I’m a very private person. This may sound odd coming from someone who writes a blog. I also have a very public job. I work with and in front of strangers half the day at work. I try to serve each person as fully as I can. I try to serve them as if they are Jesus in disguise. I try to serve them as if I am Jesus.
It is overwhelming.
I’m grateful for the time off the desk to be calm and quiet. I’m grateful for the activities I have off the desk that require a different kind of attention.
I’m really quite the introvert. I fake being an extrovert.
I used to feel bad about this. It meant that my home was my refuge and I’d spend my off time there, alone with my husband. He is an introvert too so it works out. I felt that perhaps we were missing out on life somehow. We didn’t have friends over, and we didn’t go out with friends. We stuck to ourselves.
I’ve decided to change that a little. I’ve decided to push my boundaries a little. I think it is important to spend time with friends, so I’ve been making “playdates”. I’m creating a “salon” at my house. It is a space where we can get together with a few people at a time and have tea and philosophy.
Partly the trick is to pick good friends who understand that I get a little overwhelmed, friends who understand that I can’t stay up too late. I might turn into a pumpkin, you know.
I asked Jesus into this, because I feel it is a weakness, this being so private and guarded and I introverted. He pointed out that he spent a lot of time alone.
So I’m in good company.
I’d rather have a few good friends than a lot of sort-of friends. I’d rather have friends who are comfortable with me and I’m comfortable with them. I’d rather know people who I don’t have to wrestle the house into shape in order for them to visit.
If I have to turn myself into something I’m not, then they aren’t really friends with me, the real me, anyway, right? It would be putting on a show – like selling someone something that isn’t really what it is advertised to be. I don’t wear makeup, or dye my hair. I am what I am. So I should be the same about my house.
betsybeadhead 
There’s nothing wrong with being private, or introverted. There’s nothing wrong with being happy curled up at home with a good book, or seeking time at work to do things out of the public eye. It’s how you are wired, and there’s nothing wrong with you.
I am content to go for days or weeks without human interaction. I am content to spend days or weeks just in the company of my little immediate family. That said, I also have times when I’m lonesome, or need to get out of the house, or desperately want to hang with friends or family outside of my immediate one.
When that happens, I don’t go willy-nilly to a bar or a public outing. I’ll usually pick & choose the people I want to spend time with. It’ll usually be a smaller affair, or an event where I know the vast majority of people I’ll be around. It’ll be dinner our, or a potluck, or maybe a cut-throat card game. Maybe a movie. Something where we can talk, and enjoy ourselves with in-jokes.
I can handle public places in limited doses. I like the zoo, the aquarium, sea world, amusement parks, museums; but there comes a point at which the crowds begin to chafe & irritate.
It’s the way I’m built. It’s not wrong. It’s just different. I don’t need to change because I’m different. I only need to change if what I’m doing isn’t working for me anymore; if I’m not happy; if the way I am is causing problems in my family dynamics.
I think it’s wonderful to explore ways of interacting with others that will feed your soul without sucking it dry.
I also understand about being private while sharing things in a blog. There are things I’m very open about. I’ll talk to anybody about my bariatric surgery & my personal journey; or about the adoption of my daughter; or various other things. By the same token, there are aspects of those things, as well as things in my life, that I *don’t* discuss publicly.
Sometimes there are things that are just too personal, that I don’t want to share; that I’m not ready to share. Sometimes some of those things aren’t solely mine to share, so I refrain. There are things between my husband and me, between my family & me, between a friend and me, that are privileged. There will be things between my daughter & me that are just for us.
The thing is, we each get to choose what we are willing to share and what we put out there. The fact that I blog doesn’t mean I can’t also be a private person. It seems like an oxymoron, but I understand precisely what you are saying.
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