Turn away

I’ve seen several pictures of things that have really disturbed me recently, and rather than just turn away again, I’ve decided to meditate on exactly what I find repulsive about these pictures. This is part of my recent decision to be more mindful. It is not an easy practice, but it is necessary for being fully conscious and aware of my actions.

These images aren’t things that people normally would turn away from, such as violence or abuse for instance. Those are abhorrent as well, of course. What I’m writing about here are images of people who are in ICU, hooked up to machines and tubes. I never gave it a second thought as to why I was repulsed until I saw a video about a machine that can keep a heart alive outside of the body in preparation for transplant. That tipped the scales.

What disturbs me about it is not exactly the same as what disturbs me about the ICU pictures, but it is a good thing to start with. The donor was dead, as far as doctors could determine. The brain had ceased functioning. The heart had been removed, and rather than keep it on ice as was normally done in a transplant situation, it was hooked up to a machine that replicated the environment inside the chest. It was kept humid and warm, with blood circulating through it. This heart was beating just like a normal heart, but it was inside a plastic box. There was no person attached.

I also saw a video of two mothers who had a strange connection. Mother A had a young child who had suddenly died due to trauma. She had decided to donate his organs. Mother B’s child had received his heart. They met three years later and mother A used a stethoscope to hear the heart of her son beating inside the chest of Mother B’s daughter. It was supposed to be a touching video, but I was really disturbed. Something seemed deeply wrong about this.

I kept being triggered by these images. I decided to examine the original related triggers – images of people in ICU. I don’t seek these out – people share them sometimes on social media as part of a story.

One was about a new mother who had been in an accident and the nurse brought her child to her so she could breastfeed her child. While the person who posted it was pointing out the value of breastfeeding, it was very disturbing. The mother was not present in any form other than her body. She was not being helped to breastfeed. The nurse put the child to her breast and that was it.

I look at a sketching website every day, and today there was one of a man in ICU. The sketcher even commented about it, wondering if it was ethically correct to sketch such a thing. He did not mention if he’d thought about the ethics of sharing it online as well.

I read something recently that speaks to all of this in a useful way.

There is a Jewish belief that it is improper to have an open casket. To do so is to violate the privacy of the person. It is also putting focus and attention on the wrong thing, as the “person” is not there – their soul has left. When there is just a body and not a soul, it is not a person. It is a shell, a husk. An open casket is an insult to the person who had inhabited that body, because they have no say over how they are seen. They have no control over what happens to them. They are fully exposed for the world to see and cannot do anything about it.

I think this is at the center of it all. To show pictures of people who are not at their best (to say it lightly) is to violate their rights. It is an invasion of privacy. It is embarrassing. To focus on body parts rather than the whole is equally unethical.

The lady’s son was no longer present. His heart was just a piece of muscle, doing a job. The heart in the box for transplant was moving as if it was alive, but as it was not attached to a person, it was simply the illusion of life. There was no soul in it. It was the same as looking at a machine.

Being mindful and considerate of others’ feelings also applies to not sharing pictures of people who have passed out from being drunk or are intoxicated to the point that they are unaware of their actions.

Remember the story of Noah and his sons?

Genesis 9:18-27
18 Noah’s sons who came out of the ark were Shem, Ham, and Japheth. Ham was the father of Canaan. 19 These three were Noah’s sons, and from them the whole earth was populated. 20 Noah, a man of the soil, was the first to plant a vineyard. 21 He drank some of the wine, became drunk, and uncovered himself inside his tent. 22 Ham, the father of Canaan, saw his father naked and told his two brothers outside. 23 Then Shem and Japheth took a cloak and placed it over both their shoulders, and walking backward, they covered their father’s nakedness. Their faces were turned away, and they did not see their father naked. 24 When Noah awoke from his drinking and learned what his youngest son had done to him, 25 he said: Canaan will be cursed. He will be the lowest of slaves to his brothers. 26 He also said: Praise the LORD, the God of Shem; Canaan will be his slave. 27 God will extend Japheth; he will dwell in the tents of Shem; Canaan will be his slave.

The son who saw him in his drunken state, unable to control himself, was cursed, along with his children. The two sons who covered him and made sure not to see him exposed were blessed.

This is the core teaching. To look at someone who is dead, or like dead (in ICU, or passed out due to intoxication) is an insult to their very being as a person. It is disrespectful. It is a violation of their privacy. It is the same as stripping someone naked. One might even go so far as to say it is equivalent to rape, as the person is treated as a thing and not as a person.

Like water off a duck’s back

I know a lady who is teaching her daughter to be a battered wife.

She doesn’t think that this is what she’s doing, of course. She says she’s teaching her to let things roll off her “like water off a duck’s back”. She wants her to not get riled up by things that happen to her. This is a good idea, but how she is going about it is disturbing.

Her way of teaching this lesson is to tap her daughter repeatedly in the face. The taps aren’t quite slaps but they are close. It is at least ten at a time. The daughter will say “quit it” or try to pull away and the mother will keep doing it. The daughter is about eight. The mom can easily tap her again when she pulls away, so the abuse continues.

I knew something was disturbing about this when I saw it but I couldn’t give words to it. Now I’ve figured it out. What she’s doing is teaching her daughter that she should just accept it when anybody abuses her.

How perfect it will be for a man with low self-esteem to find this girl who has been shaped for him. She will not complain or stand up for herself because her own mother, the person who she supposed to learn from, who is supposed to teach her healthy ways of taking care of herself, has taught her that she is supposed to be abused, and that this is just part of life. Her mother, her authority figure, is teaching her that people will try to harm her and that her only acceptable response is to let it happen.

Taxidermy for amateurs (short story)

1

Emma had no way of knowing how her experiment in home taxidermy would work out until she tried. She’d read up about it in a correspondence course, changing her name to Eugene on the paperwork. No self-respecting school would teach a woman how to do such work, especially if they knew how she planned to use this knowledge.

She’d started simple – a dead raccoon she found near the edge of the field. A bird who’d gotten too close to a stray cat. It was unfortunate that the possum she’d spotted just down the road from the farm was too far gone, the turkey vultures having gotten first dibs. Sure, she still could have practiced on the mangy thing, but she wanted her artwork to look natural, or as natural as the deceased can look.

It took her two and a half years to work up the courage to try on a human. This had been her plan all along, but she had to be sure of her skill before she tried something so bold. Even men wouldn’t be so presumptuous as to step into that field of work without official license.

Emma knew too many folks in the village who went into debt over having to bury their dead. There was no good reason to spend a year’s income on someone who couldn’t appreciate it. New fancy clothes for someone who could never afford better than hand-me-downs his whole life? Nonsense. Silk lined coffin to sleep in, when cotton sheets were just fine all their life? Ludicrous.

And worst of all was all those chemicals pumped into their veins to keep them fresh for whenever Jesus got around to making a return visit. When he came, he’d better have a shovel, a jackhammer, and a pair of wire cutters to help them out after he woke them from their slumber. 6 feet down stuck in a concrete vault and a locked coffin was bad enough. Their mouth wired shut (to avoid any unpleasantness during the viewing) would make life difficult for the newly reanimated. Who wanted to come back from the dead like that?

Emma had another plan, a kinder, cheaper plan. Taxidermy. Dry out Grandpa Ross or Uncle Seymour so he doesn’t develop a case of the rot, and prop him up in a chair in the living room. Much cheaper, and he’d still be around to chat with. When the second coming happened he’d be just as ready as anyone else.

Poem – Storm (predictive text)

So many times I’ve got the job
and a few weeks and months
and it will take the bus driver
just got to go out
with the best way of saying
it is the most recent version
and the first place
I have no clue who
I want you
in my room

This girl
just a bit too easy
for the rest
is history
is not an easy
to play the piano
is not an issue
that the company
is trying
not too late
now that I’m a good one
to be able
the first place
I have no clue

One day
and the rest is history
is not an issue
that the company
is not the best way
of saying
it is the most recent version
and the first half
and I love the
fact is the only way
of the best of all of them
and the rest
is the only way

Right there in my room
for a long way
in which a man
with my family
and friends of friends
with a few weeks
and the other side
is the most beautiful and amazing
I can’t believe I’m saying that

Me
to get my money
and time
consuming
but it doesn’t even work
for a long way
in which a few years
and years
in a while
and the other side
is the most beautiful

——————–

(This “poem” is the word equivalent of random paint splatter. It was “composed” using the predictive text feature on my iPad. I used the letters in the word “storm” to generate the first letters in each paragraph. Then I used only the word choice that appeared as the far right option. I did not add any words. My only input was to break up the lines of words and take out five of them.

The sad thing is that this will get more “likes” than posts I worked very hard on that say something meaningful and important. But such is the way of the world, a world of flash and glamour, of style over substance. Plastic and fake is often preferred over real. Perhaps monkeys should have written Shakespeare.)

Chattanooga things to do

This is not your usual tourist list of places to go in Chattanooga. These are my personal favorite places to go when I visit my hometown. If you like interesting places that are locally owned and full of interest, these are for you.

Hours are subject to change, and businesses may close. Call beforehand to be sure.

Bluff view arts district (This is downtown, near the river)
http://www.bluffviewartdistrict.com/
…has many fine places, but here are two I always check out.

Rembrandt’s coffee house
Cozy European café serving coffee drinks alongside fresh-baked breads, pastries and desserts. Outside and inside dining.
Address: 204 High St, Chattanooga, TN 37403
Phone:(423) 265-5033
Monday – Thurs 7am – 10pm, Friday 7am – 11:30pm, Sat. 8am-11:30pm, Sun 8am-10pm

Go to the left of it and see the little grotto with the water feature and steps.

The River Gallery
http://www.river-gallery.com
A great little art gallery that looks like a museum. Lots of beautiful things there. A little pricy for me, but I still like to look. Plus, unlike a museum, there is no admission fee.
400 E 2nd St, Chattanooga, TN 37403
(423) 265-5033
Monday through Saturday 10-5, Sunday 1-5

Not far from here is an outside sculpture garden and a glass bridge.

–Downtown Chattanooga–

The shuttle system
Downtown Chattanooga is easy to get around and pretty good at having available parking spaces, unlike many other large cities. But – why even deal with that when you can use the free shuttle system?

http://www.downtownchattanooga.org/new/getting-around/shuttles
Shuttle buses run about every 5 minutes
Monday through Friday – 6:30 a.m. until 11:00 p.m.
Saturdays – 9:30 a.m. until 11:00 p.m.
Sundays – 9:30 a.m. until 8:30 p.m.
You can park and ride CARTA’s Free Electric Shuttles in parking garages on Frazier Avenue on the Northshore and at the Chattanooga Choo Choo on the Southside. Parking fees apply.

The Pickle Barrel
1012 Market St, Chattanooga, TN 37402
(423) 266-1103
Eclectic pub/restaurant with lots of character and charm. Has a deck seating area. “The Immigrant” sandwich is superb (Polish sausage on sourdough with sauerkraut), as well as the fried pickle spears.

Not far from here is Miller Plaza and park – a good place to wander around and splash in the artificial pond. (Or at least it was 20 years ago).

Lupi’s pizza pies
http://www.lupi.com/
406 Broad St, Chattanooga, TN 37402
(423) 266-5874
Monday, closed. Tues – Thurs 11-11, Friday-Saturday 11-11, Sunday 11:30-9
Fabulous hand-made pizzas and calzones, with an amazing list of toppings. Great beer selection too.

All Books
Address: 410 Broad St, Chattanooga, TN 37402
Phone: (423) 266-0501
Call beforehand. She is open when she feels like it. Do not make eye contact until the very last minute. She will ask you if you are Christian and “Yes” is the only correct answer. Lie if necessary. Do not ask where books are – she won’t tell you, and might very well mock you for asking. Especially do not mention that you work in a library. She has no love for librarians and will tell you so. The place is a rat’s nest. Her dog is incontinent and lives there. In spite of all of this, I still love going in here because of the amazing books I can find here.

The Walnut Street bridge
This bridge is open to pedestrians only. Great views of the river and the city. You can easily walk to the North Shore of Chattanooga, where there are a lot of great shops and restaurants.

–North Chattanooga–
http://www.northshorechattanooga.com/
Lots of independent shops and restaurants all located near each other, most near Frazier Avenue. There is a carousel and park as well. It also has the best sushi in the world at Sushi Nabe.

–In Brainerd– (East of downtown, near Hamilton Place Mall)

Ankar’s hoagies

Home


5966 Brainerd Rd, Chattanooga, TN 37421
(423) 899-3074
Mon – Thurs 10-9, Fri – Sat 10-10, Sunday 10-9

Best hoagies and onion rings in the world. Do not confuse this with a restaurant with a similar name that is downtown.

McKay used books

http://www.mckaybooks.com/

7734 Lee Hwy, Chattanooga, TN 37421
(423) 892-0067

Mon – Thurs 9-9, Friday – Sat 9-10, Sun 11-7 (hours increase in the summer)

Used books, DVDs, CDs, comic books and more. Warehouse sized. Plan on spending a lot of time here. There are locations in Nashville and Knoxville as well.

Edit to add –
Also, on the drive down from Nashville I like to stop to get lunch at Shenanigans on Monteagle Mountain
Address 12595 Sollace M Freeman Hwy, Sewanee, TN 37375
Website http://www.shenanigans1974.com/

and drive through the campus (Sewanee). website https://new.sewanee.edu/

Also, a fabulously funky and small grocery/antique/new age/hippie/yarn store called Mooney’s Emporium.
address 1265 W Main St, Monteagle, TN 37356
website http://mooneysmarketandemporium.com/

Poem – snow day

snow day

Remember that feeling you have
when you look outside
and everything
is covered by snow?

It was forecasted
but they didn’t know exactly
when it would happen –
what time of day,
or even if this day or the next.
But it was coming,
that was certain.

And while you were asleep
the snow appeared,
silently
making everything white,
everything new,
covering the world
with a silent calm,
a soft pure light.

Every prayer,
every reconciliation,
every bridge mended,
every addiction cured,
every honest conversation,
every deep listening

is a snowflake.

The world will change
because we will change it
because we were changed
one
by
one
by
one
a light comes on
and we share it, we shine it.

A new day is coming.
A new day is here.

Icy lake

Icy lake 012016

The delicate look of a frozen lake. Beautiful and yet dangerous. Hidden tracery, unknown depths.

5.5 x 7 inch Pacon watercolor card stock
Distress Ink – dusty concord, tumbled glass, chipped sapphire
Salt
Painted on Rusty Hinge Distress Ink
Watered down Bombay sepia ink
Tissue paper applied with matte medium
Poppy seeds
Decoupage glue / leftover metal button
Glazing medium

Made 1-20-16

Lost time

Lost time 012016

Inspired by/things that came up during the creation –
Fungi, soy/wasabi leftovers, debris, passage of time, look close you might miss it, beauty in ugliness, things passed over.

(Close up)
Lost time 012016 close

Materials used –
6×9 piece of “Pacon” watercolor card stock
Glue stick
White crayon
Distress Ink – Rusty hinge, crusted olive
Dr. PH Martin’s Bombay sepia ink
“thirsty brush” technique
Toothbrush with water to spatter
Used salt (previously used in watercolor painting, reclaimed)
“Crushed glass” glitter
Water/paintbrush
Holographic nail polish
“gelly roll” white pen
Light blue “super gel” pen
Poured white acrylic paint mixed with water
Decoupage glue
Tim Holtz “idea-ology” clock pieces
Glamour glitz crystal

Made 1-19 to 1-20-16

Broken dreams

Broken dreams2 011816

This speaks to obsessive, controlling “love” that is one-sided.
Brokenness, cover up of truth/self/other.
How even in the same language and culture two people are like other nations/languages. Miscommunication.
Washed out roads and bridges – driving in the fog.
Being lost even with a map.
The glitter represents the celebration of the crushed glass at a Jewish wedding ceremony, simultaneous with the broken glass and dishes in a “domestic disturbance” – how joy can turn into tragedy.
The two sides of a bad relationship – where one is completely clueless as to the terror of the other.
Relentless pursuit, feeling trapped.

(close up)
Broken dreams2 011816 close

Materials/techniques used –
Strathmore 9 x 12 visual journal
Bought ephemera – sheet music “I had a dream, dear” and Asian map
Matte medium
Scrapbooking scissors
Distress Ink – Rusty hinge, crushed olive, chipped sapphire
Acrylic paint – olive green + white + water, manganese blue
Fingernail to scratch out a section.
Paper towel to remove paint.
Gold “super gel” pen
Spray mount, “crushed glass” glitter
Tim Holtz “idea-ology” words

(Made over two days, from 1-17 to 1-18-16)

Pink quilt

pink quilt2 011816

Random pink/red scrapbooking pages
Strathmore visual journal
used stamps
white acrylic paint mixed with water
bronze “super gel” pen (The Write Dudes)
white pen
Distress ink
glue stick

Inspired in part by the character “Izabel” from the Saga comic book series, drawn by Fiona Staples. I normally do not like pink, especially fuchsia, but have been drawn to it recently. It is part of my current practice to look closely at everything that I normally turn away from, to learn from it and invite healing into it. Everything is a teacher.