04 | August | 2013 | betsybeadhead

I’m totally opposed to stained glass windows in church. I object to the idea and to the cost.

Having stained glass windows keeps the church members focused inward, not outward. Their view is of pretty pictures, not of the world they are called to. We are called to love and serve the Lord by loving our neighbors. How can we think of loving and serving them if we can’t even see them?

The windows are expensive. Maybe the church as a whole raised the money to put the window in. Maybe a parishioner donated the money in honor of someone who died. It doesn’t really matter how the money was raised – 8 t0 20 thousand dollars was just spent on a window – when there are needy people who need help. Jesus told us to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and house the homeless. He told us not to build up treasures for ourselves on this earth. Do you see the contradiction here?

The windows are most beautiful to those people who are inside the building. The people who are inside already get the message. It is the people outside who need it. And what is that message? That God loves us, and needs us, and wants us. God made us, every one of us, and we are loved beyond measure. It is the duty of people in the church to share that message to every person. These stories of love and healing and redemption are stories that everybody needs to hear.

I propose that each one of us needs to become a stained glass window. We need to let God into our lives and our hearts and let the light of God shine through us. We need to be the way that people see God. We need to carry the stories of love and healing and redemption with us by living them out. We need to bring them to life. They need to not be stories so much as reminders. They need to be touchstones to let us know we are on the right path. They aren’t stories that happened back then – the stories are happening right now. There are still people like Abraham and David and Moses and Jonah. There are still people like Sarah and Leah and Miriam and Mary.

God still calls us.

I propose that the purpose of church is to wake people up to this idea, and to teach people how to be servants of God. I propose that a church that is all about the building rather than the people has got it backwards.

There were two ladies, Kay and Jane. Kay had been working on a project most of the day at a large table. This table was rarely used during the day. It was primarily used in the morning and in the evening. Jane had seen Kay working on this project all day, and had seen how involved it was. There were many pieces of paper and many folders to sort them into. As the evening came, it came to be the time when Jane would normally use that table. There were other tables that could be used, but they didn’t have quite as much surface area. Kay asked Jane if it was OK if she used one of those other tables for her (Jane’s) project.

Jane said OK. She took her project over to another table and did it. It took 20 minutes.

Then she complained to Brenda, afterwards. “If I wasn’t so tired, I would have told her no, move!”

But she didn’t. She held the resentment in.

Important to this story is that Kay and Jane have had extreme difficulty talking to each other for many years. Jane is Kay’s supervisor, but feels that Kay does whatever she wants. In a way this is true. Kay doesn’t ask for permission to do a new project – she tells Jane she is going to do.

Also, both were raised in abusive homes where they were not taught about proper boundaries.

So who is in the wrong? Kay for not seeing that Jane would want to use that large table that she was working at? Kay could have finished her project earlier, or moved it.

Or Jane? Jane could have said, “No, that is a problem and I’d rather use that table”. Or Jane could have noticed an hour earlier how long and involved this project was and advised Kay that she would like to use that table at 7.

It was a big project, certainly. It was very involved, and would have wasted a lot of time to move.

My take? Jane was in the wrong. Kay asked if it was OK, and Jane agreed. It is immature to acquiesce to something that you aren’t willing to acquiesce to. You have to stand up for yourself – because honestly nobody else is going to. Also, the other tables were certainly usable. They weren’t ideal, but they weren’t terrible either. It was more of an inconvenience to Kay to move than for Jane to move.

The funny/sad part is that even if Kay had not asked Jane if it was OK for her to stay where she was and for Jane to use another table, Jane would have been upset. Jane is like that. And she would have complained to Brenda, who has no control over the situation. Venting to a third party never fixes the problem, and only brings the third party into your own personal mess.

I once read a great story about two guys who were trying to figure out what they were going to do that weekend. Bob asked Frank if he wanted to go fishing. Frank didn’t really want to go fishing, but thought that Bob wanted to go, so he said OK. Turns out that Bob didn’t want to fish either, he thought Frank did. So they both went fishing, and they both were miserable. It would have been great if they both had been honest. They could have had a really good time together if they hadn’t spent so much time trying to second-guess what each other wants.

I had a friend who stopped by my work one day. I asked her if she wanted to go to a frozen yogurt place for a little bit as I was about to get off of work. She said no, and said we’d need to arrange something later. A coworker thought this was very rude. It isn’t. She had other plans then that I didn’t know about. She was about to go out to supper with her husband. Also, she didn’t like to eat frozen yogurt right before a meal – both things that I didn’t know. She was taking her needs into consideration.

I’d rather her say no than say yes and feel resentful.

To agree to something just to make somebody else happy isn’t honest. If your agreeing to it harms you or is an inconvenience to you, then you have to speak up. If two people are involved in a situation, both people’s needs have to be met. Sometimes a compromise is involved. Sometimes neither party will get her way and nothing happens at all.

It is difficult to say no. We are taught to be people-pleasers. We are taught to keep the peace. But it is very important that we don’t become doormats.
Better to say no and feel guilty than to say yes and feel resentful.

It helps to analyze why you feel guilty to say no. Were you taught this by your parents or teachers? Were you taught that to speak your mind was bad? Were you taught that to stand up for yourself is bad? Perhaps they taught you this way because their parents or teachers taught them the same thing. Perhaps they feel a need to control others they feel are lesser than them.

Be a good little girl, and finish your meal.
(But you are full)

Don’t talk back.
(But what they are asking you to do is wrong)

Don’t marry this guy, he’s not the same race as you.
(But we love each other)

Don’t be friends with her, she’s lower class.
(But the upper class girls are rude.)

Awaken.
Awaken.
Awaken.