You know the phrase: “Not my circus, not my monkeys”. Sometimes you have to admit that it isn’t your problem to fix. But sometimes – it is your circus because the monkeys are in your family.
And then it is OK to tell them to shove off so they don’t throw shit at you – because that is what monkeys do. And then, it is OK to talk about it publically, because their bad actions aren’t yours. There is no reason to feel guilty for someone else’s bad behavior. If they try to make you think otherwise, that too must be exposed. Darkness hates light.
To paraphrase Anne Lamott- if people want you to talk better about them, they need to behave better.
My brother spent years attempting to brainwash me into remaining silent about *his* illegal and unethical actions, somehow twisting them into “family” secrets that should be hidden. His sins aren’t mine.
I have a sister-in-law who attempted to convince our parents-in-law that I was crazy and should be treated with suspicion, all because I refused to accept her abuse. This is especially concerning since she is in the mental health profession and her opinion could have been seen as a diagnosis.
I would have thought that someone who had been involuntarily committed by her own parents would understand the danger in accusing someone of being insane. Her statements to them were unethical and unprofessional, and untrue.
Thankfully the parents-in-law knew me better than she did, and they did not take action on her views.
No matter who they are, how they are related, how long you have known them, evil people must be confronted with their actions. If they do not change, remove them from your life or else be drawn into their orbit of evil.
You are under no obligation to tolerate people who treat you badly.
It doesn’t matter who it is – friend, family member, coworker, or customer.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve known them forever or if they’ve been kind to you in the past.
It is OK to tell people how their actions have negatively affected you.
It is OK to set boundaries and decide what kind of behavior you are willing to accept.
It is OK to speak up about how their bad behavior makes you feel – even with other people.
And it is OK to cut off all ties with people who treat you in a way that isn’t OK.
That includes in person and online.
You do not have to allow anyone to treat you badly.
This also goes for strangers on the internet who think they have the right to have a negative opinion about your writing or art.