is as if we can do all the right things and still be victims. We haven’t angered anyone. We’ve done all that society expects us to do and still someone, randomly, on their own, can decide to kill us. It isn’t personal at all – it is as impersonal as it could possibly be.

We were terrified by Ebola and then the Zika virus. These two things are seemingly random and they can forever affect your life (if not end it). There was no way to avoid them. These incidents of random violence are the same. There is no way to prepare or prevent them from happening.

This is why we feel so helpless. We can’t legislate it away. We can’t do anything. Our “thoughts and prayers” seem to be falling on deaf ears.

To turn away from the newsfeed is to be accused of being indifferent. It is to be accused of “white privilege”. Tell us what we can do, and we will do it. Otherwise, to continue to drown in these stories is to be psychically attacked over and over.

Bad seeds

Posted on August 26, 2014 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

I think it is very dangerous to spread news about young boys and guns in school. The stories about mass shootings at school where boys are killing strangers just encourage more of the same, rather than preventing it.

I think the media mentions it in the news so that everybody else knows what to look out for and be careful. But the problem is that when they spread the news they’re also telling other boys here’s a thing to do. People who never thought about taking a gun and killing random strangers at their school now have that idea in their head. It’s not that the rash of it spreads on its own, it’s that we plant the seeds.

So now, kids who feel ignored and overlooked have an idea of how to get attention and be noticed. Any attention, even negative, is attention. Attention is energy. That is what everybody wants. Being famous for a bad thing is still being famous. And, briefly, they feel powerful, which they have not felt before.

We have to address that sense of powerlessness and give everybody the attention that they need. Every person has the chance to grow up into a beautiful flower. Ignored, abused – they will grow up into misshapen weeds.

It is our choice.

All people need to learn how to express themselves and how to respect others while they express themselves. All people need to learn how to self-soothe and not rely on others for their self-esteem and happiness.

Achieve this and we will have peace.

Cold call dating

Posted on July 21, 2014 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

I got a message on Facebook today from a stranger. It said –
“Good Day….I passed by your profile your smile caught my eyes it would be nice to chat if you think we might be compatible?….I hope you have a great day.”

I didn’t recognize the name. I clicked over to his profile. I don’t know this person. Perhaps we have some friends in common? No. We don’t. We don’t have anything in common other than we are human. He lives in Atlanta, GA. He is from Marseille, France. That is all I got from his page. From his profile pictures he looks like he is in his mid 50s. One picture looks like he is in a commercial kitchen.

He seems nice enough, in a stalker kind of way.

This is sadly normal. Why do some guys think that it is ok to essentially cold-call women? Wouldn’t it be better to get to know her as a person first, to know something about her? To have some shared interests?

Perhaps that is the problem with the guys who are attacking women. They don’t know how to relate to women at all, as people. They know, because society tells them, that they have to date women, but they don’t know how. So they get frustrated, and because society doesn’t teach them how to deal with their emotions other than with violence, they attack.

Perhaps they need to learn social skills at a young age. Perhaps it is time for all of us to start teaching boys how to relate to women as humans.

Talking to women is the same as talking to guys. See them as people first. Get to know them as human beings. You can deepen the relationship later if it is mutually agreed upon. Don’t start off with the goal of dating.

My reply was this:
“Hello. I’m not sure why you have contacted me, as you know nothing about me – the most important being that I am married. That is why I smile. But this opens up another issue – why would you contact a woman you don’t know anything about? Just because she is a woman? Just because she is smiling? You might have better luck if you get to know people as people, as individuals first. Join a Facebook group that you have an interest in, and notice who posts there that you find interesting. Then contact her. That way, you both have something in common. Best of luck to you.”

I’d considered not replying, but I thought that maybe I could use this as a teachable moment.

Consider this – getting to know women is the same as getting a job. Do you just go for any job – or do you go for one that will suit you, one that fits your interests? When I was a manager, I only interviewed people who showed me that they knew something about the store. They needed to have been customers. They needed to have had a history with the place.

People who just walked in off the street, looking for any job at all, need not apply.

Guys who are looking for any woman at all, need not apply. Women like to be selected for themselves, as people, as individuals, not just because they have the right plumbing.