When someone asks you a question and they give you the answers as part of the question, be wary. They either don’t really care what you think or they don’t even realize the trap themselves.

It is like when someone says the phrase “don’t you think” either at the beginning or end of a question. They don’t really care what you think. They just want validation for what they think.

If they say “do you want to wear the blue shirt or the grey shirt?” They have already done most of the thinking for you. In this instance all you can think about is blue or gray. You aren’t even in the same room with the red, orange, or yellow shirt. And maybe you don’t want to wear a shirt at all. Maybe you want to wear just a vest, or a dress.

I’m saying this to help you be mindful of these tricks that people play. They might not even be aware that they are manipulating you. Whether they are aware or not, the effect is the same. You are being distracted. You are being led along a path in a direction you may not want to go.

Question everything and everyone.

This is different from simple defiance. Saying no to everything all the time is childish. But following along mindlessly shouldn’t be the mark of an adult either.

Do whatever it is because you have researched it yourself and found it to be good. If the reason to do something is “because we have always done it that way” or, worse, it results in a threat, dig deeper.

Especially when the threat is to your soul.

I’ve never understood the logic of telling someone they have to believe the way you do because their soul depends on it. Just believe, like that, something that is huge.

I’m not going to buy a house or a car without reading the fine print. If I’m not going to jump into that major commitment without studying it, then what is the logic of going into an external commitment without question?

It is precisely because I take my soul seriously that I question. I expect the same of everyone. I think any faith tradition that expects blind obedience really just wants you to be blind.

This post was inspired by the title of a book. It is called “Was Jesus a Republican or a Democrat?” Uh, how about he was neither?

This way of questioning is black and white. There is no gray. There is no middle, and there is no other.

If you really want to know what someone thinks, ask them an open ended question. Ask them what they think, without any nouns. Just ask, and let them fill in the blanks.

While providing options is useful when you have a flighty child who cannot make decisions in a hurry and you need to get her out of the house and on to school, it is insulting to do to an adult.

But we do it all the time.

I’m writing this post to help you be mindful to not do it to others, and to not let them do it to you.

It is a hard habit to break.

Consider this. If you frame the question, you’ll miss the whole picture.