Finally I was in the room for actual dying.
Not all the dying are dying.
Some are just practicing.
But finally, now, I’m there.
We’ve waited so long for this room,
We’ve waited, breathless, hopeless. Helpless.
We couldn’t even drag ourselves here.
We fell on the conveyor belt of life and inched along
until we got here.
I wasn’t supposed to be here.
I was supposed to be an observer.
I was supposed to help.
I was supposed to be the compassionate one,
the listener, the solver of problems.
I wasn’t supposed to be broken,
Empty and aching
Hollow and hurting.
It was a surprise to see myself
in this room of bones
these sacks of flesh
these walking wounded.
I’m not a zombie.
But veil after veil after veil
That I’ve been fooled.