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Yearly Archives: 2014

On predictive text poems.

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Nothing amuses me more than my predictive text poems. They are meaningless fluff, and yet they are fun to write. My Kindle almost writes them for me. I’m a little disheartened that they seem to get more “likes” than the stuff I pour my heart and soul into though.

Maybe people see more into them than I do. However, maybe they don’t get it either, and they think because they don’t get it, it must be “art”. Not really. Just because you don’t get it doesn’t make it art. It might just be odd.

Sometimes when I feel that I need more followers, I’ll make a predictive text poem. It is amazing how this works. Is it something about WordPress that attracts poetry lovers? Or is this true for the blogging world in general?

Perhaps there is a ghost in the machine. When I do predictive text poems, they sometimes reveal a hidden truth. It is like doodling and then seeing a pattern. Sometimes (often) something comes out that I didn’t mean to come out, and it is pretty surprising. Sometimes it just seems interesting enough that it is worth looking at a few times.

I’ve discovered another way of using the predictive text feature on my Kindle as well. When I’m writing a regular piece, it will offer words that are pretty amazing together. I’ve started to write them down, and I’ll use them later. It is kind of like fishing, and instead of reeling in a catfish, I find a diamond ring. While the catfish was what I was looking for because I was hungry, the diamond ring is nice too. It doesn’t fulfill my needs at the time, but I can save it. I do have to be aware of getting distracted from my train of thought while I do this though.

Poem – Library

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Look into your hand.
Learn more about the way to be and
let me know what you want.

I was going with a man who was from Ethiopia.
If you want your child to be able to fill their lives
it’s not the sign up that will work
I’ve heard.

Because the way you want your child to be
both
before and
back on a Monday in October

really won’t work.
Rather than being eased,
read more than just the right now.
Remember that it was time for me –

at least it was time for
a few months
after all,

Right?

Yes there is something about being baptized.
You have to get a feeling of being human.
Your knees hurt the more you use them.

(This is a predictive text poem. I used the letters of the word “library” to prompt my Kindle to give me words, and went until it didn’t make sense. I provided only 11 words to this poem, but picked out the choices on the rest.)

It rains on the just and the unjust alike.

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Instead of saying “Why does this keep happening to me”, turn it outward. “This” keeps happening to everybody. “This” is life, and it is normal.

Jesus tells us that “It rains on the just and the unjust alike” in Matthew 5. More later on that.

Bad things don’t just happen to bad people. They happen to everybody.

So how do you deal with it?

Thankfulness is a good start. Look at Jonah, praising God while in the belly of the whale.

Look at David, dancing and praising God, even after his son died.

Look at Job, saying that who was he to get angry at God for sending bad things and not to remember that God sends good things too.

Start a gratitude list. Look at the things that you like. Give them your energy, not the bad things. Look at all you have, not what you are missing.

Another idea is to not see things as “good” or “bad”. They just are what they are. The more you resist, the more you fight, the harder life will be. The more you define situations as “bad”, the more resistance you will give them.

Don’t give your energy to the wrong things

Pity parties only are parties of one.

While it is important to acknowledge pain and loss and occasionally say “This sucks!”, it is also important not to stay in that space.

Do what you can to help yourself. Start eating better. Go for a walk.
Feeling bad tends to make us close up and go inwards. That is the worst thing because it is self perpetuating.

Turn your energy outwards.

Go help out people who are worse off than you, not only so you get a sense of perspective, but also because the very action of helping others helps you.

Here’s the full verse of what Jesus said in Matthew 5:43-48
43 “You have heard that it was said, Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons and daughters of your Father in heaven. For He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward will you have? Don’t even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing out of the ordinary? Don’t even the Gentiles do the same? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

Don’t run away from the situation. Give it love.

Rethinking the idea of church, and religious organizations entirely.

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We need to rethink church. It isn’t about a building or a particular minister. The more money a congregation spends on a building, the less it is spending on people who need it.

But people need a place. They can meet in a park if it is a pretty day, but the weather is so unpredictable. They can meet in a gym in a school if it is agreeable to that, or in a community center. Sometimes the trick is finding a location that isn’t being used for its original purpose during the time that the group needs it. It is sort of like a time-share arrangement.

I like the idea of the building being a community center, because it is supported by all members of the community. But then there will be arguments about the separation of church and state, and people who are atheist might get angry that their tax dollars are being used for something they are opposed to. So that might not work out.

Some people like a solid place. They don’t want to wonder from week to week where they are meeting, and find out too late that it has been moved to the school up the road. Some people identify with a building, and want the constancy of it. So in that case, what do you do?

Instead of a congregation building a church that is only used on Sundays and maybe Wednesdays, why not create a space that is open to all faiths? The Muslims can use it on Fridays, the Jews on Saturdays, and the Christians on Sundays. During the week, there can be gatherings for all three groups (and any others) so they can meet and mingle. The same meeting area will be used by all, just at different times. There are certain accessories that each group uses – have a separate storage room for those, and the different groups can pull them out for use.

Each group contributes to the cost of the building and its upkeep. Thus, they are only spending a third of their normal expenses. Thus, they have more money left for helping people who need help. It is important the people they help not just be members of the congregation. We are called to help everybody, not just those in our “family”.

It is important that congregations remember that they are called together to be stronger together. More people working towards a common goal makes it more likely that it will happen. Their goal is to serve God – not to serve the idea that is “church.”

Now, there is no worry about the congregations getting too big and needing a bigger building. The congregation isn’t the group of people. It is the people who share the same idea.

Build another building, with the same concept, in a nearby community. Have it be the same size. People who live near there can meet there. Think of this kind of like branches of a library, or a franchise of a food establishment.

It has nothing to do with ministers, or people all being in the same place to listen to the same person. This is critical that it is not personality-driven. In fact, the less hierarchy, the better. The moment a church starts identifying itself with its pastor, it stops being a church and starts being a fanclub. Having different speakers throughout the year is good, or having the meetings be unprogrammed is good.

Now, it is perfectly OK to have a video camera and screens in the meeting halls, and occasionally the different halls can be “connected” by technology, rather than physical proximity. Think of it as a teleconference. This needs to not be the norm, however.

Have gatherings during the week for the different congregations in the different buildings to meet together. Make sure that the meetings are more about service, and not socialization. People can meet and network while they are serving.

People join religious organizations because they want to serve God, not because they want to go to potluck dinners. The purpose of a religious organization should be to enable people to serve God.

Walking towards Jesus (Matthew 14:22-33)

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I love the story of Peter walking on water. Sure, we remember Jesus walked on water, but so did Peter. This means that the miraculous is available to all of us, if we have our focus right.

Let’s look at it. It is Matthew 14:22-33
22 Immediately He made the disciples get into the boat and go ahead of Him to the other side, while He dismissed the crowds. 23 After dismissing the crowds, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray. When evening came, He was there alone. 24 But the boat was already over a mile from land, battered by the waves, because the wind was against them. 25 Around three in the morning, He came toward them walking on the sea. 26 When the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost!” they said, and cried out in fear. 27 Immediately Jesus spoke to them. “Have courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” 28 “Lord, if it’s You,” Peter answered Him, “command me to come to You on the water.” 29 “Come!” He said. And climbing out of the boat, Peter started walking on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the strength of the wind, he was afraid. And beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me!” 31 Immediately Jesus reached out His hand, caught hold of him, and said to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” 32 When they got into the boat, the wind ceased. 33 Then those in the boat worshiped Him and said, “Truly You are the Son of God!”

This is from the Holman Christian Standard Bible. I find it very simple to read. I’ve copied and pasted it from a website called Biblegateway. It is really useful for looking at different translations.

I don’t know where they were, and what Jesus dismissed them from, or why He went off alone. Perhaps I’ll write on that another time. I don’t think it is relevant right now.

Let’s look at it closer.
“24 But the boat was already over a mile from land, battered by the waves, because the wind was against them.”

The disciples were by themselves. Times were getting tough. There was a big storm that had pushed them far from safety. Our lives are like that. When we are alone the storms of life beat up against us and push us even further away from security.

“25 Around three in the morning, He came toward them walking on the sea. 26 When the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost!” they said, and cried out in fear.”

Three in the morning is a weird time. The light isn’t great. It isn’t quite night, but it isn’t quite day. Everything looks strange. Also, at three a.m., I’m pretty sure the disciples are shot. They’ve been up all night because this storm has kept them up. They haven’t had a good night’s rest because of all turbulent sea and the wild sounds of the storm. Then they think they are seeing something.

Why would they expect to see Jesus walking on water towards them? This is a whole new experience.

But this is Jesus. He takes the shortcut. He walked straight towards the disciples rather than waiting for them to get safely to shore. This is Jesus. He walks through danger, straight towards us, right when we need Him.

Of course they were afraid. They were worn out from the storm. They were afraid they were going to die. Then this ghost comes towards them? Things have gone from bad to worse.

But what does Jesus do?

“27 Immediately Jesus spoke to them. “Have courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

That again. “Don’t be afraid.” The same words that have been echoed throughout the Old and New Testament. Don’t be afraid. Don’t freak out. It’s OK.

Good words to remember. God’s in charge. Everything that happens is part of God’s plan. If we believe in a loving God, then we have to trust that God’s got it under control, so there is nothing to worry about.

28 “Lord, if it’s You,” Peter answered Him, “command me to come to You on the water.”

I find this fascinating. Why did Peter ask to come out there, rather than asking Jesus to come closer, towards the boat? This seems like the last thing I’d do. Terrified, worn out from a terrible night on a boat, seeing things – yeah, I’m going to stay in the boat, thank you very much. Getting out of the boat seems insane. The boat is the only sure thing in this picture.

But Peter doesn’t see it that way. Peter asks Jesus to command him to come out to Him.

I’m intrigued by the word “command”. The Jews have a big concept about commandments, in that God sanctifies us by His commandments. By God giving us commandments to follow, we are made holy. Peter didn’t say “ask me to come to you”, he said “command”. The result would have been the same, but in this case he’s giving over control. Peter would be doing the walking on the water whether he was asked or commanded, but by being commanded, there is a measure of authority and force. The fact that Peter gave Jesus the authority, by asking him to command him, means a lot.

29 “Come!” He said. And climbing out of the boat, Peter started walking on the water and came toward Jesus.

The command is simple. Just one word. Just “Come!” Jesus doesn’t waste words, or even really command or ask. Just one word is all Peter needs, and he’s right over the side of the boat, and he’s walking towards Jesus.
On water. In a storm. At three a.m. Sounds crazy. But it happened. And it still happens today. Not necessarily people walking on water, but doing things that they never thought they could, because they are walking towards Jesus.

30 But when he saw the strength of the wind, he was afraid. And beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me!”

Peter was doing fine until he got distracted. He saw the strength of the wind. He got afraid. How often does this happen to us? We start off fine, and then we start to think about it. He didn’t look at the waves, or think about how deep the ocean was. That didn’t scare him. Surely he saw all that before he got out of the boat.

The wind got him. He lost his focus. He stopped looking at Jesus and he started getting afraid. This is the secret, here. The more we look away, the more likely we are to get afraid.

31 Immediately Jesus reached out His hand, caught hold of him, and said to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?”

I like to think that Jesus was surprised. Peter has been with him a long time and seen a lot of amazing things. Surely he should be able to get this, right? Nope. Fear is an old habit, and hard to break.

I think God came to us in human form, not only to know what it was like to experience human life from the inside, but also to watch us. God learned a lot about our limitations by not only being one of us, but by living among us.

We are fragile, frail, and fallible.
We fear a lot.
We fall a lot.

And every time, Jesus is there to rescue us. Jesus took Peter’s hand and pulls him up, out of the water, out of danger. This is Jesus, every time. He’s there to save us from ourselves, from our fears and doubts.

32 When they got into the boat, the wind ceased. 33 Then those in the boat worshiped Him and said, “Truly You are the Son of God!”

Truly.

This isn’t just a story of something that happened back then. This happens every day. Jesus is real, and present, and with us, now.

Get out of the boat, and keep walking towards Jesus.

Know that when you fall, you’re still safe.

New commitment

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I keep saving off Bible verses that I like and want to write about. I rarely write about them though. Sometimes I do, but not nearly as often as I write about other things.

I think there is a connection with this and painting. I have a lot of painting supplies. I rarely paint. I want to, but then I don’t. I don’t in part because I don’t want to mess it up. There isn’t a cut and paste feature on painting when you are doing it for real. Digital is another matter. But putting actual paint on an actual canvas is pretty scary sometimes. I don’t want to waste it. I don’t want to do it wrong.

Analyzing the Bible is the same. This is little me, non Bible scholar me, giving my viewpoint. Who am I to say that this section means this? Who am I to pull these different sections together and point out a connection between them?

Then I also think that I don’t want to alienate people. Not everybody likes to read about the Bible. A lot of people are turned off by religion because of religious people. Too many people have tried to cram the Bible down their throat rather than to offer it as the nourishing food that it is.

Then I see between the lines. I’m trying to talk myself out of this. And then I remember the Jewish concept of the yetzer hara. It isn’t me trying to talk me out of this. It is this force outside of me trying to masquerade as me to get me to not do this.

It sounds a bit crazy. It sounds a bit like hearing voices. It sounds a bit like arguing with myself, and we all know that is a bad sign.

But it is a real concept, and it is really useful to know. It is like having a road map to your mind and finally learning where the dead ends are. Don’t drive over here, you’ll get lost.

So I’m using it as a slingshot. I’m seeing this pushback or inertia or fear as a sign that this actually is something I should do, in fact it is something I must do.

It is kind of like aikido, or at least I think it is. At least it is what I think aikido is about. Use your opponent’s energy against him.

So I’m going to commit to making at least one of my posts a week a musing on a particular Bible verse or section. I was going to say three posts, but then I think that is the yetzer hara doing its evil magic as well. If I commit to three and then have a hard time doing it, I’m likely to give up altogether.

It is just like committing to exercise. If you start exercising and you say you’ll go to the gym every day, you’ll likely get sore and tired and worn out. You’ll get discouraged if you try too much all at once. Best to start out small and warm up to it.

I did the same thing with my blog. I committed at first to posting at least three times a week, with the hidden goal of once a day. I now post as much as four times a day, and that is partly because I’ve found “dead” time to work and how to write using my phone and my Kindle.

It is precisely because of how I’m able to write this often is why I shouldn’t commit to three posts of Bible study a week. I need to do those kinds of posts at a computer so I can cut and paste specific references. I don’t always have time to sit at a computer to do that.

Or, am I making up yet another “rule” of how I should do this? Yet another yetzer hara trick. It will tell you that if you can’t do it perfectly, don’t do it at all. The way around that one is to know that doing even a little of a good deed is better than doing nothing.

So, wish me luck, and I hope you find some good out of my insights that will follow. Pray that I am able to hear and interpret God’s Word wisely, so that we all might be uplifted.

Account balance

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The secret to saving money is to spend less or make more, or both. Likewise, the secret to losing weight is to burn more calories or take less in, or both.

Move more and eat better and you’ll lose weight. But the weight isn’t the goal. The goal is health. If you move more, you’ll have better mobility in your joints. Your heart will be stronger. If you eat better, you’ll be giving your body the fuel it needs. Both will make you feel better and live longer.

I’m not about a starvation diet. There is no reason you have to eat salads and feel miserable. But do cut out the fried foods. You think you want them. You don’t. They don’t taste of anything except salt and fat. You can’t taste the goodness in the food when it is fried.

Do eat less food in general. You don’t need to eat like a dog who just got adopted from the pound. Slow down. Chew everything at least 20 times. You’ll digest it better if you eat it more slowly. Because, you aren’t what you eat, you are what you digest. If nothing else, think of all the money you’ll save if you eat less.

Eating less meat and more vegetables is always good too. The meat portion, if you are going to have it at all, needs to be the size of a deck of cards. Really. It is often the size of half the plate. And that is just the first helping.

For vegetables, the more the merrier. The more variety you can have, the more different vitamins and minerals you are getting. Every plate of vegetables is a gift from you to your body. Aim for a lot of color and you can’t go wrong. If you think you don’t like a certain vegetable, try it another way – steamed or grilled or baked. Sometimes it isn’t the vegetable, it is the way it is cooked that is the problem. Texture is essential. Baked squash is totally different from boiled or steamed squash. Try it, you might like it.

I’m stunned at the number of people who saw my husband take his bike to work who still wondered how he lost all that weight. He lost nearly a hundred pounds in a year. Now, it wasn’t from just riding his bike. He walked at lunch. He worked out at the Y several times a week. He ate healthier. But his coworkers didn’t see all that. They did see the bike, and they still didn’t get it. They thought he had gotten stomach reduction surgery.

Perhaps that is the problem. People just don’t see the connection. Hard work equals results.

No, it isn’t easy to get healthy. No, there are no shortcuts. You just have to do it.

You’ll fail a lot at first. You’ll get started and then stall out. You’ll be doing well and hit a snag. You’ll come full stop. Just start again. It isn’t the stopping that is the point. It is the starting again. Know that failing is normal. You aren’t a failure for failing. You’re normal. You’re human. Just get going again.

Even when you finally get a good routine going and you are doing very well, you’ll start to slack off. You’ve gotten to your goal and you think you can ease up. Then your joints start hurting again, and your jeans start not fitting again, and you’ll realize there isn’t a stopping point.

This is for life. You can’t stop because if you stop you’re done. You have to see eating well and moving more as something you just do as part of being a human. It has to be part of your life, and not just a thing you do to lose a few pounds before your high school reunion.

This is for life, because otherwise, you don’t really have a life. Otherwise, you’ll end up, if you make it to old age at all, on so many pills you’ll need an assistant to sort them for you. You’ll need a cane, or a walker, or a wheelchair. You’ll spend your days sitting at home because you are too feeble to get out on your own. You’ll be dead before you are dead.

This is for life. This is so you’ll have a life.

Poem – Harvest yourself

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This may sound strange –
this line between
mental health
and problems
is through the field.

Go out there.
Go walking.
Find a field full of
ripe sunlight
and harvest yourself.

Remember what you think you can’t do
you can’t do.
Remember that in our childhoods
there are no rules.

Every day is broken.
Everyone needs a story
about how God has healed them.
Everything we are is a little
bit of energy,
and it is a little bit more than we ever thought.

——————————————————————

This started out as a predictive text poem, using the letters in the word “tree” to prompt the suggested words that I would choose. The meditation was about the Christmas tree, that it is a blend of pagan and Christian. Is it necessary? Is it honest? When something new comes along, does it have to steal bits from the old to get validity?

But then it became something else. It wasn’t about new traditions stealing old customs. It was about staying sane in an often insane world. It was about finding yourself when you are lost. I had to edit out quite a bit of ‘noise’ to make this make sense, but I like it this way.

This is part of the process – whatever you intend may not be what happens. Being creative sometimes means that you are just a vehicle for the Source. Sometimes you aren’t even that – you get carjacked and taken for a ride and then you get dropped off somewhere you’ve never been to and you don’t have a map.

But somehow, because of the beauty of it all, you still find yourself safe and well, in spite of the scary ride. It is scary only in that you don’t have control over it. But that is part of why anybody becomes an artist. To be an artist is to be a bit of a shaman, or an explorer. To be an artist is to go Out There with the hope that you’ll find something new to show to everybody. To be an artist isn’t to take a snapshot of what is – it is to discover something never before seen. It is to discover, uncover, recover. It is to boldly go where… wait, that’s been done before.

Stamp of approval.

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It benefits the Episcopal Church that I’m not going to get its stamp of approval. I’m pretty out there for them. I actually talk about hearing from God. I am very vocal about radical inclusion. I’m pro- everybody rights. I’m so far out there that they didn’t know what to do with me.

Part of the process of seeing if you are called to be a deacon is seeing if you are willing to submit to their rules and their timetables.

They don’t check to see if you are willing to submit to God’s rules and God’s timetable, which to me seems more relevant. They have confused their paperwork and bureaucracy with God’s power. They’ve substituted themselves for God. This is very dangerous.

I was very angry that I was made to wait three years before the process even began. I wasn’t angry that I was put on hold, for my sake. I get that they need to make sure that someone is suitable before they put their stamp on them. You don’t want some wacko embarrassing the church, after all. You also don’t want someone trying to do something that they aren’t suited to do. It is like affixing a garden hose to a fire hydrant. The force of the water will blow that hose to pieces.

The same thing can happen with people who aren’t called.

I am angry at an institution that doesn’t seem to know how to build up the Body and therefore the Kingdom.

If someone comes to you and says they want to help, and you make them wait three years before you even begin to see if they are suitable in your eyes, then you have wasted a resource. You have wasted a lot of time, and you run the risk of discouraging someone.

Jesus tells us in Luke 10:2 that “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few.” There are a lot of broken, hungry, hurting people in the world, who need love and care. Why would you make them wait, by putting a worker on hold?

There are so many sleeping people in church. There are so many people who show up every Sunday and don’t even do anything. They passively listen and they get a warm feeling of smugness or perhaps of assuaging of guilt that they have gone to church and done their duty, and that is all.

It would be so much better if they all took that hour and a half and skipped church and went to serve food in a homeless shelter. Or manned the local crisis line. Or walked to raise money for AIDs patients. Or visited people in hospice care.

Or did any number of things other than sitting on their butts, listening to someone say how awesome God used to be way back when in Biblical times.

God is awesome now, and is real, now. And Jesus isn’t here anymore to heal us. That is our job now. We are to pick up where Jesus left off. We are to get up and be Jesus in the world.

The purpose of church needs to be to train the workers. Church needs to be more like a mobile command unit for a war, because it is a war we are fighting. We are fighting a war against depression and hunger and poverty and abuse. We are fighting for all that is good and right. We are fighting because that is what we were made for.

That is why God put us here, to be God in this world.

Instead of saying “How could God let this terrible tragedy happen?” we really need to say “What are we, the children of God, going to do about it?”

V F W

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We have meeting halls for veterans of foreign wars. But I’m a little weird – I hear the opposite sometimes. Why are there no halls for veterans of local wars? And why are there no meeting halls to honor peacemakers? Surely those people who have dedicated their time to ensure peace are important. Surely they need places to meet to pass on their knowledge to the next generation.

I’ve spent quite a bit of time at Civil War memorial sites. There were huge obelisks dedicated to the dead, mostly young boys. There was a park just up the street from where I lived in Chattanooga. I played there often, climbing on the monuments and sitting on the cannons. Those marble soldiers were my companions.

The glorification of war has never made sense to me.

Sign up to be a soldier and we will pay for your education and give you discounts on home loans and at the hardware store. Sign up to fight and we will pay for your healthcare for life. Sign right here on the dotted line and everything will be fine.

Except it isn’t.

Soldiers die. If they don’t die in battle at the wrong end of an enemy weapon, they die from “friendly fire.” They die at their own hands from suicide. If they don’t die they are wounded so badly that they are disabled or disfigured irreparably.

If they make it back home in one piece they live a half life, haunted by demons in the night, nightmares and fears of being hunted. Depression, stress, and dysfunction follow them like feral wolves, ready to tear them to pieces.

We glorify war because it isn’t glorious. We sell this dream of honor to our children not because we love them, but because we need them. We need them to do our dirty work. We need them to go into danger and risk their lives, their bodies, their minds because we haven’t come up with a good alternative.

And we’ll keep building meeting halls and monuments for them. We’ll keep coming up with discounts and promotions to sweeten the deal.

We’ll keep dangling the carrot of free education and special holidays just for them, and they will keep reaching for that carrot, only to realize too late that it is booby trapped.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t have any alternatives. If we quit training soldiers, we will still have enemies. We will still have countries that hate us so much that the only way they know how to express their hatred is to harm us. I can’t see that dropping our guard will do us any good.

But I do think it is time to rethink America’s role in the world. I think it is time for us to stop acting like we are the policemen or the hall monitors of the world. I think that our incessant interfering in the internal affairs of other countries is what causes them to hate us so much, and is what causes them to target us.

Until we teach peace more than we teach war, we’ll continue to build meeting halls for the wounded and monuments for the dead.

I think we owe our children more.