Poem – dog eyes.

We are like
old dogs
with cataracts.

Eyes glazed over,
grey film haze,
we wander
unseeing,
automatically,
by habit.

We know our paths.

As long as
nothing changes
we are good.

As soon as
something happens
we hit our heads.

We’ve gotten so used to
our lives being the same
that they have
become the same

We no longer use our eyes.
They’ve become vestigial.
They’ve become unnecessary.

We no longer see
anything.

We no longer notice
that nothing is
ever the same.

Lord, I ask for new eyes
for all of us
that we may see
Your creation
anew.
Give us the eyes of a new day
of beginning
of hope
of trust,
that we may become
truly alive
again.

Amen.

Modeh Ani

I’ve recently discovered the myriad of Jewish prayers. I’m fascinated with the idea that every part of the day offers up an opportunity to serve God. Now, as a disclaimer, many Jewish writers will not write out “God” but will write “G_d” or another characteristic of God, such as “Hashem” (the Name). I understand the need for showing respect to your Creator, but as “God” is not so much a name as a job title, I don’t feel a need to change it.

There are many things I find admirable about the Jewish faith, and I find it beneficial to my Christian path to learn them. Jesus was, after all, a Jew. The more I learn about Judaism, the more I understand about Jesus’ message.

Every day is to be filled with thankfulness to God. These blessings are a reminder that we are from God and are made to serve God. It has been suggested that you are supposed to say 100 blessings a day. The day begins with the Modeh Ani.

Modeh Ani is a Jewish prayer that observant Jews recite daily upon waking, while still in bed.

From Wikipedia –
• Hebrew: מוֹדֶה (מוֹדָה) אֲנִי לְפָנֶֽיךָ מֶֽלֶךְ חַי וְקַיָּים. שֶׁהֶֽחֱזַֽרְתָּ בִּי נִשְׁמָתִי בְחֶמְלָה. רַבָּה אֱמֽוּנָתֶֽךָ׃
• Transliteration: Modeh (modah) ani lifanekha melekh ḥai v’kayam sheheḥezarta bi nishmahti b’ḥemlah, rabah emunatekha.
• Translation: I offer thanks before you, living and eternal King, for You have mercifully restored my soul within me with compassion; Your faithfulness is great.

(Actually, the Wikipedia article eliminated the word “Compassion” in the translation, but had it in the commentary. Other translations have “compassion” there, so I inserted it.)

Note – women say “modah” and men say “modeh”.

Some commentators say you are to arise with a “lionlike” resolve, ready to start the day.

The Kotzer Reb says that this is a good time to reflect “Who am I?” and “Who are You?”
The “Torah Tots” website offers this interpretation of this idea –
“As one sage once said, “We would do well to reflect upon the “Ani,” “I,” and the “Le’fanecha,” “You (Hashem).” When we realize who we really are, and before Whom we stand, our sense of appreciation would be greatly enhanced.”

You give thanks that God has restored your soul to you. Sleep is likened to death. When you are asleep, you are like a dead person, because you have no control over what you do.

When you awaken, you are now again able to choose what to do. Part of the meaning of this prayer is that you are aware that God has restored you to your full capacity, with the understanding that you are to thank God for this by serving God.

This prayer is recited upon first waking up – while you are still in bed. Your first conscious act is to serve and be thankful to God.

Again from Torah tots” – According to the Shulchan Aruch, one should pause slightly between the words “bechemlah – compassion” and ” rabbah – abundant (is Your faithfulness).” Rabbah and emunatecha should be said together, as in the verse, “They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.” (Eicha 3:23)

This is similar to the idea of “In the Beginning…” or, as the first word of the Bible is sometimes translated “With Beginnings”. Every day is a new chance. We aren’t stuck. We have a new day and new energy with which to serve God. We have a new day to make things better.

Praying in color 10-30-13

praying in color 10-30-13

I asked God, How do I know I’m on the right path? He said – as long as you are seeking me, you are on the right path.

Sometimes I’d like it if the pictures come out awesome. But it isn’t about the pictures. The drawing is a vehicle. It is a way of distracting my mind so I can get to the heart of God. It is kind of like when I take large pills. Sometimes I have a hard time swallowing them, and I’ll wiggle my hand off to the side. I do that to distract myself, so I can think about that instead of the fact that I think I’m going to choke.

Drawing distracts me, so I don’t really think about what I normally think about. It gives my hands something to do. If “idle hands are the devil’s workshop”, keeping them busy means that God can get in and work, right?

There is something about drawing that just lets me know that this time isn’t like any other time, and it is time to open myself up. I set an intention and see what happens. Meanwhile, I draw whatever shapes and colors come to me to draw.

Sometimes it is about just showing up. I present myself and I try. I think God is there all the time, but I’m not always ready to receive. I find I have to make a space for God. It isn’t really a space for God, but a space for me to be available to God.

Praying in color 9-23-13

I’m not able to do this every day. Or, to be more honest, I don’t make time to do this every day. But here’s what I got recently. It is kind of like a fishing trip. Sometimes I get something, and sometimes I don’t.

For those of you who don’t know, “Praying in Color” isn’t my idea. I got the idea from a book of the same name. The idea is that you take out your pens or colored pencils and you doodle. You pray beforehand, with a specific prayer intention. It can be a prayer for a friend who needs it, or something for the world, or a specific question that you have that you need help with. While doodling, answers or feelings come back.

As for me, I write down my intention at the bottom on the back, and the answers above that. I’ll get answers throughout the process. I use watercolor pencils, and I’ll “paint” the finished piece afterwards if I feel like it. This is a good medium for me because it is quick – I can get something in about ten minutes. It is simply a way of accessing a different part of your brain so that God can get in.

I drew this piece on 9-23-13 after my second visit to the chiropractor. That is when I found out I have scoliosis, and a lot more visits (and a lot more expense) in my future. This is what I prayed about. How can I afford this? How do I deal with the pain? I feel like I never get ahead – that the moment I gain, something comes up and I go back again.

pray 9-23-13

The answers –
We hold on to the shore because we are afraid.
Even if you have nothing, you still have something.
This teaches us that good (art) can come out of bad situations.
“How many reminders do you need to know that I am with you?”

Sometimes the answers are just feelings, and sometimes they are direct words. Sometimes I write more than this, but I always know when it is over and time to stop. Here are my reflections on the answers:

Change is frightening to us, but if we don’t let go of the shore we’ll never learn how to swim. We are funny creatures – we hate change, but we also get bored easily so really we want change. We are never happy.

There is always something to be thankful for. Find it. Celebrate it. Even if you are without a house, you still have your life and your mind. If you aren’t thankful for what you have, how will you be thankful for anything else? Be thankful, and everything opens up.

Good comes out of bad. Pain is a great teacher. It focuses us. It limits us and forces us to decide what is important. Bad childhoods can result in careers where we choose to serve others, because we understand their pain. If everything stayed even all the time, we’d never have to grow or stretch or get stronger.

The last one says it all. God is constantly with us, and we constantly forget. God will never forsake us.

These are for sale if you are interested. Please comment with your information if so. They are about 4.5 inches by 6 inches, on watercolor paper. The price is whatever you would like to offer.

Praying in color 9-7-13 “Brown”

WP pic 9-7-13

Praying in color isn’t about drawing, so much as opening yourself up to Spirit. It is giving your hands something to do to open up your heart to God. Sometimes you end up with a pretty picture in the meantime, but the point is to gain an insight or an understanding.

Today I picked up a brown pencil. I’d recently reorganized my pencils and sorted this box into yellows, red/pink/orange, and neutrals. This one was in the neutrals and I wondered why.

Then I started to think about how arbitrary sorting and defining is. When we name things we limit them. We start to apply other limits to them.

When I had some mauve beads, I found out that if I put them next to blue beads they looked more purple. If I put them near red beads they looked more pink.

Either way, I wasn’t letting the beads just be what they were. I was subtly altering them

I feel that I do this all the time with people. I put them in boxes. She’s in the married person box. He’s in the addict box. They are in the stoner box. I stop being able to see how people can be both and more. I stop being able to see a person’s full potential. What you are now isn’t what you are going to become. Who could ever imagine a huge mustard tree coming from a tiny mustard seed?

When I define, I limit. I draw a line around it and say this is where it stops. But not everything can be defined. Some things are multiple. The funny thing is that is the very quality I admire. I have tattoos that look Celtic but are Buddhist. I like seeing things blend. I like mixing things up so you have to open your eyes. I like questioning “Why?” So I’m amused that I still feel a need to define, to limit.

The moment we define we stop looking. We know what is coming next. We don’t need to look anymore, learn any more. But nothing is ever that easy. Nothing ever fits firmly in a box.

I like eating pot roast with Indian lime pickle sauce. I’m pretty sure that is a violation of some rule – eating cow with an Indian condiment. I don’t tell my Hindu friends. But it tastes awesome. I like eating empanadas with hummus. Latin America meets Middle East. Why not?

When we expand our definitions, we start seeing things for what they really are. When we stop putting things and people in boxes we can start to really see.

Is brown a neutral, or does it go with the yellows, or oranges? It is us who divide and limit, and thus not see what is.

Watercolor shaman

I was drawing this morning. I’m trying to get into the habit of drawing a little every morning. Watch out – I have watercolor pencils and I know how to use them.
Well, sort of. I know how they work. I’m not quite patient enough to draw real things. I make up excuses for myself, saying that the real things are there, and I can’t improve upon them. Why draw them when I could just take a picture? But I know that is a cop-out. I know that is me trying to not do the work required to learn how to translate something three-dimensional into something two-dimensional.
There is something to drawing what is there. It slows you down. You have to really look at things if you are going to draw them. Does this angle go straight up, or slightly to the right? Oh, look, there’s a crack there. I thought that spot was flawless.
Sometimes I learn things when I’m drawing. I’ve learned that figs aren’t just purple. There is a little green in the skin too. And they have really interesting spots, tiny ones. But sometimes what I learn isn’t right in front of me. I learn things while I’m drawing that have to do with how I draw, and have to do with where my head is at the time.
I’m trying a technique called “Praying in Color”. I saw this book by Sybil MacBeth at the library and have decided to incorporate its ideas into my morning routine. I like to draw, and I like to pray – and I don’t have a lot of spare time. So why not do both at the same time? I’m not sure that I do it exactly the way it is in the book. I think I have put my own spin on it. I offer this idea to you, if you are trying to find a new way to pray.
I take a piece of paper and I write today’s date and my prayer intention on the back of it, towards the bottom. Then I turn it over and start drawing. I doodle. I pick up whatever color that comes to mind, and I draw whatever shape that I’m feeling at the moment. I think that is important. I’m not trying to draw something real. Then, while I’m in that space where I’m not controlling what is happening, I get answers to my prayer intention. Quite often it isn’t what I thought it would be, and I’m surprised. It is a bit like being a shaman, but using watercolor pencils.

Poem – ocean dream, and boundaries

I had a dream I was walking in an alien land,
foreign, unknown, different.
No map, no guide.

I found a necklace, an artifact
that spoke of the souls of the place.
It spoke of the time before,
to the spirits that were there, then.
It was a guide, of sorts,
a map of where I was but not a map
of where to go.

As I walked under an old abandoned building
– under, because it was like an oil rig in the sea,
like a house by the shore built on stilts,
the necklace spoke.

It spoke with the voice of an octopus long past.
She spoke to me of that place
of the history,
of what was there in the time before.

I got a sense of green,
the color green of the light
of a July day married with the sea.
The color green
of seaweed and sand,
of silvery fish and shimmering sharks.

It was warm, yet cool,
and safe only because I wasn’t there at that time.
The octopus spoke to me of the time before the house,
when she was there with her octopus friends,
looking up, seeing the sky through the lens of
ocean water.

Now it is desert.
Deserted.
Dry.
Now nothing swims here,
not even a goldfish in a bowl
swimming round and round and round
with no way out.

People moved in after the sea got smaller.
They had a beachside view.
They built their house on stilts
to protect against the sea’s inevitable rise.
They thought that the sea might attack their house,
never realizing that they were the interlopers,
they were the trespassers.

But there was no clash, no war.
The sea never rose.
The sea slunk away
like a bad dog,
like a shamed child.
The sea retreated,
like an abandoned army.

The people in the house saw the
desert begin to bloom around
their seaside resort,
their former seaside resort,
and they too retreated.
They left for another test of wills
on another shoreline,
another boundary.

Why must we explore only to destroy?
Why must we encounter the other
only to suppress, to dominate, to make docile?

These boundaries of place and people are the same to us.

The other is not the enemy,
whether it be the ocean, a forest,
a religion, a language, a culture.

When we try to shape the other
into ourselves
we both lose.

It speaks to our fear
that if it is not-us,
then either they
or we
are wrong.

Time to change that perception.
Here’s to new glasses, new eyes.

Here’s to boundaries becoming welcome spaces
where we encounter ourselves,
just with different faces.

Amen.

Prayer for a Garden

Eternal God,
Creator,
Source of all life and light,

We are here today in Your Creation,
to Create,
and to
Remember.

Help us to create in this space a sanctuary,
where we can remember who we were,
who we are,
and who we are to become.

Help us to have that sense of childlike wonder that causes us
to seek You
and to be found by You.

Kindle in us the fire of Your Spirit,
that our hands may create beauty here,
that our voices may create music here,
and that our laughter may create joy here.

Amen. Amen. Amen.

On blessing, and thankfulness.

If you are Jewish you are obliged to say 100 blessings a day. One hundred times a day you are to find something to be thankful for. There are prayers for everything, and just looking over the prayers can remind you of how blessed you are in more ways than you ever realized.

There are prayers to be said upon seeing an unusual person. Upon seeing a rainbow. Upon seeing someone beautiful. There are of course various prayers for food. My favorite are the bathroom prayers – where you give thanks that everything that should stay in, stays in, and everything that should get out, gets out. I would never have thought to have a prayer of thanksgiving for that, but it makes perfect sense. All of these prayers make you mindful of all the many ways you are blessed every day. They keep you aware and grateful.

I think this is an excellent practice. We humans often take our many blessings for granted. We forget to be thankful for electricity until it goes out due to a storm. We forget to be grateful for running water until we need a plumber. We constantly grumble about what we don’t have while forgetting to be thankful for what we do have. And often we forget that “bad” is often just our value judgment. Our need to label things “good” or “bad” causes us many problems.

Here’s a twist for you. Give a complement to a stranger. Do this often. Start small and work your way up to complementing 10 strangers a day. Find something about them to tell them how cool it is. Perhaps it is their hairstyle. Perhaps it is something they are wearing. Look them in the eye when you tell them what you have noticed that is cool. Be sincere. Notice how this changes them and you. You both feel better. Well, you might be a little freaked out at first because you are shy, but trust me, you’ll get over it. Happiness spreads. Be a blessing to someone else.

One of the lines I like to incorporate into our supper prayers includes “Dear God, thank you for all that we have, and all that we don’t have.” Sometimes not getting what you want is actually a blessing.

This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad. This applies to every day. Even the rainy ones. Even the ones with a tornado warning. Be thankful for everything, at all times. It takes practice, but it is worth it.