Poem – Happy death day!

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I look forward
to the time
when we see death
as graduation
and not failure.

I look forward
to the time
where we
celebrate
death

not in a dark way
but as a release
into the light,
The all
The ever.

Death should be anticipated,
prepared for
and expected
like births are
with planning
and parties
and maybe even presents.

Not like you need much
where you are going.
You can’t take it with you
after all.

Death isn’t so scary
that way
isn’t so foreign, so frightening.

Perhaps
Hallmark will come out with cards.
Hurray! You are mortal!
Happy death day!
Or
Congratulations! Your Mom died!
You must be so proud of her!

Death is a stepping from one country
to another
no passport required
no overnight bags needed.
Death isn’t something
to be afraid of.
Fear of it is.

Honest interview questions.

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People get questions when they go to interviews. Sometimes they are given a chance to ask their own questions. Usually they are about benefits or salary, but rarely are they about anything that really matters. Getting a new job is like getting married without even dating first. You go through a lot to get hired, and you just don’t know if it is going to work out until you are already stuck. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could be truly honest during interviews and ask what we really are wondering about?

Here are some requirements that would be great to bring up if social conventions didn’t say otherwise.

No overtime, nights or weekends.

Work only 30 hours a week at most.

Never called in for extra – the schedule is the schedule.

Work with coworkers who do their fair share – no shirkers.

Less than a 20 minute commute.

Work at the same location every day.

The opinions of the staff are important and respected. Their advice is asked for and implemented.
Low stress.

Variety.

The job provides a feeling of providing a meaningful contribution to the community.

No backbiting or gossip. Honest communication. Emotionally healthy and mature coworkers.

If there are managers, they do the same work as their subordinates do, and more. Thus they know what they are asking their employees to do.

2 hour lunch.

No clocking in or out – we are trusted.

Nobody takes advantage of that and is habitually stealing time. (that goes back to emotionally mature coworkers)

Vacation time, sick time, health insurance, and pension are included.

Disorder or description?

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How much of Asperger’s is a disease and how much is a description of behavior? How about we turn it around, and say that all people who are rigid about rules and have a hard time changing have Asperger’s, rather than all people who have Asperger’s are rigid about rules and have a hard time changing.

It is like a personality disorder. All people who act in this certain way have X disorder, but really it isn’t a disorder. It isn’t a disease that has a medical cause. It is a maladaption or a lack of training.

What if we said all people who spend their free time watching game shows have a disorder? Or all people who have to buy the latest fashions even though they can’t afford them have a disorder? Or those who cheat on their wives or taxes have a disorder, or those who steal office supplies or drive 20 miles over the speed limit have a disorder?

Saying it is a disorder takes people off the hook. It means they are not responsible. It is something that happened to them. They are passive agents. Like the flu or chickenpox, it is a disease that they suffer with rather than a personality trait they can (and should) change. It might require a lot of therapy and several years, but it can be done.

What if the cause of Asperger’s is the cure? They had too little changes in their lives. They were allowed to insist on a rigid and predictable life. All sandwiches were peanut butter and strawberry jelly with no crust, cut diagonally. All toys had to be blue. All clothes had to be cotton. These things had to be done or else the child would have a tantrum to end all tantrums. And rather than insist the child grow and adapt, the parent gave in and the child grew up stunted like a bad bonsai tree. Then he entered the real world where nobody else was willing to accommodate him.

Here is the Church

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There was a kind lady at the retreat named Benji that had a new twist on an old finger rhyme. She shared this during the closing of the retreat. These are her words, with my explanation of the gestures in parenthesis.

“The original line is –
This is the church
(Hands are clasped together, fingers interlocked, pointed down.)

and here is the steeple
(Raise the two index fingers up, and put the tips together.)

open the doors
(Open your thumbs out towards you.)

and see all the people.
(Turn your hands inside out, showing the fingers.)

What came to me is a new version of that.

This is my body, my mind, my heart,
(Hands are clasped together, fingers interlocked, pointed down.)

and this my spirit connected to the unconditional love of God.
(Raise the two index fingers up, and put them together.)

Open my heart to that love from Him
(Open your thumbs out towards you.)

and then I can share it with all the other people.
(Turn your hands inside out, wiggling the fingers.)

The love of money

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What is the point if you make $80K a year if you are miserable? If you find yourself drinking all the time to escape then your money means nothing. If your job doesn’t fit you, if you have an angry boss, if you find that you are expected to go against your beliefs, then it doesn’t matter how much money you make. You’ll spend it all on trying to escape with vacations, therapy, and expensive toys.

What is the point if you have a 25K square foot house if you have to work 60 hours a week just to afford it? You never get to spend any real time in it. You’ll spend a lot of that money in upkeep on it and the grounds.

Who are you trying to impress? What is really important to you? They say that money can’t buy you happiness. Maybe there is some truth in that.

I’ve heard that the best way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket. This seems like good advice.

Let us redefine success as someone who is happy with what they have. Let us redefine success as someone who has time to give back to their community. Let us redefine success as someone who is awake, alive, and present to the amazing thing we call life.

Healing your enemies

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We are told to love our enemies. Truly, they need it the most. But also, we need it. We need to pray for those who have harmed us. We need to pray that they receive the healing of Jesus. We need to pray they will be transformed from being people who hurt into people who help.

There are several precedents for people who were healed without asking for it or without even being near Jesus. When you are praying for someone who has harmed you, remember these stories. They are in the Bible as signs to you that Jesus’ power and healing can be done at any distance and without the knowledge or intent of the person who needs the healing. The people who need to be healed most are often the last to admit it. You are blessing them by asking Jesus for their healing.

Let us look at some stories. Here is the one of the Canaanite woman and her daughter. Her daughter was possessed by a demon (mental illness?) and certainly didn’t ask for help. She wasn’t even there – but Jesus’ power of healing knows no boundaries or limitations. This story is especially important to me because it indicates that we should constantly try – we shouldn’t give up. Even if it seems like our prayers aren’t being answered, we should persist.

Matthew 15:21-28

21 And Jesus went out thence, and withdrew into the parts of Tyre and Sidon. 22 And behold, a Canaanitish woman came out from those borders, and cried, saying, Have mercy on me, O Lord, thou son of David; my daughter is grievously vexed with a demon. 23 But he answered her not a word. And his disciples came and besought him, saying, Send her away; for she crieth after us. 24 But he answered and said, I was not sent but unto the lost sheep of the house of Israel. 25 But she came and worshipped him, saying, Lord, help me. 26 And he answered and said, It is not meet to take the children’s bread and cast it to the dogs. 27 But she said, Yea, Lord: for even the dogs eat of the crumbs which fall from their masters’ table. 28 Then Jesus answered and said unto her, O woman, great is thy faith: be it done unto thee even as thou wilt. And her daughter was healed from that hour.

It was the woman’s faith in Jesus’ ability to heal her daughter that healed her. Your faith in Jesus can do the same to heal the broken people in your life. In fact, those broken people might just be in your life for that very reason. You might be the very one to bring them to the love of Christ.

Here’s another story of Jesus healing a person at a distance. The person might not have even known that healing was being requested of them. Interestingly enough, the supplicant was also not Jewish, but believed in Jesus’ power.

Matthew 8:5-13
5 And when he was entered into Capernaum, there came unto him a centurion, beseeching him, 6 and saying, Lord, my servant lieth in the house sick of the palsy, grievously tormented. 7 And he saith unto him, I will come and heal him. 8 And the centurion answered and said, Lord, I am not worthy that thou shouldest come under my roof; but only say the word, and my servant shall be healed. 9 For I also am a man under authority, having under myself soldiers: and I say to this one, Go, and he goeth; and to another, Come, and he cometh; and to my servant, Do this, and he doeth it. 10 And when Jesus heard it, he marvelled, and said to them that followed, Verily I say unto you, I have not found so great faith, no, not in Israel. 11 And I say unto you, that many shall come from the east and the west, and shall sit down with Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob, in the kingdom of heaven: 12 but the sons of the kingdom shall be cast forth into the outer darkness: there shall be the weeping and the gnashing of teeth. 13 And Jesus said unto the centurion, Go thy way; as thou hast believed, so be it done unto thee. And the servant was healed in that hour.

In this story too, the faith of the supplicant is what tipped the scales. In this story too, Jesus is surprised by their faith. You too have that ability. You too have the power to transform someone who isn’t well by your faith. Sometimes, just simply knowing that there is a chance for healing is enough to give us hope. That little spark can build into a flame. Just a little faith can do a lot.

Matthew 17:20
20 And he saith unto them, Because of your little faith: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

Don’t doubt, and don’t give up.

Luke 11:9-13
9 And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. 10 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. 11 And of which of you that is a father shall his son ask a loaf, and he give him a stone? or a fish, and he for a fish give him a serpent? 12 Or if he shall ask an egg, will he give him a scorpion? 13 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?

Here’s a story of a healing where nobody asked for healing but it happened anyway. Jesus can fix even the worst situations. Even when all seems lost, there is hope.

Luke 7:11-15
11 And it came to pass soon afterwards, that he went to a city called Nain; and his disciples went with him, and a great multitude. 12 Now when he drew near to the gate of the city, behold, there was carried out one that was dead, the only son of his mother, and she was a widow: and much people of the city was with her. 13 And when the Lord saw her, he had compassion on her, and said unto her, Weep not. 14 And he came nigh and touched the bier: and the bearers stood still. And he said, Young man, I say unto thee, Arise. 15 And he that was dead sat up, and began to speak. And he gave him to his mother.

So bring the person to Jesus in your heart and in your prayers. Ask Jesus to heal them of their sickness. Sickness isn’t just physical. Sickness can be anything that deviates from being whole. Anger, jealousy, and fear are sicknesses. Guilt, shame, and addictions are sicknesses. All sickness can be healed by Jesus. We are called to ask for that healing, through faith.

(All Bible translations are American Standard Version – public domain)

Letter writing for healing.

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One thing that is very healing is reconciling. It is about balancing the accounts in your emotional and spiritual logbooks. It can be as simple as writing letters.

Write that letter to the person who you can’t stand, who made you mad, who left you. Who owes you? Who has slighted you / hurt you / betrayed your trust? Write a letter to each one. Tell them how you feel. Recall the situations that were difficult.

If you feel like you can mail the letters, then do so. If that is too much, then just write them. It may be difficult to send them – the other person may not be able to receive your message. Just writing them is very healing.

One option if you can’t send the letters is to burn them. It is a way of releasing energy. Imagine the anger and frustration disappearing in the flames. See the smoke rising up as a prayer to God, asking for healing in that situation.

Then think about who do you owe? Who have you slighted / hurt / betrayed? Write that letter to the person who you never thanked, who was kind, who helped you more than you deserved. Send those letters. People need to hear that they have done a good job or made a difference.

Moving onward, think about reconciling with yourself.
Write a letter to yourself when you were 12. Forgive yourself, and offer yourself guidance.
Write a letter to who you will be 12 years from now. Encourage yourself, and cheer yourself on towards your goals.

Poem – I can’t carry it.

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I can’t carry it.
I can’t carry the weight
of a thousand bad days,
of a childhood hurt,
of the broken glass
of leftovers, lonely, alone.

I can’t carry it
for anyone
anymore.

I’m tired of doing double duty
as teacher
as mother,
as counselor
as confidant.

I don’t have training in these things.
I didn’t sign up for these roles.

I can barely carry my own
fears
and sadness
and pain.

I can barely carry my own
abandonment
and loss.

You’ll just have to carry your own
and I’ll carry my own

otherwise each of us will be
weighed down
bent over
broken
by the
stuff
that makes up
a life.

It is enough for one.

I don’t remember saying any vows,
saying I would do this,
marriage or otherwise.
I don’t remember anywhere saying I had to do this.
I didn’t sign on the dotted line.

To hell with compassion.
Sounds like codependency anyway.

How to break an addiction

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When we are stuck in a bad habit, we have to replace it with a good one in order to get away from it. Just stopping the bad thing isn’t enough. It creates a void, an emptiness, in us. There is a hole in your day that used to be filled with that thing you did that wasn’t great for you. If you don’t fill it with a good habit, then not only will the bad habit come back, but it will come back stronger and worse.

Jesus says in Luke 11:24-26 (ASV)
24 The unclean spirit when he is gone out of the man, passeth through waterless places, seeking rest, and finding none, he saith, I will turn back unto my house whence I came out. 25 And when he is come, he findeth it swept and garnished. 26 Then goeth he, and taketh to him seven other spirits more evil than himself; and they enter in and dwell there: and the last state of that man becometh worse than the first.

Lao Tzu said that “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” I like the translation that says “The journey of a thousand miles begins beneath your feet.” You have to walk away from your bad habits, and often actually walking is the best thing you can do. Know that just wanting to get away from your bad habit can be the first step. Knowing that can help you get over your inertia.

Bad habits can range from additions to simply undesired behaviors. Drinking too much, gambling, overeating, overspending, wasting time on TV or the computer – the list is endless. Whatever you do that you feel takes you away from actually living life is an undesired behavior. When you identify it, then you have to find something else you can put in its place.

Exercise, reading an educational book, volunteering, or working towards a life goal are all good substitutes. Find something to fill that hole with or it will get filled on its own.

Lonely, alone – about reconnecting the disconnected

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I met a guy at a party who was in a lot of pain and he didn’t even know it. He was drinking more than anyone else at the party, and didn’t know when enough was enough. Even at one in the morning, with the party over and his wife ready to go home, he was looking for more liquor to drink.

His wife and he are both young, and they have an infant child. I don’t know what he does for a living. He looks like he hasn’t been an alcoholic for long – his face isn’t red and flushed. His wife seems exasperated but not resigned. It looks like this is a new thing, but it is a thing. This behavior isn’t a one time dallying with excess, judging from his comments and his wife’s concern.

Perhaps having access to so much alcohol all in one place is what made it worse. These parties usually have people who bring enough alcohol for themselves as well as enough to share. The host has decanters full of hard liquor too. This much alcohol simply isn’t usually available at home – it costs too much.

He’d said earlier to anyone who was listening that he didn’t have a drinking problem – he only drank a box of wine a night. He was aware that equaled about four bottles of wine. He kept drinking after most people had stopped. He wasn’t falling down drunk or slurring his words, but he wasn’t by any means sober for any of the evening either.

I thought about him later, and prayed for him. In my prayers for him, I visualized asking him if I could put my hand over his heart. In the same way a doctor listens to your heart to determine your health, I was listening as well, but with a different instrument. My hand provided the connection with his center, his core.

I don’t know if he would have been ok with this if I had asked for real, and I’d never thought about doing this before. I can only imagine this is a new tool that God is giving me to help people. I’d just met this guy, and our society has pretty firm rules about physical boundaries. He might have been weirded out by me asking to touch him at all, especially over his heart. Strangely, I’ve found that my being married and female takes away some of the awkwardness of some interactions, however. I get some of the side associations of the wife role which are “nurse” and “mother” even though I’m not.

In the vision I sat with him for a bit, “hearing” his heart, seeking out the source of his pain. What was he trying to anesthetize? What was he trying to not face? What trauma or malformed part of him was hiding, covered up by years of not dealing with it head on?

All addictions are just symptoms. They are the result of the soul trying to get away from pain, but doing it in an indirect and not helpful way. They are bad reflexes.

So, using this new tool, I’m building on it. Where to go from there? Like a doctor, we must diagnose and then heal. But this kind of healing doesn’t involve pills.

Good questions to ask – Who first abandoned you? Who first made you feel that you had no power? When did you first feel alone?

We must find the source of the pain. The infection won’t get better if the wound isn’t addressed. People won’t want to look at it – the soul wants to avoid pain at all costs. But a little pain is necessary to get the result of no-pain in the future. Sometimes people have to “lean in” to their pain, to look at it sideways.

Then, transition to the source of the healing, which is always inside. We have our own strengths within us. We have the tools we need – the healer doesn’t heal, so much as reconnect the person with their own power.

What was the first time you felt powerful? Remember the first time you felt capable. Remember the first time you figured something out for yourself. What awards have you gotten? What recognitions have you achieved?

Our job is to help people re-member, re-unite. We join them back to themselves. Then they are re-joined to the community.

Like the story of the mustard seed, even a little bit of faith can grow into something mighty. A tiny flame can become something huge. Our job as healers is to find that little spark, that little seed and nourish and nurture it. We have to help the person see their own inner goodness and give them the tools to help it grow.

Getting people to volunteer is good. They get outside of themselves, and stop focusing on their own problems. They feel like they are useful and a part of the solution. Often what separates people from their true nature is feeling separated from the community. They don’t feel connected or valuable. The most healing thing you can do is to include someone.