Them Bones

How long was she supposed to wait? How long was long enough to know that she’d been cured of her phobia of death?

He could wait all day. He could wait forever, in fact. Well, forever meaning until his bones finally crumbled apart, became just calcium and not bones, in the way that boulders became pebbles over time. It all decays, after all – all that is physical – and that was exactly why she was here for this treatment.

Mary Frances’ fear of death was pervasive. She wasn’t simply afraid of her own death or of the deaths of her parents or spouse. She was afraid of all death, of all change. Any evidence of time passing rendered her inert, full-stop. She no longer could go to doctor’s appointments downtown because of all the change happening there. Too many new apartments! Too many new parking garages! All of her landmarks were gone, well, all save for the Krispy Kreme and Sitar, the Indian buffet. They thankfully never changed and still had actual parking lots right next to their buildings. She wondered how long it would be before some developer snatched them away.

Even the season’s change through her for a loop. She dressed for the weather she wanted and not what was forecast. Her friends were always listening to her complaints about how hot or cold it was, and their efforts to get her to dress more appropriately fell on deaf ears.

Her friend Theresa heard about a new treatment for people who were afraid of change. It was based on something that young Buddhist monks had to undergo as part of their novitiate. They had to spend several days with a corpse to learn non-attachment. She talked Mary Frances into the program by saying it was a fashion show. She was told she’d take all off her clothes and be measured as precisely as possible, and then bespoke clothes would be produced for her. Everything would finally fit perfectly for a change. This sound like a grand idea even though it involved an alteration of her rigid routine. Even though going to this appointment was a change, in the end it would mean no more change – no more having to go to the shop to buy clothes, then to the tailor to have them altered…it was a great trade-off.

But things hadn’t ended up as she had planned. She was welcomed into the office, with its stiff high-back old-fashioned sofa. Mary Frances finally identified it as a camelback and not a Chesterfield as she had first suspected. It was a bit drab but serviceable. She noted that the window was high over her head, like at the gynecologist’s office.

After she removed her clothes in the attached bathroom, she was instructed to return to the room with the sofa. She was disconcerted to notice that there was then someone else in the room – or at least the remains of someone else. By the time she recovered herself the door had been locked. She was stuck with the skeleton. She beat upon the door with her fists but to no avail. All the therapist would say was “It is for your own good”. Over and over she repeated this, regardless of the question from Mary Frances.

After an hour of pacing the room, Mary Frances needed to sit. However, the only option was that couch. There was no way she was sitting with a skeleton! And propriety also demanded she not sit on fabric while naked. That just wasn’t hygienic, and certainly not ladylike. It was two hours later when she finally sat, after a small tray of food was pushed through a low slot in the door. She’d not noticed that before. Why would she? She hadn’t suspected she’d be trapped here.

The therapist made sure she wanted for nothing. The temperature was a pleasant 74° and there was a half-bath attached to the room. Mary Frances considered hiding out in there initially but thought twice about that idea. The room was cold with its porcelain tile and really just too small for staying in very long.

She finally decided to sit on the sofa anyway. If they didn’t care enough about her to provide her with an alternative, they deserved what they got. But there was still the matter of the skeleton.

Something shifted in her after she finally got settled. The skeleton started to look less intimidating. Her years of making art became the way out of her fear. She started to observe the skeleton, not as a reminder of death but as a sculpture, a collection of lines and shadows. She started to look at it – really look at it – and see how beautiful it was. She became an observer, no longer possessed by her fears, but now able to be objective and present.

When the therapist finally opened the door she found her client contentedly gazing at the skeleton, instead of recoiled, huddling in the corner. The treatment was a success.

In a nutshell

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The squirrel absentmindedly chewed into the acorn. It was bitter, a little soft. She thought of herself as a bit of a gourmand when it came to acorns. She had learned in her eight autumns exactly when acorns were best, and which ones lasted through a cold winter buried in the ground. She told herself that her memory was impeccable, that every acorn she buried she found.

This was not true, of course. It was how the Creator had made squirrels. If they remembered all the acorns, no new trees would take root. The only reason they remembered where some of the nuts were was so they could survive to plant again for another season. Squirrels were designed to plant trees – nothing else. This is why their meat wasn’t safe to eat. Sure, in desperation, you could eat a few squirrels, but you had to be careful. Wild ones carried parasites. Hunters learned to take them after the first frost to be safe. Those who weren’t in a survival situation, not driven desperate by lack of food or money to buy it, would kill them, clean them (always examining the liver for signs of disease) and put them in the deep freezer to ensure any parasites were taken care of. But most people didn’t bother with squirrels. Too much work for so little meat. “Tree rats,” they were called, too. That was also a plan of the Creator. Have us not notice them, not even think of them as food, but as vermin. Not bad enough to be exterminated like rats, but enough to make you not have squirrel on the menu very often.

This squirrel had successfully made it enough years to plant all the trees that she was required to plant. Anything that she did after this was extra. Was this a form of squirrel retirement? Of a sort. She didn’t know it, of course. She didn’t even know how long she’d been alive. Every day was her birthday in her mind. It was always a special surprise just to wake up, to traipse about the forest. Everything was a joy, because she had nothing to compare it to. Every day was a new day – not better or worse than the one before. She had no family that she knew of – all squirrels were her family. All worked together as the need arose. Sure, there were squabbles now and then, but they never lasted long, much as with people who were stoned. They couldn’t remember anything long enough to be upset about it. Life was easier that way.

This squirrel had a special gift. She was an artist. But just like with planting trees, she was unaware of who she truly was. She didn’t think of herself as a gardener, or an artist, or even a squirrel. She didn’t think of herself at all. Her mind was not filled with thoughts about what she should do next or how to do it. There is no internal monologue, no comparison, no angst. Every moment was the first moment, the only moment.

She finally bit through to the core of the acorn. In one sudden snap she discovered why it was so different from all the others – so dark so bitter, so lightweight. The acorn was hollow, eaten out at least a week before by a tiny worm. She’d not noticed the tiny hole it had left as evidence of its meal, like a tiny breaking and entering. He’d cleaned out the shell of anything valuable, carrying it away in his belly. Then the damp had gotten in and darkened what remained, turning it sour.

She stopped absentmindedly chewing once she reached the void that remained. This moment was new. It needed to be memorialized. It was simply different – not good or bad. While she had hoped for a meal, she got an opportunity to create. She put down the husk and scampered about to find something suitable to place inside. It would be a sign to whoever found it to slow down, to notice, to pay attention. She found the tender tip of an evergreen and bit it off. It took a little effort to get it inside the nut bowl. Then she placed another tiny leaf. Her artwork was done, her masterpiece of the day. She carefully placed it on a stone to the side of the path. It wouldn’t do to have it stepped on and crushed.

Unintentionally she had placed it at a crossroads in the garden. This was a place where the stepping-stones merged to a center point – a larger stone telling the visitor to stop. In the language of this garden it was as effective as a red traffic sign.

Three days later the visitor found the creation. She’d come to the garden to celebrate her birthday. A special day required a special event, and a trip to this garden on the other side of town was in order.

She was dazzled by her luck. While it was almost December, the Japanese maples and Bradford pears were still wearing their autumn best – all cranberry reds and pumpkin oranges. The starkness of winter had not yet reached this special place.

Her eyes were used to the special beauty of her birth month, with its blue skies as clear and clean as a mountain lake, and the lightning-bright bark of the white birch trees finally able to take center stage now that their leaves had disappeared. No, November’s joys weren’t flashy like those from March through August. Those born in her embrace had softer eyes, attuned to subtle beauty. They had to be, or else all they saw was gray and damp.

She’d been dazzled by the unexpected exuberance of the garden and stopped to catch her breath at the center stone in the garden. It was then that she saw it. Perhaps she had been primed by the tsukubai nearby.

 

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That was filled with rainwater and submerged leaves – an unintentional autumn vignette. This tiny acorn husk, propped on a nearby accent stone, resembled it in miniature, a perfect complement to this particular Japanese garden, compact as it was.

She stooped down to examine this tiny surprise and discovered the treasures within. What a marvel! In that moment she achieved satori. Perfection in a nutshell. There was no need to go through with any of her other birthday plans. This tiny unintentional gift was enough to keep her happy for the upcoming year. If it had been presented to her, it would not have been the same. An afterthought, an accidental surprise, a pause on the way to somewhere else – it was enough and everything at the same time. She was complete.

 

Birthday sketching at Cheekwood

In the Japanese Garden at Cheekwood. 62 degrees, cloudy, around 3 pm. A Thursday, so almost no visitors. 11/30/17

The entrance gate.

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In progress –

This wasn’t enough. I wanted to sketch the stone lantern. There is a memorial bench nearby. Generally, in a Japanese Garden, a bench is placed to remind you to stop here. There is a view that you need to see.
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This is a Kasuga-style lantern. Stone lanterns, “ishidoro”, before use in the tea gardens, were used along the approaches to or within the grounds of temples and shrines.

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A scan of this, with a leaf of a Japanese maple taken from brunch at First Watch earlier. The same colors were in this garden. The scan has made this much darker.

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Here it is with more color and water added. I’ve adjusted the settings to look more realistic.

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This is the main focus of the garden. There is a large covered area to view it from. The rails cut into the view.
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and to the left
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In progress –

There were very few people in the garden today.  It was a Thursday and very overcast.  However, this is perfect for taking photographs or sketching.  Another lady came by and sat in the covered area – also to sketch.  We acknowledged each other’s presence but stayed respectfully silent.  Even when my husband came to sit next to me, we whispered.  It is a sacred place.

To my eyes, there appeared to be a cherry tree in bloom to the far left.  That normally happens in April.  Magic.

A scan of this –

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Later – with more color and water added.

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Because the garden was so “busy” with color and plantings, I decided to sketch it quickly with just dark grey.  I like how it looks like Japanese calligraphy – that words are pictures, and pictures are words.

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The bottom of the sketch is a quick view inside the tatami room at the Japanese restaurant where we went for supper. Normally for a large group – you can get it if there is just a couple of you if you ask and nobody else has reserved it.

Later, with water added to the lower sketch –

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Here are quick sketches of our food and a corner of the room with one of the legless chairs. These are dry – no water added.

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Later, with water –

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The colors are better in real life – but so is everything, after all.

 

Tuesday at the cemetery

11/14/17 Tuesday morning before work.  9:45 to 10:40 am.  50 degrees, sunny.  Calvary Cemetery.  More leaves on the ground than on the trees.

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Pictures taken on site –

The mausoleum is at the center of the first picture and sketch.  I walked to it and sketched it as well.  Basic colors and shapes done on site, more color added at home from the reference pictures.

The Hope rock

I have been a member of 615 Rocks for a few months, but have realized that I’m not very good at painting rocks.  There is so little space on the rocks, and I’m not sure how to work with the uneven surface.  I have a lot of different crafts I do so I’m unwilling to master another one.  I’m becoming too scattered.  I need to focus on one thing.

But I had this little pile of rocks I needed to do something with.  So I spray painted them copper and wrote inspiring words on them.

I took these three rocks on my wanders on Friday, 11/17/17

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I left the “Hope” one at the CVS in Hermitage.

It was found by Rachel Michelle, who then took it to the CVS near Harding Place.  She said “I found it the day I turned in my two weeks notice to begin a new better job!!! It was the sign I needed!”

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Someone else took it to Vanderbilt hospital, where it was found by Jess Robertson, who said “Couldn’t have found this rock at a better time or place! I think I’ll hang on to it, we can definitely use a little “HOPE” right now!… Found it as I sit with my husband recovering from heart surgery…much needed!…I plan to rehide it once he’s discharged…prayerfully it provides the same hope for someone else’s family!”

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How nice to know that one little rock  – with nothing more than a simple word, can inspire so many people.  It is wonderful to see how it is touching people’s lives.

 

SAAD angel sketch

Not far from the grave of Oliver Bland is the SAAD angel.  Arabic?  Calvary is a Catholic cemetery.  The writing on the gravestone might be Arabic – I don’t know. It is beautiful.

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Calvary cemetery 11/17/17 Friday, 1:05 pm, 59 degrees, sunny.  Around sections 15 and 16.

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My view on site.

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Other views of the angel.

Views of the grave.

 

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From my research, this is probably the grave of Marie Saad, buried 5-24-1927, age 30 years.  This is section 15, lot 38, space 11 at Calvary cemetery, Nashville.  There are several Saad family members nearby.

Sketch from the grave of Oliver A. Bland

Calvary Cemetery, 12:45 pm, 58 degrees, sunny, Friday 11/17/17.



Original sketch on site.  The quote is from a different grave  – a classic message to the visitor.

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More color added, water added.  This is a scan, so the colors are brighter than they really are.

Oliver Bland
Sketch was done while sitting on the edge of the ledger of Oliver A. Bland – 1854 + 1940.  All that space on the marker and there is just his name and birth/death years. There is room for plenty more information.  But, to be honest, in 50 years it will have worn away or gotten covered in lichen.


More views from that area.

 

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Info from Find A Grave website –

“Oliver Arthur Bland was born on October 18, 1854 in Davidson County, Tennessee, the son of Joseph Bland (ca 1832- ) and his wife Henrietta (Hughes) Bland (ca 1837- ).

He was married 1st on September 21, 1879 in Sumner County to Minerva L Hutchins (c Sep 1862- ). He was married 2nd to the much younger Sydney Crawford, who was born about 1905. Oliver had no known children.

A retired banker and lumberman living at 1903 Cedar Lane, Nashville, he was 86 years old and married when he died at home of cancer of the tongue on October 27, 1940. Burial was the next day in Calvary Cemetery, Nashville.

Most of the above is from his Death Certificate, with Sydney Crawford Bland of 1903 Cedar Lane as the informant.”

Weekly sketch #5 Stone Hall from the front steps

Three to 4 pm, overcast, 75 degrees. Friday, 11/3/17.  Sitting on the front porch of Stone Hall, pretending this is my normal view out of my house.  Grateful this is a public park that I can go to, and that very few others know about.

My view

Sketch as completed on site


Sketch after adding more color at home and adding water.

To celebrate Halloween or not?

Several years ago I had to make a choice between following God and celebrating Halloween. I had an opportunity to go to Cursillo, but it was the same weekend as the annual Halloween party.  I chose Cursillo, and it made a huge difference in my life.  While I have been to subsequent parties, I really am wondering about it this year.

I am part of a social group that really likes Halloween. And when I say really like it, I mean that they decorate their homes for Halloween every day of the year. They eat sleep and breathe Halloween.

Don’t get me wrong – I like October and the crisp fall air the same as anyone else. I love free candy and I love the idea of costumes. But every year I have to start thinking to myself is this really the best way to show that I am a Christ follower?

Some of the people in the group are starting to discover the darker side of their hobby. They’re constantly getting sick and having to go to the emergency room. The husband is constantly being attacked by wasps. He could lose his life because of these little tiny things because he is so allergic. I think the same thing is true of his love for Halloween. Something that he sees as small and innocuous is leading towards death. The wife is now having nightmares and believes there is a poltergeist in their home.

The devil can’t bite you if you’re not playing with his tail.

The Bible tells us that every day we have a choice between life and death. We are asked to choose life, but it is a choice.

In the Hebrew scriptures God tells Israel repeatedly to make themselves holy because he is holy. They must purge the iniquity for among them. They must separate themselves out in order to remain a distinct and distinguished people. They are not to take up the habits or worship the idols or follow the traditions of the communities that they stay in. Then Jesus comes along and associates with the outcasts. Jesus does not advocate that we spend our lives separate from everyone else.  Jesus identifies with those who are lost or broken, those who are unable to connect. Jesus touches lepers and heals them. He heals people by including them.

So as Christians can we go to Halloween parties or not? Will it be an opportunity to minister to people who are lost?  Or will we “catch” their sickness?

The apostle Paul says that there is no harm to us in eating food sacrificed to idols.  But he does point out that it might cause harm to new believers.  They might get the wrong impression from our actions.

The party this year was called “Doc Satan’s Halloween Hoedown”.  That alone made me think twice.  Is that something I should associate myself with? Jesus can return at any time.  I like to think of this as a very serious version of “Musical Chairs”.  When the music stops – what are you doing?

I have gone to their Halloween parties in the past, and I thought of that group as my friends, but then I realized that they don’t invite me to their dinner parties on their trips.  They never comment or even “like” my Facebook posts.

I kind of feel like I’m getting sober, and seeing who my friends really are. I’m also feeling like it is time to stand up for what I believe in.

I thought about the bare minimum idea of how to celebrate Halloween – that giving candy out is symbolic of appeasing the evil spirits. And yet, to even do that is to say they have power, when the only Power that exists is God.

I appreciate Dia de los Muertos and All Saint’s day. I like what they stand for – of remembering loved ones who have died.  These celebrations are about remembering a life, rather than celebrating death.  They are more like a family reunion.

I decided not to go to the party, and when I saw the pictures of the male host dressed as Baphomet, I knew I had made the right decision.  It isn’t a fun little costume party when you dress up as a demon.

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This decoration was at the party.  Is this healthy to associate with?

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This Scripture is important – “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” When you know better, do better.