The inside/outside room

This week’s sketching adventure was at Summit hospital. There is a small patio that is surrounded by the building. It is inside and outside at the same time. The door has been locked for at least a year due to construction and remodeling.

I’d been there a year ago (an annual appointment with my cardiologist brings me here) and was planning to sketch then.  The construction had just begun, so there was no way.  This sign greeted me this year –

sum 8

I looked.  I could see no danger.  I didn’t test the door.

I got a pumpkin spice latte at the coffee shop and sketched and photographed from inside, through the glass.  This was my view from the inside.

sum 9

This is what I sketched (this is dry watercolor pencil)

sum 9b

It is more impressionistic than realistic.  I didn’t match up the angles in the top North East corner (9 to 10 on the clock), so there is a gap.  It is OK, and I was grateful to have done this – to have made time to do this.

But this wasn’t enough for me. I talked to three people to determine why it was still locked.  The second person didn’t even think people were meant to be out there.  When I told her there were benches, she changed and said “Ask Ann” and jerked her thumb behind her to a small window that was set up like a bank teller.  It turns out that Ann is in charge of the switchboard. I have decided that if Ann doesn’t know the answer, she knows who knows.  She made some calls. She learned that it was safe to open again.  She called a security guard to unlock it for me.

sum 6

I’m the first person there in a year.

sum5

I was overwhelmed with joy and pride at my bravery in asking.  I quietly said the “Shehecheyanu” prayer  – – “Blessed are You, Lord, ruler of the universe, who has given us life, sustained us, and brought us to this moment.”

I chose a bench to sit on.  Here is what I saw –

One picture could not cover it all.

Here is what I sketched – (this is dry watercolor pencil)  This was 10-11 am, Friday October 13, 2017.  It was about 65 degrees.

sum 7

Here is what it looks like after, with water added. sum 10.jpgSketching isn’t about drawing everything that you see.  It is more than a photograph.  The filter is your perspective – not only externally, but internally.  It is what you want to show.  It is about editing out the trash cans, or highlighting the blue reflection of the mirrored glass.  It is choosing to draw only three lines of windows instead of 5.

It is more than a photograph because it shows things from a human perspective.

I took the results to the three people who I talked to in order to gain access.  I said “here is the fruit of our labors”   – and only the coffee shop person even remembered me.  I’d been gone for an hour and the other two had talked to lots of other people in the meantime.  They had forgotten about me.

Ann was particularly taken by my sketch and said “Do you do this for a living?”  No – I’m not paid (yet) for my art.  I do this to live.  But I don’t make money at it.  She brought up a local artist, Phil Ponder.  To have my art compared with his is a huge complement.  She said “You have real talent”.  I am pleased with my work, but I don’t think it is that great.  But this is inspiring.   She also thought that it would be a shame for this to stay in my journal – that I should make it so it can be on display in the hospital.

We will see.  This would involve asking more people, making sure that it will actually be on display and not hidden in a corner.  It might involve re-painting it on bigger and better paper.  Getting it framed.  Do I pay for that – or do they?  Do I want to go through all of that work?

Sorrow turned to joy

“Soon you won’t see me, but shortly after that you’ll see me again, because I am returning to the Father.”

Some of the disciples started saying to each other, “What does he mean when he says ‘Soon you won’t see me, but shortly after that you’ll see me again,’ and ‘because I am returning to the Father.’?” They also said “What does he mean by “Soon”?

Jesus knew they had questions for him, so he said “Are you asking each other about my words ‘Soon you won’t see me, but shortly after that you’ll see me again’?

Trust my words – you’ll be overcome with grief but the world will celebrate. You will be sorrowful but your sorrow will transform into joy. A pregnant woman is in pain when she is in labor, but she forgets about it after she gives birth because she is overjoyed that a new person has been born. In the same way, you are sad now, but your hearts will be filled with joy when you see me again and nobody can steal your joy from you. Then you won’t ask me any questions.

Truly, the Father will give you anything you ask for in my name. You’ve not asked for anything in my name up to now. Ask and you will get what you ask for so that you will be filled with joy.”

JN 16:16-24

Ask, seek, knock

Jesus said “Here’s one way to think about prayer. Suppose you went to your friend’s house at midnight and asked him for three loaves of bread because another friend of yours had come to your house and you didn’t have any food to offer him. This friend might say “Don’t bother me! It’s late, I’ve already locked my door and we’ve all gone to bed. I’m not going to get up and give you anything!” But even if he won’t do this favor for you because he’s your friend, he’ll do it if you keep knocking on the door. Your persistence will win the day, and you’ll get what you asked for.”

LK 11:5-8

“So I say, keep asking and you’ll get what you asked for. Keep looking and you’ll find it. Keep knocking and the way will be opened to you. It is true that everyone who asks receives, everyone who looks finds, and for everyone who knocks the pathway is opened before them.

Who here would give a stone to his child instead of bread when he asks, or a snake instead of a fish? Would you give your child a scorpion instead of an egg? Of course not! If you, who are less than perfect, know enough to give good things to your children, then our perfect Father in heaven will give us even better things when we ask.

This sums up all the Law and the Prophets – however you want others to treat you, you should treat them.”

MT 7:7-12, LK 11:9-13

World peace at a coffee shop.

I have started a funny habit. I’ve started asking for world peace. I’ve done this at doctor’s offices, the bank, and restaurants.

When I get asked at the end of the transaction if there is anything else they can do, I ask for world peace. Yes, I get looked at funny. (I’m used to that) But I follow it with the “Ask and ye shall receive” idea. Perhaps that person has the secret for it, and all it required to make it happen was for me to ask.

This seems funny, but it is transformative. It means I have to really connect with the person. We look each other in the eye, and they have to break out of their routine and their script.

There was a great answer at a local vegetarian restaurant. The server said that it was created moment by moment by these interactions, with each person connecting with each other. Exactly.

Gandhi tells us that we must be the change
we want to see in the world.
World peace begins within you.
Think globally, act locally.
It begins with self-love.
Physician, heal thyself.

“Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.” JF Kennedy. I propose you change the word “country” to “world”.

What if it is hard to love yourself? Try this – know, deep down, that you are loved by God. Forget what some hateful church tried to teach you when you were a child. Forget the guilt-trip that your parents tried to use on you, where they made God into the bogeyman. God isn’t any of that.

God made you because you are needed and wanted. You are essential. That is why you are here.

If according to the “Rules for being human” other people are merely mirrors of you, and you can only love or hate in another that which you love or hate within yourself, then the first step is to learn to love yourself. You cannot hate others if you truly are at peace within.

You can learn how to get to that place by studying your reaction to other people. Whatever you can’t stand in another person, meditate on. Look for that trait within yourself. Dig deep. Root it out. Find its source.

Don’t turn away – go right into that darkness. It isn’t as scary as it looks. The closer you look, the more you look, the more you will be able to unravel that tight ball of pain and anxiety you are carrying around. Sure it is hard at the beginning. It gets easier. The more you unravel, the more you are at peace.