The Visitors part 6

“Ha! What do we have here?”

Julia woke with a start. A beautiful man was staring at her. This wasn’t good for many reasons.

For starters, it meant that her plan to rest and then escape quietly had fallen to pieces. Secondly, any strange man was a danger. But thirdly, a beautiful man was even more dangerous.

Julia’s Gran had taught her to always look for a boyfriend who was beautiful but didn’t know it. Many guys who were beautiful knew it, and thus had a very high sense of entitlement. Little did they realize that often the only thing they had going for them was their looks. They were often incompetent in every other area because they hadn’t needed to develop any part of their inner self. The exterior was all that mattered, because it is what got them attention.

When these beautiful men started to get older their looks started to go and so did their confidence. They tended to make up for it by being complete jerks to everyone around them. They treated everyone as lesser than them.

The fact that this man was Quality made it all the worse. He had two strikes against him, although he sure didn’t think of it that way. He was dangerous and didn’t even know it.

Being able to size people up like this was critical to a Visitor. Gran had taught her well for this life, even though she never meant to. Julia had a good idea how to act around him in a way that would keep her safe. Maybe even away from the authorities too.

She could tell this man had an undeservedly high opinion of himself, and she was going to have to tread very carefully. Not like she was treading at all right now. She didn’t exactly have her back up against the wall but it was just as bad. She was still in the bed and a little entangled in the sheets. Hopefully because of this he wouldn’t see her as a threat. But more importantly, she hoped that he wouldn’t feel the need to be threatening at all. You never knew with these kinds of encounters. Julia hadn’t had a lot of them, but any unintentional run-in with Quality was one too many.

He was about average height, less than 6 feet tall. His hair was salt-and-pepper. To be honest, it was more salt than pepper. He had it pulled back into a ponytail. This let her know even more about him. Her Gran always said “Any man who thought he was something was really nothing.”

She said a quiet prayer to her Gran right now to know what to do.

She didn’t have much time to finish her prayer before the man decided for her. He grabbed her by one ankle and dragged her out of the bed.

“Get out of here! This isn’t your home! The Lady is coming home soon, you hear?”

Her breath was knocked out of her when she landed on the floor. So much for plush carpets – they didn’t soften the blow one bit. Scrambling, she grabbed the spare dress she’d taken from the last room and ran headlong out of the bedroom and downstairs. She headed for the front door rather than try to find the servant’s entrance.

It was locked. Of course. Because that would keep out Visitors. Don’t these people know anything?

Fumbling with the latch and the deadbolt, she was out, nearly tripping over the stone statue of a lion next to the immaculately trimmed shrubbery. Must be nice to have that much money and time. Oh wait – they didn’t. It was all stolen.

She tried not to be bitter about how unfair it all was. And they accused Visitors of being thieves! Time to move on. This kind of thinking would just keep her distracted, and she needed to keep her wits about her. She was in foreign territory.

Julia had time to think about that encounter on her walk away from the home. She was walking, not running. Running would call too much attention to her. She was dressed well enough, having taken some sensible shoes from the closet in the last Room. She could play the part, now she was dressed like it. Walking would clear her mind and help her blend in.

Quality walked their neighborhoods. For exercise maybe? Maybe to see their neighbors? Maybe as part of a patrol? Nobody ever knew about them. The Visitors watched and studied them like the threats they were. These people had suddenly gone up in status but not in brains. They didn’t make much sense to anybody, least of all themselves.

He’d been worried about the Lady. That was odd. Julia wondered about that. Another case where the relationship was unequal? Sometimes the couple was just posing as a couple. Sometimes they didn’t know each other well and had decided to occupy an abandoned house together, as uneasy roommates. Sometimes it worked out. Sometimes it didn’t. Sometimes the houses were big enough that they could live together there and not ever see each other. That seemed to work out well.

Julia kept walking towards the city. There’d be no opportunity to find another Door in the suburbs. It wasn’t like she could just knock on some stranger’s door and ask to use their inter-dimensional portal.

If they had one. If they knew they had one.

Come to think of it, how did that last Lady know where the Door was? Was she a Visitor, posing as Quality? Or had other Visitors come through there?

That was a question for another day.

Now, to find a municipal building or a store – some place she was allowed to walk in unquestioned. She had to get back to Rob and Mickey. There was time yet, but in this life you had to make the best use of the time you had. You never knew what was going to happen next on the Walks.

Pride. (In the name of pigheadedness)

I know people who refuse to go to the eye doctor because they don’t want to admit that they need help. They’d rather squint at everything than get glasses. Their logic is that if they wore glasses then everybody would know that they needed glasses.

Others will do the same thing about hearing aids. They have to ask people to repeat themselves all the time, or they miss out on half the conversation. Somehow they think that is better than getting a hearing aid, which everybody would see.

Likewise, I also know people who have children who need to be evaluated for learning or behavioral disabilities. They would rather pretend that their child who is having difficulty interacting with their peers is just going through a phase rather than getting help for him.

These are all related. It’s all pride, fear, and shame. They’re embarrassed about what other people would think. Meanwhile, they’d rather hobble along and suffer.

Think of it this way – If you were born without a leg do you want to spend the rest of your life hopping on one foot? Wouldn’t it be easier to get crutches or an artificial leg or a wheelchair? Pretending like everything is fine when it isn’t is insane.

People don’t look at you funny for asking for help. They look at you funny when you need it but won’t ask for it. If you really care what people think, you’ll take care of yourself first. Then they won’t notice your problem because you’ve dealt with it.

Your eyes reveal what is inside you.

Your eyes reveal what is inside you. They are the lamps of your body. If they have light within them, then that is a sign that your whole being is filled with light. If your eyes are filled with darkness, then it is proof that your whole being is filled with darkness. Be mindful of the light within you. If your whole being is filled with light, then your spirit will shine forth like a lamp does.

LK 11:34-36, MT 6:22-23

Serving two masters

Jesus then told the story to his disciples. “There was a rich man who heard that his accountant was mishandling the books. He called the accountant in and told him to defend himself against these accusations, because he was about to fire him.

The accountant was really worried about what to do. He knew he wasn’t strong enough to be a laborer and he was too proud to beg. He came up with a plan so that after he got fired people would welcome him into their homes.

He called everyone who owed money to his master, asking them how much they owed. After each told him, he had them mark down the amount they owed dramatically, even cutting some bills in half.

The manager praised his dishonest accountant because he had acted shrewdly. The people who are more worldly are far more shrewd at dealing with their own kind than godly people are. I tell you, use the wealth of this world to get friends, so that when that money is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal homes.”

LK 16:1-9
——–
“If you are honest in handling small matters, you will be honest in handling large ones. If you are dishonest with small matters you will also be dishonest with large ones. If you have not taken care of what little has been given to you, who will give you anything more? If you have not taken care of what was entrusted to you by someone else, who will give you anything of your own to take care of?

You can either serve God or money. You can’t serve both. God is either your master or money is your master. If you try to serve both at the same time, you will end up being devoted to one of them and despising the other.”

MT 6:24, LK 16:10-13
—-
“Don’t store up treasures for yourself here on earth, where they can be destroyed or stolen. Instead store up treasures in heaven, where they can’t be destroyed or stolen but instead will last forever. Because where your treasure is, there your heart is as well. Sell what you have and give it to those who don’t have anything. This is the best kind of wealth to have.”

MT 6:19-21, LK 12:33-34

Library thoughts – book magic

People think that if you work in the library, you are a librarian. They think that librarians are intelligent and deserve respect. In many ways, they give them more respect than teachers.

They do not realize and are surprised to discover that to be a librarian you have to have a Master’s degree in library science. Just working in a library doesn’t mean you are a librarian.

Thus, they think merely working in a library is enough to indicate intelligence and command respect.

Thus, merely being around books makes you smart and respected. This seems to not apply to booksellers, though. Perhaps it is the number of nonfiction books to fiction that makes the difference. Perhaps it is because librarians help you for free, so their actions seem altruistic.

I don’t know. I’m running with it though, because it benefits me.

I spent a lot of years working retail, and honestly, the library is a lot like retail. I like it better, not just because people respect me more. I’m the same person whether I’m at Waldenbooks or the library, so it isn’t me, it is them.

I like working at the library because I can help people regardless of their ability to pay. I always felt a little guilty encouraging people to look at extra items when I worked in retail. There was always a little bit of tension there because of it. They’d sometimes say “Oh, you want me to get this so you’ll get a higher commission.” No, it is because it will benefit you. Or you need it.

Now there is no tension. They can have 100 books at a time.

In a related thought, people are now saying to me “Wow! I know a real author!” Being a writer isn’t enough. Publishing a book is what makes it real. Maybe this is part of working in the library. People respect books. Real, physical books. Just being around them, the magic rubs off on you.

TMJ as a teacher, part two.

TMJ is caused by over-clenching the jaw. We clench our jaws when we feel stressed out, but also related is when we feel silenced.

Unable to speak, forcibly silencing ourselves, we shut our mouths. Either we feel that our opinions are not wanted, or that will not be respected or well received. We fear speaking because we will be laughed at or be punished. We forcibly clench our jaws to keep ourselves from talking.

Give thanks for the self-preservation instinct. Give thanks for mindfulness too, and becoming aware. It keeps us safe, but it also operates from a fight or flight, caveman place.

Here are some options –

Give speaking a try. Write what you want to say down first, then speak it. Practice alone, like you are in a play. Before you are around those people again, pray for the words. Pray for the right time to speak as well.

If you honestly feel that you can’t talk, then create. Give voice to your fears and concerns in art. Write about it, paint it, dance it. Express it to get it out. Then you have an option – if you still feel that you cannot share this, burn it, offering it up to God.

One of the last options is to change jobs or friends. Every difficulty is a chance to grow. If you leave a difficult situation early, you are missing out on the lesson, and it will simply be repeated in the next relationship you create. However, sometimes leaving is the right thing to do. Pray about it and feel out the right answer.

Poem – details

They say the Devil’s in the details.
I say it’s God.
The Devil can’t be bothered with details.
The Devil says “Give up, don’t finish,
leave it for another day.”
God says “Keep on going. I know you can do it.”
God says “I’ll stay with you the whole way.
It’s worth it.”
God cheers you on
when you think you’ll never get there.
God knows you are almost
at the end of the task
while you feel you’re
at the end of your rope.

Mouth Mindfulness

I need to become as mindful of what comes out of my mouth as what I put in my mouth.

I’ve gotten very good at not overeating, and not eating empty calories. It has been very important for me to be mindful (and not mindless) about what I eat so that I stay healthy and strong. I don’t want to become obese again. I also don’t like how I feel when I overeat or eat junk food. That lazy, drawn out feeling is hard to get over.

But gossip is a hard habit to break. Gossip isn’t just talking bad about someone else. It is also talking about them at all without them present. It is “talking behind someone’s back.” If you can’t say it in front of them, don’t say it at all.

I’m learning that part of it is the idea that if someone says something in confidence to me, I shouldn’t repeat it to anyone else. If person A wanted person B to know this information, or to know that she felt this way about this subject, she will tell her on her own. She doesn’t need me to do it for her.

In the same way that I exercise control and mindfulness when I go to the grocery store or the buffet, I need to exercise control and mindfulness when speaking.

I feel that this is very hard, because I don’t have a way to limit myself. When I go to lunch, I pray beforehand to remind myself to be present. This helps me to control my mindless, automatic behavior. I can’t pray before every time I say something. I’ll be praying all day long. People will start to wonder – more than they already do.

But this is just a way I’m making excuses rather than making a way.

I’m not at lunch when I pass by the break room and I see a dozen brownies someone has brought in. I don’t gobble them down. I used to. So I have control over my eating at non-lunch times, when I haven’t prayed.

Overeating is addictive behavior. It is acting like an animal rather than a human being. I’m trying to think of over-talking as the same. To speak against someone is the same as snapping at them like a dog. To share what they have said in private to me is the same as peeing everywhere to mark my territory.

Jesus says “It’s not what goes into the mouth that defiles a man, but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man.” (Matthew 15:11. HCSB)

So I need to remember this. What we say defiles us, if it is said mindlessly or carelessly. I need to remember that everything I say reflects upon me and thus upon the One I follow.

Use your gifts

On the way to Jerusalem, Jesus told the disciples a parable because they thought that the kingdom of God was coming soon.

“A rich man went away on a long journey. He called his servants to him and gave them some of his money to do business with until he returned. To one he gave five coins, to another, two, and to the last, only one. He gave each servant only what he could handle, dividing it according their ability.

When he returned he asked the servants about the money he had entrusted them with. The first had doubled the money, turning five coins into ten. The second had also doubled his money turning two coins into four. The last returned the money that the master had given him because he had buried it in a hole to keep it safe.

The master was pleased with the first two. He said ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You were responsible with a few things, I will now put you in charge of many things.’ They were entrusted with even more responsibility.

When he spoke with the last servant he was dismayed. The servant said ‘I was afraid of you. You’re a difficult man. You collect what you don’t deposit and reap you don’t sow. Because I was afraid of you, I hid your money in the ground so that I could give it back to you.’

The master started yelling at him saying ‘If you knew this is how I acted then why did you bury my money? You knew that I was going to want it back with interest. You should’ve at least put the money in the bank, not bury it in a hole, doing nothing with it.’ He said to the other servants nearby ‘Take the one coin he has and give it to the one who has made the most coins.’ The other servants looked at him and said ‘But he already has 10 coins – why would you give him more?’ The master replied ‘Because if you use what you have properly you will get more, but if you don’t use it all you will have even less.’”

LK 19:11-27, MT 25:14-30, MK 4:25, LK 8:18, MT 13:12

The Visitors, part five

Julia had to squeeze through the cabinet doors to get to the Door. The marquetry panels on the cabinet’s front were beautiful, but they didn’t shine like Doors usually did. She was afraid that maybe she had read the lady wrong, maybe this was a set up. She had little time to wonder. The Lord, if he was one, might catch on quick to her ruse and come upstairs soon. She’d be sure to go to the authorities this time.

Trust, Julia thought. Try harder. Relax. Being tense won’t help.

Taking a breath in, she shifted her head so that the sunlight caught the back of the cabinet. Then she saw it. The rainbow shimmer that meant she’d found the pot of gold she been searching for. A little push and her hand went through the wood, like the wood was as insubstantial, as shifting, as the veil of a waterfall. She didn’t have time to admire this effect so she shoved the rest of herself through, taking a dress that was hanging in the cabinet as an afterthought.

It wasn’t stealing, really. The lady had given her the dressing robe. If she’d known of Julia’s need, she surely would have given her a change of clothes as well.

Not like the Quality were any better. They were thieves, all of them. Well, most of them. Most of the Quality had taken over the suddenly empty houses a decade back. They had gotten bolder and bolder, going from condos to ranchers, then to mansions and villas. Nobody could afford those big houses anymore, so they took them. It was like robbery but without a gun.

At first they were timid about it. “We’ll just keep the place up for the owners until they come back.” some said, like they were housesitting. Like they were related. Like anyone was around to care. The police had better things to worry about, what were left of them, that is. The disappearances had hit all classes, occupations, all races. Everything was up in the air and up for grabs, so the quality grabbed, and grabbed hard.

Julia was on the other side and in yet another large house. Unusual. But things had been so odd lately that unusual was becoming the usual.

She was in a closet this time, so she had time to listen. No voices. Good. Perhaps the Lord or Lady were out. Who knew what they did when they were out? It certainly wasn’t work.

Slowly pushing open the door of the closet, she peered out into a baby blue bedroom. Deep shag carpet tickled her toes. Sheer lace curtains softened some of the light. So she was in the same time zone as the last Room, judging by the light.

No clocks worked anymore, none that needed batteries that is, so looking at the sun’s angle had been adopted by Visitors who cared about such things as time. It helped if you had somewhere you had to be. You could see how off you were at least. It was better than nothing.

The Quality, well, they could use old-fashioned windup clocks, if they bothered. Most didn’t need to know what time it was anyway. They slept until they were done, ate when they wanted, and stayed up as late as they liked. They were a lot like children. Or college kids.

Julia thought about taking a nap on the queen-sized bed in front of her. It looked inviting, with its layers of comforters and pillows. There were so many pillows she knew that this had to be a guest bedroom. No real person would remove all those pillows every night to sleep, would they? That would be insane.

Maybe if she curled up sort of amongst the pillows she’d be overlooked if the new tenants (she couldn’t think of them as owners) came back. She’d forgotten how long it had been since she had slept more than an hour at a time. Things were starting to look shimmery, and not just Doors.

It was early enough in the day it was worth the risk. After all, her luck had gotten her this far, it was sure to continue. The house was big enough that they probably never even came in this room anyway.