05 | January | 2020 | betsybeadhead

Another part of the reality of being female is that people think they have the right to comment on what you do / say / think / create. This can be from friends, family, or strangers.

Everything we do is viewed as open to opinion and comment.

Topics cover: (this is not an inclusive list)

How we wear our hair:

Short, long, traditional, modern, colored.

Shaved or long.

If we chose to cover our hair.

What clothes we wear and how we wear it:

Whether our clothing is new, old, in style, unique.

Whether we show “too much” skin or not enough.

Whether our clothing is tight or baggy.

What jewelry we wear, or not.

Everything else:

What we do for a living.

Whether we are married or not.

What our religious beliefs are.

What we create, or not.

If we have children or not.

Our body size / shape.

We are not asking for opinion or comments. We are simply living our lives.

Women receive far more unsolicited opinions than men, about every manner of thing. Men feel it is their right to tell women what they think, whether we asked for their opinion or not.

Not all men are like this. However, enough are that this is a problem for all women. Every single woman has experienced unwanted attention from men in the form of unsolicited opinions and comments on what she does, says, or creates.

Every. Single. Woman.

If you are a man and you do not think you have done this, thank you. However – it doesn’t hurt to consider your actions, not matter how innocent or helpful you may think they are. We all can use improvement. What you think is harmless may be received otherwise. Remember, how the other person experiences your actions is what matters the most.

Times are changing. Women are regaining their power. So men need some insight into what is our truth.

Women are not for your enjoyment. They are not a performance piece for you to have an opinion on. We want to be able to live our lives as we choose without having people think they have the right to tell us their opinion (either positive or negative).

A woman’s life is her experience and expression. It belongs to her. She does not need your approval. She does not want your opinion. She does not need your comments.

Any interaction where you are an unwilling participant is an insult to your soul.

If someone wants to tell you something you don’t want to hear you are not obligated to listen. This includes things like: gossip, a story about a terrible thing that happened, a personal attack, a rude joke. You are not obligated to listen. You can say no, or walk away.

If someone wants to show you something you find terrible you are not obligated to look. This includes things like a photo, a movie, or a TV show that goes against your values.

If someone wants to hug you, you are not obligated to hug them. This is true even if you have hugged them before or even if they are relative or friend.

Your time, your attention, your energy, your physical space are yours. You do not have to share them with anyone, for any reason, at any time. The moment you realize you feel uncomfortable you are allowed to leave the situation.

If you feel confident that you can explain to them how you feel and that they will respect your feelings and stop, you can. But otherwise you owe them no explanation.

This is especially true if you feel they will attempt to make the situation worse by continuing to treat you in a manner that you do not like.

This is especially relevant if you notice any sense of fear or social obligation. If you feel obliged to continue the interaction or relationship because of a sense that you must (to keep the peace, to be “a good girl”, to keep the other person happy) or a sense of fear (he will retaliate in some way, possibly violent) then this is not a healthy relationship. Leave. If someone cannot interact with you in a healthy manner, you are not obligated to continue the interaction. Boundaries are essential for your mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

If someone is saying that you deserve to be treated badly, leave.

Your time / energy / attention are yours. Every interaction must be mutually beneficial. If one person stays under duress (guilt is just as dangerous as being physically held) then it is not a healthy relationship. You owe it to your soul to leave.