Library thoughts – book magic

Posted on January 12, 2015 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

People think that if you work in the library, you are a librarian. They think that librarians are intelligent and deserve respect. In many ways, they give them more respect than teachers.

They do not realize and are surprised to discover that to be a librarian you have to have a Master’s degree in library science. Just working in a library doesn’t mean you are a librarian.

Thus, they think merely working in a library is enough to indicate intelligence and command respect.

Thus, merely being around books makes you smart and respected. This seems to not apply to booksellers, though. Perhaps it is the number of nonfiction books to fiction that makes the difference. Perhaps it is because librarians help you for free, so their actions seem altruistic.

I don’t know. I’m running with it though, because it benefits me.

I spent a lot of years working retail, and honestly, the library is a lot like retail. I like it better, not just because people respect me more. I’m the same person whether I’m at Waldenbooks or the library, so it isn’t me, it is them.

I like working at the library because I can help people regardless of their ability to pay. I always felt a little guilty encouraging people to look at extra items when I worked in retail. There was always a little bit of tension there because of it. They’d sometimes say “Oh, you want me to get this so you’ll get a higher commission.” No, it is because it will benefit you. Or you need it.

Now there is no tension. They can have 100 books at a time.

In a related thought, people are now saying to me “Wow! I know a real author!” Being a writer isn’t enough. Publishing a book is what makes it real. Maybe this is part of working in the library. People respect books. Real, physical books. Just being around them, the magic rubs off on you.

Juggling children

Posted on November 8, 2014 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

I saw a lady with two young children at the library last week. It was obvious that they were in her way. This tableau happens a lot. She was in the computer area and she kept trying to tell them she was taking a test. The children were probably five and three. They kept trying to sit with her and ask her questions. She kept being very frustrated with him and telling him to stop bothering her.

I had a lot of questions and no answers. Where was the father? Or were there two fathers? Why weren’t the children in daycare, or with a relative? If this test was so important then why didn’t she make time to take it when they weren’t with her? Were they always with her? If she was taking a test to get a better job, where would she put the children while she was at work?

She had not brought anything for them to do on their own. She had not thought of what they could do to entertain themselves while she took her test. At that age, children have to have some direction. Meanwhile, the phone rings and she answers it. She has time to talk on the phone but not time to talk to her children. She finally gives the phone over to her son and tells him to talk quietly, reminding him that they are at the library. The library has a policy that you shouldn’t use the phone at all, not just quietly. Ideally, it would have been turned off.

It wasn’t the children’s fault that they were born or that they were there. That was the mother’s doing. She was treating them as if they were an interruption to her day and her life. Everything she was saying to them was in an impatient and unkind tone. The only time she talked to them was to tell them to stop bothering her and to shut up. Sadly, I see this a lot.

The mom kept getting more and more frustrated with her children and her children kept demanding more and more attention from her. Any attention is better than no attention, even if it is negative attention.

I felt that it was not my place to tell her how to parent her children. I felt that if I had done so she would have felt very embarrassed and threatened. Meanwhile she was getting further and further behind on her test and further behind on interacting with her children in a kind way.

I fear for the children of these mothers. They grow up angry and frustrated, just like their mothers. They grow up expecting to be yelled at for asking for help with their basic needs. They grow up thinking that they are worthless and meaningless. They grow up empty, having never really grown up at all. Meanwhile, they have children and they treat them the same way, and the cycle continues.

Waiting to escape part two.

Posted on October 21, 2014 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

Right now I feel I’m working an 80 hour a week job, but only getting paid for 40. My other “job” is non-paying, and in fact I spend money at it. Classes in being a facilitator aren’t cheap. Materials aren’t either. Books, drums, paint, canvas, beads all add up. This doesn’t even add in all the time I’m spending learning how to do this thing I don’t even have a name for yet.

I don’t want to charge people to help them. That is part of the appeal of the library. Anybody can come in and get what they need to educate or entertain themselves for free. It is open to everybody. Sadly though, it is more entertainment than education that happens. Sadly, more movies and romance novels are checked out than books on how to make life better – either for themselves or others.

I feel like I’m selling panaceas. I feel like I’m pushing palliative care. The vast majority of people are getting something to ease their pain and bide their time. They aren’t living life – they are escaping it, enduring it. I feel like a sober person working in a bar. I can see through things now, and it hurts.

Doctors swear to “do no harm” and while I’ve not made that same oath officially, I have in my heart. While I’m not encouraging people to get things that are wasting their time, I’m not encouraging them to get anything else either. I’m not allowed to suggest, really, because I’m not a librarian. That requires a Master’s in Library Science. I check in and check out materials. I get you your library card. I serve, and I solve some problems. I’m a facilitator there – I make things easy for them. Facilitators make things easy. But I have an issue with “easy” versus “good”.

“Easy” is getting ten movies to watch at home while you are nursing a hangover, or depressed because you are lonely. “Good” would be learning what you are trying to escape from and working on that. But that is hard. That requires real work. Soul-work is painful. It is like doing surgery on yourself without anesthesia. But the final result is healing and wholeness and harmony. The final result is clearing out the pus of the infection that is bad coping skills and bad habits.

There is too much pain in the world, and it is all avoidable. I can’t wait until people are ready to be healed. People say that the alcoholic won’t change until he’s ready to change. Meanwhile, should I keep giving him booze? I feel that I am doing this every time I see someone check out more time-wasting materials. I see the same people in every few days, getting the maximum number of DVDs or an armload of mindless romance novels. Sure, everybody needs a diversion every now and then. But when all you do is diversion, then you are never going straight on into life.

Entertainment and distraction shouldn’t be the main course. Dessert isn’t filling or fulfilling. Of course, I feel the same way about going to a buffet, but I don’t work there. Half the food is healthy, half is deadly. Too much of the good stuff isn’t good either.

“I set before you a blessing and a curse” God says. We have free will to choose every moment of our lives. I just feel like I’m being an enabler when I help people check out things that are more like a curse than a blessing.

I want to help people wake up to the wonder and beauty of life. I’m trained in processes that help people dig down deep, getting in touch with their true selves. There isn’t a way to do that at the front desk. Perhaps I can ask to teach classes at work? Then my “other job” and my “real job” will start to merge. Libraries are all about the free flow of information and communication. What is more basic than being able to communicate with your own self?

Waiting to escape part one.

Posted on October 21, 2014 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

In a way, I feel like the Israelites at the first Passover. Waiting, eagerly, to run at a moment’s notice to escape Egypt. “Egypt” means slavery and oppression. “Egypt” means not living live as we are meant to – as I’m meant to.

I’ve been shoehorning my life for a while now. My job no longer fits with my ideals. Buddha talked about “right livelihood” – where your jobs needs to line up with your values. It isn’t that the library is bad. It is just that it isn’t enough.

I am adverse to starting a “small business” and striking out on my own. Too often this means simply striking out. I don’t want to feel like I have to spend more time selling my “product” more than I spend creating it. My art isn’t my job. Maybe that is the problem though. Maybe the fact that I create and then go to a “real” job is proof I have time to do both.

I’m averse to doing all the taxes and paperwork required to run a small business. I want to get paid t create, to host Circles, to heal in many ways. I want to write, paint, collage, bead, and drum. I want to show others how to do the same. I want to facilitate weddings, funerals, and other religious ceremonies for those who have been turned out of or off of church. I want to have a place to do all of this that isn’t my home.

The biggest point is that I’m afraid to go out on my own because I need health insurance.

I need to remember that just because the Israelites became free, their lives didn’t become easy. 40 years of wandering in the desert isn’t ideal. Many people died. But they also always had enough to eat and drink, and their shoes never wore out. So maybe freedom isn’t what I think it should be.

I used to love working at the library, but that love has faded. I feel that my talents are being wasted. More importantly, I feel that my life is being wasted. I can’t stand thinking about 13 more years of 40 hour weeks until I can retire. I’ll be 59. My Mom died at 53. My Dad died at 60. Neither were able to retire. I’d hate to think that I’d spent my most healthy years at a place only half alive, biding my time. I resent the time my job takes from me. 40 hours a week is too much time away from my husband and friends. Too much time not creating and sharing and teaching.

My job is rather predictable and boring. In a way, the familiarity is comforting. In a way, it is smothering. I’m grateful to have a job that is regular and simple at times. I’m grateful to have a regular paycheck too. But right now, the only thing that keeps me going is days off, because then I get to do what I want to do.

I’d love to work in such a way that I don’t have to have a “second” job of living my “real” life. I’d love if my “first” job was more in line with my dreams and creative life. I’d love if I got paid to have circles where people could learn how to communicate better, or I could facilitate new ways of communication, where people could connect with art or music.

Don’t go changin’

Posted on September 19, 2014 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

One of the worst things a new person can do is start to change things.

Perhaps your way is better. Perhaps the way you did it at your old place was smarter. But suddenly changing things at your new place when it affects everybody else isn’t smart at all. This is especially true if you start changing things without asking anybody else for their opinion.

Say we are all rowing a boat together, and a new person jumps in and starts calling out a different cadence. Or brings a different kind of oar. Or drops the anchor in the middle of the race. It is going to mess everything up. It is going to make the whole thing stop.

It is OK to ask, or suggest, or recommend. It isn’t OK to just do it.

Even if you’ve been there a long time, don’t make sudden changes if it affects other people. If it affects your work area and nobody else works where you are, then have at it. If other people use that space, then don’t.

Sometimes it may seem like we “are doing it this way because we’ve always done it this way.” Sometimes we may be. But sometimes there is a rule that you don’t know about because you’ve not been there long enough to know that rule.

Sometimes people will push back not because of the idea, but because of how it is presented. You have to warm people up to a change. You have to include them. You have to think about their feelings.

It doesn’t matter if the idea is a good one if people aren’t willing to put their energy behind it. Surprising people with sudden change will never result in their support.

The result isn’t more important than the people. If you leave the people out of the equation, you will make a far bigger mess than the one you were trying to fix.

Friend or foe

Posted on August 28, 2014 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

“Since we are friends, you can…” (fill in the blank as to whatever rule they want me to break.)

I’m friends with a lot of patrons. I’ve met several great people while working at the library. Heck, I even married a patron.

I’m friendly with a lot of other ones, in part because that is part of my job. Some of them confuse “being friendly” with “being friends” though. They ask me to bend or break rules, to make exceptions for them, because we are “friends”.

We aren’t. If we were really friends, they wouldn’t ask me to do something that could get me fired. Like waiving their fines. Like not changing their address to their new out-of-county address. Like not using their ID or their library card to access their account.

Friends don’t try to get friends fired.

I’ve been a people pleaser throughout my life, and I’m learning it doesn’t do me any good. “People pleaser” is the old way of saying “codependent”. I felt like I needed to do whatever they wanted me to do so they would like me. Fortunately I’m getting over that. If they get angry because I won’t do something that is illegal or unethical or just plain against the rules, then they aren’t the kind of people I want to associate with anyway.

Overdue fines

Posted on August 16, 2014 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

I’m always surprised when people say they don’t carry cash. The card reader might not be working. Then you can’t get whatever you were trying to buy. Sometimes that means your meal or your tank of gas. You don’t have to carry a lot of cash – just a $20 is enough to take care of most situations.

This is something I see a lot at the library. People will build up their fines over time, and when it gets over our limit of $20, they have to pay. They haven’t been paying all along, and now it is a big deal.

But this is part of our culture. We react only when we have to, rather than to prevent a problem.

They will pull out their credit card, and we only take cash or check. Sometimes they will say “But it is a check card!” like that means anything. It doesn’t matter what account the payment comes out of. It matters what form the payment is in. We take paper, not plastic. We don’t have a way to take electronic payments.

Sometimes it is right before closing and we can’t take any money at all. We aren’t like retail – when we close the doors to the public, we leave too. We don’t stay afterwards to count the money from the fines. We take care of that right before closing. When closing happens, we aren’t on the clock anymore, so we don’t want to be there.

So then, they have a stack of books and they can’t check them out because their fines are too high. They knew they had fines all along. They’ve been paying off a bit here and there. They’ll pay off just enough to use their card, but not any extra. So then, just one thing, one day overdue, and their fine is over the limit again.

One guy got really mad and said that we needed to “get with the times” and take cards. I told him that he needed to stop turning his stuff in late. He didn’t like it at first, but then he realized I was right.

If you do it right, the library is a totally free experience. If you do it wrong, your account can go to collections. Your choice. It isn’t the library’s fault that your stuff is late. It certainly isn’t the fault of the person behind the desk.

Blaming other people for your own problems is the reason for your problems.

How’s the weather?

Posted on August 6, 2014 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

I notice trends while at work. After you’ve seen the same thing over and over, you have enough data to formulate a theory. This applies to big things and little things.

Where it applies to the everyday is mood. I can read the emotional temperature after about twenty patrons. The mood will go on for the whole day. If people are easy to deal with in the morning, they will be easy to deal with in the afternoon and at night. If they are cranky and difficult, they will be that way all day too.

I mentioned this to a new coworker and he and I have started asking each other “How’s the weather?” when we are changing shifts at the front desk.

Some days the answer is “Sunny with a few clouds.” Sometimes the answer is “Overcast with a chance of hail.”

On Monday, it was “sharks”. People were very needy and difficult.

Now, people who are able to take care of themselves don’t come up to us. We have several self-check machines, so the average person with the average library transaction does not have to come up to us. This means we get problems all the time, by the very nature of why we are there.

The issue is the nature of the problem compounded by the temperament of the person.

Seeing so many different people with so many similar temperaments is really useful. It lets me know that my bad or good mood isn’t just mine, but it is something bigger. Perhaps it is something “in the air”.

I’ve not tried to figure out the whys and wherefores of it yet. I’m just glad to notice a trend and realize that it is not just me. There is something else affecting our moods.

Tuesday, it wasn’t “shark” so much as “goldfish”, except for the children. They were extra wound up and cranky. Really young children are usually cranky around 3:30 every afternoon. They also are cranky right before a thunderstorm.

Yes, I know sharks and goldfish have nothing to do with the weather. But the idea still works. Perhaps “How’s the water?” also works. The metaphor isn’t the issue, but the idea is.

Just say “I don’t”

Posted on June 11, 2014 by betsybeadhead | Leave a comment

There are times when I have a couple signing up for library cards together and one introduces the other as the fiancé. Sometimes one will do all the talking, or fill out the forms for both of them. Or worse, will talk down to or belittle the other. I want to say to them to not get married to each other, that this is a train wreck waiting to happen.

I don’t, in part because of the unwritten rules of customer service. I don’t, because it is up to each person to live their own lives. I don’t, because people never listen anyway.

People don’t listen when their friends tell them not to marry someone. Why would they listen to a stranger?

Sometimes I’ll say “be nice” if someone is being rude to their partner. If nothing else, it tells the other person that what just happened to them isn’t normal.

Now, it isn’t just engaged couples that do this. Married couples will be hateful or condescending in front of me sometimes too. But they are already married. My hope with the engaged couple is that they still have a chance to back out.

It is a really bad sign if one member of a couple is talking down to or trying to embarrass their partner in front of a stranger. It means that it happens all the time when they are alone.

But, for me to say something is to get involved in a codependent kind of way. It is up to the hurt party to stand up and set boundaries. It is up to that person to say “You can’t talk to me like that.”

It is still hard to see. I feel kind of helpless when it happens.