Root of it all

There are a thousand hacking away at the branches of evil to one striking at the root. – Henry David Thoreau

But where is the root? How can you find it, buried beneath all that dirt? You can’t see it. It is down deep. Do you have the tools necessary to dig that far? Do you have the strength? Or is simply looking for it the answer?

So many people try to treat the symptom rather than the source. They attack the outcome. They run around in circles, never resting, because they don’t hack away at the root.

I want to cure cancer by preventing it. Not by drugs, but by better lifestyle choices.

I want to solve the pro-life anti-abortion debate the same way. I believe in better birth control through better self control.

I believe the cure for poverty is the same as well.

In all situations, accidents happen, but they are a minority. We can’t blame outside circumstances when the problem often starts inside.

We cannot keep living our lives passively as if someone else is going to rescue us. We can’t wait for a hero, a superman, or a Messiah.

Our parents, our schools, and our churches teach us this pattern. Sit down, shut up, and an authority figure will do all the talking and all the thinking. Our job is to parrot back what we have heard. Deviations from this are punished by shaming or shunning. We are told to stop talking or told to leave.

It is time for us to occupy our lives. It is time to be adults in more than name only. It is time to look behind us for lessons and to look ahead of us for repercussions. We can’t run on auto pilot anymore.

We have met the enemy, and he is us. – Pogo.

We are the ones we have been waiting for. (Attributed to Hopi elders)

We are the problem and the solution.

Poem – return to the middle

Return to the end of a
really cool video about
energy and intimacy
with God
in the middle
east or class or way.

God is the middle of something, maybe the night.

Right click on my own needs
and I am sure
that I was in college
where we were working on a project
to become.
Become what?
Doctors? Teachers? Lawyers?
Or just become.

Do they teach classes on that?

Maybe I’m in the middle.
Maybe that is the place to be.
Neither then or when
but here and now.

Manna. One day at a time with God.

I used to be really worried about money. It seemed as soon as I got a bonus or had an unexpected windfall of money, a huge expense would come up. I was never able to add to our savings. Sure, I’ve got some money there, but not enough to feel safe about. I don’t want to live hand-to-mouth. My parents did that and it wasn’t pretty. In a way it is a mercy that they died young because they certainly didn’t have any money set aside for when they got older.

Then I heard about manna as a test. Remember manna? It was what the Jews ate in the desert for forty years. They walked in the hot sun, with no homes, with no real possessions. They had no idea where they were going other than where God was leading them. Every day was difficult – but every day they had food in the form of manna.

It wasn’t that great, but it got them through. Every now and then some of them would complain and ask for something else, but it always made them sick. Manna was exactly what they needed. It was boring, sure, but it kept them strong enough to get through that ordeal and make it to their new home.

God knew what they needed and provided it. What they wanted wasn’t good for them. Isn’t this always the way? We think we know better than God, and when we get what we ask for, it just gets in our way.

Here’s the really interesting thing about manna. It was one day at a time. Every day of the week, except Saturday, they would get manna. It was just enough for that day and no more. Every day they had to trust that food would come to them. They couldn’t save up.

Saturday was different. Being the Sabbath, it was a day of rest. The only exception to the pattern was on Fridays, where they would get a double portion of manna so they didn’t have to work to gather it up on the Sabbath.

God gave manna not just to feed them, but as a test. It was to see if they trusted that God would provide for them. It was a test to see if they would submit to God’s commandments and be God’s people.

The same thing can be said about money. God knows what we need.

Here are the Bible verses in question (all are NIV) —–

Exodus 16:1-5

The whole Israelite community set out from Elim and came to the Desert of Sin, which is between Elim and Sinai, on the fifteenth day of the second month after they had come out of Egypt. 2 In the desert the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron. 3 The Israelites said to them, “If only we had died by the LORD’s hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death.” 4 Then the LORD said to Moses, “I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions. 5 On the sixth day they are to prepare what they bring in, and that is to be twice as much as they gather on the other days.”

Deut. 8:1-5

Be careful to follow every command I am giving you today, so that you may live and increase and may enter and possess the land the LORD promised on oath to your ancestors. 2 Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. 3 He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. 4 Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. 5 Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you.

Deut. 8:16

16 He gave you manna to eat in the wilderness, something your ancestors had never known, to humble and test you so that in the end it might go well with you. 17 You may say to yourself, “My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.” 18 But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today.

Day off?

I was listing to a Jewish podcast where the speaker referred to Shabbat as a day off. He said that God says “Hey I love you so much, why don’t you take the day off?”And then take the same day off next week off too.”

The person who was speaking was male. I’m starting to understand why in Orthodox Judaism one of the morning prayers is giving thanks to God that you were not born female.

Shabbat is not a day off if you are female.

Shabbat is making up for all the extra work you had to do the week before. On Shabbat you’re not allowed to cook. This means you have to cook twice as much the day before. You can prepare for this throughout the week but ultimately it means you have to do twice as much work in order to “take the day off”. The house has to be clean and everything prepared by sunset on Friday night. No work is allowed until sunset on Saturday night. It is like preparing for a major holiday every week.

It is similar to when the Jews were wandering in the desert. They were expected to gather twice as much manna on Friday because there would not be any provided on Saturday. Gathering twice as much or working twice as hard is the same thing. So it’s not really a “day off” so much as a day of recovery from all the extra work you had to do to prepare for your “day off”.

Jesus rebukes the sea

In the boat one evening, Jesus told his disciples “Let’s cross over to the other side of the lake.”

Shortly afterwards, a dangerous storm came up. The storm was so violent that the disciples were afraid that the boat was going to be swamped by the waves and they were going to drown. They went to get Jesus and found him sleeping on the cushions in the back of the boat. His disciples woke him saying “Master we’re going to die!”

He said to them “Why do you have so little faith?”

Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves saying “Silence! Be still!”

Everything suddenly went calm. His disciples were amazed and asked each other “Who is this that even the winds and the waves obey him?”

—————————————-

MT 8:23-27. MK 4:35-41. LK 8:22-26

“Free Range Faith” is now available!

FRFcover
After many months of writing, editing, proofing, formatting, and kvetching, my first book is now available.

You can search on Amazon for “Free Range Faith” or follow this link

http://www.amazon.com/Free-Range-Faith-Betsy-Nelson-ebook/dp/B00QRDK0KO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1418270958&sr=8-1&keywords=free+range+faith”>

This book is primarily religious in nature, and covers what it would be like to follow Jesus without dogma or creeds. Everything in it was previously published here.

Thank you for your support.

Demons driven out into pigs

And they sailed to the region of the Gerasenes which is opposite Galilee. As soon as He got out of the boat a man with an unclean spirit came out of the tombs and met Him. He had lived in the tombs for a long time. He wore no clothes and would not stay in a house. He was so violent that no one could pass that way. Many times the demons had seized him and although he was guarded and bound by chains and shackles he would snap the restraints and be driven by the demon into deserted places. And all night and day he was crying out in the tombs and in the mountains, cutting himself with stones.

When he saw Jesus from a distance he ran and knelt down before Him. Suddenly he shouted “What do you have to do with me Son of God? I beg you, don’t torment me.” He said this because Jesus had commanded the unclean spirit to come out of him.

“What is your name?” Jesus asked the spirit.

He answered, “My name is Legion, because we are many.” The spirit begged Jesus not send him out of the region and asked to be driven into the nearby large herd of pigs instead.

Jesus said “Go!”

Suddenly, 2000 of the herd rushed down the steep bank of the hillside and into the sea and drowned. The men who attended the pigs ran away to the city and told everyone there what had happened. All the people then came to see. When they came they saw Jesus and the man who had been possessed by the demon. The man was sitting there dressed and in his right mind. The people were afraid, and asked Him to leave the area. The man who had been possessed kept begging Jesus to let him follow Him.

Jesus refused and said “Go back to your home and your people and tell them all that the Lord has done for you and has had mercy on you.” So he went and began to proclaim how much Jesus had done for him and they were all amazed.

————————————————————–

MT 8:28-34, MK 5:1-20, LK 8:26-39
Notes – In Matthew there are two possessed men, in Mark and Luke there is only one. The possessed man asked to go with Jesus in Mark and Luke only. The location is alternately spelled as the region of the Gadarenes or Gergesenes or Gerasenes

Wrestling, not rest

Consider Jacob. He has just escaped from a very unpleasant situation with his brother. Before that, he’d narrowly escaped from his cheating in-law, Laban. He was not in a good place in his life. Everything seemed against him.

He and his brother Esau had not left on good terms. In fact Esau had threatened to kill him. Jacob had gotten away from him and years had passed by, but the feelings hadn’t softened much. Jacob was aware that Esau was coming and so he sent ahead a lot of gifts to him to butter him up. When they actually did meet face-to-face he was very concerned about how Esau would meet him and talk with him.

That makes perfect sense because Jacob himself wasn’t very trustworthy. He had stolen his birthright and his blessing from Esau. Yet notice that it was after their emotionally charged meeting that Jacob spent some time alone. While he was on the riverbank without any family or friends he had the famous encounter with the angel. Maybe he had intended on having some time to himself to recover from that potentially horrible encounter with his brother. Maybe he had hoped to rest a bit. But instead he spent the whole night awake wrestling with the angel. At the end, the angel blessed him and gave him a new name and made him equal to Abraham in importance to the Jews. If Abraham is the father of all the Jews, then Jacob (renamed Israel) gave them their family name.

Sometimes the biggest and most important events in our life don’t happen when we want them to happen. They certainly don’t happen the way that we expect them or even want them to happen.

Here is the text, starting with some of the difficulty Jacob had with Laban.

Genesis 31 (Holman Christian Standard Bible)

31 Now Jacob heard what Laban’s sons were saying: “Jacob has taken all that was our father’s and has built this wealth from what belonged to our father.” 2 And Jacob saw from Laban’s face that his attitude toward him was not the same.
3 Then the LORD said to him, “Go back to the land of your fathers and to your family, and I will be with you.”
4 Jacob had Rachel and Leah called to the field where his flocks were. 5 He said to them, “I can see from your father’s face that his attitude toward me is not the same, but the God of my father has been with me. 6 You know that I’ve worked hard[a] for your father 7 and that he has cheated me and changed my wages 10 times. But God has not let him harm me. 8 If he said, ‘The spotted sheep will be your wages,’ then all the sheep were born spotted. If he said, ‘The streaked sheep will be your wages,’ then all the sheep were born streaked. 9 God has taken away your father’s herds and given them to me.
10 “When the flocks were breeding, I saw in a dream that the streaked, spotted, and speckled males were mating with the females. 11 In that dream the Angel of God said to me, ‘Jacob!’ and I said, ‘Here I am.’ 12 And He said, ‘Look up and see: all the males that are mating with the flocks are streaked, spotted, and speckled, for I have seen all that Laban has been doing to you. 13 I am the God of Bethel, where you poured oil on the stone marker and made a solemn vow to Me. Get up, leave this land, and return to your native land.’”
14 Then Rachel and Leah answered him, “Do we have any portion or inheritance in our father’s household? 15 Are we not regarded by him as outsiders? For he has sold us and has certainly spent our money. 16 In fact, all the wealth that God has taken away from our father belongs to us and to our children. So do whatever God has said to you.”
17 Then Jacob got up and put his children and wives on the camels. 18 He took all the livestock and possessions he had acquired in Paddan-aram, and he drove his herds to go to the land of his father Isaac in Canaan. 19 When Laban had gone to shear his sheep, Rachel stole her father’s household idols. 20 And Jacob deceived[b] Laban the Aramean, not telling him that he was fleeing. 21 He fled with all his possessions, crossed the Euphrates, and headed for[c] the hill country of Gilead.
Laban Overtakes Jacob
22 On the third day Laban was told that Jacob had fled. 23 So he took his relatives with him, pursued Jacob for seven days, and overtook him at Mount Gilead. 24 But God came to Laban the Aramean in a dream at night. “Watch yourself!” God warned him. “Don’t say anything to Jacob, either good or bad.”
25 When Laban overtook Jacob, Jacob had pitched his tent in the hill country, and Laban and his brothers also pitched their tents in the hill country of Gilead. 26 Then Laban said to Jacob, “What have you done? You have deceived me and taken my daughters away like prisoners of war! 27 Why did you secretly flee from me, deceive me, and not tell me? I would have sent you away with joy and singing, with tambourines and lyres, 28 but you didn’t even let me kiss my grandchildren and my daughters. You have acted foolishly. 29 I could do you great harm, but last night the God of your father said to me: ‘Watch yourself. Don’t say anything to Jacob, either good or bad.’ 30 Now you have gone off because you long for your father—but why have you stolen my gods?”
31 Jacob answered, “I was afraid, for I thought you would take your daughters from me by force. 32 If you find your gods with anyone here, he will not live! Before our relatives, point out anything that is yours and take it.” Jacob did not know that Rachel had stolen the idols.
33 So Laban went into Jacob’s tent, then Leah’s tent, and then the tents of the two female slaves, but he found nothing. Then he left Leah’s tent and entered Rachel’s. 34 Now Rachel had taken Laban’s household idols, put them in the saddlebag of the camel, and sat on them. Laban searched the whole tent but found nothing.
35 She said to her father, “Sir, don’t be angry that I cannot stand up in your presence; I am having my period.” So Laban searched, but could not find the household idols.
Jacob’s Covenant with Laban
36 Then Jacob became incensed and brought charges against Laban. “What is my crime?” he said to Laban. “What is my sin, that you have pursued me? 37 You’ve searched all my possessions! Have you found anything of yours? Put it here before my relatives and yours, and let them decide between the two of us. 38 I’ve been with you these 20 years. Your ewes and female goats have not miscarried, and I have not eaten the rams from your flock. 39 I did not bring you any of the flock torn by wild beasts; I myself bore the loss. You demanded payment from me for what was stolen by day or by night. 40 There I was—the heat consumed me by day and the frost by night, and sleep fled from my eyes. 41 For 20 years I have worked in your household—14 years for your two daughters and six years for your flocks—and you have changed my wages 10 times! 42 If the God of my father, the God of Abraham, the Fear of Isaac, had not been with me, certainly now you would have sent me off empty-handed. But God has seen my affliction and my hard work,[d] and He issued His verdict last night.”
43 Then Laban answered Jacob, “The daughters are my daughters; the sons, my sons; and the flocks, my flocks! Everything you see is mine! But what can I do today for these daughters of mine or for the children they have borne? 44 Come now, let’s make a covenant, you and I. Let it be a witness between the two of us.”
45 So Jacob picked out a stone and set it up as a marker. 46 Then Jacob said to his relatives, “Gather stones.” And they took stones and made a mound, then ate there by the mound. 47 Laban named the mound Jegar-sahadutha, but Jacob named it Galeed.
48 Then Laban said, “This mound is a witness between you and me today.” Therefore the place was called Galeed 49 and also Mizpah, for he said, “May the LORD watch between you and me when we are out of each other’s sight. 50 If you mistreat my daughters or take other wives, though no one is with us, understand that God will be a witness between you and me.” 51 Laban also said to Jacob, “Look at this mound and the marker I have set up between you and me. 52 This mound is a witness and the marker is a witness that I will not pass beyond this mound to you, and you will not pass beyond this mound and this marker to do me harm. 53 The God of Abraham, and the gods of Nahor—the gods of their father —will judge between us.” And Jacob swore by the Fear of his father Isaac. 54 Then Jacob offered a sacrifice on the mountain and invited his relatives to eat a meal. So they ate a meal and spent the night on the mountain. 55 Laban got up early in the morning, kissed his grandchildren and daughters, and blessed them. Then Laban left to return home.

Gen 32

Preparing to Meet Esau
32 Jacob went on his way, and God’s angels met him. 2 When he saw them, Jacob said, “This is God’s camp.” So he called that place Mahanaim.
3 Jacob sent messengers ahead of him to his brother Esau in the land of Seir, the country of Edom. 4 He commanded them, “You are to say to my lord Esau, ‘This is what your servant Jacob says. I have been staying with Laban and have been delayed until now. 5 I have oxen, donkeys, flocks, male and female slaves. I have sent this message to inform my lord, in order to seek your favor.’”
6 When the messengers returned to Jacob, they said, “We went to your brother Esau; he is coming to meet you—and he has 400 men with him.” 7 Jacob was greatly afraid and distressed; he divided the people with him into two camps, along with the flocks, cattle, and camels. 8 He thought, “If Esau comes to one camp and attacks it, the remaining one can escape.”
9 Then Jacob said, “God of my father Abraham and God of my father Isaac, the LORD who said to me, ‘Go back to your land and to your family, and I will cause you to prosper,’ 10 I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness You have shown Your servant. Indeed, I crossed over this Jordan with my staff, and now I have become two camps. 11 Please rescue me from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid of him; otherwise, he may come and attack me, the mothers, and their children. 12 You have said, ‘I will cause you to prosper, and I will make your offspring like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted.’”
13 He spent the night there and took part of what he had brought with him as a gift for his brother Esau: 14 200 female goats, 20 male goats, 200 ewes, 20 rams, 15 30 milk camels with their young, 40 cows, 10 bulls, 20 female donkeys, and 10 male donkeys. 16 He entrusted them to his slaves as separate herds and said to them, “Go on ahead of me, and leave some distance between the herds.”
17 And he told the first one: “When my brother Esau meets you and asks, ‘Who do you belong to? Where are you going? And whose animals are these ahead of you?’ 18 then tell him, ‘They belong to your servant Jacob. They are a gift sent to my lord Esau. And look, he is behind us.’”
19 He also told the second one, the third, and everyone who was walking behind the animals, “Say the same thing to Esau when you find him.20 You are also to say, ‘Look, your servant Jacob is right behind us.’” For he thought, “I want to appease Esau with the gift that is going ahead of me. After that, I can face him, and perhaps he will forgive me.”
21 So the gift was sent on ahead of him while he remained in the camp that night. 22 During the night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two female slaves, and his 11 sons, and crossed the ford of Jabbok. 23 He took them and sent them across the stream, along with all his possessions.
Jacob Wrestles with God
24 Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. 25 When the man saw that He could not defeat him, He struck Jacob’s hip socket as they wrestled and dislocated his hip. 26 Then He said to Jacob, “Let Me go, for it is daybreak.”
But Jacob said, “I will not let You go unless You bless me.”
27 “What is your name?” the man asked.
“Jacob,” he replied.
28 “Your name will no longer be Jacob,” He said. “It will be Israel because you have struggled with God and with men and have prevailed.”
29 Then Jacob asked Him, “Please tell me Your name.”
But He answered, “Why do you ask My name?” And He blessed him there.
30 Jacob then named the place Peniel, “For I have seen God face to face,” he said, “and I have been delivered.” 31 The sun shone on him as he passed by Penuel—limping because of his hip. 32 That is why, to this day, the Israelites don’t eat the thigh muscle that is at the hip socket: because He struck Jacob’s hip socket at the thigh muscle.

Why do I keep using social media?

It isn’t social. I get to see how other people are being social. I get to read stories about my so-called friends having fun with my other so-called friends. I get to see pictures of these same people having fun without me.

It hurts.

It hurts more when they ask me later – “How come we don’t see you anymore?” They think it has something to do with my husband – is he controlling? Abusive? It isn’t that at all. I ask “How come you don’t invite me anymore?” No answer. They don’t see me because they don’t think of me.

So should I post pictures of my good times? Will that make others feel left out? Maybe. Then why post them?

One longtime friend from high shool, one that I thought I got along well with, not only unfriended me but blocked me. No warning, no reason. Just gone. I thought about sending a message to a mutual friend but she had done the same. Apparently high school behavior isn’t just for high schoolers.

But then, I thought about it. If she didn’t want to talk about it, then I shouldn’t push. Perhaps I offended her and she has no words for it. Perhaps she “just isn’t into me” anymore. After twenty years.

I’ve unfriended and blocked people myself, sometimes without warning. Sometimes with. Sometimes people post things on my page that are inappropriate or low humor. Sometimes people don’t know what should be shared privately. Sometimes people overshare very personal things. Saying “trigger warning” doesn’t excuse some posts. Some posts are better for a therapist, not Facebook.

Some people I’ve unfriended and blocked are family members. I can’t really get rid of them, and telling them that they are overstepping boundaries is just going to make things uglier. Some people are just negative people – and not just to me. Telling them to quit saying “I disagree” to everything I post will just make them more negative. “Unfollowing” their paranoid posts was a start, but when they start sharing their paranoia on my page I have to put up walls. I could “unfollow” them and “hide” my posts for those people, but that just seems so passive-aggressive. Why even pretend we are still friends when we don’t see anything the other posts?

Facebook is a good way of getting to know someone you just met. It is the modern equivalent of hanging out in the hall between classes. You get a few minutes to share, and then you are off to something else. You don’t want to make a “date” with a new friend yet – you don’t know if you are going to want to commit to an hour or two together. But then you get to know them and you find out that they are really creepy or needy or annoying and you unfriend, or block if it is bad enough.

Then they get their feelings hurt. I actually had a coworker ask me why I’d unfriended her. I unfriended her in part because I wanted to write about work, right after work developed a policy saying we could only write about what we liked about work. I didn’t want anything I said getting out to the wrong person. I know you, but I don’t know who you know. I unfriended everybody who I worked with, just in case.

But then I wanted to talk about my crazy family – birth and in-laws. They got their feelings hurt. So I “hid” them. Then our mutual friends connected the dots, and they knew again. What a mess. If I can only post “nice” things then I’m not being honest.

So now I mostly post here, where strangers seem to follow me – if that. Sometimes I feel I’m just talking to myself.

Mid afternoon crash

I am in an unusual position at the library. I get to see things happen over and over. From this I learn patterns.

One of the patterns is the 3:30 to 4:30 crash. In general, small children tend to lose their minds between 3:30 and 4:30. Usually these are children below the age of six.

They need to have either had a nap or had something good to eat around a 2, in order to prevent this. Otherwise they tend to fall apart. They start to become cranky and they wail. Nothing consoles them. “Irritable” is a mild word to describe what happens. By “good to eat” I mean something healthy and nourishing – not candy, and not caffeine. Real food, not a snack.

Parents don’t notice this because they don’t see it happen over and over again like I do. They just think they are mis-behaving, when they just being small children. They can’t help it. It isn’t their fault.

They don’t have the capacity of self-regulating. Nor are they able to know how to ask for what they want. They just know they don’t feel good. So they wail. Don’t punish them for it – plan for it.

How many of us suffer from the exact same crash and we don’t realize it?