Shame

Why is it that the person who has been attacked feels shame? The person who was abused by a parent wasn’t the person to blame. The person who was raped was the recipient, not the aggressor. The person who is the recipient of violence is most often female, but is sometimes male. Abuse isn’t exclusive. And the abuser or rapist isn’t always male. Physically, emotionally, sexually, abuse is abuse.

For the sake of simplicity I will say “she” for the person who is abused or raped and “he” for the abuser or rapist. I’m concerned I’m perpetuating a stereotype, so I want to be sure that it is understood that anybody can be attacked, and anybody can be the attacker. But our language has no appropriate third person singular, and saying “his or her” all the time is tedious, so I’m doing it this way.

I’m also making a point of not using the term “victim”. That is part of this. I believe that if she identifies herself as “victim” then she is perpetuating the violence that was done against her. More often though, the person who was attacked feels shame. They act as if they did something to deserve this. They feel shame so they don’t go to the police. They feel shame so they don’t go to the hospital or to a counselor.

Shame is another word for guilt. When a person feels shame, she feels as if she caused the problem. She feels that she brought it on herself. She feels responsible.

This is so totally backwards. The abuser, the rapist is the guilty party. The one he attacked is passive.

You do not cause someone to attack you. It has nothing to do with what you wear or what you said. Now, yes, I’ve recently written a post saying that women should dress modestly to protect themselves. I also think it is a good idea to get a handgun carry permit and take self-defense classes. Prevention, you know. But sometimes you can’t get out of the way of a problem, and there are a lot of damaged people out there who are ready to cause a problem with you.

One thing to notice is that the attacker is giving control of his emotions and actions to everyone else. The attacker blames other people for his losing control.

When Dad gets home from one of his many business trips, he has no right to beat his child for breaking something. His child is a child, and it was an accident. He has no right to yell at his child. His short temper is his fault, his failing.

Eleanor Roosevelt said that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

The same is true of anger.

But how is it that the person who is attacked feels shame, feels guilt? Do we teach that in our society? Is that normal? Is it something that is part of being attacked?

It certainly isn’t helpful. It renders the person who was attacked open to more attacks. It opens her up to abuse from not just the original abuser, but new ones. Bullies can spot weakness.

Again – that is not the fault of the person who is bullied. The bullies need to be responsible for their actions. It is not the “weak” kid’s fault that she gets her lunch money stolen from her – that is the fault of the bully. It is important to remember where the blame goes.

The odd part is that bullies themselves were often abused. Instead of feeling shame however, the bully learns that abusing others is normal. The bully patterns his actions on this warped lesson. The way to feel bigger is go make another feel smaller.

Stop bullying. Easy to say. Tell us how to do it.

Stop feeling shame for being abused. Stop thinking you are a victim. Again, easy to say. Hard to do.

I think there is something to teaching everyone that it is important to say no, to establish boundaries. That this is what you are willing to take, and this isn’t. Perhaps there is something to learning how to dialogue, versus debate. It helps if people can express their opinions without having to be “right” or “wrong” – but just be different.

I used to feel guilty for saying no, for telling someone that I wasn’t OK with what I was being asked to do. I’ve spent too much of my life feeling resentful that my life wasn’t my own. Even reading books about how to find my own voice, how to establish boundaries, I felt awkward. How dare I stand up for myself.

It was painful to read those books. It was like having to re-break a badly-healed leg. Emotionally, it was as if my family had broken my legs and because I’d not been allowed to get treatment, they’d healed badly. I was walking with an emotional limp. I just got used to it. It became my “normal”. Reading those books made me have to look at that wound again, and realize how it was affecting my life, and every relationship I had. I had to re-break those bones and let them heal again.

Emotional wounds hurt just as much as physical ones. And they are harder to spot. A broken leg – that sticks out. A broken spirit? That is much harder to spot. The damage runs deep there, and affects every part of your life.

But somewhere in the middle of reading those books, I was standing up for myself, and realizing that I wasn’t a victim, and I wasn’t to blame. By reading those books I was taking control of what had happened.

There is no shame in being abused. There is shame in being an abuser. You aren’t to blame for what happened to you. You are, however, responsible for what you do afterwards. You are responsible for your own actions, not the actions of others.

Bully

I’m often torn about the best way to deal with a bully. Do you call attention to the fact that he is being a bully, or do you ignore it?

The point of calling attention to it is to say you don’t agree with it. You speak up because to be silent is to participate. You speak up to stop the abuse.

But to be silent is to not give attention to the bully. A bully, at the heart of the matter, is someone who wants attention. It is someone who didn’t get enough attention for doing good things, so he does bad things. 6 or 60, it makes no difference. A bully is a bully if he is harmful to another person, either mentally, physically, or emotionally.

So if you ignore the bully’s misplaced attempt at a way to get attention, will it go away? Will he figure out another way to get the attention he craves?

We all want attention. We all want to feel special and important. A mark of a well adjusted person is that she does not constantly need validation from others in order to feel this way. She is comfortable as is. A well adjusted person can self-soothe, and knows on her own that she has done well. She doesn’t have to seek approval and encouragement from others constantly. She doesn’t have to tell stories about all the important things she has done or all the famous people she has met.

But a bully hasn’t gotten to that point yet. Perhaps he was bullied as a child by his father. Perhaps this is just normal to him. Perhaps he will always be an emotionally stunted person. Perhaps everyone is afraid of telling him he is wrong, so he has never gotten the feedback he needs. As far as he knows, he is OK. He feels big by making someone else feel small.

The few times I’ve stood up to bullies it terrified me. I was afraid of the repercussions. All were authority figures, and I had something to lose in every situation. But in every situation I’d finally had enough of being pushed around and lorded over.

A funny thing happened, every time. I spoke up, calmly, and respectfully, but assuredly. I pointed out how my point of view coincided with reality, and how it differed from the point of view of the bully. And every time the bully backed down. Every time it was like deflating a balloon. Every time the bully developed a new respect for me and never pushed me that way again. It doesn’t mean that the bully suddenly became a great human being. But it is as if I drew a line. I said I’m not willing to take this, and he never went there again.

Now my dilemma is when I see another person being bullied. Say it is an adult child of a bully. This person has been bullied his whole life by his father. This abuse is normal. The adult child has been taught that he is not worthy of love. He has been taught that he deserves to be treated badly. He has been taught that he has caused his father’s anger, that he is responsible for the abuse he gets.

If I stand up for him, am I short changing his growth? Baby birds have to peck their own way out of their shell or they won’t be able to make it in the world.

I remember a time when I lived near Washington DC. The lady I lived
with had three cats. Two were Siamese, and they were siblings. One was a Main Coon. His name was Bill. Those crazy Siamese cats were newcomers to this home, but they ganged up and made sure to get in the way every time food was put out. There were three bowls, but they would make sure they ate first and Bill ate last.

I felt this was monstrously unfair. One day I put out their food and held back those two punks. Bill just stared at me. I sang out to him, encouraging him. I told him to go ahead and eat. Hesitantly, he did. After about five minutes, I released the Siamese siblings. They looked at me in amazement. Bill didn’t get in their way, and Bill didn’t eat their food. They had theirs, and he had his. It was as it should be. This was all it took. They got the clue, and shared from then on. Bill didn’t become a bully to them out of revenge. Harmony was restored.

But it isn’t that easy with people. You’d think it would be easier. I couldn’t speak to these animals – I showed them how to behave. I showed Bill that he was valuable, that he had a right to eat. Not first, not better, just the same.

I think there is some lesson in here for me. Perhaps I have to do a little of both. Perhaps I have to stand up to the bully, to let him know that his actions aren’t OK, and show the victim that he has value. And then I have to wait, to let this seed take root. You can’t force growth, and you can’t change a lifetime of being oppressed overnight.

I believe in the power of prayer, but I believe in prayer made visible more. Sometimes I’m impatient for change.