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Monthly Archives: May 2013

On “preppers” and making sure you have a future.

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I know someone who is a prepper. Perhaps you have not heard of this term. A prepper is someone who takes the Girl Scout motto of always being prepared to the extreme. Preppers often have a six month supply of dehydrated or canned food. They often grow their own food. They stockpile weapons. They take self sufficiency seriously.

Often the goal is to get “off the grid.” They will have generators or solar panels. They might have a well. If the electricity goes out, they have enough fuel to survive for months. And trust me, they do think the electricity will go out. There is a gnawing sense of impending doom that they express.

Some people aren’t preppers but they too are returning to the older ways and learning to grow and can their own food. They are learning how to sew their own clothes. They are getting books on homesteading but on just a little bit of land. Not everybody wants to move out to the country, so they bring the country mentality to the suburbs. They want to be self-sufficient, which is the opposite of dependent. They want to take care of themselves.

Much of this trend is inspired by mistrust of the government. They fear that the government is either too involved in their personal lives or can’t be trusted. People can joke about the “zombie apocalypse” all they want, but these people are prepared for that.

Yet this particular lady I know is really interesting. She does all these things, and yet there is something more that she is doing that has brought up a conundrum in my mind. She is willing to spend money and time making her home more accessible for when she and her husband get older and more infirm. She wants the house to have no stairs and have wider doorways to accommodate a wheelchair. But she isn’t willing to spend the same money and time to get healthy. She wants to make her house accessible, but doesn’t think about the idea of getting her body in shape so she doesn’t need a wheelchair. Somehow, that is seen as too difficult. She uses the excuse of her already bad health as a reason to not get healthy. She says she is too young to feel this old.

I went through every argument she had about her health and came up with solutions for her. There is always a way to exercise. But somehow, “exercise” has become a dirty word in Western culture. She came up with an excuse for why she couldn’t every time. If you spend as much time figuring out how you can, rather than how you can’t, you’ll get there.

She also uses the excuse of her hours at work to explain why she can’t go to the gym. You have to decide what is more important, your loyalty to your job, or to your life. Sure, you have to work. And sure, you may have made a career at this place. But you have to take care of yourself. The workplace won’t care if you wear yourself out and die early and miserable.

Your body is your home. It is important to maintain it. You can’t trade your body in for a newer model when it wears out. Sure, there are replacement parts these days, but they involve surgery and physical therapy. Remember in the movie “Zombieland”? The first rule is “cardio cardio cardio”. If you really think that “they” are coming, then you’d better get in shape.

We don’t need to worry about being invaded by another country or being bombed by terrorists. We don’t need to worry about Korea. We need to worry about Krystals hamburgers. Have you noticed the fact that there are calorie counts on fast-food menus? Sure, you can make better choices while you are there. But the best choice is to prepare fresh food at home. Sure, that takes time. But if you are truly a prepper, then it seems logical that you’d divorce yourself from fast-food too. Part of the prepper mentality is doing things for yourself and not trusting what others have done.

We are killing ourselves with our mouths. Our “eat like a kid again” mentality is killing us. Eat the chili cheese dog, the hot wings and the funnel cake. When you get heartburn, just take an antacid. Or get your heart valves replaced or have a liver transplant. Or get on diabetes medicine. There is something very dangerous about this way of thinking. It is backwards. Do whatever you want and take a pill, or have a surgery. It is safer and healthier to eat well and exercise first, but so few of us do that.

If you are really concerned about the future, then the best thing you can do is take care of your health. Make sure you have a future.

I know one lady who says she doesn’t have time to exercise because she had to take care of her child. If she doesn’t take care of herself, she won’t be alive to take care of her child. Right now, she already can’t do it well because she can’t even run with her child when she plays.

There is no substitute for eating right and getting enough sleep and exercise. There are no shortcuts to health.

My father had a doctor who knew he smoked. When my Dad complained about coughing, he was prescribed cough medicine. The doctor treated the symptom rather than addressing the cause. So my Dad died from a heart attack at 60. He smoked two packs a day and was obese. About a week before he died he said that I would be glad to know he was now eating eggs only once a day. I don’t ever remember him eating a vegetable.

The weird part is that we have gotten so used to people being obese that we see it as normal. We think only the people who are bigger than us are obese. And we think that the people who are smaller than us are too skinny. Just like in the story of Goldilocks, we think we are just right. But we aren’t. We are deceiving ourselves.

I am 5’ 4”. When I weighed 192, I was obese according to the charts. At 145, I’m just on the edge of “normal”. Between those weights, I’m “overweight”. That you read about who takes up two airplane seats, that person is “super obese” or “morbidly obese”. More than likely, you are obese and don’t even know it. Or perhaps you do know it, and have just gotten resigned to it.

Part of our problem is that we treat our stress with food. We get anxious about the future, or unhappy about the past, and we eat. We were taught this as children. When a child wails, parents often soothe them with food. It stops them from making noise. So, unconsciously they are teaching a child to self-soothe with food. If you have an emotional problem, eat. Our culture doesn’t like to deal with emotions at all. So we stuff them down, literally.

There is a way out. Get a book from your library about deep breathing exercises. Get a book about how to deal with anxiety. Often the only change you can make is to yourself. You often can’t change your job or your spouse or your neighborhood. But you can change how you deal with them and how you react to them. Check under my “resources” category and read the list of books I’ve called “Survival books”. Consider taking up a hobby like painting, beading, singing, or playing a musical instrument.

As for me, I do water aerobics and yoga. I walk 20 minutes a day at lunch. I changed how I work so I get in a mile and a half while I’m at the front desk. Every little bit counts. Sure, I miss the reading time. But I like to think of every hour spent exercising buys me two more hours of life. And my knees feel better, and my clothes fit better, and people are noticing that I’m in better shape. It isn’t easy to keep exercising. It was tempting to get to my goal weight and then back off. But exercising isn’t a luxury. It is essential. If we stop moving, we rust.

There was a lady who saw me recently and realized I’d lost weight, and in the same amount of time it had taken me to lose weight, she had gained it. She said “you suck” about my weight loss. This is a crazy way to think. This isn’t a game of musical chairs. The fact that I’ve lost weight doesn’t mean she can’t. She was feeling jealousy, as if I’d taken something from her. That entire way of thinking keeps her in “victim” mode. That way of thinking leads to death, even before you are dead.

It is better to do something than do nothing because you think it isn’t enough.

Are you freaking out right now, just reading this? Stop. Breathe. Repeat. Breathe deeply in through your nose, in on a count of 10, then out on a count of 10. Keep doing this. Every time you feel stress, remember to do this. It is a simple way to get control of yourself. Then go for a walk in the sunshine. Walk slowly, and look at things. This isn’t a race. None of this is a race. The future will get here, when it gets here. Make sure you are there to appreciate it.

Unplugged.

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If you don’t “get” a piece of art or literature that everybody else raves over, it doesn’t mean you aren’t sophisticated. This applies to everything, really. It may be the latest bestseller, or the latest style, or the latest TV show. Perhaps you’ve tried to understand the appeal. Perhaps you’ve even faked that you like it. Perhaps you’ve hidden what you truly like because it isn’t “in.”

Please stop doing this.

What if everybody else is faking it too?

Wouldn’t it be better if everybody was honest? Sometimes what is popular really isn’t that great. Sometimes what is “high art” really doesn’t make sense. Sometimes what is fashionable is really quite ugly and painful to wear.
It is far better to wake up from the mass delusion of popular culture and just like what you like. Maybe the artwork or the novel or the clothing style doesn’t speak to you because it doesn’t actually have anything to say. It isn’t your lack of class that is the problem.

It is entirely possible that the art piece that you don’t understand is just as incomprehensible to everyone else, and they are faking it too. Perhaps it is just blobs of paint on a canvas, and there is no real meaning there. It is entirely possible that the modern day bestseller really isn’t that good, and the plot is terrible, and the writing is infantile.

There are plenty of famous classic works that aren’t that good that we were forced to read in high school. These works have killed off more passion for reading for fun than they have inspired new readers.

It is perfectly OK to buy all your clothing from Goodwill. It is perfectly OK to drink white zinfandel from a box. Be yourself. By being who you are, instead of buying into the mass delusion of what is “good” (that really isn’t), you’ll actually feel better, and you’ll give other people permission to be themselves too.

How do you divorce yourself from popular culture? For starters, stop watching television. Perhaps that is too radical for you. Try this – pick one night a week and turn the TV off. Read a book. Play a board game. Do something not electronic. The further you can get from the television the better. You’ll no longer have “your” thoughts created for you. Work up to unplugging the TV entirely. You’ll find you have more time to do everything else that you love to do but haven’t found time to do. The TV is a chain around our necks. The same is true for Facebook. Both can be useful tools, but they are more often huge time-sucks. Time is in short supply. Be mindful how you use it, or it will get away from you.

Look at what everybody is raving over and really examine it. The fact that it is popular is a clue that maybe there isn’t really anything there. It is part of the delusion. It has been marketed as “popular,” but not “meaningful.” Don’t waste your precious time on something just because everybody else is doing it.

Western culture has pushed a sense of entitlement on us. We are taught that we deserve the best. We are taught that we need to have the latest, hottest, coolest thing. We then are suffering from our excesses. We go into bankruptcy. We are obese. We have huge houses yet no place to live in them because of all the stuff we have. Our stuff isn’t real. It isn’t what we want. It is what we are told that we want.

We don’t need to have manicures and pedicures. We don’t need to wear makeup. These are things that are pushed on us to teach us that we aren’t good enough on our own. These are prosthesis, when none are needed. We are taught that we need to color our hair so nobody sees the grey. We are taught that we need to do so many things to our bodies so that we look “normal.” We are normal, the way we are.

It is hard at first to break free from the hive mind. But the more you become yourself, the more you help others do the same. I encourage you to be you. You are the only you there is. Celebrate that fact.

Turn off the autopilot. (musings about why people seem to worry about the fact that I don’t have children and don’t go to church any more.)

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I don’t have children, and I no longer go to church. Somehow these facts seem to bother people. I’ve started to wonder why they seem so upset when they find this out. So this is an attempt to work that out. I’ll talk about not having children first because I’ve dealt with those questions a lot longer.

People tend to freak out a little when I tell them that I don’t have children. They aren’t really sure how to process this. Surely I want children, right? They wonder if perhaps there is something wrong, some biological reason that I don’t have children. They start to get concerned.

When I tell them that, no, there isn’t anything wrong, I just don’t want children, they get even more concerned. They feel a need to reason with me. “Your feelings will change once you have them” they say. My answer is “But what if they don’t?” Children aren’t like puppies. You can’t give them back. There are way too many unwanted children as it is. Why would people find it necessary to talk someone who doesn’t want to have children into having children?

Yet, for some strange reason people feel it necessary to try to talk me into having children all the time. The oddest part is when they try this after complaining about their own children, and about how hard it is to have time for themselves.

The worst time was right after I got married and everybody thought my fertility was their business. I can understand family members and friends asking if I’m going to have children. I do not understand why strangers think it is something they can ask about. It doesn’t concern them.

There are way too many people on this Earth as is. You’d think that there would be a push for people to stop having children, to reduce the impact on the Earth. Too much demand (people) and not enough supply (natural resources) is a bad combination. Yet we in American society seem stuck on the idea that having two children is a great idea.

The best answer I’ve come up with is this (and again, I shouldn’t have to defend my decision), I tell them that I want a dog. But dogs require a lot of time and money and patience. I know I don’t have any of those things. So if I am not mature or stable enough to have a dog, I certainly shouldn’t have a child. People then agree with me. They say they are glad I have thought about it. I had thought about before explaining it to them, and they weren’t glad at all. I had to justify my decision to them.

So my question is why do they feel it is their right to challenge me on this? Are they afraid of their own decision to have children? Does the fact that I don’t want children make them feel self-conscious? Or perhaps they were unconscious about having children. They did it because that is what you do. They didn’t realize that they didn’t have to have children – it is an option.

I think it is terrible to have children when you aren’t mentally, emotionally, or financially capable of properly raising them. Children are a huge responsibility, and require parents to be totally self-less. Children are dependent on their parents for many years. If they are raised by immature parents, they suffer for the rest of their lives.

I feel there are way too many people who have had children just because that is what you do. Perhaps they got challenged by well-meaning family and strangers and they didn’t have an answer. Perhaps the unthinking questioners need to start thinking about their questions.

Are we suffering from some sort of psychosis? Why do we keep doing the same things just because we’ve always done it that way? Why are we unable to change what are obviously bad habits? They need to stop being habits and start being intentional actions.

I’m beginning to experience the same thing with church. When people find out that I’m no longer going to the church I’ve gone to and been very active at for three years, they ask where I am going instead. I’m not. I’m revising my whole perspective on church. I don’t think there is any church that fits the bill. So I’m studying and praying and walking this journey with the Spirit. I’m staying at home during the church hour and reading religious books. I’m not confining myself to one particular tradition.

That alone freaks people out. It freaks me out, truth be told. But I’m in good company. There are countless people in the Bible who walked away from everything they knew, all the usual trappings of life, and walked out in faith. We read about them every week, yet most people aren’t brave enough to see them as role models.

I think if children are a huge responsibility, then the care of your immortal soul is even more important. Life is precious and shorter than we realize. It is important to be the person God made us to be. That is never one-size-fits-all.

You’d think with so many denominations, there would be a good match, or at least a near fit for everybody. But sometimes the near fit just isn’t close enough. It chafes. It causes blisters. It rubs you the wrong way.

This is not because of the rules. We all need rules otherwise we grow up wild. It is because what is said in the Bible isn’t what is practiced. There are too many people in church who feel fully justified in their homophobia. There are too many people in church who feel uncomfortable if someone who doesn’t look like them (read “white, middle class”) comes in the doors and sits next to them in the pew.

For me, right now my issue is with the entire structure of church. I feel that ministers hold all the power, and don’t teach their parishioners how to connect with God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit. The ministers don’t equip the parishioners to be ministers. Perhaps it is an ego-trip.

I recently read this quote on a Facebook meme. “People may hate you for being different and not living by society’s standards, but deep down, they wish they had the courage to do the same.” While the author is unknown, the sentiment rings true. Perhaps this is the answer. Perhaps people freak out when I tell them I don’t have children and I don’t go to church because deep down, they wish they could do the same.

I’m not saying that people shouldn’t have children. I’m not saying that people shouldn’t go to church. I’m saying that both of these things should be conscious decisions. They should be well thought out, and not done because that is what everybody else is doing.

Life is too short to run it on autopilot.

Poem 4, antibody

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It isn’t alive, the old church.
Instead, silenced, and you are not happy.
We forget Samuel and the voice he heard.

Is church about green tea or coffee?
Or doughnuts, or potlucks?

Love your friends.
Love your enemies.

Because the way to heal them
is to get them drunk on love.

Just write, like your life depended on it.
Just speak, like nobody is listening.

Whoever fixed anything by complaining or judging?
Whoever repaired a house with a broken hammer?

We have buildings in our childhoods.
They are crumbling ruins.
We need reminders of the world, broken that it is.

We can’t escape from this world.
It is our calling.
We were made for this brokenness.
We were made for this joy.

You have to let a little bit of the brokenness, the disease of the world
get under your skin.
This is how the antibody works.

I think the way home is now.
It isn’t in the future.
Every moment is a choice
to be here, to be present
to the beauty and pain that is our world.

Every moment is a choice to love and serve God
with gladness, and singleness of heart,
rejoicing, even down to the grave.

Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia.

On surviving emotional limps.

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If you were raised with abusive parents, there are a few different ways of thinking about that situation. You could say “They did the best they could.” Or you could say “They could have done better.” Both have good and bad points.

If you fall and break a leg, you could say “At least I didn’t break both legs.” While this reflects positive thinking, it fails to acknowledge the pain and the loss of the use of the leg that IS broken. Saying “it could be worse” isn’t helpful. It does not honor what is, the reality of the situation.

Saying “they did the best they could” kind of lets the abusers off the hook. It acknowledges that they weren’t perfect. Perhaps they were abused as children themselves. Perhaps they were too proud to ask for help. Perhaps they were living away from family and were just not mature enough to be married, much less try to raise a child. Saying “They could have done better” is kind of vengeful. It acknowledges their lack, their fault. It pulls “should have” into the conversation. “Should have” doesn’t fix anything, however. It didn’t happen. So what do we do now?

It isn’t helpful to dwell in the past. What is done is done. The abuse won’t go away if you think about it or don’t think about it. It is important to acknowledge the reality of the situation. You need to be honest about the fact that your leg is broken. The fact that you are broken.

I think it is essential to understand that this is something that was done to you. It isn’t your fault. You are the victim, not the perpetrator. For some strange reason there is a sense of shame in our society in being a victim, and there shouldn’t be. It wasn’t your fault that this happened to you.

Perhaps it helps to distance the emotions from this. Perhaps it helps to think of this as a tree falling on you. You still get hurt, but there is no malice in the tree falling. Wondering “why” it happened isn’t helpful. But now you have a choice to make. It happened. What do you do now?

Perhaps you walk with a limp because of that broken leg. Perhaps you have walked with this limp for so long you think it is normal. Then either someone points it out to you, or you figure it out. Then you have to decide what to do. Do you leave it like it is? Do you get physical therapy for it? Or do you have surgery?

The same is true for realizing that you were raised by abusive parents. You may not know that your childhood was less than ideal. For you, it was normal. That limp is just the way things are. But then when you realize it, what do you do? Change is very hard. For some, the fear of change will prevent them from getting better. They will muddle along, damaged and hurt, because that is what they know.

Part of being raised in an abusive home is often that you feel you don’t deserve to get better. Psychological abuse is insidious like this. It is the pain that is self perpetuating. Even though the abuser isn’t saying hateful things any more, the abuse continues in your head. That groove has been so well laid down that your mind will only go on that track. It takes a lot of energy to make your train of thought go somewhere else other than “Loserville.” You’ve been taught that you are not worthy of love. If you have been taught this, it is very hard to work up the energy to get help. It isn’t impossible – just difficult. It is slow going, but it is important work.

Say you decide to get therapy or surgery. Both are very painful and take a long time. Both require focus on the problem. Both require a lot of work. If you decide that you want to stop walking with that emotional limp, it is going to be a hard journey. But at the end you’ll be better. You won’t be perfect. But you’ll be stronger than you were.

First you have to acknowledge that the damage is real. Then you have to realize that you aren’t to blame for it. It is something that happened. It wasn’t personal. In fact, it was as impersonal as you can get. If your parents were able to really see you for the amazing person you are – the amazing gift from God that you are – they wouldn’t be able to abuse you. But they didn’t have eyes for that. Perhaps they didn’t realize that they themselves are children of God.

You are special. You are amazing. And you are worthy of love. And that starts with you. It is OK to get help. And it is going to hurt – but it will get better. Lean into the pain. You’ll make it, one step at a time.

Tradition will kill you.

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“We do it this way because we’ve always done it this way.”

I find it interesting (and disturbing and sad) that the only person who has talked to me about staying in church has used this as an explanation.

We need to keep this going because it is tradition.

I remember seeing a psychological study about peoples’ reaction to smoke coming under the door. There is a subject in an office waiting room with other people, but the other people are part of the study. Smoke starts to come under the door. The subject sees it, but doesn’t alert others, and doesn’t leave. This happened time and time again. When asked later why they didn’t react to it, the answer was that they didn’t want to cause a fuss. So, for the sake of keeping the peace, everyone will die. They’d rather be quiet than get everybody moving towards safety.

If we are in a car that has gotten off the road and is headed towards a cliff, we need to jump out of the car.

If the church goes one way, and Jesus goes another, we know who we must follow.

I’m finding it amazing the number of people who are on the same page here. People are leaving church not because they haven’t heard the Gospel. It is because they have heard the Gospel. They have heard the message to love and serve, and they are seeing a huge disconnect. They are seeing hypocrisy. They are seeing that church is self-serving rather than self-less.

The tithe goes to keep up the building and pay the staff. It doesn’t go to feed the hungry or clothe the naked.

The ministers have all the power, and they don’t teach the members how to be ministers.

We need to all think for ourselves. We all need to read the Bible for ourselves. If what the church says does not line up with what God says, then we are obliged to try to reform the church. Or leave. To stay and pretend that everything is fine is to give support to something that we know is wrong.

Sometimes things start off ok, but then they get sidetracked. I read about a women’s prayer organization that is for Anglican women. The charter said that no money would be raised in the name of the organization. Yet, years later after it was founded, they take up dues. They collect money for various scholarships for their members. I’ve heard that there is no proper accounting for this money. So, the start was good, but it got off the track.

Plus, I’m against anything that doesn’t allow someone membership based on something they have no control over. Only women can join? What about men who want to pray? God calls everyone.

This is like saying only men can be priests. Yes, I have a problem with that too. But I also believe from my studies of the Gospels that every person is called by God to know and love and serve God. It isn’t for the few, the proud, the priests. It is a gift that is given freely to all by the Holy Spirit.

We pray for soldiers who are at war. Yet we are told to love our enemies, and “thou shalt not kill.” There is a huge conflict here. We are praying for the safety of people who are doing something that we know from the commandments we are not to do. This is crazy-making.

Sometimes something is so broken that it can’t be fixed from within and you have to start all over.

God is constantly talking to us. He never stopped. It behooves us to listen to God talking in all things. God didn’t stop talking when the Bible was written. You can find truth everywhere.

But don’t take my word for it. Read, pray, think on your own. Stretch your horizons and boundaries.

Don’t be afraid. Love. Perfect love casts out all fear, remember?

Church shouldn’t involve money, or a building. It isn’t a place. It is a gathering. Look up the meanings of “ekklesia” – the root word for church. It is pretty surprising.

I don’t know what church should look like yet. I’m thinking I should send my tithe money to a charity, like the American Red Cross, or the Nashville Rescue Mission. My Sunday mornings are changing. There should be time to read the scriptures and time to pray and listen to God. I know there is a lot of healing to be found in a small circle of people who are willing to be open and honest with each other.

But I know I can’t be part of something I feel is wrong. And I know I’m not alone.

Let us pray together for the strength to return to the beginning. Let us examine everything in light of Jesus’ teaching to Love. What practice shows love? Do it.

All together now.

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Michael Pollan has a book called “Food Rules.” In it, he explains that he read a bunch of books about nutrition, and the root of it all came down to this little phrase. “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” He then spent the rest of the book explaining that.

So I’m going to try to do the same with enlightenment and freedom from pain and how to appreciate life. I’m a gestalt learner, so it is coming together all at once and I’m seeing a lot of connections. Some of it is from child-rearing books, some from autism books, some from books about how to deal with being part of an abusive family or a co-dependent relationship. Some comes from Jesus, from Buddha, from Eckhart Tolle, from Lao Tzu. Sadly, I’m pretty sure I’m not going to be able to quote anybody on any of this, as it is a synthesis.

I suspect you’ve heard most of this before, but perhaps not in this way. If you are like me, you have to hear things several different ways before something clicks and it goes in and sets up shop in your head. Hopefully some of this is helpful to you. So let’s begin.

Here’s my synthesis.

Give up the idea of control. Give up deciding what is “good” and “bad.” Be thankful, right now, for what is. Learn as much as you can about everything.

Here’s my explanation of that.

Resistance is futile. That which you avoid must be faced. Run away and it only becomes bigger. Face it, and it gets smaller. It is a normal human reaction to avoid pain. But by not facing painful things, you don’t get rid of them. You just delay dealing with them.

Yes, it is hard to face your fears. Nobody wants to. But strong people were those folks willing to try, step by step, to face what they were afraid of. It is worth the effort. It gets easier the more you do it.

Everybody and everything wants to be noticed. Notice, fully. See every person as if they are God in disguise. See every situation as an opportunity to learn and grow. It is all in your perspective.

What you focus on expands. (I think Oprah said that.)

Love is indeed the answer. Don’t judge anything or anyone. This includes people, ideas, and events. The more you decide what is “good” and what is “bad,” and the less you accept things just as they are, the better things will go for you.

Hate is another name for fear. Face what you are afraid of. Learn all about it. Lean into it. Study it. Then you will learn it isn’t what you thought it was. Fear is often ignorance in disguise. Learn as much as you can and the fear goes away.

Nothing is ever what you think it is.

Don’t make up stories about why people do what they do and what they are thinking. Ask them. When you make up stories, it is always going to make the situation worse, and you’ll often be wrong.

Try not to use the word “why” when you are asking people what their motivations are. “Why” causes defensiveness. One way is to say “I was wondering if you could tell me more about…” or “Could you help me understand about…”

Two people who have gone through the same experience will have different reactions to it. Just because you have lived through a car crash doesn’t mean that your friend who did the same has the same emotional reaction to it. They have a different history and a different emotional makeup.

Tell people how their actions make you feel. Feelings are very important.

If you don’t know how you feel about something, it is helpful to journal. You don’t have to be a great writer. This isn’t the great American novel. This is for you and you only to read, and it will be messy. Writing is surprising – you learn stuff while you write. It isn’t about putting things down on paper. It is about receiving as well. Pray while you write for insight.

We are a product of our environment and our conditioning. Often we do it that way because we’ve always done it that way – but that isn’t a good reason to keep doing it that way.

Examine everything.

If someone (or an institution/authority figure) doesn’t like you asking why they do it that way, then dig harder. You are onto something.

The more resistance you encounter, the bigger the sign that is something you must work on. This is true with every situation.

Our need to label things good and bad causes a lot of our distress. It just IS, without a label. (Look in my “Resources” section under “Prayers and Stories I like” for the Rumi poem and the Chinese story for illustrations of this.)

Don’t even judge your healing. You are moving, and you have identified the disease. You are on the path to a cure. Every time you catch yourself falling into your old habits, don’t focus on the habit – notice the fact that you caught it and are changing it. Change takes a long time, and habits take a long time to undo. Be patient with the process.

There is something to be said for enjoying the right now, for not waiting for the future to bring relief.

Jonah prayed to God, gave thanks to God, while in the whale. He was thankful in the middle of a terrible situation. It was only then that he was freed. There is something powerful in this. It isn’t about praying and going through the motions of being thankful so that you will get some future goal of happiness. It is about actually being thankful in the moment. This is opposite what Western society teaches, so it isn’t easy to learn but it is worth it.

There is so much dis-ease, or lack of ease, with the 21st century Western way of thinking. It is about getting more and more. This is why people suffer from depression and heart problems and high blood pressure and chronic pain and bankruptcy. They are filling in their holes with the wrong things. They are unhappy, so they eat more. They are unhappy, so they comfort themselves by buying more. It is hard to change this cycle, but it is essential. It gets easier the more you do it.

I think there is a lot to be learned by the fact that Jesus often says to people that their faith has healed them. He didn’t heal them. They were seeking healing. They asked for help. Something about the seeking and asking worked. Jesus tell s us “Ask and it shall be given unto you, seek and ye shall find, knock and the door shall be opened unto you.” All of these require action on your part. It isn’t passive. You have to make the first step.

Like in the story of the prodigal son, he started to return to his father. When his father saw him, far off, his father ran to greet him. But he still had to start on the journey to return. So you have an impact on your situation. You don’t have to wait to be rescued.

Life is about focusing on the can, rather than the can’t. The more you focus on what you don’t have or can’t do, the less you will notice what you do have, and what you can do. Regret never built a raft.

Life is about being thankful for what you have, right now. If you can’t appreciate what you have, then how are you going to appreciate what you will get in the future?

Even “bad” things need to be appreciated. They are ways in. They are excuses and reminders to pray to God. They keep us awake and paying attention. And sometimes the “bad” thing is a blessing – we just don’t know it yet.

Part of loving God is trusting God. Know that all things are within God’s hands. Everything comes from God. God has a plan bigger than you could ever imagine. We humans don’t have that perspective. We think “Why is this happening to me?” while we forget to be thankful for all the blessings we get. (We learn this in the Book of Job).